Adieu 2009 - Onto 2010

The last week of 2009 I started surfing for new bloggers. I thought it was time to clean up a few links and look for new writers who inspired me a bit more. I found a few strong female voices I was really drawn to and moved by and one of them is this gem at Hope Dies Last. I'm again feeling listy because I'm not sure how to summarize the last month or what to say in my usual Miss D set of run on sentences and made up words. Not that I don't have stuff to say, but a list of questions seems more finite and somehow simpler, at least today. So I thought I'd borrow her latest post idea and say goodbye to 2009 in a more appropriate and copycat kind of way. I'm certainly no trendsetter. 2010 can't change the fact most often I'm still just a sheep in the herd who has yet to find her own way. I'll get there.. one day.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

I did a couple of things. Stage managed the largest cast I'd ever seen in fringe of 21 actors while also production managing the same show. I also went to Barcelona completely alone, not knowing a soul for two weeks because I was tired of being tied to the idea that I needed someone else to travel with. It was still a challenge for someone like me who likes more time with friends than being alone, but it was a good life experience and I needed to do it.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for this year?

I tried. For a long time, my goals were to be more positive, not to let the negatives take me over and work on my own issues of trying to be a better listener, friend, employee, daughter, sister, lover, and just all around better person. That's a full plate. I'll certainly carry it to this year tho last year was truly disheartening in so many ways, but I just kept going and tried to take it a day at a time. I have hope for this year. I have to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Actually yes! My gorgeous friend Cayenne gave birth on December 8th to a darling little girl she named Leila. I'm an auntie once again. She is all rainbows and magic and bunnies in the cutest little package.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately, yes. My stepfather. My mother's true love I believe.. and I so wish they'd had more time together.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada and Spain.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A partner who doesn't flee at a little hard work and knows what he wants (me, among other things). And to figure out what the hell I should be doing with my life.. I should probably focus on that part first.

7. What dates from 2009 will be etched in your memory and why?

March 30th: When they pulled the breathing tube out and my stepfather died.

April 14th: When Boy and I broke up.

June 27th: The last time Boy and I saw each other in person and said goodbye.

November 2nd: My 38th birthday and the first time I felt genuinely happy after a very difficult and emotional spring and summer.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Going to Spain alone and pulling myself out of my hole of sadness to see the world is a giant place and there are so many things to discover and people to meet.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Being unable to let go, being afraid, denying who someone really is even tho they show you over and over.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

A broken heart from losing a father and a boyfriend within weeks of each other. I almost couldn't believe it was happening again almost exactly 10 years after I experienced the same thing at 28. And a seriously annoying case of head-to-toe hives from an allergic reaction to antibiotics for an infection. Ick ick ick.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My ticket to Barcelona and the awesome boots purchased there as well.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Obama for winning the election even if he's been too nice in my opinion over the course of the year and Jon Stewart for always being brave enough to call everyone on their bullshit, right or leftwing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

The Boy depressed me, beyond my imagination. I was appalled by anyone who supported Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and/or Roman Polanski.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To massive amounts of alcohol.. if we're being honest.. and I think we are.

15. What did you get really really excited about?

Really, just my trip to Spain and the friends I met there and held onto.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Horseshoes And Handgrenades by Green Day. Any song that starts off with 'I'm not fuckin around' couldn't possibly suck and I sang it loud and in my car when I needed to remind myself I'm stronger than the bad that was happening. An audible swift kick in the ass if you will.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a. happier or sadder

b. thinner or fatter

c. richer or poorer

Probably a bit sadder, but trying to move on from that, a few pounds heavier and that's a mystery where those came from, but richer in life and love regardless.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Healing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Crying. Seriously one of the hardest years of my life.

20. Did you fall in love in 2009?

No - I was already there.

21. What was your favorite tv program?

I have a list - my excuse is that being an actor it's all scene study - but I'll categorize:

Favorite new shows: Modern Family - because it's seriously the funniest damn thing on tv and also because I went to college with Ty Burrell who's the dad of the more traditional family and he finally got a show worthy of his talents. And Glee - because when you're a musical theater geek like I am, it's tv candy.

Favorite guilty pleasure: Gossip Girl - and I don't want to hear another word about it. Thank you.

Favorite America votes show: I usually never watch reality shows or anything they ask 'America' to dial into but I love So You Think You Can Dance. I hate the judges except for Adam Shankman who's one of the funniest gay men on the planet, but the dancing is gorgeous and a few choreographers seriously give me tingles watching their talents come to life.

Favorite news show: The Daily Show. Jon is where I get my news because it's more truth than anything else out there.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't hate anyone - that's a strong word. I dislike people like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh who instill unreasonable fear and spread ignorance to the masses.

23. What was the best book you read?

Well, if I could finish it, probably When You Are Engulfed In Flames by David Sedaris. I only read at the gym and I need to make more time for it.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Probably The Ting Tings as far as new artists, Kaskade as far as new to me and fun dance music, and the new Muse, Green Day and Rodrigo y Gabriela albums. This year, I needed it to be loud.

25. What did you want and get?

To go to Europe this year.

26. What did you want and not get?

To build a life with the Boy, to know my stepfather longer.

27. What was your favorite film of 2009?

Blockbuster: Star Trek

Indie: Sunshine Cleaning (tho I haven't seen (500) Days of Summer) - it's on my Netflix)

Original: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Best See With A Guy: The Hangover

Best See With Your BFF: Whip It

28. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?

On the day, which fell on a Monday, I celebrated with some new friends by having a chill little get together over some food and cupcakes and watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which made me love Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillian to an almost obsessive degree. And then later that week, had a more appropriate birthday party at the Bottleneck Lounge, stumbling distance from home, with all the friends who could make it. Shine made me the best cake ever and I drank a lot of panther's milk and champagne. The next week a crew of us saw They Might Be Giants live and it honestly couldn't have been a better way to celebrate a full two weeks of being 38. Doesn't matter that I still look 26, but I'm ever so grateful that's true.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Unfortunately, it was based on comfort most of the time tho a few times this summer, I brought the sexy back, but it was more rare than not. Again, no trendsetter here. I'm happy if I my butt looks good in a pair of jeans and my shoes don't hurt after wearing them for only two hours.

30. What kept me sane?

A few very good friends and their words of wisdom I had to keep repeating over and over.. and over.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I have a fondness for smart and funny Jews so Jon Stewart wins hands down.

32. Who did you miss?

The Boy, my stepfather, and the friends who've chosen to cut ties - one for when she was sweet and kind and fun (because the other times, she was just plain mean) and the other for her quirky energy, her sense of style, her independence and amazing talent she had for thrifting. Also, she was just plain gorgeous to look at.

33. Who was the best new person you met?

Violet. Funny, real, makes friend time even tho she lives with her boyfriend who is also funny and nice and we have that little bond of meeting in Barcelona, having the best night of both of our trips and living in the same city - at least for now.

34. The most valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?

When people show you who they really are, you should believe them.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Another day, just believe.

Just breathe. Just believe.

Just breathe.