Tiny Earthquakes Sign Of Major Tremors To Come

I'm having one of those weeks. Oh you've had them.. when something is just.. off.. right? There are some good moments, of course, but you're not clicking.. not feeling it.. and not feeling good about it either.

I never talk about work because it's probably not something that drives me and not within an industry I feel passionately about, but I have a very good work ethic and as detailed as I am, I'm extremely valuable if I can keep my tone light and you know.. not piss people off.

The company is going thru growing pains. Too small to need more people, but too much work for the current group we have.. and there are days we ease the stress with humor and random life stories that have no other purpose than to relieve the tension in the room.. and then there are days spanning to entire weeks where the venting that was heard at the beginning of the week becomes a seething vengeance buried by the knowledge that voicing it will do no good anyway so why waste the breath.

I can only guess that these are normal complaints felt in degrees by other people who work for other companies focusing in other arenas.. but I feel stuck. Of course I want to make a change.. but that is for another discussion as far as my career.. yet, if I want to help change my current environment, really, what are my options?

Do not talk to me about meetings. First of all, uh.. we've had them. Second, I don't believe in meetings that last longer than an hour. After 60 minutes, people stop paying attention, meetings stop being productive, people start getting distracted by hunger, bodily functions, and the ticking clock. If you haven't covered what you need to address and its possible solutions and/or directions within the first 30 minutes, then you haven't efficiently served the meeting's purpose. And maybe you have a lot to cover and therefore it can take a whole hour's worth of time - ok.. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there.. BUT IF YOUR BOSS ISN'T LISTENING ANYWAY.. you might as well start doodling on your notepad of your dream job and how you'd be a better manager and ooh look at your funny stick person.. because you'll be back here in the same spot in a week's time DISCUSSING THE SAME GODDAMN THING.

I'm burnt. And so is everyone in my group. And the boss knows it. And he's having a meeting with our president. Yes, great! Good steps, clear discussions. Right! But I'm going to tell you what will happen: they will hire one new person, who will take three months to train - which is totally fine - and some of the workload will be directed to her and some people will be happy about this and they will feel some sense of relief and all that is positive. BUT.. the sales people will always be sales people.. and the basic complaints our group has against them will not change because Sales will continue not to be trained, we will continue to bear the brunt of any blame or responsibility because we don't bring in any money.. even if we do all the supporting and know more about the products sold than most of the sales team. In fact.. who do they call for how much products and features cost? Operations. Let me ask you.. if you were buying a car.. do you think your sales guy would excuse himself to ask the dealer's mechanic how much he should sell it to you for? I'm guessing not.

We do a lot more than supply answers to the 'tough' questions they should already know tho. We are the center of communication in a communications industry. We email, we call, we create rapport with the customers, vendors, agents within an acronym'd language not many could maneuver. We explain what Sales has not, or rather, left out. We extricate the story from the customer and rearrange it in a more fluid way so that what was sold actually now makes sense and more importantly, will even work because we crossed the T's, corrected the typos, and clarified what had been previously assumed, but was still incorrect. We bend, we bow, we cya*, we do as we're told and in the end, what is remembered is when shit goes wrong because it shouldn't have been sold in the way it was and you've asked a question that no one likes because they didn't think about it in the first place so now it's YOUR problem to fix when it shouldn't be your responsibility at all EVER and then you have to get your boss involved and the sales person's boss and possibly the boss' boss' boss and then they all look at you because you know the fucking answer to the problem.. and yet you need them to direct you to do it because if you did it on your own and you were wrong? You don't even want to know, that's what. So now you can say they told you to do it this way and you have the email to prove it, which is great.. until they call you tomorrow and tell you they are changing the entire thing completely and you will have to redo your paperwork for what is now the third fucking time while they gallivant off to lunch and you are left munching on carrot sticks because what is lunch anyway when doing it right is what is important.. but doing it that way the first time would just make too much sense. Oh and here's a Starbucks card or an $8 sandwich from the nearest Subway to make up for all your troubles we've caused you. Gosh.. thanks.

I walked away from my desk today for air.. just to our break room.. sat on the couch with my hand over my eyes and breathed in.. that's all.. for 10 minutes. I was simply overwhelmed with my workload.. overwhelmed with the thought of what it would be like to love my job and its day to day challenges rather than only doughnuts on a Friday or quarterly happy hours at the nearest Mexican joint and worry about which customer will be calling next asking to speak to my manager or implying we aren't living up to what 'we' promised when I wasn't even there. The pressure had wreaked its havoc and I was very close to my personal limit.

To be honest, I love the people I work with and for - there is a family feeling I've never felt with any other job. They like to have fun, they drink as hard as they work, they really want me to have a good weekend and hope that I'm happy in my personal life. But like any family, there is dysfunction.. and we are nearing nuclear levels of breakdown that will require intervention to prevent and if that warning is not heeded, I foresee mutiny, anarchy, or at the very least.. a mass exodus within my department similar to what I've seen before in this business. And then I would like to see how Sales would deal with that.. because they will rue the day they have to start answering repair calls with questions they can't answer..

..ooooh but goddamn, what I wouldn't give to see that happen.. just for five whole minutes.

*This means 'cover your ass', which is absolutely necessary to do all the fucking time because if you've forgotten to make notes or keep that email, you will be one sorry motherfucker..

March Meme-ness

It has been an inordinate amount of time since I've done a meme.. and I'm feeling listy. Sorry Treena.. I had to start, but feel free to add if you're tagged or you just feel like stealing. Warning: some of these are think-about-ers..

1. Finish this statement 5 times: It's ok _____

*..to have at least one self-pitying evening once in a while in front of a tear-jerker chic flic with the cat curled up on your lap and sipping a large glass of wine already having ingested the best grilled cheese and bowl of tomato soup ever.

*..to not have to talk about absolutely everything.

*..that some friendships will mean more than others, that some people will never let you in as close as you might like and that you also keep some at a safe distance.

*..if things don't always work out the way you'd like them to because they work out the way they're meant to.

*..to clean the entire house and leave your bedroom, the impossible task, for another day that you can dedicate the time necessary.. because.. ohmygod, that will take hours, if not days.

First Times:
2. The first time I realized there was someone in my life I would run into a burning building for was: when my friend, Nic, died my last year in college. Ironically of course, it was upon hearing about his death that I realized genuinely that I would've traded places with him if I could've - honestly.. in a second. Nic was a stubborn ass a lot of the time tho, like me, and he would've never have stood for that sort of thinking from me. And knowing I wasn't handling my grief well, he made sure to let me know he was ok because after he died, I felt his presence for about a month. I can't explain a bond like that or how I knew he was there.. and maybe that's why I'm so earnest about how much my friends mean to me.

3. The first time I realized I didn't have to have a good reason to say no to someone or something was: when a friend in college said that life is too short to spend time with people that you don't want to be around after she'd wiggled her way out of a conversation with someone she didn't want to talk to. It was an eye-opener.. not that I was always nice or anything, but that I realized there was always a graceful way to get out of any situation and at the same time, you could, if you wanted, tactfully let that person know you didn't care for their company.

4. The first time I scared the bejeesus out of myself and loved it was: when I went to Norway on foreign exchange after I graduated high school. I was supposed to go to France since I'd taken 3 years of the language.. but the smaller company we'd gone with screwed that all up because of their own disorganization and Norway was where there was a host family. But they were lovely and so was the town, Ski (sounds like 'She'), and tho I didn't stay the whole 10 months (I know I've told that story here before), it was exhilarating to be abroad for the first time. I regret not behaving better, not trying harder, but I was only 17 and there were misunderstandings on everyone's part.. It was still an amazing experience and I'd go back in a second.

5. The first time I walked away from someone or something I finally realized was bad for me was: some years ago now after a fight with a friend of mine who I used to date casually. He lived in BC and was the first friend my group of gay boyfriends and I had made up there on our first trip together. And he was straight.. and brilliant and attractive. And angry. A lot. It took years of knowing him to fully realize how angry he could get at the drop of a hat and for no reason whatsoever. We'd once fought over the phone and to this day, I have no idea why he was so angry with me as it was an innocent conversation, but he was fuming at the time and just like that conversation, when he came down for a weekend to visit, something clicked and again he was angry out of no where. Both of those arguments I spent the majority of trying to backtrack in my head and figure out what the hell was going on and how we'd arrived in that place of disagreement, which only served to make him angrier because I wasn't completely paying attention due to my confusion. It was the only time in my life I recognized an abuser and I was genuinely afraid he would hit me. He didn't, but he belittled me for saying it when he heard me on the phone in tears to Loren asking him to come get me.. and I then actually tried to pull myself together and told Loren I was fine.

After the weekend ended, he was still amazingly angry and I knew I needed to extricate him from my life or I would continue to be in this place with him I had never seen myself in before. I wrote him a very long email explaining what his actions had done and that I could never be friends with someone who made me feel so small or whom I felt threatened by.*

6. When I was younger I used to be: painfully shy. You'd never ever believe it, but I remember being in 8th grade and a boy walked by me and said hello.. and I instantly put my head down and mumbled a quiet hello back and just kept walking.
6a. And now I'm: SO not shy.. at least not usually. Somewhere in high school I found my voice and I just kept getting more extroverted from there.
6b: Which makes me: happy knowing that most often I speak up, I say what I think, I'm direct more than most people I know and sometimes, that's what the situation calls for (tho now it's about learning to choose the right moments for all that).

7. An insecurity I've never been able to shake: is wanting beyond anything else to fit in and be included. I clearly remember a 5th grade moment, following my friend Gina to wherever she was going at the time and she turned around and angrily told me to stop following her. I was crushed. I didn't know what to do because who was I supposed to hang around with if not her? And sometimes, that feeling comes back to haunt me because I don't need a lot of solitary time. I thrive on being social and around friends, but I'm learning more to take time for myself and figure out how to enjoy my own company.

8. Something I find completely disgusting: is watching people leave the bathroom without washing their hands! Obvious, right? Not to some. So the other day I was at the gym and I stepped in one stall and realized there was no toilet paper so I moved a couple stalls over. I heard someone come in and since there are only three stalls and she didn't get in the one next to me, I knew she was in the one without paper - not that I warned her or anything.. I mean.. hi.. LOOK for the necessities BEFORE plopping down just anywhere.. And the whole time I'm like.. what is she going to use?! Which freaked me out because.. ok.. I have bathroom issues. BUT I heard the crumpling sound of tissue.. which meant she was using the toilet seat protector things to do her business.. and I'm like.. well.. ew.. but ok.. desperate times and all that.. and then I'm out washing my hands and she just bolts out of the stall and on her way. NO WASHING AT ALL! Um.. hellloooo.. YOU JUST USED A SINGLE PLY TOILET SEAT COVER TO WIPE! Ewwwwwwwww!

*It's ok to sever a friendship by email in this case, in my opinion. Say what you will.

Tagging: Irony, Treena, Kari, Pom, Wendy, Kara, the Duck, TAB, Léonie, Lady Miss (if you have time), and anyone else who wants to.. go!

Loyalties

A friend of mine who owns a retail store in the city told me about a guy who came in the other day. He had a name that reminded her of one of my exes and since he bought something she told me his last name and she was right to be reminded, tho he wasn't an ex. He was a former friend - the worse of those two evils. Out of the blue a couple of years ago, he'd broken up our friendship over instant message. To this day, I still don't respect the fact he did that but obviously our friendship wasn't that great if he could destroy it over the internet by telling me he didn't care in so many words and clicking 'enter.' But the funny thing was that before I told her that, she said there was just something about him that she didn't like, the way he talked about his girlfriend, that he was just waiting for one of them to break it off, and that he seemed like a lot of the other bachelors in this town: unappreciative and unworthy of any of the amazing women who live here. I would agree. She has good instincts.

A closer girlfriend pulled the Instant Message Friendship Break Up almost a year and a half ago now and she was someone I cared about dearly and had really enjoyed getting to know over the course of about four or five years. She was witty and fashionable and terribly intelligent.. and I liked her wry sense of humor. I don't recall any specific thing causing it tho there were things we could've worked out better, but there was a look of intent I'd recognized from others who've walked away in my past, like a checklist of things against me was being created, not to mention, was beginning to add up.

I think, looking back, she was dropping hints that she needed to air out her life, like a pair of dirty shoes was smelling up the closets of her soul or something. I wouldn't say she actually dealt with her inner conflict, but it weighed on her to the point she couldn't deny that severing the friendship was what she wanted to do. It's too bad she didn't think I warranted the level of respect and care it would've taken to try to talk it out or address it in person.

It's odd to me that this has been a repetitive occurrence in my life - someone who's been defined by close friends as having one of the biggest hearts of anyone they know - a quality one would think many would be drawn to. Oh sure, I'm sassy, but I'm all about the big talk. That's just part of the game. For friends and lovers there is no limit to how much I care.. and they all know that - or should. It has certainly been my downfall in many cases of broken hearts and letting go and caused me so much pain at times when all I wanted to do was move on and for whatever reason, just couldn't. And in the last couple of years I've learned some things about myself - how to have more realistic expectations of people, how to stop giving too much, how to make better choices and make myself happier.. and I hope I've grown beyond that person who can be easily dismissed just by the click of a mouse.

Still, we all go thru those spring cleaning periods, getting rid of all the extra clutter.. people who've let us down, people who don't initiate or ever give back, people who can't find room in their hearts to respect or stand up for you... people who all too easily forget they ever had a history with you.. however small.

I understand that I was probably a bit of that clutter for some people. How we had grown together as friends or lovers was as far as we could grow. They needed to separate in order to continue and I'm sure I've decided the same thing about others - just not over instant message. But I know I haven't handled every situation perfectly and was probably less than direct at times I only wanted to feel released.

While talking about our pasts, someone told me recently that he only wants volunteers in his life.. only those who sincerely want to be there and be involved.

Wow.. what a bold concept, I thought. And I instantly recognized I was missing that idea from my life.. and that needed to change.

But then I began to feel nervous. What if there are no volunteers for my cause? Or only a handful? What if those I've been struggling to hold onto for so long finally fade away because it's clear I didn't matter enough to compel them to actively participate in the volunteer ranks anyway? What if I'm not loved? I mean.. volunteered love is the best kind of love, the only kind that's real anyway. I haven't found that it's hard to spot when it's really there, but I can become self-indulgent wondering how much is really marked for my personal use when I'm feeling alone and frustrated.. and who wants to volunteer for me then?

I remind myself that I'm only human. That I'm prone to over-thinking. That those who would hurt me or go out of their way to one up me because they think they have a point to prove or want to feel superior in some way are doing so because there is something inherently weak within themselves and they'd like me to feel the same way. That I can only control what I can control, which is only myself and the energy that I put out to the world. That I really am just trying to be a better person every day. That I have power and strength and I don't have to be pushy or loud for people to know I possess those qualities. That I do matter.. to someone.. to many.. and deserve respect.. deserve defending.. deserve validity for the feelings I express.

That I am a good friend.. thoughtful at random times, supportive at needed times, perfectly worn in like an old coat, cozy and comfortable - I hope.

I'm still finding my way.. and finding other volunteers to come along hasn't always been easy, but for those who've stuck by me, and they know who they are, my heart swells at the thought of how much they care, with an extra fondness for those who are best at providing the 'tough love' I often need.

I don't think about the ones in the past who've already made their escape. They've long ago been released, but for the ones still on the fence who will eventually decide it's just too much work or too long of a hike, all I can say is here is the door to my heart: don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out.

A Little Of Diss.. And Some Of Dat..

Thank you all for the get-well's and all that.. I'm FINALLY all better.. So much better.. that PMS decided there was room for it. Awesome.

Now.. please excuse the mishmash I will heretofore impart to you..

..but you can't blame me because thinking is becoming fogged in with The Grey that is the Seattle Weather System. The lack of the sun's Vitamin D is causing the natives to hibernate and zone out in front of uber-awful reality shows like 'The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search For The Next Doll,' which I refuse to link to cuz hi.. one of the trashiest excuses for a tv show ever. I seriously was only innocently flipping thru channels and it came on after America's Next Top Model, which um.. no, is not any better and could someone PLEASE tell Tyra she's a wee bit too self-absorbed for her own good? Somebody??

Anyway, finding the 'next doll' quickly became a lot of skinny, immature (well, they're supposed to be since they're young(er)), and whiny under-25-year-olds auditioning for a single opening in this Isn't-Six-Too-Many-Girls-As-It-Is- And-How-Do-You-All-Manage-With-All-Your-
Hair-Products-Anyway group. While the lead singer of the PCD (yes, they call themselves that.. and the lending of their acronym to any number of STD jokes is all too easy.) might as well been created by her cosmetic surgeon. Good God, woman. Fake boobs, fake personality, fake face muscles.. I swear, she talked, but they didn't move.. could she be botoxing already?! All she could muster was a vapid expression when telling Punk Rock Girl With Incredible Sass that she loved her. LOVED her. Hm.. fake love too, I'm sure.

But the girl is hot. Like.. holy cow.. and always always in the center of every picture (I mean.. SIX girls.. and there's only ONE lead? Can the rest not sing? I don't get it.). Still.. I might like to look like her for five minutes, however, the girls auditioning are so infatuated with possible stardom that they're confusing the selling of sex for actual female empowerment, which they think the group stands for. Stands for? We are talking about a POP GROUP, right? I didn't hear mention of any non-profit status or giving some of their bank to charity so I'm going to guess the cause they are best at serving is probably their own and making themselves more world-reknown so they can become richer so they can afford more high-heeled boots and more hair products. I'm just saying.

Speaking of reality shows.. our adorable local boy, and my friend (yes, I had to add that in, didn't I?), Blake Lewis, has made it to the top 12 of American Idol (Can you believe that myspace page?! T-shirts already! I so want one! I know.. how old am I?!) Honestly, I hate watching the show, but I have to.. and Blake is talented.. tho he's got the female voting ratio locked up as well cuz he's quite the cutester. And tho I think Melinda will win the whole thing.. cuz damn.. that girl can sing.. I think Blake isn't hurting for doing well. Yay!

****************

Alright.. enough of the cotton candy.. now for the hard stuff.

So, Emma has been thinking.. Emma, my cat. She has. She tells me these things. Shut up.. she does. So she said one day that she's grown tired of her blog. I know! Can you believe it? It's practically blog blasphemy! But I'd been harping on her to update.. I mean, hellooo.. it's been a while girl. But every time I asked when she was going to do it, she looked at me and yawned.. and then went back to sleep. I know.. no ambition. Actually, that's not true.. she's just.. pursuing other directions.. um.. not that she knows what those are yet, but she mentioned sleeping on them.

Thoughts? I mean.. she's a cat. With a blog. You knew it wasn't going to work.. but it's not like I could tell her that. She had to find out on her own. I can't protect her from making mistakes in life. As a mommy, that's just not right. I mean, she has kitty blogger friends like Lenman, Connor, and of course, Oscar, who inspired her to start writing in the first place.. and even they look like they've been on a bit of a winter hiatus. Ooh.. she likes that word.. hiatus.. she says to tell people that's what she's on. Yes.. fabulous. Good to know. *eye roll*

****************

Can I please tell you that Snow Patrol seriously knows how to rock? Yes, I can tell you that because they do! I've almost lost track of how many times we've seen them (three, actually) in the last couple of years and I love them even more after seeing them than I thought I did especially when Gary asked some random girl to COME UP ON STAGE AND SING WITH HIM. And then we all become all high school and 17 because hi.. whyyyyyy wasn't that one of us?! Well, in Gary's defense, he couldn't see us.. tho our seats were fine seats, just you know, not front row. That's ok, we had 4th row in August, thanks to Irony who always pulls thru with the arrangements and from where we were so close we could see the sweat glistening off his forehead. I probably wouldn't even know who they are if Irony hadn't pointed me in the right musical direction from the very beginning.. She's always got her finger on the Music World's pulse, I tell you. She's hip. She doesn't even need a white belt to prove it.

And then, you know what else?? That handsome Brit, Sting, called me up and said he'd like to put on a show here.. possibly the second stop on his WORLD TOUR as part of The Police Reunion. And I strongly supported him and said he wouldn't even have to comp tickets for me.. I'd be at the first show, in my own neighborhood even, no matter what I had to pay.. and I'm SO excited I can hardly contain myself but we got tickets yesterday and they're great seats! Ahem - I mean, I texted Sting since we're cool like that and told him the date is set. He's very excited.

****************

I'm out of here for the weekend.. it's taken me aaaaall day to write this.. soooo busy! Soooo headachy (WHERE do these headaches come from anyway? Are they gifts? Can I send them back?), and loooook at all these extra letterrrrs.. Going to grab a quick drink for a co-worker's going away party and then out for the night for the opening of the Solo Performance Festival (SPF) at Theatre Off Jackson where I'm setting up the opening night par-tay and where I'm also doing sound for each of Keith's and Mary's one-acts tomorrow - which translates roughly into me pushing 'Play' and 'Pause'. Awesome, right?

Hope you all have an adventure planned this weekend! Do tell me all about it! Mwah!

Chinese New Year Or The Picture Of What My Cold Feels Like

If I thought I was under the weather last week.. I certainly underestimated the power of a good virus, because really, now would be the accurate time to say I'm down for the count.. but at least it's not the flu. Definitely a nasty little cold with last week's symptoms proving to be just the beginning and compared to this week's sore throat, sniffles and headacheyness, much more tolerable then.

But the Powers That Be had confused me cuz by last Thursday, I felt fine! I was back to the picture of good health! But something was wrong with that picture because after my normal feel-good day at the office, I headed to the gym.. and while sometimes working out can evict whatever bug is hanging on for dear life and kick it out of your system, this moved it into a cushy apartment on the west side. And it invited friends over for a housewarming. Awesome.

SO! Things have gone on, recaps are needed, stories must be told.. themes and thru-lines implied..

Let's start with the outing to the McLeod Residence, the avant-garde social club that's piqued my interest. Boz and I headed out last week with high hopes and much enthusiasm and arrived in the midst of its Belltown neighborhood with me actually feeling slightly nervous. I mean.. hey, new people, new place where we knew no one, whoo hoo! And tho we know I'm a huge flirt and I laugh really loudly.. honestly, there are many times I'm quite shy. Like.. uh.. this one.

So Boz nudged me thru the front door and up the stairs where they have this pretty killer historic space and since we didn't really know a soul there, we headed towards the bar first. Seemed reasonable. But the problem was that the alcohol didn't manage our deficiencies in the skill of mingling. Boz is a lot like me in that way - extroverted, goofy, good energy (Totally me, right? Right?).. and tho smiley, maybe more observant at times than go-get-em. So we sort of stood around making lame conversation with each other. Hm..

But we spotted Buster, one of the creators/owners, and after introductions, brainstormed with him about our game night ideas and I started to relax. And then Buster left to continue to play host and as quickly as we had cool.. we lost it. Even with moving around the interestingly decorated rooms with random films of performance art/cello playing, we were feeling pretty awkward til Boz noticed a girl with a cool shirt on and we practically attacked her with compliments so that she'd talk to us (Hi.. how old are we?). She and I actually had a former employer in common so we knew some of the same people and had a nice chat. Then she went to talk with a friend of hers and Boz and I again lost our momentum. And we were doing so well.

We found that beginnings can be a bit rocky and that's ok. We don't back down in the face of sheepishness.. No, we do not! We just recovered by leaving.. rather. And off we went to the Sunset Tavern to see my co-worker and friend, Jaime, and her band, H is for Hellgate, kick some serious rock-and-roll ASS. That relieved us from the feelings of insecurity from our collective dorkfest prior. Plus, I had my white belt on. I was hip. Ok, I didn't have it on, but I have a white belt. So, that counts.

Onward to the weekend that followed in BC where Loren and I headed for a couple of days out of town and into the arms of our next favorite city, Vancouver. Between french press coffee and spying on the neighbors with open windows in the condos across the street which included, but wasn't limited to, the spectacular view of Nearly Naked Boy, we did manage to find time to hang out with Lady Miss Marquise who fell madly in gay-boyfriend-love with Loren. As everyone does cuz he's a gem (If you're lacking in a quality gay boyfriend of Loren's caliber, I suggest you ditch the bitchy bargain basement queen you have and upgrade, my dear. No woman should be without at least one, but just so we're clear - this one is mine.. tho I do timeshare, but not with just anyone. Send inquiries and we can discuss.).

We had a nice, leisurely lunch with Lady Miss, chatted up a storm, got manicures (Loren passed.. he's not that gay), and hit the town with her and some other friends later that night.

By the second bar, I'd realized that Lady Miss' friends, who were really great.. were all single. It's not something I notice very often anymore due to the fact that just about every one of my girlfriends has a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, or husband - and they behave a bit differently. And by differently I mean, um.. they don't scam on guys or even notice them at all. And that's fine.. that's the way it should be.. but for those of us who are still single - and that just means me - we (I) need to keep in mind that tho we (I, again) don't want to be desperate, a partner in life is still something of a necessity, eventually - unless of course, you prefer the company of multiple felines.. and tho I love my cat, she's no good in the romance department. Plus, it's starting to have an effect on my touch.. the one that I'm losing. For example, once we arrived at the second bar with dinner over, the time to flirt apparently was ripe and two of the girls in our group disappeared completely to 'scope out the scene' I was told. We saw them later chatting up a couple of guys.. and then another 30 minutes passed and they'd moved on to a table of three guys, one who one of the girls knew, and the other girls rotated around the pair of men left seeing if they could manage a conversation (I heard not so well) and were worth their coquettish smiles. It was an interesting observation in human behavior.

What really caught my attention tho was that the girls were so direct. They had absolutely no fear about approaching any guy who might be standing in line for the bar and beginning a conversation with some randomly sassy question.. and seeing what happened from there. While I barely engaged in a bit of eye contact across the room and thought I was being brave. Right. And usually, flirting is a forte of mine.. oh yes, we know this.. but my artistry has gone unused as of late and therefore, it's rather in need of some WD-40.. so to speak.

Even while we dragged ourselves around the streets of Chinatown on Sunday waiting for the new year parade to start, a cute young couple and their cuter red-headed guy friend stood near us. Did I make conversation? Well.. I tried. Kind of. I had left a couple of times to forage for sustenance for us and couldn't have located Lady Miss and Loren on the way back without his red-headed cutester self. He sort of stood out being the only red-head among the mostly Asian community of onlookers, which I told him.. and then, um.. nothing. His friend then offered him a higher seat to view the parade by putting him on his shoulders which brought on some laughs and funny comments.. and then.. um.. nothing. Until they left.. and he said goodbye.. and yeah.. I said goodbye back.. but stood there like a lump. Cuz I rock like that. Sigh. But hey, the parade was pretty cool. Maybe I could've gotten more attention if I'd had a fan. Or a sword! Everything's better with a sword!

So in light of this realization, on the way home from Vancouver, I figured I needed to ramp up my skills.. sharpen the oh-so-engaging wit.. and just plain get on with batting the eyes if all else fails. Tho I need some single girlfriends who are willing to get out there with me and it seems.. um.. hm.. I'm fresh out. Is it the time for settling down? Is the single girl only supposed to exist under 30 and in the sitcoms with the otherwise boring married couple making bad jokes about the grass being greener every episode?? Should I get a few more cats and just call it a day?! Don't answer that.

I will probably not worry about it.. well.. mostly. It's the start of another weekend, thank God, and this evening's festivities, which will start with a long nap in another effort to sleep away this dreadful cold, will really begin when my group of friends heads out to Spin the Bottle and the last ever appearance of Chrom-A-Matic where I will dutifully attempt to bid my ass off for a one-of-a-kind piece of art intended as a severely belated Christmas gift for Ammogirl. I figure she might want more than a mixed cd.

So.. does bidding count as flirting? Tune in next week to find out.. *cough, sniff, sniff*