Observations

Music can not be loud enough for me lately. My friend, Jude, is kind enough to send me new tunes at the drop of a hat - and just about anything I could ask for. Such a gift.. The new Green Day is my favorite right now. I know people say a lot of shit about them.. Don't care. It's simply Dirty-Eye-Liner-Wearing-Punkish-Boy Rock.. and it's getting me thru. I put it on and instantly think, oh I'm not in the mood for this, but then another second later, I'm feeling lighter and rocking out in the car. It's frickin awesome.

Have you ever noticed - because it's painfully obvious - how Prius drivers are THE slowest drivers on the PLANET?! I'm just saying.

I eat a container of Trader Joe's hummus a week. That's 16 ounces.. a WHOLE POUND.. of HUMMUS! A WEEK!

Who is NOT excited for So You Think You Can Dance? Right.. don't answer that because EVERYONE should be! Hellooo! All the gay boys and I can't get enough.. AND they're doing a SECOND SHOW in the fall.. as in YAY! Tho I completely skipped watching the auditions from Seattle cuz I heard that was the worst city. Ouch. But Mary - we're sorry.. we're a town of actors and artists, not dancers. Not, shockingly, like Denver (tho - weird.. Denver? Who knew?!). Forgive? We forgive your annoying shouting so.. call it square? Good.

Haagen Daaz has a new flavor called Vanilla Honey Bee -- don't walk, RUN to get some because, hi, YUM! AAAAND they're doing it for a purpose! Did you know the honeybees are dying? DYING! Sad.. and really weird - they have a virus! And they produce flowers and berries and because of them things grow! They're kind of amazing tho yes, people are scared of bees, but honeybees are sweet! They're like the koala bears of the bear world.. but you know.. the bee one instead. So buy some first - and then put it over brownies because seriously.. sooo good!

Traveling alone has never appealed to me.. til now. I'm still pretty nervous about it.. but I think, come late August or early September, I might be taking a trip overseas. The destination is still unknown.. but the idea gets more and more exciting every time I think about it.

And according to a handful of people so far.. in order to get over someone, you need to go out with someone else. So, um.. after a successful event, which was completely marred for me because The Ex treated me like shit and I was so surprised by it that I let him, I cried all the next day, sent some emails that didn't make a damn bit of difference other than receiving his apology, which I wouldn't have been given had I not told him how hurtful he was the night before.. AND I moved onto the angry stage real fast. Yeah, I cried for a full day.. but not all week. That right there is improvement. Finding strength to keep going, to stop contacting him, to realize tho I knew it wasn't the end of the world, to really believe it, and to be happy despite being disappointed that he can love me all he wants, but he still made the choice to walk away.

So! My point was? It's still very small and I may clearly not be ready, but I reactivated my silly online dating profile. Yup! And you know what? Tho they aren't all men I'd be into, they kind of came out of the woodwork.. well, maybe because the paper sort of featured me - like on the login page of the personals. Like the next day after it was set up. Uh.. ok. Wow. A little embarrassing.. Just felt odd because it's so out there that The Ex is bound to be told someone's seen me.. tho I hope not because that wasn't my intention, but I did get a kick in the ass from Fatima for even caring because I don't owe him anything. I know he wants me to be happy, but I feel a little hypocritical after telling him how I didn't see myself moving on anytime soon. But I kind of said fuck it - he knows I love him - and he should know how much, he knows I'm proud of him and what we had.. but he let me go. By choice. And if the timing isn't right, then I should feel good enough to explore other relationships, meet new people and feel inspired by those who know who they are and what they want. The Ex isn't there yet.. and he knew I wasn't going to wait. I had to be reminded that life is too short and I give too much.. and no, I won't wait for 'the future to bring what it brings'.. because yawn. So. Over. It. I want to participate in my future a little sooner than what waiting for it will bring me. Screw waiting.

I can explain further another time.. but at least for this moment.. at like almost 1am when I have the most brilliant realizations, I mean.. don't you? I feel like the weight's lifting. Just in time for summer I'd say.