Second Level Of Hell Much More Comfortable Than Eighth

The good news is that the sun is out and it's 70 degrees in Seattle. Other Seattlites completely understand the absolutely GLORIOUS feeling this creates within each of us who live here. It's such a welcome relief. My head seems so much more uncluttered with life and work issues because I can just sit in the sun and breathe in the smell of spring. Ahhhh..

I walked around my neighborhood the other evening after work. It had been a dreadful day full of stress and uncomfortable phone calls, emails that had gone unanswered that seemed urgent to me, but not so to others, and realizing there's only so much, and that's not much at all, that I can control within the office and if others don't care, neither should I.

So my walk started out sort of tense as I was pushing myself up the first steep hill and huffing and puffing and getting it all out, feeling the exertion it took and the pounding of my heart corresponding. And I did that a couple more times, tho it started to become more a rhythm and less a forceful motion and, as I walked more even road, I noticed my mood aligning with it, my breathing calmer, my forehead less wrinkled. The day's worries finally started to ebb away and my head was clearer.

After the walk, I met up with Pixie, who'd just returned from an amazing honeymoon (see pictures on her site), and we caught up on her trip and then this head-clearing that I'd done over a couple of rum and cokes and amaretto sours.

Of course there are a lot of things I feel I'm needing in life, but a partner and a career I love, both of which should love me right back, are the big ones. Since any efforts extended towards the more masculine sex seem to be backfiring lately, I thought I'd put that aside for a while and try my hand at oh.. figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

Like I discussed with Pixie as well as with Ironika and a few others, I think I'll need to go back to school because the idea that stands out the most is to get into counseling.. all psychologist like - yes, that's the official term. Acting and theatre used to be a passion of mine and God knows I'm an attention whore at heart, but I think if I haven't really felt that drive to pursue it as hard as one really should to succeed in that business, I don't think I ever will. Honestly, I'm not that great anyway and it's not like I don't think I could do fine.. but I want to be more than fine. Fine is boring. I want to find something in which I can really excel and.. you know.. shine. I want to be shiny!

So that is the good news. Now there's like.. work to do. Money to go and find.. employment to coordinate. What school do I pick? What type of counseling do I get into? Do I look at the UW or go to Seattle Community? Do I take classes at night or try to find enough money to support myself completely without a job so I can actually focus on my education and don't run myself into the ground working and schooling and have No Life Whatsoever?! I mean.. phew.. lots to think about and get going on.. because I could actually start all this in the fall. People! That's only TWO SEASONS AWAY!

It's pretty thrilling, isn't it? When I think about the day to day here and hitting this wall of burn out that I've been hitting over and over for weeks now.. I get really excited by the idea. Tho it could be some months away still, if I don't procrastinate like I'm used to doing, this could actually happen and there could be an end to this monotonous pressure and dead-end rut I'm currently in. I mean, HI.. I have Direction! I have Goals! And this is Something Real And Plausible And Not Terribly Crazy Sounding!

You know what? I think this is so awesome and the day so beautiful that I think I have to leave all you lovely people and go get ice cream. Yes. That's what I'm doing. I'm so not even kidding.