Wednesday, December 19, 2012

To The Good

I don't think I've ever let two full months go by and not written a single word. And though I've been letting the busy in my life take over, the quiet in my head made me sit down and write tonight.

Life has sped up drastically, though I'd say it's definitely improved when five months into a new relationship, I found myself moving in with my boyfriend who I can't imagine ever being without and I can see a future I really wasn't sure was ever going to happen kind of right in front of me. That's been pretty wonderful.. and challenging. 

Not everything went as well as we'd hoped. Maybe three days after I moved in, a storm drain clogged and since we're on the ground floor, our new little lovebird nest took on some water that was significant enough to damage most of the flooring and two feet up in three separate walls. So this was super stressful and my belongings were still in boxes, which were in the way of everything and my cat was looking at me like I was crazy and wondering why the hell she was locked in the bathroom day in and day out for a very long weekend and strangers were in the apartment with large noisy saws and other tools scaring the bejesus out of her trying to fix everything. And my adorable boyfriend and I were becoming an old married couple right before my eyes bickering about nothing and everything that was going wrong because there was no where calming to come home to or wake up to and FOR THE LOVE OF PETE could we just fucking catch a break?

True story. That. No maybe about it. But the landlord paid for a weekend in a hotel, which was a welcome getaway, halved the rent since we were extremely put out for two full weeks and paid for the other incidentals as well. Due to his poor choice of contractors or maybe haunted grounds this apartment is built on (I don't know, just guessing), the laminate flooring is coming right back up in places, but not so terribly we can't live here so we're leaving it. We've informed the landlord, but only if it gets worse will anything be done and at that point, he'd better just find us another place or let us out of the lease we have til the end of next July because we're finally settled goddammit. Art has been hung on the walls and everything! It finally, FINALLY looks like a place we're both happy to come home to. 

And though we've been pretty insular and focused on ourselves, we fell into shock and mourning along with the rest of the country on Friday when we heard 20 little, tiny lives along with six others were so tragically lost. 

Hanging up art the next day seemed trivial. The Scientist and I poured over every new detail made available, even the gruesome ones. He let me sit and obsess over the laptop with tears running down my cheek and would hold me close when I couldn't take anymore and finally shut it for the day. We talked about the gun debate together so I didn't have to discuss it on social media because I just didn't have the energy to fight about it though of course I want things to change and quickly. And even with our hearts heavy, we found joy in working together, bickering here and there, but getting the art hung and making this little apartment our first home together. Our hearts are still broken for the lives taken unneccesarily because how can you not feel how shattered that little town is? We just have to move forward with them in our minds and hearts because they are. 

That said, Ann Curry seems to have started the 26 Acts of Kindness and I'm in. I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I think I'm not going to think too hard about it and do my best to keep track.. and maybe it'll just become a habit in life. Wouldn't that be nice? If we all just did kind things for each other just because? Out of the goodness of our hearts. Not because of a national tragedy, but because we simply felt compelled to be generous and sweet and loving to our neighbor. Because it's contagious you know. And maybe it's a little cheesy. Maybe a stranger will look at you funny when you pay them a compliment out of no where or buy them their coffee because they happen to be behind you in line at the cafe, but so what? That ball will keep rolling and the smile you put on their face will spread like a virus. It won't prevent every negative in the world and bad things will still happen, but spreading good and kind and nice has never been a bad thing, right?

For now, I'm up too late, missing The Scientist who I drove to the airport at 5am this morning so he could spend the next 10 days with his family in Chicago. And though we decided this will be the first and last major holiday we spend apart, it's still going to be a really long 10 days. I'm so much more in love with him than when I first fell and the weekend's events have made me raw and emotional. It's a welcome change to lean on your partner in the wake of awful news. The single life forces you to be stronger than you'd like all the time because there's no one else to come home to other than yourself. So now I have a strong shoulder of support for these exact situations and yeah, it's incredibly comforting having him to come home to. I keep waiting for the co-habitating to be more difficult, but being with him has made so much sense, it's not really surprising to either of us that living together has been pretty easy too.

I hope you've all hugged your loved ones a little closer and a little harder and a little more often than you're used to. Even if it feels awkward, do more of that. We should all take each other a little less for granted and enjoy each moment a little bit more than we did before. I know it's easy to say following such an horrific time, but I know I'm going to try to carry those thoughts with me daily, even as this hurt eventually eases.

As we get down to the end of this year, I'm grateful for so many things - even the negatives, because I know at least one of those doors shutting opened the window that brought me this wonderful love in my life. I'd say things happen for a reason, but it doesn't always sit right with me, especially after last Friday, but I will say the good issuing from this situation is astonishing and though sometimes I'm disgusted at what we humans will do to each other, it's also often staggering what we'll do for each other when we're suffering and in need. Therefore, I continue to have hope we're not as lost as we sometimes seem. 

Listen to this before you go because it's beautiful and it deserves the few minutes it takes to listen to them all. 

Here's to the good. Let's spread more of that around.

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