Reach out and touch someone

My friend, AM, says he's not a phone guy. These are his words exactly. He's said them many times in response to my complaints about when we talk on the phone that he a) sounds distracted, b) monotone, and c) will only use one word sentences like 'yeah', 'huh', and 'ok'. The other factor is that he's ALWAYS on the phone and when I see this while in his actual presence, he's not only using more than one word for sentence creation, he's animated and jovial as well and you know, sort of initiating conversation points.. It amazes me, this ability to just deny he's even capable of doing these things with a straight face..but he can be very convincing so once in a while I believe him. Not anymore..

Let me first explain the history of my California tripping that I've been writing about lately. A few years ago, I needed a gigantic boost of happy, some time away, a VACATION.. Yes, I know.. what a concept.. I just don't take them often tho. And the faux bro, SD, suggested I come down for a visit to see him in Oakland and heighten my mood with a little southern light therapy. I really needed to run away at the time, but SD wanted to combine this visit with a little trip to the races in Sonoma, something he was very interested in. Now, I have no interest in cars - old ones, expensive ones or otherwise - not really, but SD was building a GT40 in his little garage in the ghetto and since he's been such a good friend over the years, I thought I should see what this race car thing was all about..

Our plan, besides touring San Fran a little, was to hit Sonoma for their annual Wine Country Classic at Sear's Point raceway. I had such a blast on that trip that we'd decided to do this every year since. Last year, we changed it up a bit and invited AM, the ex-boyfriend I met SD thru, because he loves cars just as much as SD does. They've known each other since high school, but since SD left Seattle, they don't see each other unless SD and his dad are stopping by on the way to or back from Whistler. I also thought it would be cool to do the trip with AM as we don't get a lot of friend time either - even tho he is only like 3 miles away. Don't ask, I've tried and tried.. it's hard to be him and be so popular.. I'm sure (you can almost hear my eyes rolling.. can't you?).

Last year's trip was.. well, let's just say, sucky. Scott and I had a great time, but AM misunderstood the whole point of me asking him on the trip, which was for us to have some quality time together, and thus he invited his then girlfriend. Now, the gf was beautiful and sweet, but she had the self-esteem of trembling willow. It was so bad it prevented her from really and truly comprehending what you were saying to her since she ran it thru some quirky (and if by quirky you think I mean completely whacked, you are very insightful..) internal translation device in her psyche that drastically changed any harmless comment you made about the weather into some devastatingly insult-like information about her fragile relationship with AM. Seriously. You could tell her you loved her shoes and she'd run to AM and tell him you just said AM thought she was fat. I wish I was exaggerating.

I'll give you an example. We all met at a friend's vocal group performance in the city once. Before it even started, AM had some allergic reaction to the food there and had to leave early without the gf - but she was obviously still feeling neglected after and wanted my advice on whether she should go out with another guy friend of hers in an obvious attempt to try to make him jealous, but saying she no longer wanted to wait for him that evening. I told her yes, she should go out and have fun. What would be the big deal? That's simply all I said. I was told later, she ended up calling him, in tears I believe, and accused him of not loving her because, as she understood it, I'd told her from what I knew they weren't even together. Now, I knew they were on and off, but I didn't actually know they'd just labeled themselves and were exclusive.. however, this STILL had NOTHING to do with what transpired in ACTUAL WORDS between her and me. And you can imagine the strain of this which started to show in my existing relationship with AM, someone whom I used to date and with whom I've worked very hard to maintain a solid friendship. I had no choice but to distance myself from any acquaintance of his significant other, also known to me as 'that psycho bitch' and told him as much. I think he sympathized, but we both wanted him to be happy so he was going to keep at it - certainly I wished him as much luck as possible (cuz he seemed to need it).. BUT this is what I was faced with knowing she would be coming with him and my weekend would be colored with the stress of watching what I said ALL the time and trying to restrain myself from throttling the life out of her.. *sigh*

LUCKILY FOR HER.. I didn't have to. She made the choice at the last minute not to join us. AM, of course, was pissed at me for making it difficult on both of them, while I, of course, was pissed at him for being pissed at me since he was dating someone CRAZY anyway AND invited her without talking to me first. So the weekend was very tense, to say the least. We barely talked during, before, or after mostly cuz he spent the EN-TIRE weekend talking to her on his cell phone which drove us all mad, and they broke up eventually anyway cuz even if she was extremely hot, I think the pscyho bits finally got to him. This is my theory.. I really have no idea.. mostly, cuz I was thrilled and distracted by the never-having-to-worry-about-dealing-with-her-anymore part... Oops..did I say that outloud?

THIS year, it was stated, VERY CLEARLY and RIGHT AWAY that there would be no accompaniment by anyone AM was dating, leading on, or simply, sleeping with in any way.

He did, however, still bring his fucking cell phone.

I would like now to turn your attention to the state's evidence against AM and his many historical statements of just not being 'a phone guy'. Even with only the two pictures here, you can see, clearly - with the phone resting comfortably against his right ear, the sunglasses on for mastery in avoiding icy come-hither glares sent his way during dinners and wine tastings to let him know he should end his conversation sooner, rather than later, with Mr.- or Ms.-much-more-important-than-his-friends-he-was-with, and the distance away from the camera showing he was not actually with us while talking cuz that would, you know, be rude - that this is an obvious pattern of behavior. Just examine, if you will, example 1 and example 2 and you tell me if he doesn't seem like oh, the complete opposite of 'not a phone guy'... I think you'll see what I'm saying..

Unfortunately, this isn't something I can control or correct about AM. I can mention it to him, choose to ignore it, and hell, I can WRITE about it, which gives me a very devylish tickle inside cuz he does deserve to get shit for this, but ultimately, this is something that he told me point blank will not change, especially if it's business related. Of course anyone who knows me knows I'm no good at ignoring such things well and it drives me all kinds of insane that he continues to do this. He doesn't seem to understand that in two little days people who aren't 'business related' and think they MUST talk to him RIGHT THIS INSTANT are probably not having any sort of life crisis and, more importantly, will survive if left to their own communicative devices til he returns. Yet, he STILL ANSWERS THE PHONE! Um.. will someone tell me why MY calls go to voicemail?! On second thought, please don't.. I know already..

What I absolutley loved tho is while the plane was actually in the air each time, AM was forced to turn the phone off. I actually had a lengthy and guaranteed amount of time he didn't have the phone to his ear. Thank God for the small miracles of flight regulations! So we had a few nice moments together especially since he brought his dvd player and movies to go with so we could at least pass the time entertained. I mean, there are people you just can't travel with and he's not one of these people. He's very low maintenance actually despite having to put up with all his phone distractions. I can't say we didn't fight at the end - as we always seem to do at the end of these types of journeys, be it this year's weekend trip to California or .. well.. uh.. last year's weekend trip to California, but we have a lot of history together and some minor resentments that never go away.. Still we get over it and move on. Doesn't mean I don't want to throw that goddamn phone in the nearest fucking river and maybe smack some SENSE into him.. (he'd hit me back tho, much harder and honestly, I bruise rather easily), but at least I finally got him to admit that yes, he definitely is a phone guy. And that's all I needed to hear.