The Right Wing Cares About You, Lindsey

I had to write a quick post after the gym and pre-So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance watching because I was trying to just bust thru my cardio tho hi.. ow.. from my Monday work out of legs and core (people.. I'm SO bad ass these days, I tell you) and I wasn't into watching the silent tv's even tho on my far left was Last Comic Standing and on my far right was the previously mentioned dance show and I couldn't exactly watch that and ruin my whole experience later.. so the one right in front of me would be that show I can hardly stand, of course it's on Fox and something I could barely remember so I had to look it up and guess spellings and whatnot while searching on Google, but it's this very clearly Republican and overly-opinionated show called Hannity and Colmes. As in.. YAAAAAAWWWWWN.

Blahblahblah.. rightwingspeak, rightwingspeak.. AH! Newt Gingrich and oh.. the democrats are such hypocrites.. blahblahblah the liberals suck, right? The usual. Don't care because clearly, I already don't agree with them on principal or in thought and then the screen changes to celebrity newsy stuff and I thought for a moment it had switched to Larry King, the new god of gossip and un-hard-hitting news these days, but no, it was still Haggity Ann or whatever his name is with a clip of Lindsey Lohan and they were talking about her rehab relapse or whatever the latest issue the poor little rich girl has gotten herself into now.

But it wasn't Lindsey they had on.. No, of course not. It was her estranged father. With a plea, people. A fucking PLEA. They literally asked him if he could talk to his daughter, right now, if she was watching.. what would he say to her this very minute. And out came the biggest bunch of Velveeta and for whom I'm not even sure. It went something like, 'Lindsey, I'm your father and I always will be your father and I don't care about your celebrity or what people have been telling you and I'm always going to be here for you no matter what happens and blahblahblaggityblah..' And he continued on and on for like five minutes about how nothing mattered but her and it was too bad people had said these horrible things and the whole time I'm thinking.. they should really rename this show to Hoo & Cares since clearly this girl and her father are not by any means what the world should be discussing but for some reason, still are since they are on every single gossip magazine and every celebrity show on air and I'm craning my neck to read what's going on the tv showing Last Comic Standing since this after-school special on Fox is by far the most annoying thing I've been forced to workout in front of. Can people let it go already? I mean, kids do drugs. They go too far. They get into rehab. Hi. Welcome to Hollywood. I mean, did you just get here or something?! God.

So the girl has some issues, sure.. but I actually like her acting. She was great in Bobby and actually very sweet in Prairie Home Companion, so it's not like she doesn't have skills. She's just going a bit too far as 20-some-olds are apt to do. But to have your own father go on MULTIPLE talk shows.. one being a supposedly weighty politically opinionated show (albeit the far right on the opinions).. to try to tell you how much he cares? Hi.. wouldn't any respect you had left for him plummet out the window faster than your sobriety? Hell, I would pop an 8 ball of speed with a tequila chaser right there. Because how is that helping the poor girl? Maybe shut up already.. Dad. Maybe that's why you have to go thru her attorney to talk to her. I swear.. two brain cells.. and they're fighting.

And Jesus.. could you Half-wit and Come-lately get back to your extreme right political leanings that I can detest with disdain? There's not enough room for you and Entertainment Tonight, ok?

Now can we get back to what really matters? Please? Like who do you think will be voted off So You Think You Can Dance?! Do tell!

Just A Quickie

Hello my pretties..

I know it's been a little while and I haven't really finished my vacation installments.. mainly because I didn't finish my last post while on vacation. Too busy finishing the last of the relaxing I suppose, reflecting and all the family bonding going on. Throw in blogging and it's all a bit too crowded.

So, stuff has been going on. The social life, tho a little on the slow side, is still nonetheless social and there have been events and even a bit of booty shaking, but I just wanted to point out this little film I saw with Boz last night after dining at a new pho spot that did the hunger-satiating trick.

I knew nothing of it, had no idea who was in it or really what to expect except from Boz' brief text description of which all I remembered was 'hit man tries to make good' or something to that effect. And the reviews are crap.. or most of them. It isn't action-packed, it's just fucking well written, which you and I both know must not be what sells movies and is under-appreciated and also, doesn't happen a lot these days. So I'm just saying.

Dry humor, direct and quirky.. equals a damn funny couple of hours if you ask me. Both Boz and I gave it enthusiastic thumbs up - or in my case - a vigorous poke of the pitchfork. Um.. something like that. Either way, go see it. It rocked my socks.

Caution: Work Still In Progress

It’s Friday and the vacation week has hardly registered that it’s the standard end of the usual work week when every day here has felt like a wide-open and unplanned Saturday.

The last few days have been easy and enjoyable with no deadlines and no timeframes to feel pressured to meet. And tho communication with Seattle friends has been limited to sending picture messages and video clips simply rubbing in the beauty of the coast and my vacation while they are working, Pixie found herself in my vacation neighborhood on Wednesday.

She whisked me away after meeting the aunts, uncles and miniature cousin on a short afternoon trip to Manzanita – the hippie junction of the Oregon Coast, we discovered. We wandered tourist-trappy shops, searched for a café with wireless internet as I was needing a fix, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable.. and then we topped it off with grilled veggie sandwiches that were to-die-for and a bit of ice cream and maybe a taste of a decadent brownie before we headed back to my family to join them for dinner, conversation and cribbage.

Thursday morning, Pix took off after a quick bite to adventure on her own for the rest of her vacation and I headed in the other direction to Cannon Beach to find my own solace before my mom arrived. I found a charming café with wireless for the small price of a limonata and apple muffin and off I was back in the world of The Connected.

Three hours later, I ventured back to the house with supplies in tow for the brood because I wanted to be helpful (and I couldn’t validate that much time on the computer without doing so mind you), Mom and her husband arrived shortly thereafter..... and things sort of went downhill from there.

Of course it’s not that terrible. We all have our moments of regression with our parents – or I imagine you all do when it’s probably only me who’s left metaphorically stomping feet these days - and when I don’t see Mom for long periods of time, it just takes a simple lack of her saying an immediate ‘hello’, this dark cloud moves over me and I feel overwhelmingly unloved. Oh the tragedy! But a bit of misunderstanding is normal with us and then someone breaks the communication ice and forces an explanation of the well-I-thought-you-were-reading-and-ignoring-me and then there are hugs and the of-course-I-love-you-silly’s and all is [sheepishly] forgotten, appropriate age of the only resident 35-year-old restored.. ahem.

Still, sometimes I just forget how to be a grown up around my mom and hence, the rest of my family. I claim I’m adult and act that way in my professional life and most of the time around my friends, but when there is tension with relatives, I forget that discussion is always the best solution and revert to being pouty, cool and selfish, words are short but hang in the air with a bite, and people are left a bit stung.

Pixie had waffled on whether or not she wanted to head home today or tomorrow and I convinced her s’more making was imminent and her attendance was required. She came exuberant and prepared for the day and even readily accepted the last minute assigned position of Chief Engineer to Maeve’s impromptu Sand Castle Condo Project. Oh, she had ideas and they were executed brilliantly. After construction completed, quite ahead of schedule I’d say, we bathed our sandy selves in the sun and chatted with one of my twin 17-year-old cousins, Abby, that had arrived the night before who had made her way down to the beach to hang with the bikini clad.

Now, I used to live on the coast just south of here.. and I still have friends nearby I wanted to see. I sort of thought I could fit everyone in during this visit of seven gorgeously unplanned days because that is what I do with my time in Seattle normally. But when I said that Pix would stay another night AND that this old friend and her two children were joining for the next afternoon to see me, one of my aunts visibly became uncomfortable and I realized clearly, I’d stepped over a line.

In retrospect, I should’ve asked. This really was qualified as Family Time and I wasn’t helping to protect that. I seemed ungrateful and as tho I was taking advantage.. and looking at it, I see that I acted like a teenager so I shouldn’t have been surprised that I was talked to like one. But I did shut down, became defensive and passive aggressive later.. and basically, just sort of a brat. I mean, I know how to fight with my mom.. I’ve done it forever and tho it’s completely dysfunctional, that's how we are. My other relatives aren’t part of that broken-ness. They are still parents and make mistakes, but they talk to their kids, they admit where they go wrong when they realize it and call their kids on their crap when they see that too, but mostly in a productive manner. Hi.. I am SO not used to that.

So Pix left, very graciously, an apologetic phone call to my girlfriend who lives south was made taking back the invite I never should’ve offered – and it took til the next night to really fix that with my aunt because I was embarrassed, felt ashamed for acting like a child.. and also, because I felt so awkward at not knowing how to reach out and fix it. I knew she loved me and wasn't angry, but there was part of me who didn’t believe either of those things at all, which was ridiculous.*

The whole thing made me realize I still have so much to work on as a person. I am really flawed, which is ok. It's why people walk away tho.. and some move in closer.. and some don't know what to think other than I'm annoying. Sometimes I think I'm so old.. but I act like such a bratty kid. I feel young and about 26.. but I'm four and a half years short of 40 people.. really.. it feels like something in my life should be much more established and I should've figured things out by now, but I'm still wandering, still trying to figure out where I need work, what I've learned and how not to make the same mistakes.

I think falling into a nap while reading a good book in the sun sounds like the best way to cure these vacation ills.. This growing up stuff is really exhausting!

*GOD I should become a therapist so I can REALLY psycho-analyze myself and figure out why I do this shit.. honestly!

Forever Young

I’m sitting here, my second full day at Arch Cape and I’m behind in writing about Ammogirl’s Seattle visit. Now since I’m at the beach and easily a good three days behind in blog writing and reading, I have to be honest and say that writing wasn’t the biggest priority before I left due to all I had to do before I headed out. But I will do my best to cover all the territory I can here.

You know when you encounter people in your life that you instantly feel comfortable with and you make them friends or you gravitate to them in some way and it’s just a good feeling? Well.. Treena is one of those people. Kari is as well, but I have been friends with her since my sophomore year. When Treena showed up and we started on the very beginnings of reminiscing, it was clear that the borders high school created were the only reasons we weren’t closer to Treena during that time because she is so much like us. I felt like no time had even passed between high school graduation and 17 plus years. Tho she and Kari have both had children, we all felt like girls together, giggling and telling stories of people we used to know, boys we used to be ‘madly’ in love with, etc. We cooked, we drank, we played with Kari’s girls, we shopped, and we even dared open at least one yearbook, which was frightening.. and the whole time I kept thinking.. how did I not know this girl better? But high school is filled with every kind of possible insecurity and awkwardness and the main goal is just trying to fit in and possibly in a way that isn’t completely noticeable because if someone does chance to see it, you’re certain to be ridiculed at some point. Know what I mean?

So Treena arrived on the Wednesday a week before July 4th.. and I was pretty much at Kari’s house every day after work for the rest of the work week. No plans were made for anyone else because when a friend comes from Germany to hang out with you, hi.. you spend the time. So when Kari had some wifely priorities on Friday, I stole the guest of honor and dragged her into the city for pub food and improvisational comedy-type merriment.. something she’d never actually experienced. We invited Loren and the three of us enjoyed some VERY strong martinis, quite a few laughs during the show.. and yours truly, Miss D, FINALLY won something!!! I made the best suggestion during this particular improv show and not only did I win two passes to any improv show after that, but I won two, that’s T-W-O superballs each with a little plastic baby in them.. one white and one black…… Yes.. ok.. ew. But hey.. I won SOMETHING! WHOO HOO!

And tho I was a bit overzealous in procuring dessert after the show, we did end up in Capital Hill with many types of baked sugar forms in front of us before the one o’clock am hour. I really don’t think any of us needed it tho.

Painfully tired, Treena and I headed back to my house, but tho we tried to sleep, we talked like teenage girls having a sleep-over for about an hour before we managed closing our eyes for the night. Must’ve been the sugar high, but it still made us both smile. Friends are good, you know?

Saturday, Kari joined us for brunch and shopping. We wandered with no purpose, dined on gourmet chocolates and Vietnamese coffees, found our way to the movies to see Evening, which is a total chic-flic-tear-jerker and a movie you should see when you’re with long-time friends and we finished with wine and conversation on the eastside so we could wake up and spend the whole last day with Kari and her family.

We languished as long as possible over meals and drinks.. naps in the sun, watching the girls do various gymnastics and dance performances for all of us.. and tried to take in the overdue catching up as much as we could without ever feeling like we were really forcing it. It was all just easy and fun and was just as much a vacation as this time at the beach is really.. just a different sense of family for me and just as rewarding.

I think as we’ve all grown older, it’s easier to erase the bullshit of the past and latch onto what’s positive about the future because in the big picture, what does the history matter? What matters is now. Bonds, friendship, a sense of belonging, trust and loyalty that would take a lot more than distance and dorky high school memories to damage. There’s a sense of ageing together, the aching bodies, the limitations, the wishes that were never fulfilled, and the insecurities that might still be there, but have long since been reduced to miniscule status.. and you can see yourself in your friends’ eyes, which are so warm and welcoming that you spend all your time smiling and suddenly, the time has flown by and you’re at your last moments with each other until an undetermined ‘next time.’

I feel old from Treena’s visit.. but in a good way. I would kill for my 17-year-old metabolism, but there was a new vision once I hit 30.. and it just keeps getting better as the years have passed. I have a totally different life than either Treena or Kari and you can’t say it’s better or worse – and neither would they – it’s just different.. but not one of us would wish for those high school days again.. no no.. even at the price of getting older, we are grateful to have all that over with. Just don’t call us ladies.. ok? And really.. no ma’am’s either.. are we clear? I think we established that we’ll be ‘girls’ forever.

Pretty Close To Paradise

The drive to the Oregon Coast on Sunday felt like driving one long stretch of the same road over and over. It wasn’t at all like last year, which felt like no time had passed and voilà! Beach! Family! Wine! No.. this year it was like I wasn’t getting anywhere, but add in driving behind an RV or slow-going truck that was moving 10 miles under the already 55 mph limit the whole way on a two-lane windy road that made it impossible to pass anyone. Snore..

I literally drove in on fumes having no luck in finding a gas station even 25 miles before I reached Arch Cape. Only the diesel station for said RV’s holding me up from arriving at my destination. But once I was finally out of the car, there were only welcoming arms of my family extended in big hugs and offering a much needed glass of red wine. Then almost immediately, a small voice came from behind all the adult legs, and my teensy little five-year-old cousin, Maeve, said, “Welcome to Arch Cape,” with a bright and shiny grin. “Come have some soup!” And she grabbed my hand, took me out on the deck to the ice chest where she was making her seafood ‘soup’, gave it to me in a crab shaped sand toy and I knew my vacation had begun.

Day 1: We woke up to a grey and windy day and I hoped this wasn’t the sort of thing we’d have to deal with the entire time here. I grew up in Lincoln City, just a couple of hours south from here where a summer day was 60 if you were lucky and you always wore a windbreaker. But my aunts assured me the fog would lift by afternoon and we would be sitting on the deck in the sun in no time. And it was kind of funny cuz they kept saying, “Oh it’s definitely brightening,” as the day wore on when in fact, it still looked the same color of grey and white outside to me, but I smiled at their enthusiasm.

We went into Seaside for some errands, came back and realized we’d forgotten the Beach Essentials of hot dogs and s’more makings, but there was still plenty of time since it was just us adults and 1 precocious five-year-old til Thursday. We had wine. We would live.

Actually, we went thru about three bottles of that just at dinner alone. My aunt Chris was drunk and funny. My uncles told stories of growing up I’d never heard before, which included a particularly funny one about my dad at 15 being chased by my very angry grandpa to the upstairs of their house and Dad being desperate enough to jump out the second-story window because he didn’t want to get caught and whipped for whatever it was he’d done.. how my grandparents actually were pretty strict and how the four boys they had drove my grandmother crazy at times, how that compared to the parents they’ve all become and the mischievous things we all did growing up in the name of rebellion. It was enlightening and lovely just to be there with everyone and to be appreciated as an adult along with them.

We ended our first full day by taking in the many stars you just can’t see when you live in a city. The sky was breathtaking, honestly. We found the Big Dipper and pointed out the Milky Way, which my aunt Chris had actually never been shown in school like the rest of us had.. and when they all went in, I waited until I saw a good sized falling star, closed my eyes, made a wish and said my goodnights.

Day 2: The sun had come out the day before, but it wasn’t until very late in the afternoon and it didn’t last very long. Today was a different story. It was HOT! While one aunt and two uncles headed out to Manzanita for a second day of 9-hole-golf, my aunt Elizabeth, her daughter, Maeve, and I decided we’d have our first sunny adventure down on the beach. Holy Global Warming, people! The wind was so warm it felt like it was coming straight out of a heater. I thought for sure someone had exchanged the Oregon coast for the California one while we were sleeping, but no.. we were certainly in the right place. Bathing suits were revealed, sunscreen lathered on, sandals removed and off we were for a long and leisurely walk while Maeve chased the seagulls and we all searched for the prized and unbroken sand dollars.

My freckles are coming out from their hiding places very comfortably now. My eyes have sparkled a lot more just from the relaxed sense of having to do nothing if I want.. or read a book for a whole hour even.. and I have taken more than my share of naps in the last two days as well. Right in the middle of the day! My aunts give me hugs and kisses for no reason, tell me how great it is that I’m here with them, we make incredible food, drink amazing wine and play pretend everything with Maeve who has one of the biggest vocabularies I’ve ever heard from a child of five.

And to think there are still five more full days of this…

Something Old, Something New

Today, Princess Lulu turns one year old. What a little treasure she is..

And there is so much to tell you all.. but right now I must head to her birthday party. Suffice it to say, vacation has begun and tomorrow I will be heading here:


I know.. you are mad with jealousy. And there will be plenty of time to catch you all up on a recent visitors, the mishap involving a large cement rock/rebar combo and my shiny car - oh yes, it had to happen - and other events.. but one mustn't be late to a princess' first birthday.

Ta for now lovelies!