Cuss words, conflicts, and capitalizations!

Please stand by for a public service announcement...

I'M DONE MOVING PEOPLE!

This is not a test. There will be no more random internet solicitations for help with lifting large and inanimate pieces of furniture for small amounts of starchy sustinance in food or liquid form as payment. No, really.. it's COMPLETELY DONE! And this equals MUCH REJOICING!! WHOO HOO!

Yes, it's true. I can hardly believe it myself.. I've cleaned, I've packed and moved yet again and it's FINALLY. FUCKING. OVER. And it wasn't easy.. there were moments of frustration and just all out pain from being on my feet so long, words couldn't be combined into proper sentences, much dirt and stink acquired.. but it's at least over.

I took the day off Friday to do as much as I could alone, which let me say, was a lot. I made a good dent but couldn't get any of the big stuff. A friend helped with the bed that night when we then discovered *dun dun dun* um.. wow, this staircase is uh.. really narrow.. and actually.. hmm.. the only way we can fit the mattress upstairs to my room is to push it up vertically thru this 10 inch space - 10 INCHES PEOPLE - which BARELY fit and there was much grunting and heaving and pulling and panting.. and no one said EVER.. was it good for you? No.. that wasn't said at all! I didn't think any further that anything else but beds might have issues.. why didn't I think that? I don't know.. logic was very much not my friend til the next day.. and really I was still debating when the dresser that houses my cute, little pieces of clothing I WEAR would also not fit.. like up the stairs.. to where it should very much BE fitting! Ugh.. note to self: Need new dresser.. like something I have to BUILD from Ikea and um, LEAVE up there forever!

Anyway..

Saturday started to go well. I got up early, picked up one of the very nice friends from Tribe who offered to help, Ben, and then went to pick up many bagels ordered the night before (See? good plan, Angel, gooood plan!) to offer to all the helpers as gourmet and nourishing payment. Also, I took coffee orders.. oh, don't think I didn't.. before people will work in the morning on a dreary, but muggy Saturday for someone who's practically a complete stranger, they must be encouraged with round, flavored carbohydrates and litres of milky caffeinated beverages. And I provided them happily. Yes I did! Then Ben was dropped off to wait for anyone else who might arrive and my friend, Charlie, and I went to pick up the truck.

This is where things started to get ugly - but only on the inside cuz I was NOT about to let very grumpy ASSHOLES ruin my friggin PERFECT moving day.. no no.. I was calm thru the pissiness. It was a miracle cuz I should really warn you, there are PRICKS at Handy Andy. No.. Andy is NOT handy in my opinion.. Andy is a very RUDE guy I think.. if Andy was even there.. and if not, I bet he's just like the rest of his people with crappy attitudes and bad red neck hair.. I'm just betting.. I will not give them advertising tho, not putting a link to any possible website whatsoever. I will just say they are located near 107th on Aurora and they are ABSOLUTE JERKS who are MEAN and SNIDE and don't deserve anyone's money.. and that's fine cuz I will just pay more money for people at U-Haul or Budget to treat me a lot fucking better!

*ahem*

So we walk in and I let them know I have a reservation.. and they, right then, tell me I better have $150 allowable on my debit card as that's the deposit.. Um.. hey, they told me $20. I was very quickly told no, $150 is the right amount - course this guy, a real charmer I might add, also a mumbler and God, I HATE mumblers.. SPEAK THE FUCK UP OK? ANN-UNC-I-ATE already.. geez.. and I just said, 'oh, no one mentioned that when I called in to make the reservations.' Calmly. And Mr. I'm-just-standing-next-to-Mr.-Charmer-but-I-know-EVERYTHING butted in and snapped, 'He JUST told you!' And in my head I said 'Uh.. ok.. everything ok at home Buddy? Failing that anger management course are you?' But I didn't.. however, I had to say something.. HAD to cuz I WORK in customer care and people, that ain't it. So it just came out.. 'Wow, your customer care sucks, doesn't it?' in a very blunt and oh-so-direct-but-again-CALM manner. Mr. Charmer just looked at me and mumbly-like asked me to 'sign here' and then directed me outside to someone who realized consonants were invented for USING.. and gave me keys. Lovely. THANK YOU.. Fuck..

After THAT b.s. - Charlie and I drove both vehicles back and when I walked into the soon-to-be old place, like 15 really great people were sitting around munching on treats and drinking the orange juice and it was a friggin PARTY! I almost did my happy dance and almost, ALMOST forgot about the really MEAN MEAN ASSHOLES at Handy Andy's. And we moved.. they picked up whatever they could find, put it in the truck rather Tetris-like and were actually pretty darn happy about helping. And thus, so was I! And when everything was loaded, I remembered the best part: BEER!

Among items of nourishment to provide to strangers who help you move, beer is the most important item you can't forget. No, you cannot. Seriously.

So the beer was put into a vehicle to be opened at new place amidst all the moving in.. and when we were all finished, or at least, almost and just needed rest, said beer was thusly opened and drank and many 'ahhs' and much lamenting over stupid STUPID Handy Andy and other sad tales of moving woe shared. It was fucking beautiful!

Goodbyes and thank you's were given to all the Tribers who came to my rescue and off I went to the very not so fun place of Handy Andy's to return their lousy truck. Like I was going to STEAL it or something.. like I LIKE to move.. just do it for a fucking LIVING or something.. IDIOTS.. Here's your damn truck back, is what I wanted to say, but I didn't. No, kept it to a minimal 'thank you', uttered as kindly as possible, which I wanted to change to 'fuck you' but they did have my credit card number.

And then - I had to clean. Oh. My. God. I emerged 4 (yes that's FOUR) hours later from the abode in which I lived for 16 (that's SIXTEEN!) days only.. and I told the guys I'll clean the top floor if you do the bottom. Mind you, I have no deposit of which to receive back, so why this insane act of delirium? I don't know. Someone had to.. it was soooooo bad. I'm sure you don't believe me.. but as an example, I had to PRE-SWEEP the kitchen before the actual sweeping happened.. Yes, really.. I'm so not kidding. And there was still the living and dining rooms, the bathroom and all 3 upstairs bedrooms. I didn't clean when I lived there cuz I knew I was only staying a short time and I didn't want to have to do it twice. And maybe there are filthier people out there.. but um, I don't know where.

So the worst part is over.. I think.. um.. maybe.. Holly and I are moved in and still have a ton of unpacking to do, managing the maze of boxes, trying to find the one thing we absolutely need and is buried.. somewhere.. hmm.. not there.. no, not there either.. crap. But there are many many MANY issues with the new house. Oh here let me list them.

1. ANTS - as in EW!
We have an extra room upstairs with a skylight.. it's so cute and funky.. and there's this red dust on the floor just underneath and where's it coming from and OHMYFUCKINGGOD*asIcantgetfarenoughaway*WHATSONTHEWALL?!?! Yeah. Like BIG ones.. just.. crowded around this one corner, hanging out.. Blech!! *shivers*

2. Toilet leak - uh yeah.. the guys changed out some parts.. and maybe didn't like um.. check to see they did it COMPLETELY? It's only a slow leak.. but you know, I'm sorta PAYING for that water now.. hellooo?

and..

3. Oven = not working. This is no shocker. This thing is older than the invention of heat itself. I asked if it worked when we saw the place and was assured a resounding, 'Of course!' And I thought.. hmm.. we'll see. So amidst all the haggling of what they would and wouldn't replace before moving in - the downstairs carpet, no dishwasher, and after both those things WERE actually done, including a brand new sink and new counters we didn't even ask for, which I do appreciate by the way, and I wonder if we were in some crazy opposite world where 'No' means 'Yes', at least where carpet and new appliances are concerned, I am sorta surprised no one thought.. hey.. I bet this oven should hit the road too.. Yeah, not so much.. that would just be crazy talk.

So what do you think little, assertive and sometimes-bitchy-when-the-time-calls-for-it Angel did? I made a list. Ohhhhhh yes I did.. a big one. FOUR pages people - highlighting our favorites 1, 2, and 3 as stated above.. but making sure to say, um.. all these other things, yeah, still kinda important too... like.. um.. soon. And I taped the list onto the management property company's door this morning.

I was told later, 'The guys won't be coming today' by my roommate...

You know what's coming next, don't you? Miss D. is just getting warmed up and the matches are about ready to be lit under someone's ass.. Excuse me, Landmark? Yeah.. we need to talk... now.