Getting to know me

I'm new here - this whole bloggity blog thing is new to me. But .. I've decided I like it.. I type so much faster than I write and tho the writing has a physical purge feeling of sorts, this I can do with all kinds of technical finesse - once I figure it all out.. which is the slow part of it, but I'm getting it. Whatever. I'm not such an old dog.. hm. That came out wrong..

Moving on.

I would say this is my new year's day.. sort of.. So what if I wanted this year to be brilliant and happy and it didn't really end up that way in retrospect. Fell in love quickly with someone who not only didn't deserve it, but who made me believe he was someone he wasn't. Can I just cut out that first quarter of the year? Would anyone else really notice? Just hide it under the bed and no one should be the wiser.. except for me. April's over and I consider May to be my coming out party.. fuck yeah! About friggin time.. I'm starting this year over - keeping the big eyes I've got open for chrissakes.. and kicking myself in the ass when I start to veer from the path of 'what's good for me' to 'what I want now'.. I love that path.. ever been on it? 'What I want now' is really fun.. but ends super quickly on a big 'ol cliff.. been there a million times and when you get there, you turn around and walk ALL the way back to the beginning and it's fucking WAY longer than you remember.. so not fair. Then I just resent the begining of that other path.. the one I know is where I should be and good for me and all that.. but I can't always focus cuz I want what I want dammit! Just a matter of training the good 'ol instant gratification need to moving slower and being patient and not putting things off.. yeah.. that's all I have to do.. Focus.. but ooh.. look at that cute boy over there.. and oooh there's another one all smiley and sexy and one little romp in the hay certainly won't hurt.. maybe two.. or three..I know that path is around here somewhere... and wtf is this fucking cliff doing here??! Goddammit..