Curtain Call

So the first week of 36 has been a whirlwind of activity. I've come home exhausted every night this week from something and the days have been long and filled with fantasies of napping. Seriously.

Birthday recovery evolved to a a night out on the town on Tuesday to see Into The Woods with Shine, that tho it's our favorite musical, was only a lukewarm production. That touch of disappointment was quickly replaced with a high level of stress and almost tears while trying to create programs for MonoLodge III, the show I'm producing for Unicycle, which in turn did nothing to prevent the combo rush of adrenaline and anger over a co-worker's nose-butting where it didn't belong and consequently a very long discussion with HR today. Yes, aren't you just exhausted from reading about it? Yet, the bonus - and I mean that literally - is that there will be a promotion with a subsequent title change, the programs turned out beautifully with only one teensy misspelling of someone's name, but Shine helped me get them done for free - a double good thing - and the rest of the weekend is looking rather hopeful.

The show opens tonight amidst much excitement. I've no doubt it's going to be a success because it's already run smoother than the last two they've put together. I had a lovely chat with one of the founders last night about how they'd like me to continue to be involved, produce again if I'd like, and how we should all sit down to discuss future roles and ideas and actually, what I'd like to see come out of it for me. It's been a long time since someone asked me what I wanted - really wanted - out of something.. and I didn't have an answer at the time, but it felt really good to be asked.

I also reached a very comfortable understanding with all the over-thinking I was doing regarding all these boys. I really did just forget how to live moment to moment and once I stopped freaking out remembered, things sort of fell into a lovely space of getting to know the two men who currently have my curiosity piqued.

Boris and I started out as friends, but we had a fairly magnetic chemistry from the second we met back in March. We had no choice but to be friends if we wanted to know each other because he wasn't single at the time and tho we did hang out, friendship was all it was. So when that relationship did actually end, to my surprise, there was a bit of confusion and drunken evenings and space taken til I finally just decided that I'd rather be with him however we could figure it out than not at all. So because of all that, I think we're a pretty natural couple. There's a great sense of just genuinely liking each other. I make him laugh. He brings me zen. That seems to bode well so far.

The Actor and I met thru mutual theatre friends.. very casually a few different times after various improv shows, drinks in hand. A few Facebook messages here and there and there I was out with him on a date and tho I wasn't sure he was exactly my type, he was suddenly cute, new.. kind.. but kind of just friendly. After a few more of these, I finally just had to ask if we were really dating cuz honestly, I wasn't sure. He, of course, confirmed that we were so I had a better idea. But he's busier than I am and we aren't seeing each other very often. It forces patience, which = good, tho it does keep us from getting to know each other in a more steadier fashion. When we do see each other, we have a good time, but it's just different than time with Boris. The Actor and I aren't yet as close, but who knows how that will change in time.

Both the men in my life as well as my group of friends completely spoiled me for my birthday. I felt wrapped in a glowing circle of love and affection like I haven't felt in years. I couldn't stop smiling. There was candlelight and drinks at the party, cake that was none like you've ever tasted - Loren had to get one each for both of us, carrot for him and Mexican chocolate for me - many drinks and many pictures. Then there was a dash downtown for some last-minute seats to improv which had the remainder of the party goers ending the night in laughter. The next night The Actor took me to a lovely dinner where we never actually ordered anything. It just all arrived at the table because he knew the semolier. It was rather glorious. Boris is also taking me to one of my favorite plays, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, next week.

I am constantly noticing how as I get older I'm more and more aware of every passing minute, of everything I still have yet to work on, of how things actually are sort of coming together - career, creativity, comfort, a sense of identity.. love. I feel like I'm making better choices, not stumbling so much, and trying to appreciate every little thing I can - friends, family, events, memories made. I've always been detailed, as you all have to know, but as I try to take in everything going on, I find it's sometimes harder to let go of them too. I hope I look back when I'm old and gray and recognize that I really lived, I really loved with everything I had, and I truly know who I am. I think I'm finally on the path that will get me there.. and it feels really good.