I've tried to start a few different posts. I don't think the entire time I've had this blog that I've ever skipped a month, let alone two. I can't seem to finish my Burning Man adventure not to mention the two-day-broken-water-pump-ranch escapade on the way home. To top it off, I didn't even provide a birthday post. What self-absorbed Scorpio misses a chance to talk about herself? Seriously.. I'm really not living up to my full potential. Telling the story backwards or forwards still means there's a sucky part right in the middle and that's part of the reason I can't get myself to relive it and getting past it has kept me awfully busy. And quiet. I'm not a fast writer most often either and if things don't happen fast lately, then I definitely lose track of time, responsibilities, meeting friends and things that are kind of important. But suffice it to say, I'm ok, mostly happy, trying to figure out my next career direction and hope things fall into place soon.
The best parts have come in bits - all involving a life high coming back from Burning Man with a whole slew of new friends and a new community in my Hippocampus camp. There were ladies' nights, a downtown frat club takeover, birthdays, Seacompression weekend and a spa night. There are some people I've grown closer to and it's never a bad thing to make solid, new friends. I could've used them a lot sooner this year, but I'm just happy to have them now.
And then somewhere in there, the absolute best part of all of this is I met one of my half brothers, Carlos. I met him shortly after the burn and had an instant sister-crush. But I only got a couple of hours with him. So this last weekend, he and his girlfriend, Tara, came up for my birthday and it couldn't have been a better present.
We spent time with my own family since my mom had come into town as well, we wandered the markets, had drinks in my favorite speakeasy and I even got brotherly birthday gifts of keychain mace - of course being the little brother he has to be the protective one - and furry goggles for future burns. Win! I missed him as soon as he left so in a couple of weeks it'll be my turn to spend a weekend with him in Portland - and this time, I may get to meet my first sister, the oldest one. It'll most likely be without Mama C just because sibling time is so important to me. I love my newest mother, but we're 30 years apart and there's a lot of religion surrounding her. I'm now the oldest sibling to two sets of brothers and sisters.. and I've never had sisters. I've never had siblings who look like me, who I feel instant chemistry with, who light up all the nerves inside knowing we are similar people with all our passion and fire. We're strong-willed and have stronger personalities.
It's weird, but it's a huge sense of validation and belonging. My mom will always be my mom, my brother my brother - I love them, that's not in question. Even between blood relatives you might have the same disconnect problem. But in this case it was clear from the moment I met Carlos and certainly from this weekend that we strike positive chords in each other and it's completely energizing and addicting. I kind of want to spend all my time with him.. and I think he said the same thing.
I don't know what my future holds.. like honestly. It's scary.. but this year has been nothing but ups and downs, curves thrown I thought might really get the best of me - which really did once in a while. I know I have a thousand things I still have to work on personally, but hell, I'm 39 now. I'm somewhat of a grown up. I don't look it.. but I hope I'm starting to act it even if some situations don't always reflect that. I just have to keep thinking I'm eventually going to be on the right track, find my way, and whatever other cliché I can think up to focus on the positive. I have a community now like I never did before. That's what really matters.
