Sex, Seattle, and a Single Girl

Nope.. this isn't some hot, little three-way..I mean, unless I was getting some.. and I'm not.. really.. This city is practically barren for being like a mini-San Fran. I don't get it. There are men, don't get me wrong.. nice ones, cute ones, witty ones.. and if by nice, cute and witty you think I mean gay, wow.. you're quite perceptive! Johnny give the reader a prize! No, ok, I don't mean they're all gay.. just sometimes. Like.. a lot of sometimes.. *sigh*

So what's a girl to do in this city? Like everyone else and their dog - no seriously, their dog - ok.. if not their dog, their children - I am a member of quite the plethora of dating websites. Of the ones that are out there, I think I'm on LavaLife (what the hell is up with that name anyway?), Hot or Not (Let's be honest, it's not so much a dating site as a last ditch effort hope for the 'what ifs' and the 'oh, why nots' stragglers that might be out there and really.. it's way more NOT than HOT.), the weekly alternative paper, The Stranger's ode to single-dom life partner searching, LoveLab, then I think there's Fast Cupid (I should warn you, he ain't that fast people..), and if you really want to dig, maybe My Space even tho the beardless youth that hit me up on that site are only dragging themselves away from video games of zombies and unrealistic karate moves long enough to greet me with an oh-so-sexy, ‛Hey, wassup hottie? LOL' and I'm left to figure out what it is that's so funny.. and enough to shout it in caps even... other than the fact the first digit in front of their ages is usually a 1.. Delete.



It's just so friggin sad.. sad like seeing-Morgan-Fairchild-naked-in-The-Graduate-stage-production-with-your-parents-and-you-need-lots-of-drinks sad.. (and if you haven't checked out her link yet, Miss Doxie is the best - this blog right here, is the funniest thing I've read since.. oh..birth.) The choices a single girl has here would seemingly be abundant.. I mean, you might think.. with all the options out there of being straight or gay and/or bi-sexual and/or transexual and ALL.. I would have some choi-ces people.. Yup. Ok.. YUP I said.. door should be knockin' any minute.. yes indeedy.. or be knocked down maybe.. um.. I'll go see if it's unlocked... um.. yup... *crickets*

Oy.

I'm not saying I don't date. I do.. I get my share of attention here and there, but nothing wildly insane that does the clichéd sort of sweeping off of my Franco Sarto booted feet. Oh.. like y'all don't want that too.. puh-lease.. There wouldn't be so many leeeeeeerrrrrve sites out there for idiot moi to join if the rest of the terrorist-and-Bush-administration-fearing people weren't out there net surfing for the same damn thing..in addition to whatever is new on ebay. If you can't run into it on the street or in a bar, you MUST be able to find it online!

Like, for example, this lovely and probably very intriguing man who's hitting me up from AUSTRALIA..who, incidentally, is probably reading this right now. And I was like.. dude, really.. um.. like there's a chance.. helloooo.. I mean, I know I'm cute and all, but c'mon.. Still, he persisted, pulling out all the offensive and coy stops in hopes to charm little ‛ol me right outta my virtual PANTS.. and tho it's a thought.. and he'll actually be here at the end of next month for a week on business.. hmm.. I'm not making any promises either way, T.. but we'll see.. You may have an accent, but it's not Canadian..

Did I mention Canadians LOVE me?! I'm not sure what it is.. and I love them right back.. oooooooh yes I do, for the love of everything that's good and right with the maple leaf baby.. They're CUTE! They're like Americans, except um, NOT.. and they have the cutest little lilt in their voices that makes them say things like ‛sowr-ry' for ‛sorry' and ‛to-moh-row' for ..well, you know what for.. and their inflections are a little different and it's freakin' adorable so like 10 minutes of that and I'm horizontal. Well, most often I'm also in BC as well so the whoring of myself doesn't really count being in another country and whatnot. Once you cross the border, it all cancels itself out. What, I hear you saying to yourself..? You've not heard of this phenomenon?? Oh Girlfriend (or Boyfriend, whichever applies here), you are missing out! Really, it's something for Ripley's, but it's quite true.. You should try it. Born-again virgin once you re-enter the states. It's like confession, but with a border patrol and drug-sniffing dogs.. and since it's only about a 2-hour drive back up, you can make this your own little foreign church of love and forgiveness every week if you wanted. Yahoo!!

But I don't. I live here. I visit BC and wish the Cute Canuck Boy Gate would be opened and they could visit here more often, but I think the border patrol can't understand them and are too busy getting them to say 'aboot' cuz it's so funny and they've watched South Park too many times.. so they send them packing back to whence they came. Or from whence they came. They get confused by the whences either way. And the dual-citizenship children we were meant to have or at least seriously think about while we bought birth control together, with English and French on the box, are certainly never thought of again.. at least not til the next debaucherous trip north.

But trust me, children aren't what I'm thinking about.. mmm-hmmmm..