Insights

So I had this conversation with my friend Dave the other night.. that guys have different categories for the women in their lives and I'm not talking about relatives or friends. These are the categories of various levels of lovers.. the women they fuck, the women they date, and the women with whom they fall in love and marry. Yeah.. only three. You know.. more than that would be.. well, too many for them.

Now.. I see your confusion.. cuz that look on your face right now.. yeah.. I had that. My cute little brow was oh so furrowed cuz I just wasn't aware of this grading system. Women are always discussing with each other how we don't understand men and why they do what they do and say what they say.. which, you know, can frustrate us to no end.. but every now and then I'm reminded, usually by a male friend, that really, men aren't that complicated. They don't sit around over-analyzing our actions.. there isn't any reading between the lines since they have trouble reading the lines that exist already. They will call you if they like you and you won't hear from them if they don't. It's that simple. So when Dave told me there was this.. like.. philosophy, so to speak, a plan, if you will.. I was rather floored. No, it's not complicated at all.. but there's a semblance of organization to it, which, yes, ok, I'm going to be completely sexist now and just say it for the sake of this post, I thought was mostly attributed to the female, at least where the opposite sex is concerned. As far as I know, men are just happy when they find a girl who isn't psycho first of all and who's still willing to go out with them, who's decent in bed and thrilled if they can cause her to make a bit of noise in their favor, AND is someone whom they can still safely bring home for their mother's approval.

Ok.. yes, I'm so obviously not the expert on men.. they could possibly be deeper than this.. well, some of them.

See.. I've been in all categories at different times, but currently, my position is among the datable - better than a roll in the hay once a week, but not quite marryable. This is due in part to my own design of being open to dating a few people at the same time and also being told by one of those people that's just how he sees me. Yeah.. he said it.. and yeah.. that didn't not suck for a minute.. maybe a couple of minutes.. but it was honest, even tender, and I would rather know than not. Besides that, tho I'm pretty girly and I've wondered if there's ever going to be a partnership in my life that will span its majority, I still don't look for or expect that out of anyone I date. I don't think marriage is the be all, end all for me tho I don't completely rule it out. This girl has gone a few years having three to four week relationships and I figured, hey, it's probably time to try to break that pattern and that's been the sole purpose of this exercise, which, hello.. I'm actually succeeding at.. so yay! That right there is something I'm proud of - preventing myself from having unrealistic expectations, learning to pace how I care for and get to know someone, practicing patience, and not getting desperately carried away. These are the lessons I need to learn before I see myself in the til-death-do-us-part circle anyway. I mean, I like to plan a little bit ahead, but forever isn't what I'm thinking right now anyway. I'm really enjoying living in the moment.

Since late last week, I've reduced my dating companions down to one person I happen to like a lot, but I didn't stop seeing the others for that reason. I couldn't help but compare and contrast between them and I just found the other situations to be more one-dimensional and based more on the physical aspects than any actual connections I thought we had. Mainly, the connections just weren't developing and I wasn't getting to know them any better so at that point, there's nothing more to do but end it unless a fuck buddy is what I'm looking for.. and tho I'm trying to keep things on a casual level, that's a little too casual for me. Been there, done that. I may think this one is a bit special, but for now, we're both going to allow ourselves to see other people.. not that either of us are, but I understand why he wants to and I'm keeping an open mind.

Really, I'm pretty content with my romantic life, but the conversation with Dave led me to question how one might cross over into the last, and one would think, more favorable, category of really belonging to someone.. forever.. or um.. just a really, really long time. I'm just curious how that works. Is there an obvious way someone moves up in rank? Does a new person have to see you only as marryable and not even consider the other options? Or is there some sort of promotion and review process possible within the other categories once an undetermined amount of time is invested?? I have a few questions.. that's all. Oh, like you don't... pffft.

According to Dave, it's just about whether a guy has realized what you are to him. Um...or not. That's all it is.. So of course Dave and I continued to discuss if waiting around for someone to see if they find that potential in you is not the STUPIDEST thing ever. Um.. yeah, he really seemed to think not, which fully surprised me, but he had a good point and said if you were having a good time with the situation you're in, there shouldn't be a problem cuz you're not really waiting anyway. And I have to admit, looking on my own relationship and the time I'm having which equals good, I couldn't really argue with that logic. But I have another friend who would say what I'm doing is waiting and yes, that's completely idiotic.. even tho he and his girlfriend are the prime, and rare, I might add, example of that exact thing.. waiting, that is. She did the fuck buddy thing with him for a long time.. they moved up to dating, but weren't exclusive and after a pretty long time of doing that, she got tired of it and gave up. Walked away. And, in the classic you-don't-know-what-you-have-til-it's-gone move.. he realized damn, he loved her. Cue the sappy soundtrack.. cuz wow, crazy longshot on her part, but apparently, it does happen. Tho again, this sort of thing = rare.. ok? Got it? Don't try this at home kids.

Now, it's wrapping up time and I hope I've done my part to educate the female gender a bit more about how men operate. Of course, there are no definitive answers.. I, personally, think sometimes, those categories and the minds of those who put us in them are a little.. oh.. mutable maybe.. However, I'm the first one to say to a friend, what the hell?? It's YOU, not him, who decides what you're worth and maybe you should find that person out there who agrees with you.. that's what we all deserve!

*Steps off soapbox*

But, on the other hand, yours truly has always looked for just a smidge of patience within herself, which, accidentally, she may finally have found.. so who says a little bit of that ever hurt anyone? Exactly. That's all I'm saying..