Do you lean towards the deceitful? The unkind? The bitchy and sometimes just plain mean? Or like the rest of us, do you prefer your friends to be sweet and kind and supportive and loving and fun and trusting? I'm just wondering .. you know, for no reason whatsoever.. next to the thoughts of what's in my belly button and what the meaning of life is.. it's there, this thought of what makes up a good friend.. needing to be answered. Plaguing me like a door-to door Mormon insisting his 5 levels of heaven are better than my minimal amount of 1.. You have to answer (and, if you're me, argue with them too) the question when it comes up.
I've found my group of friends mostly made up of all the good things I want and need.. I'm often told at parties where I have a large group of people around I know that my friends are great and nice and most often, good people.. It always makes me happy to hear because I'd like to think the statement about you attracting those who most reflect yourself is true.. But over a little time, I've seen that little menu of characteristics I have in my friends evolve into a little trailer hitch addition of the negative.. and it's not caused by everyone.. just a random person here or there causing distraction, bumps in the road that you figure out quickly, change that bad tire out and distance yourself because that's the best thing for you.. but what happens if it's someone who isn't so fly by night.. someone you really like and you've known for more than a year..? This is why Mensa isn't calling me..well, among other reasons.. cuz I'm stumped..
Where do these people come from? Some bi-polar plane where they come off nice and sweet and cool at first and then when you like them they turn on you? Stop taking their medication? You know these people.. they're insecure but sort of ballsy and intimidating.. and there's something sexy about that sometimes.. all Will & Grace wit and kick ass style.. it suckers you in at first cuz you don't think that's completely all that they're about.. there's a compassionate and adorable side to them.. isn't there? Well, isn't there? Hellooooooooo..... *echo* *echo*.... Because if there isn't.. those type of friends should be limited to the people who don't have any.. who are so desperate they'll take any backstabbing, two-timing, lying and cowardly associate they can get.. right? Cuz who in their right mind would maintain a friendship like that.. someone with a masochistic tendency who likes crappy friends and also, coincidentally, stabbing themselves in the eye with a ballpoint pen?! No.. not necessarily Dorothy.. click those heels together and you might come home to find a little wicked witch in your favorite little Glinda.. It happens. Sometimes they become friends thru obvious ways.. thru boys you dated or other friends you know and you bond over everything... nights out, cute shoes, bad days, etc.. and you think, wow.. it's good to have good friends.. So it comes on slowly, at least to you cuz hey, maybe you're slow, like me, hence the Mensa comment above.. and you don't think anything of them telling a new person that you are their friend, but so and so is their GOOD friend..well of course not. The GOOD friend is practically her sister, known each other for years.. so whatever, that's really nothing.. or she introduces you to new guy she's been hanging out with.. she stops hanging out with him when she starts seeing someone else.. and you and he become friends.. suddenly you notice he's back on her radar...oh.. um.. interesting.. I guess.. you and he are just friends so it doesn't matter..but does it seem like she's trying to compete for some reason? No..that's silly, she wouldn't be like that.. would she? No, no... but then there was that guy she knew you liked.. and he doesn't like you now but did at one time, last summer and you didn't like him til he was well over it.. so what, so maybe she didn't seem so supportive when you needed to just whine about how you missed your chance.. It's not like you have to be completely mature or right when you bitch to your friends.. he disappears cuz he thinks you sorta screwed with his head, you understand, but it still sucks cuz you were friends, you thought.. but whatever, he's an ass, whether it's true or not you only need to hear someone back you up, just a little.. that 'yeah.. he sucks..' is so comforting. Not a lot to ask, right? That's what friends do..Except it sort of seems that you're the one who sucks for not liking him when you had the chance.. cuz you know, it's THAT easy to turn your feelings off and on.. right right.. stupid me. Mensa may not be calling me, but hey, the circus might..
So then it comes to pass out of no where that disappearing guy isn't so gone.. you're in his email addresses (Why why why do people do that anyway? It boggles me.. it's boggling.. ) for random everyone-in-his-address-book emails.. and thru niceties at first you question, like any NORMAL person would do, why he disappeared.. this gets into dredging things up you didn't mean to.. suddenly oh there was just a lot of awkwardness between him and your girlfriend he says because she and disappearing guy's close friend were a couple.. when they broke up, right around the time you decided you liked disappearing guy, (before he disappeared of course) low and behold, he and your friend apparently sucked face.. right when she knew you liked him.. a few times.. did I mention she knew I liked him? And it happened more than once? Oooooooooooooh.. Really? That's...hmm.. oh so interesting cuz I DIDN'T KNOW THAT....
*ahem*....
Honestly, it's not like I care now who they've smooched on .. I care I was told almost a year later.. and that no one ever contradicted my belief that he walked away cuz he didn't want anything to do with me. They actually created too much icky amongst themselves that he decided THEN to scurry away cuz he needed to be a better friend to his.. well, ‛friend'.. I guess.. I'm sure he was just racked with guilt.. or the clap maybe.. one can only hope.. I don't care what they did so much as the covering it up part. I just sorta have this thing about lies.. and the liars who tell them.. or witholding information, which is the same thing as a lie. And it's not like I'm proud of my reactions. Oh I went thru the gamut of emotions with this.. just plain freaked out a little. I shook so badly from the adrenaline yesterday I thought I had Parkinson's caused by one of her asenine emails of ‛trying to be nice' when the only thing nice about it was that ‛nice' existed there in that sentence, but it was never actually something she was conveying. And then there was his slam that I wasn't mature - cuz oh yeah.. that's exactly what this is about.. MY maturity.. Completely forgot.. I would think maturity was the obvious thing they were probably missing along with GOOD JUDGEMENT last summer when they both decided to be crappy friends to people.. but oh yeah.. this is SOOOOOOO about me.. Thanks for the reminder.. I must be crazy.. forget the circus.. call for the psych ward.. I'm obviously a hazard to the community!
The funny thing about this.. when I calmed down.. was that I realized how easy this should've been. Simply put, a real friend would've emailed or *gasp* called me (instead of getting mad cuz I didn't call her and deal with this the way she thought I should) and said, ‛I'm really sorry. Please tell me what I can do to make this better. Let me know when you want to talk.' They're simple words.. very short sentences.. nothing complicated or above 3rd grade level, but she chose to email sans even a small greeting and asked for her things back - not forgiveness or understanding - nope, just ‛please return blah cuz I know you borrowed them..' Oooook.. like if she didn't act quickly I was going to burn them or something.. cuz you know it's not like I want to keep them.. but obviously I'm such a mental case, immature and oh yeah, wrong to be upset cuz she's SOOOOO trustworthy, that I couldn't possibly be 33 and adult and able to return things that don't belong to me. And I can't believe I was thinking about stupid things like friendship and trust when ohmygod - STOP EVERYTHING - I have her belongings!
*sigh*
It does help tho.. cuz I had this epiphany.. the one of my life without her in it, where things are a bit easier and happier cuz there's no questionable girlfriend who talks behind my back or competes with me for whatever guy or was voted ‛most likely to deceive' . It's genius really. Is that my phone ringing? I think Mensa might've changed its mind. Or is it Zagat cuz I mean, my friend menu could be back up to its 4 star rating?? I'm betting tho it's just the clue phone I'm finally realizing is for me.. cuz it really IS that simple..
1 comment:
Boy. When a guy with trust issues hears about a situation where chicks can’t trust chicks, it makes him want to throw in the towel…on top of the one he’s already thrown. I never pretend to be perfect, I never avoid blame when I’ve screwed something up. If you ask me, it’s never an accident jeopardize someone’s relationship…or even potential relationship. On the like one occasion where I dated a friend’s ex, I seriously called the guy up and asked him what he thought about me going out with her. He was cool with it.
But I also must say that whatever is going on in people’s lives that you’re not aware of, can’t directly see or aren’t a part of, can often make them do the most screwed up shit. It’s easy to lose a dude you barely know, but sucks when it’s a friend you *feel* like you knew. I’d trade 10 girlfriends (what the hell am I saying!?!?!) to keep the few really good friends I have. Stress FEW.
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