I'm trying to get my Burning Man tales together but this week is insanity - mostly in a good way - but spending any time writing feels a little too indulgent. There's work, catching the bus on time - seriously a challenge every morning - you have no idea, a good night's sleep would be fantastic so I'm not passing out at my desk with the new morning schedule every day, theater responsibilities, a little dating, trying to make time for friends and family.. did I mention the gym? Yeah.. that's because I can't get there..
So it feels like quite a change - not that I wasn't busy when I was unemployed because I was - but everything has to be worked around a 9 to 6 schedule now. AND..? There are perks! Hello paycheck, for starters.. a nice raise from what I was making at the last place didn't suck, a lovely group of co-workers, cookies made practically every day in our kitchen making the office smell like Grandma's, which, let me tell you, is SO many kinds of WRONG for productivity AND my waistline I can't even explain.. and right in the middle of downtown where I could drop my entire salary in a lunch hour is ridiculous. Between where to eat, buy coffee/perfumes/make up/clothing/shoes/bags/younameit,it'sforsale.. I mean.. STOP THE INSANITY!
It's kind of a zillion kinds of awesome.
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And speaking of awesomeness.. tonight was another evening of the Salon of Shame where I READ TONIGHT! Yes! And according to Ms. Shine, I killed. KILLED! As in, they laughed WITH me! Score!
If you'd like me to help you experience what you missed, I'll provide the images and words for your enjoyment and my re-cringing pleasure..
This is the picture they put on the screen behind me for around the time I wrote what I was going to read. I think it's about 1991 and I was in A Midsummer Night's Dream. I was Moth. Moth is the only fairy with no lines. Unless of course your director decides to take it upon himself to pen extra Shakespeare-esque words because clearly, Shakespeare wasn't wordy enough, you might get thrown a bone or two.. but he also made all the fairies wear body suits. I think that's scars enough, don't you? My only consolation is that the person on my right (your left) is Ty Burrell who plays Phil in Modern Family. Yes, I truly get to say 'I knew him when' AND that because of him, I'm also officially two degrees or less away from Kevin Bacon. Win!
So I think it took me a while to figure out what love really was and I was a lovestruck kind of girl, always with the heart on my sleeve (that hasn't changed) and falling for every adorable boy I came in contact with (hopefully that part has). As expected, they all broke my heart and each time, I never saw it coming.
I wrote poetry in addition to journals but the ones I have here are only from college and honestly, the journals are a little too painful to read outloud. The poetry, however, was rather hysterical. And over the years, I honed a prose of my own, wouldn't put anything into my poetry journal unless it was worked and reworked to the point I was satisfied it was finished and then it was entered in pen. For finality I suppose. I usually didn't spent too much time rhyming things because every time I did, it turned out so simple and trite. YET.. of course I found some good examples stuffed into the book and picked a few special chestnuts to share.
Probably over some boy my heart was all torn up about:
My heart & head are fightin' to & fro
When one is saying to let you go
And the other's saying no no no
Cuz I love you so...
What do we do now & what do we say
I care too much to keep my feelings at bay
I can't do this anymore
I've never felt this way before
And I can't just throw it all away
Even if it all sounds so cliché
Yeah.. amazing right? A classic.. And then this one I clearly found some inner anger..
What dumb luck
To get so fucked up
So down & washed up over you
I'm sad & I'm cryin
I feel like my heart is dyin
Cuz I've been buyin your lines
Hook, line & sinker
Never much of a thinker
Everything you've got to sell
So I lie awake nights
Wantin' to punch out your lights
I love you, but I'll never tell
Yup - I'm the silent, broody type, I tell you..
So then, lovestruck doesn't even begin to cover it if said adorable guy can sing and play guitar. Complete sucker for that shit. And I fell hard for Scott who had a gorgeous blue Ovation guitar - which has a rounded back and is what I reference in this song (YES! A SONG!) I wrote for him. The idea is that he'd write the music later.. when I suppose I thought we might live happily ever after? I don't know.. but I did think I was the only one to really 'get' him.. you know? I was that deep. Oh yeah.. true story.
It's also labeled 'first song'. As if there would be more.
Soul Speak
In every detail I know who you are
I hear you describe yourself when you play your guitar
Your hands pluck the strings of the smooth melting blue,
And I hear you
I hear you
(chorus) Your soul speaks
From under the red smoky light
Your weaknesses fight
For priority
To be sung in your soul's insecure melody
But your soul speaks
Silently, out of the crowd
It speaks loud and clear
With full strength, without fear
Be it in your own words or James Taylor's
Your soul speaks to me
I see the world is drawn to you
Even the shadows danced - they danced around you
As you stood in that alley laying all that you knew
I listened to you
I thought of that time that will just never be
A long enough forever time ago for me
and I hoped you didn't catch that damn tear in my eye
I didn't expect to cry
(bridge) Maybe it was just the mood I was in
But I was mad at behaving so predictably feminine
And as you acoustically played your soul
A chill blew through me, but I wasn't cold [my favorite part - and it totally killed tonight]
(chorus) Your soul speaks
From under the red smoky light
Your weaknesses fight
For priority
To be sung in your soul's insecure melody
But your soul speaks
Silently, out of the crowd
It speaks loud and clear
With full strength, without fear
Be it in your own words or James Taylor's
Your soul speaks to me
So sing me a song
And I won't keep you much longer
To me speak your soul
Then I promise to go
Your hands pluck the strings of the smooth melting blue
And I hear you
I hear you
I hear you...
Oh for the days when I actually used the right amount of ellipses..
Thank God those are over.. as well as the days of writing terrible poetry. But it was damn good fodder for a laugh or two tonight. I got up in front of 150 people to do it too. My friends said I didn't seem nervous, but honestly, I just focused on not shaking and I did pretty well. My legs may have been like jello walking back to my seat, but it was pretty thrilling. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
