Children

I don't think I'm going to have children. My mother is always hopeful and she's getting creative. Once she said to me, "These days, you don't need a man to have a child anymore." Don't you just love that? I love it when Mom tries to be hip. But Gram's comment was priceless. She said she was going to start working on the baby blanket cuz by the time I had a baby, she'd be dead. Sweet isn't she? She also used to tell me, before my 4 1/2 years of braces when I was a bucked-tooth kid, at least I could eat a corn cob thru a knot hole. Ahh.. family. There's nothing like it.

I mention this cuz I'm a very proud auntie. Ok, they're not really blood relatives (I actually fear the day my brother procreates), but they're close enough. They're children of two of my best friends from high school with whom I'm still very close. I LOVE these children. ADORE these wee humans. LAVISH (ok, not lavish.. lavish on my very budgeted single girl's income) gifts upon them just to see their little eyes twinkle with glee. I really should stop this tho, except for the usual birthday and holiday occasions, cuz Erin, Kari's 5-year-old, with a pair of the bluest eyes I've ever seen on a child, looked up at me with anticipation and innocence last weekend when I visited and then ran straight for my car asking if I had any presents for her and her sister, Lauren. Children learn quickly these days.

But they love me right back.. really they do. I'm very famous at their house - aka Auntie Angel. They run around the house and get all excited when they're told I'm coming over. This just makes my knees weak. Why? I don't know. You'd think, for me, it'd only happen with a kiss from 'The One' or at least a really charming Mr. Right Now.. but children are so smart and so tiny and SO FRIGGIN ENDEARING. Erin, hugging me goodbye at the end of one of our visits, said she loved me, as she always does. I asked her how much just teasing her and her reply was, "To the moon and back!" I swear my heart swelled to at least twice its size. I think I was beaming for the rest of the day. Children just have that unconditional loving ability that isn't yet marred or jaded with the fear and rejection we, as adults, have experienced in our growing up. They are still brand new to the world and so incredibly untouched by anything negative outside the home and family in which they're surrounded. They know I'm there to provide when I can, when the mom and dad units aren't available, not that I'm a sufficient substitute, cuz really, nothing compares to Mommy and Daddy for them.. but they understand I have a concrete presence in their lives and they just accept it - accept me - with all of my faults and issues and so-non-mom-ish-ness. It's a humbling feeling.

Last weekend Erin actually requested I come to her dance recital. Now, she's 5.. most of the other children were about 5 or younger. Could you just die? This group isn't hers, but these younger girls were so precious - yes, I said precious cuz really, there's no other word I could possibly use and you'll see what I mean. It's a tad blurry cuz as children do, they were watching their teacher in the wings, waving to their parents in the audience, basically not paying attention as you can clearly see here and ohmygod, aren't they friggin adorable?! And they had very TINY TAP SHOES on people! Ugh.. very little else is cuter! I think these recitals are more for pure entertainment than a show of excellence and improvement. The chuckles amongst the parents, tho proud, were enough to tell me that, but it's still a one-of-a-kind moment.

Now I can't rave about Kari's gorgeous girls without mentioning Megan's as well. She has two also, Stephanie and Rory. Another set of just really pretty children. See, this is what I'm worried about - not that my children would be ugly, but that I couldn't guarantee they'd be this cute - or this well behaved cuz these kids really are good and so smart and so happy. I'm afraid I'd turn into the spawn of Satan as a mother.. when my friends really have it mastered. I feel it's just a much better (not to mention when they're 15, cooler) position to be in as the rockin' auntie they come to when in serious angst as 15-year-olds are wont to do.. when they are wonting, that is..

In the meantime, I live vicariously thru each of my friends and their cute little families. I get my fix at Kari's house at least once a month, sometimes more and I do look forward to it. I haven't seen Megan in oh, ages.. and Kari and Megan see each other even less. Stephanie is less than a year old so neither Kari nor I have met her smiley, little self yet..but we are planning a big reunion at my mom's house in rural Oregon sometime in July. Mom is the most central we can get from the coast where Megan lives and Seattle where Kari and I live. The bonus about this pending visit is that Mom and Gram will get their grandchildren fix as well - even if it's not thru me. Megan, Kari, and I have been friends since sophomore year, almost 20 years - there's no doubt they're family. So now I just have to convince Mom and Gram they already have plenty of grandkids to go around.