The Global Warming Of My Loins

I'm sure that got your attention..

*ahem*

Can you blame me? It's been HOT here.. um.. everywhere.. and 90 plus degrees does nothing to quench a healthy woman's libido when she's not getting any.. if you know what I mean.. and I think you do.. you're quick like that.

It's not like I'm not dating.. cuz I am. I'm finally in a good place where I feel good being single and having a good time with it. There's been some 'hanging out' and maybe even a little 'casual' dating, but then it falls by the wayside as we both end up realizing, oh yeah.. you're not working for me.. next! And this is what dating is for.. so that's fine with me.

And it's not like there aren't 84 1/2 zillion definitions of what casual or dating or hanging out actually IS. There are. The ex thought 'seeing each other' and 'dating' were two different things. Ok. Seriously.. where's the memo on that cuz I thought they were the same.. ?? Am I crazy? Ok.. nevermind that.. Am I wrong? Really??

But mostly.. I've been confused. This is not surprising to you who are my very special (and oh-so-attractive I might add, yes, you're welcome) regular readers. I do a bit of dating online - and there's more rejecting than actual dating, but whatever - but I continually get hit up by the same type of guy. Out of all the rejects - and I'm not boosting myself up here or anything - there are A LOT - one will shine a bit. I'll reply back, we chat over a few emails and after a week or maybe a little more, arrange for our first date, where everything goes well and at the end there are hugs all around. Second date goes just as well.. more questions, a bit deeper, longer conversations, chemistry developing if it hasn't engulfed us completely and some excitement building.. again, hugs goodbye. Ok.. fine.. but are you seeing a pattern here? No? Ok.. I'll just spell it out for you... THIRD DATE - again, goes WELL, people.. talk talk talk, smiles smiles smiles, chemistry alloverthefuckingplace.. aaaaaaaand wait for it.. wait for it.. ANOTHER HUG GOODBYE! Um.. excuse me... WTF??!

I did get an explanation from a particular boy recently when my curiosity got the better of me and I turned back around after I'd already left cuz the question of this hug ending was seriously plaguing me. Did I have bad breath? Was he not into me? Was it for religious reasons?! No.. actually, it was that he was needing 'air' from his last relationship that went quite awry some months before, which, in his defense, anyone would understand as it was especially awful.. but if 'air' is something you are searching for.. something of which you're in desperate need cuz for whatever reason you might be suffocating, my darling, darling boy - and please bear in mind that I'm saying this as nicely as I possibly can - by all means do enlighten me as to why you are WASTING MY FUCKING TIME. I mean.. let's be real here.. if I wanted hugs at the end of a third date, I'd hang out with one of my girlfriends.. not that I'm suddenly only thinking with my lower extremities and needing a horizontal hula lesson (if you're picking up what I'm putting down - and again, I think you might be..), but if you've had a good time and we seem to like each other, WHATTHEFUCK is wrong with a kiss? I'll tell you.. NOTHING!

You know.. it's a wonder there are any women left.. cuz the logic of men and the way they justify their behavior at times is enough to drive us all over the edge.. wouldn't you agree, ladies?

Ok.. my apologies.. this post isn't meant to bash men entirely.. just, you know.. knock them around a little maybe.. no? Ok.. no men bashing here at all.. geez. But I think most men are just like most women.. we all want the same thing, generally speaking.. and you just get something started and you're put off for a trip or just being busy.. or they actually say they fell asleep before they could call you like they said they would.. cuz you know that makes a girl feel special.

I'm just tired of excuses. Aren't you? I'll put it this way - cuz I think it's so simple a 6-year-old could understand it:

Say what you WANT, MEAN what you say, and SHOW me how much.

Really.. is it that hard?

Now.. a few extra things to remember that surround that basic lesson:

1. Do not hit me up if you've just ended a relationship, I work with you, you are under 28, or you live out of state - a girl has her limits, people (unless of course you are super hot.. then there are exceptions.. ok ok.. kidding.. ok, only sorta..no really, totally kidding.. mostly.)

2. My time is as valuable as yours, thank you.

3. If your week is filling up, you can assume mine is too, therefore, maybe an advance request for a date would be a particularly brilliant idea and not 3pm the same day you suddenly find yourself free, especially if this is for a first date.

4. Do spellcheck your emails and please refrain from too much gangsta/ebonics lingo (unless you're LL Cool J, Usher, or Justin Timberlake and then that's totally ok and, in fact, maybe hot).

5. Before asking if you can reschedule, see rule #2 and possibly, rethink that..

6. Ask questions - something more than, 'Do you want another beer,' preferably if I've been initiating all of them cuz you've been sitting there like a lump or only talking about yourself non-stop (ok - this isn't really fair.. I've only had a couple of dates ever go this way - HOWEVER, it's still a good thing to keep in mind, boys.).

7. Be polite, be real and genuine, be courteous, kind.. and above all, honest.

Well, I'm sure some of you have a few general dating guidelines, deal breakers, or requests you wish others of the opposite sex could adhere to so please.. share as I'm going home now to my most dedicated and adoring fan whose love I never, ever doubt - my cat, Emma.

Unsatisfyingly and oh-so-frustratedly yours,

Miss D.