Only two more days

Oh believe it. I'm already counting down. Sorry.. maybe you like your family. Hell, maybe you even love them. Don't get me wrong. I love mine, but I don't in any way like them most of the time... and spending the holidays being around them just seems to remind me of this glaring fact that I forget when I'm in my sassy little world.. oh.. without them.

At the moment I entered the house today I'd apparently interrupted some conversation between my mother and my aunt, which didn't stop with my arrival even tho I hadn't seen anyone since Thanksgiving. In fact, Gram asked about my drive and somewhere in the middle of my story about the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF STANDING WATER and ALL THE HYDROPLANING that I thought could likely lead to MY OWN PERSONAL AND AGONIZING DEATH that SCARED ME TO THE POINT OF A CRUMBLY GIRLY MESS, Mom didn't even acknowledge I'd walked in the door. Of course immediately after bringing in my things, I literally felt myself regress to a snotty brat of 17, sat on the couch and grabbed the nearest magazine in hopes it might swallow me whole somehow. Or with just my reading skills I could ignore everyone til it was time for dinner.. whichever came first.

Hi! Welcome home!

After another young cousin arrived with her two very chatty children (TWO people.. the girl is just 21! Hellloooo..) and her father, my uncle, the zoning out was a success.

I know.. I'm completely rude.. especially since after they left, we all opened presents with my brother and his wife. That was the fun part and I think most everyone was happy with their gifts - even if I'm convinced Mom will take the really very cute and so soft jacket from me back the first chance she gets. She did feign she liked it for a bit.. that's all I could ask for.. at least she tried. Tho she'll most likely leave it in the bag for three weeks first before she remembers she never tried it on and then she will, but it won't fit and then she'll take it back but maybe leave it in her trunk for another month after that. Did I mention her birthday is also a couple weeks before Christmas? Yes, well.. December is my personal hell when it comes to my mother. Sigh..

Should I even begin with my brother? I'd think not, but I can't really help myself. It started after the holiday movie catch up we usually do, which means watching all the movies I wouldn't have EVER paid to see but Mom seems to think she'll BUY cuz she says it's actually um..cheaper (someone please explain this to me like I'm a 6-year-old), one being Mr. & Mrs. Smith - not nearly as bad as people made it out to be. Not deep or anything, but hey, I enjoyed it.. and The Brothers Grimm - ugh.. bleh! Trash! Get it out now! I wouldn't use this script to clean out Emma's kitty box.. good God.. this was SO bad I was actually annoyed.. I kept telling the tv to shut up.. bad movie, no biscuit!

And when it was FINALLY over.. my life shortened unnecessarily by three painful hours.. the news was reporting some shark attack near Seaside. I simply made a comment after they'd said the man was rushed to the nearby hospital about how he's probably worse off since hospitals on the coast over there - and we lived there for 10 years so we've heard the stories - aren't so great. You know.. someone goes in for appendicitis and comes out sans right foot or something. Oh I don't know all the details.. I heard it as a kid and there was a doctor there named Dr. Hazzard. What the hell does that say? I'll tell you.. nothing good. Pffft!

But then.. my brother had to argue with me. This is our routine when we're in the same house together for times like these and I usually count how long we go til we get into one of these inane discussions. This time = about 6 hours. Record.

Todd: Actually Angel, I personally know two friends who've been saved by the hospitals over there.

Me: For what?

Todd: Shark attacks.

Me: Ok.. whatever *turning back around to the computer where I'm venting oh so creatively and thinking to myself.. oh yes.. ALL your friends are shark attack survivors.. yes yes.. yawn*

Todd: *still going on..I have no idea what he said here*

Me: Ok.. I'm not listening. You can stop talking now.

Todd: *muttering some insult in Russian cuz he thinks he's so smart since he married a Russian girl - who, by the way, I happen to really like - but it doesn't matter cuz he's still my brother and a retard at that*

Me: Um, hello.. it wasn't a personal attack on you, Todd..

Todd: I didn't say it was.

Me: You sure act like it *Interrupted by -

Mom: ALRIGHT, BOTH OF YOU.. KNOCK IT OFF.

*ahem*

So yeah, yesterday I braved two inches of rain that sounds not that bad but it made the roads really, really scary for miles and my arms were so tense from gripping the wheel so tightly and I was so terrified after swerving severely multiple times that I thought I was going to kill myself and many other people, which wouldn't be so nice for all their families or, you know, me.. so I pulled off the nearest exit and when I finally got somewhere I could stop I just broke down and cried. Yes.. hi.. sad moment.. I mean, it was REALLY scary, thank you! But boy called, tried to calm me down, and convinced me to get a hotel and just leave in the morning. This was very good advice. Boy = smart. Well.. boy is many things in addition to smart, but smart comes in so handy when dealing with a cute but borderline hysterical girl.

At this moment, I wish I was back there.. right now. The hotel had waffles. Calls from boy help too.. but nothing can go wrong when you have waffles. Waffles make everything better.

Ok - really.. last time.. happy family time to all of you.. and um.. if you have a sec.. send help. Or some waffles.

Christmas is upon me. No really.. like.. get it off me! Now!

Ok.. let's start out with the beginning of December. Uh, hi.. sneaky! Suddenly it was just... there. I knew it was coming, but just didn't think about it.. and WHAM! There it was.. like.. like.. um..well, like something very unexpected.. ok?! And I really do enjoy the holidays.. no one died - oh wait - someone actually did one time.. hmm.. but you know, that was a long time ago and we've all sought therapy and we're all ok with that now.. and I'm fine with the sing-songyness in every possible person and thing that surrounds me that I couldn't get away from it all unless I left the planet anyway so why fight it..? I mean, the holidays are cute.. we have a cute little tree that's cutely decorated and there are stockings hung up - Emma even has one in the shape of a kitty paw - and tho I'm happy cuz really, things are pretty good, I've marked December as a month of delusion to which I just have to resign myself..

Let's start out with something small.. Christmas songs. Have you heard 'Here Comes Santa Claus' lately? I'm not talking about something new and full of disco pop. It's just the regular old Gene Autry version and uh, let me just tell you.. there's a little something in it I've never caught before.. yes indeedy.. a verse in there that you might not expect. Oh it's sugary innocence from childhood that is recognized immediately, but like those Bugs Bunny gags that flew right over your head as a wee tot that you now fully understand as an adult.. the third verse of this Santa jingle hit boy and me as we were driving along last weekend, completely minding our own business while we sang along to whatever Christmas tune came on cuz hey, there's nothing wrong with a little holiday cheer.. there was happiness and smiling.. la la la la.. here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus lane.. la la la la la la la la so let's give thanks to the Lord above that Santa Claus comes tonight.. whaaaaaaaaat??

Ok.. I know it's all about the birth of the baby Jesus and the three wise men and oh suuuuure Mary was a virgin and all that.. I mean, I've been beaten about the head with it since the day after Thanksgiving.. but please tell me what God and Santa are doing in the same song! Isn't there irony (if that's the proper usage.. I don't need any Alanis backlashing now..) in the fact that here is a nice little holiday song about a FICTIONAL CHARACTER involving.. um.. GOD.. a UNIVERSAL IDEA. Now.. before you start.. you could also argue the opposite point that Santa is universal and that God, is in fact, a fictional character and that's fine - believe what you will - I'm all for free thinking here, but my point is there's no church of Saint Nicholas around the corner however widely accepted he is. Terrorists don't go around doing their terroristy-type nastiness in the name of Santa (tho I bet if they did, it'd be a whole mess o' nice around the world, which hey.. wouldn't suck), no one prays to him (wishing for presents once a year doesn't count), and no one's calling out his name like they do God's in the throes (throws?? I looked it up.. it didn't help) of passion if you get my drift.. are you picking up what I'm putting down?? I'm just sayin'.. that's all.

Anyway.. that's where it started.

And that was the easy stuff.. obviously..

Now.. speaking of throws (now seriously.. is it throws or throes? I can't figure it out..) of passion.. boy (the one I named recently who is quite achingly hot by the way, but was still sort of taken aback by seeing his name in one of the most recent posts to which I reminded him that he'd said it was ok and then I added he should be careful what he wished for noting he's still quite adorable even when squeamish for a few seconds over the cyber-outing) and I are creating enough electricity to light up the entire city, which let me tell you, rocks.. to put it simply. However, there are.. um.. some small issues - and no no NO.. don't go there.. THAT is NOT what I'm talking about.. That actually is very.. um.. fine.. better than fine if you really need to know.. Ok?! Sheesh.. let's just be clear. No no.. what I mean is sometimes there are issues with the condoms.. and I hate them and I'm sure he hates them but we have to use them unless of course you people want some little Miss D's running around and ohdeargodbiteyourtongue we do not! I mean there are plenty of prophylactic choices out there, but yours truly just thought it easier to keep with the latex option when physical contact was more a spontaneous thing.. unless the day should find me with the same person for a while, which seems to have happened. So now it's a bit more plausible to think about other alternatives cuz condoms are only working like two-thirds of the time.. which, if you do the math, and I usually don't cuz hey, I studied theatre, is a whole lot less than 100%.

See.. they come off. The condoms. Or they've broken.. and either of those happening ruins the mood cuz guess what.. we both 'calmly' freak the fuck out.

The solution is that we call my nice doctor (Dr. Wise - isn't that great??) who nicely calls over to the pharmacy with a little prescription for 'Plan B', which so far has happened twice (and if you're offended by this, really, keep your opinions to yourself or I'll be forced to cover my ears and yell out jibberish til you stop.. and you'd hate that.). Now, it's not like we're doing this on purpose.. these are definitely accidents and tho it sounds like ALL kinds of fun thinking every little change in my body is reason enough to think I'm pregnant, I'm also the one who has to take the pill to prevent that after both said accidents. This would be fine if it just left me alone and didn't fuck around with my hormones and make me oh.. EXTREMELY depressed for FIVE. ENTIRE. DAYS. Drop of a hat and it was waterworks people.. the computer froze and suddenly I was a total failure in life.. I held it together luckily cuz I had some sense of reason trying its best to prevail while telling myself this was just temporary and my reactions were just hormonal.. but good God.. I might've killed someone if I hadn't gotten a frickin hug every day. And, I should add, boy is really, really good at this necessity. It works like a charm. Seriously.

In the middle of every possible emotion I could be feeling, there was quite the display of aggravation towards the roomie when we got into a fight about the heat that escalated to the point where I actually slammed her door - or um.. tried to - they're old doors and it wouldn't slam - this was especially frustrating as the goal was to make a good amount of noise and all I heard was a slight whooshing sound - and that only served to heighten any irritation that caused me to almost spontaneously combust. Not my proudest moment - it certainly wasn't maturity that was oozing out my pores.. oh no.. and it made for a very quiet and tense rest of the week at home. Ahh.. the curse of hating living alone and at the same time wishing you could have the house to yourself.. I'm still working that one out.

This again, wasn't the worst thing that happened.. like you didn't know there was more..

On the way back home Friday night from a friend's Christmas party at her new GIGANTIC house (seriously - it looks like a life-size version of the dollhouse I had as a kid.. wow) in Issaquah (small SMALL town east of Seattle), boy and I are driving thru town, so not speeding at 25 mph and I notice the unmarked police car that I pass - yeah, I noticed it.. hi.. not born yesterday, nuh-uh.. but I'm so innocent and not hitting things.. look! But what does she do? Oh, nothing except pulls out RIGHT BEHIND me and immediately turns on her lights. For a millisecond, boy thought she'd go by me, but come on.. we all knew better. Fifteen minutes later, after asking me at least three times how much I'd had to drink cuz I was fumbly with all my paperwork.. helloooo.. nerves people.. I had a really nice green ticket in hand from the very, very mean police lady for

1. No lights on the back license plate (her first reason for pulling me over and by the way.. WHO sees when those are out?!)
2. Expired tabs (from August .. and YES, I knew they were expired.. but if you'd like to pay for them you might notice they are only like $200 EVERY YEAR and on my budget, that's just more funny than something that actually happens - plus there was a matter of three parking tickets I had to pay for first and geez lady.. I just got the letter saying NOW I could get tabs.. grumble grumble)
3. AND oooooh.. this is the BEST part.. an expired driver's license! Cuz SOMEONE just had a birthday, which when I told mean police lady she sarcastically said, 'Uh.. in November..' Ok.. but Ms. Very Nice Police Officer I work 8-5, and you know, coincidentally, so does the DMV. It's a little difficult, ok? Can't you be nice for just ONE second?! This I said in my head or she may have cuffed me right there for insubordination or some other word with a lot of syllables.. and I was already scared enough.. so instead I said very sadly, 'Um.. yes.'

NOW Ms. Mean thought I was a problem drinker cuz my hands were apparently too spasmy to handle all my legal documents AND I was sans legal license, so she made boy change seats with me since he'd brought all this upon himself by making the oh-so-wise choice of me as his current company (she didn't say that but you could see it in her eyes.. judgement was there.. mean mean lady cop!) so he could drive his criminal date and her just as incriminating vehicle back home to the not so Christmasy tune of $7HUNDREDand32DOLLARS which is not very easy to sing along to.. no, no it is not..

And you might think it was over.. cuz maybe this would be enough, you would think.. but you'd be thinking SO wrong. Yes you would!

THEN.. Mom calls not to guilt-trip me, but to tell me my cute, little, sassy-about-everything Grandma, the ONLY grandparent left standing so to speak, who's in the hospital for KNEE SURGERY people, which is NOT a big deal and that was supposed to keep her there for a maximum of three days, is still in the hospital cuz her kidneys AND her liver decided team playing was for sissies and if they just went into RENAL FAILURE they could lengthen their cushy hospital stay. Gram, in all her spitfiryness, is not pleased with them one bit and tho no one's saying it outloud, we know which internal organs won't be getting any homemade canned goods for Christmas.. uh-uh..

But don't fret now.. today is looking decidedly less emotionally hung up, praise Jesus!, things will be taken care of with the Issaquah courts before some unknown court date next month where I will beg and plead and dress oh so nicely to show I'm a good and upstanding citizen even if I break some very very small laws, roomies and I will just have to figure out how to get along, God and Santa will co-exist somewhere happily ever after.. and Gram should actually pull thru all the scary stuff.. It was just a big week.. Could you tell?

Til next time - Merry Christmas y'all! Hope you have a happy and safe holiday, getting everything you want and nothing you need (blatantly stolen from Victoria's Secret - um.. hint hint..)!

Aaaack!

Sorry to scare you there for a second.. just needed your attention.

Ok.. if you haven't noticed.. it's December and that = Christmas which = really dang busy.. and like 18 parties to attend and budgets to manage (And by manage I mean not buying anything til the next pay day.. grrr... AND just realizing the bonus we were supposed to get at work is actually NOT going to be a real bonus of cash in hand but cash in my newly acquired 401k - and yes, that's very good for later and it's nothing to sneeze at, sure, but now it doesn't help me. No, it doesn't. Not at all. Double grrr..) and ideas for presents to come up with (Seriously, what do you buy the mother who has everything and if she doesn't have everything she buys that for herself?? I'm taking suggestions!).. and you see where I'm going with this? Busy girl, not-so-calm girl, trying-to-keep-it-together girl over here.. send help! Send chocolate! Send someone with an oversized check of a million dollars written in my name!

Or.. please wait patiently for the new and sure to be lengthy next post.. cuz you know I have stuff to say.. oooooooh.. yes.. yes I do.

Snow, movies, snow in the movies..

It snowed in Seattle yesterday. Ugh... here we go.

If you know anything about Seattle you know that:

a) Snowing this low to sea level is rare in this area.. oh..um..well, any area close to sea level I imagine.. God I'm stupid. Hey.. at least I caught it.. you hush up now.

b) No one in Seattle can drive in it (I mean, we (and by 'we' I mean everyone else but me, thank you) can't drive in the rain and it rains 10 months out of the year here people!))

c) EVERYONE freaks out - including the news and their INSANE "Winter Storm Watch" reports.. as in scary-music-hide-the-children-run-for-your-lives-this-is-our-Katrina sort of storm or something when really it's just a little snow flurry for half a day and it DOESN'T even STICK. Um.. hi, I've seen colder elements in Dairy Queen. Puh-leaze..

And d) because of b, the smart people call in to work and stay off the roads cuz none of us have 1. snow tires (We don't have air conditioning or pools either. It's the curse of moderate weather. No extremes here..usually.), 2. the patience to deal with the people who choose to drive like idiots - they may be able to drive in it, but remember, we all brake the same - and usually brakes + ice = overly arrogant assholes in the ditch, which is a great source of entertainment for me this time of year, or 3. a burning ethical or moral reason against lying to our bosses to whine sympathetically about how we couldn't possibly get out of our driveways and up the hill/down the road/around that bad corner and to the office. Yay! Snow day!!

Course, like I said, it didn't stick so guess who still had to come into work today.. pfft.. yeah. And here I am.. working away.. yup.. but um, in case my CEO reads this, seriously, I'm REALLY happy to be here.. and by the way, I'm on lunch currently.

ANYWAY...

In other news.. the Thanksgiving holiday was spent with the mother and grandmother units and was virtually fight free.. *applause* Thank you! It wasn't so tough this time, but four days with them is about my limit even when one day is usually filled with eating to the point of not needing to talk about anything at all cuz you're too busy napping and digesting. Did I mention my cranberry sauce kicked ass? Oh, it did.. let me tell you.

So, usually, I'm much better with three days at the ranch of Mom. It did help that at least five hours of that long weekend was spent at the movies - Harry Potter and Yours, Mine & Ours. The former was much better than the latter, tho the latter was still cute and again, I wasn't going to complain about movie choices when it meant snacks and movie magic rather than possibly fighting about whether Sheryl Crow actually sings COUNTRY MUSIC sometimes, which Mom thinks for some deluded reason, or not, which I think since most likely Mom's just thinking of the wrong person cuz that's what she does ALL. The. Time. I know it sounds crazy, but we really had that argument til Gram snapped and told us both to shut up. That's Gram's soft side for you..

Back home with cute boy, Brandon (he said I could name him), has been really nice. Cold weather is the best excuse, not that we really need one, for warmth and affection and he's been happy to oblige me often. One of our dates this week was to see the movie RENT cuz we're both big fans of the Broadway show (DON'T start! He's NOT gay!). So we went.. and um.. some parts were good.. tho it was sort of painful in others. I mean, the musical itself is actually more a rock opera and I wish people would treat it as such, meaning just about everything is sung, there's very little dialogue and that's how it should be. Then, there's the movie, which fucks that right up. People are speaking the lines they should be singing and it just deflates the opening sequence completely. And that's just the beginning people.. somewhere in the middle, we just gave up when it turned into a bad rock video. We couldn't excuse that at all.. no, no.. we could not. But the clincher, was about 3/4 of the way thru the movie and I realized while two of the main characters were singing their big moment out in an alley in the middle of New York City in December while it's snowing that the steam from their breath was so regular .. wow.. that's a little stra.. HEEEEEEEEEEY! THAT'S FAKE! Like who creates fake breath?! WTF is THAT? Tho, ok there were some good things about it I really did like, namely the actor who plays Collins is awesome and the new cast member who plays Joanne has an amazing voice.. and..well, Taye Diggs is just fine with three syllables.. mm-mmm-mmmmmm.. oh yeah, and he can sing too.

And besides the movie, there was Brandon, being all frickin cute and cuddling with me in the movies, which hello, is tough to do the way the seats are you know.. and at one point while I was quietly singing cuz yes, I'm a dork and I know the ENTIRE score, he just looked at me in this way that would've made my knees melt had I been standing and told me to sing for him. I sort of put my hand over his face dismissing his thought out of embarrassment for myself and whispered for him to watch the movie. But he kept looking at me intently and told me again he wanted me to sing for him. I told him I would.. just not right then.. silly. And there I was, blushing in the dark. The guy already gives me butterflies, but at that moment, they multiplied exponentially..

So for the weekend, I thought it appropriate to celebrate the Winter Storm of 2005 by heading to yet another movie - more snuggling together while we watch the best inclement weather story, and one of my all-time favorites, Singin' In The Rain at this funky new theatre, Central Cinema on the hill that plays.. well, whatever the hell they want, honestly.. I love it! Yes, another musical and mmmmmm.. Gene Kelly. DON'T laugh! I had a HUUUUUUGE crush on him when I was a kid.. dude, he's hot. Oh, shut up..

Oh.. would you look at the time... lunch was over hours ago is now over so I'm back to work.. Happy Friday y'all! Mwah!