Maybe I'm in the minority, especially being a single woman, but I'm a fan of Valentine's Day. However, it seems to have only two collectives : the bitter, single folks who are committed to anti-celebrating the day or the schmoopy couples trying to enjoy it without alienating their unattached associates. Valentine's doesn't have to be the only day you make someone you hold dear feel special, but I don't think anything is wrong with letting it stand out on its own as an extra day for being generous with love no matter what the relationship.
That said, despite having a reason to feel bitter or jaded due to the most recent split last weekend (yup, it's pretty inevitable you're done dating someone when he tells you that you're more invested than he is, but he finds you ‛fun'.. and stops there), I refused to wallow for more than the initial day when I felt wounded. I was let go to find someone who wants to spend time with me, wants to invest, wants to hurry up and finish whatever it is they're doing because they're excited to see me. Not that I want to go looking at this very moment or even soon really. Before New Year's, I was doing really well on my own and I'm pretty happy otherwise now, but a few years ago, I wrote this poem to myself and I found it yesterday. I knew while reading it I still felt the same way. Sometimes it's ok to let things go on as they are, not worry about where it's going and other times, there's a point you reach where you have to acknowledge maybe you're in different places, have disparate feelings and don't want the same things.. so thus, even if they're a lovely person you have a hard time getting out of your system, you have to let go and move forward. I don't want to be negative about this hope of having a partner, but I don't want to be desperate for it either. And this last disconnect is a slight jab to the ego more than a sucker punch to the gut, for once, and that tells me ending it was the right thing to do.
Besides, I had a great day spending time with my 3-year-old charge, Jack, who couldn't have been happier to see me when I picked him up from pre-school. His run-on sentences included the cookie making (and eating) they'd done at school that day, how much he liked his best friend, Adam, who his mommy calls ‛a nut job,' and how he couldn't wait to pick out cupcakes for his brother, Liam, his dad and me.
(If you're ever in Seattle and think to yourself how much you suddenly want a cupcake, you have a slew of options, but the best place in the city, maybe anywhere actually, is Trophy Cupcakes. By far, their best is the red velvet, but they had a lot of special ones created just for Valentine's and I indulged in the chocolate raspberry that didn't suck. No, no it did not.)
Then, surprisingly, after settling into one episode of The Backyardigans, the Universe gave me a special Valentine's gift.. Jack fell asleep. For a little boy who no longer naps, this was a really rare reprieve from his usual rough and tumble energy and I was ever so grateful to have a little break before ending my work day.
I thought I'd have an evening to myself of making dinner and indulging in a Ryan Gosling movie, but I convinced myself not only could I do that anytime, but it was silly to stay home on a night I wanted to feel a little more special with or without the romance aspect. So my friend, Brady, and I decided to attend the poorly titled Laugh Lover's Ball comedy show because laughing never sucks. And when accompanied by drinks it's even better. One of my favorite comics, Jackie Kashian, was performing and she didn't disappoint. The only odd duck in the group was the comic listed as an alien. True story. And ohhh.. he was not terribly funny and in full costume and make up, the likes of which belonged in a Star Trek movie. Poor guy was heckled by an outspoken woman who didn't get his jokes satirically mocking Mexicans, women, male dominance.. you know.. things one shouldn't joke about, satirical or not. He shut her down pretty gracefully, but we all breathed a sigh of relief when he finished. Our other favorite comic that night was Ryan Hamilton and you can see part of the act we saw from when he was featured on Conan. It's a shortened version, but the bit about hot air balloons and wicker baskets slayed me.
I think I'm going to make the comedy thing a tradition now that this is the second year in a row I've accidentally spent it that way. Last year I just happened to be in L.A. and attended The Benson Interruption (with Nick Swardson, Garfunkel & Oates, Anthony Jeselnik, Al Madrigal and Sean Cullen - fucking amazing! You can get that episode for $1.99 and seriously? So funny..) at Largo with a couple of college girlfriends who I hadn't seen in more than a decade. Not only does it completely take the pressure off the holiday, it pretty much gives the finger to every commercial reminding you that you're a loser if you're single and you should propose if you're not. I love love as much as the next person, but let's all get a grip shall we?
Here's to cupcakes, little boys who nap, men who don't waste our time, remaining hopeful, laughing, good friends, good drinks, not settling and being honest about what we want. I hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day and you know that you're loved.
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