My big mouth: pros and cons

You may not think so by first glance of my shorter stature (or reading my posts actually) but I'm sort of blunt - sometimes loud, sometimes obnoxious, but to the point. Somewhere in college I found my voice, assertive and defiant, amidst what used to be a naive and shy personality, and, to others' chagrin, haven't stopped using it since.

In my opinion - and I'm only speaking for myself - this is one of my best qualities. For example, the house my roommates and I just moved into had a plethora of issues and because of my oh-so-direct nature, most of these, of which a few were very major according to uh.. the SEATTLE BUILDING CODES, helloooo, were resolved this week. Yes, thank you, no really, don't get up.. please.. ok, well, if you must..

However, and I know you're shocked by this, my candid ways have earned me a negative title a time or two.. or maybe even resulted in the loss of my job once.. or 3 times.. maybe.. just hypothetically, of course. I jokingly term it A.W.A. or Angel With Attitude. And again - sometimes this is a GOOD THING.. but if your job, like mine might've been before, is to work in customer care in really, ANY industry, then there are times when maybe you should.. um.. maybe.. care and I.. well.. didn't. And really, that will only take you so far - like only as far as multiple customer complaints will get you - which is not far at all if you're getting my drift, people. No, it is not.

There are also times when oh, I sort of don't think before I speak and something maybe slightly, for lack of a better term, inappropriate comes out of my mouth for no reason whatsoever.. like the devil has sent his stupidest minion to possess me for the sake of pure entertainment. Like.. Tuesday when I told my boss that the next day I was going to wait in line with the multitudes of rabid fans of the Indigo Girls, most of whom were 'dykes'. Now I'm no homophobe and if you can believe it, I meant this in the best possible way as they certainly ARE rabid fans.. and they most certainly ARE dykes. This has been made clear to me by lesbians themselves who understood my usage and in this particular context. But, it just so happened that well.. my HR/CFO walked by me just as I was uttering this particular word. Um.. yeah, smooooth. Did I get a talking to? Oooooh yeah.. Did he force me to make a somewhat PUBLIC apology to my WHOLE DEPARTMENT yesterday?? Um... yes he did that too. BUT - did I offend ANYONE, including the actual LESBIANS in my office with whom I associate FREELY outside my office?! Surprisingly, no! They were not up in arms! I am not a bigot or gay basher or homo-hater of any kind! Phew.. I was a bit nervous there for a second.. Apparently 'dyke' is a fairly acceptable term, to these women anyway, which I kind of already knew and why I used the word to begin with, but please take my advice - maybe don't utter things like that from your cubicle, ok? Just sayin..

So it shouldn't surprise you that I continue to admire this outspoken trait within myself and that I also continue to use poor judgement when trying to put it to action.. Seriously, Tuesday just got better and better.

I went to my friend, Wazhma's, grand re-opening of her lovely store, Retail Therapy and proceeded to mingle with our other friends and make major purchases of very tiny pieces of jewelry, which I thought I deserved after the most recent week's move. And then I noticed him.. the tall drink of water, the man who could give our children an actual chance at body height taller than 5'3" if we were ever to procreate (well, really, me combined with just about anyone could too, I suppose..). I felt like a 2-year-old fascinated by.. well, whatever fascinates a 2-year-old.. and excitedly uttering the only word it knows.. 'PRETTY!' The guy made me nervous as hell so what else was I supposed to do? And since I couldn't actually produce too many words directed to him, I did the next best thing - drank. It wasn't so bad in the beginning.. over about 4 paper cups of champagne. I made nice, talked to our friends with him amidst fun conversation and chatted here and there. No, it was good until later when we left the store and went to another bar where Miss D + 2 cosmos + already ingested (and carbonated = go to head FASTER) champagne = bad.. and for some reason, I keep forgetting that.

So, you know what I did? No.. I'm sure you don't. This is why I'll tell you and you may learn yet another valuable lesson at my expense. At the end of the night, when he and Wazhma decided to leave and had already walked out of said establishment and were a good TWO BLOCKS UP already, I suddenly was afflicted, AFFLICTED I tell you, with courage to oh.. RUN AFTER HIM. And I hear you saying, 'NO! You didn't!'.. but oooh.. YES, I did! And I thought.. well, hey, I'm taking a chance, pursuing the opportunity given to me to do something.. right?! And I get up there and think ok, I'm here! Do the deed! Get the digits! And it goes something like this:

Me: I shouldn't really let you leave (like he didn't JUST do this) before getting your number.

Him: *stunned-deer-in-headlights look* Am I in trouble?

Me: *totally thrown by this reply* Uuuuuuh.. ?

Him: *still not looking flattered like I TOTALLY thought he would be and really not amused enough either* Well, am I in trouble?

Me: *still stammering* Umm.. noooo.. I'm just asking for your number so um.. I can ask you out sometime.

**Ok.. this is getting really bad now. Any vibe that existed - and there WAS a small one people - is suddenly very very gone.**

Him: *Provides number and very obviously, starts to back away..* Oook.. so.. there.

Me: Um.. yes.. there. Ok.. well, then.. ok. See ya.. *Confused*

Friends back at bar in UNISON: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!

Me: *Slightly taken aback - when aback can be taken* What, what?! Did I screw it up?!

Andrew: Well, that probably wasn't the best idea..

And they then start to pick my brave overture apart until I wanted to be swallowed up by the very ground on which I am standing. I mean, I've asked guys out before. It has worked on occasion and you know, SOME guys LIKE it! But if you're wondering, um.. no, he hasn't called back yet so there.. pfffffft.. what-ever. HAPPY?!

Obviously, I've not completely honed my skills and sometimes I'm like a puppy who keeps tripping over its big feet with my open-mouth-insert-foot syndrome, but I don't have any regrets. Ok, scratch that. I don't have many regrets. Ugh.. ok, there are regrets, people.. FINE.. but as the saying goes, 'When opportunity knocks..' um.. well, I forget the rest.. but aren't I PRETTY???