Strength of the female

I have a lot of people I'd call my friends, tho the group has dwindled some in recent years with prioritizing of who really matters at all times and who is merely an acquaintance or someone I'd rather not know at all after some thinking. I used to lean more towards male friends years ago when I was just starting my time in Seattle cuz that's just the way it happened, but over time, I've established a more even playing field in the men to women ratio and actually, whether there are more of them or not, my female friends find a way to stand out.

Among my group of girlfriends there accumulate various sorts of unfortunate circumstances endured in their pasts ranging from extreme physical and mental abuse, a plethora of conditions, illnesses and/or diagnoses to abortions, heartbreaks, deaths, random dissolutions, divorces, bad marriages, and worse parents. These struggles aren't how I identify them, but knowing they didn't escape their history unscathed, I'm awestruck at the amazing women they've become despite those challenges that could easily have broken anyone. In some of their situations, I really don't know how they survived..

Some of these women have children, want children, or are about to have children, some are great explorers/travelers/adventurers, they all inspire and challenge, they lead, they question, they answer, they feel.. Within those silver linings, they still have their own issues of insecurity, fear, lonliness, happiness, and hopes for success and worries of failure as mothers, friends, lovers, people. They admit their mistakes, try to see where they can improve, they remain open to suggestion and growth in order that they might learn something new. None try to be perfect, and we all second-guess ourselves from time to time, but, to me, their imperfections are what make them the extra sparkly diamonds they are.

Each of them has an incredible beauty about her that can quietly overwhelm you if you're unprepared. I'm not talking about the physical, tho that's a given and each woman has something rare and unique about her that causes heads to turn wherever she goes.. but they also have a power I've noticed - and I'm not kidding - be it an aura that maybe a few might be able to see, but which I don't have to in order to know it's there when I'm with any one of them. Combine a few in the same room and the energy is fierce. These women are striking, dynamic, determined, strong... and that's the allure I'm talking about.

In this time of self-reflection and review I'm going thru, each one of my girlfriends has given me at least one piece of ever-so-sound advice and/or a nudge of the positive for my ego like they were shiny pieces of candy made just for me. When opened up, the wrapping makes the happy, crinkly sounds of Christmas and once tasted, the sweetness of it all takes over and there's simply nothing I can do but feel loved and accepted. Being around them is addictive and tho the attractions to them for me are different, I can see why the men in their lives are as drawn to them as they are. Some are guarded and don't grant their trust easily, but the rewards of being patient in that aspect are certainly worth it for the tenacity of their loyalty alone once you've crossed that invisible line from acquaintance to friend. And, when you're in need, they don't fail to come thru for you.. ever.

These are women who know the meaning of friendship - a fundamental principle - especially as we get older when friendships are harder to create in the real world away from college campuses and hometowns. The girls have found new communities in their neighbors, their leaps to new careers, Burning Man, book clubs, play dates, writing retreats, drawing, dancing, and yoga classes.. yet they still understand the commitment to cultivate the old friendships that already exist - some for years.. the friends that know them inside and out, who possibly knew them with braces and big bangs and it amazes me that our lives can move in completely separate directions of house buying, career building, and family creating, yet we still manage to find the time to spend together, never running out of things to discuss even tho our interests aren't always the same.

Recently tho, a self-esteem deficit has permeated the group more than a little and it's not just me mucking about in uncertainty of self. It's funny how we more or less just echo each other in times like this.. the same things are said - you're smart, beautiful.. and you matter. Maybe it's not quite that simple, tho those things do help to hear. We ask questions, we delve into the situations which reflect a thinking that circles around co-workers, friends, family, and lovers 'putting up' with us, and we try to convince each other away from those damaging thoughts pointing out it's not just we who need to work at the relationship, work situation and/or family life. So we listen as one of us plays the story teller and with every other word, inflicts her own beating upon herself, calls herself crazy, and sometimes denies her feelings are even valid. The others of us are immediately there for reassurance, to pull her out of that dark place she's created, help her see the light that we already know exists around her that brightens our day, which brings life to those who love her cuz the positives by far outweigh any faults she may have, but are hard for the rest of us to find. The inner strength and confidence are there. Sometimes we all just need to hear what we already know about ourselves.. OR when the self-pitying gets to be too much, maybe even a good swift kick in the ass can do the trick. Don't think the girls aren't well-skilled in that.

When I'm in any difficult situation, one or two of them always pop into my mind and I do my best to channel their personality and see if any of their natural grace with which they solve problems has rubbed off on me. Sometimes I can tell it has.. and other times, I think I must not have paid close enough attention and need to take better notes. One of my favorites that has finally sunken in is from my best friend, Fatima, who always lets me know when she thinks something is complete bunk by saying it's simply not worth it. He's/She's not worth it, the argument isn't worth it, worrying/obsessing/talking about it Is. Not. Worth. It. And you know, I don't even have to think about it cuz instantly I know she's right.

My friends are my chosen family. They know I'd do anything for them even tho I have to remind some of the more stubborn girls regularly that it's ok to ask for help. I'd answer a call at any time of day or night, would be there at a moment's notice for support or just a shopping date simply cuz they asked. But that's an easy repayment for what I know their friendship gives me.. it makes me a better person, makes me stronger, bolder, and happier, makes me scrutinize my past mistakes and helps me prevent from making more of the same.. and it makes me feel incredibly blessed that they're apart of my life..

Of all my friends, my girlfriends are integral to my life. I need them. That's all there is to it. I've told a few of them recently I'd simply die without them - and tho it's an exaggeration, to some extent I feel like my spirit would give up if they weren't there. They've become a requirement in my world and it'd be a lot less colorful if even one of them wasn't in it. They make me feel brighter from the inside out.. like a little lantern - ok, like a very talkative little lantern.. but whatever.. Their unending supply of support, generosity, honesty, strength, kindness, or a handy firm tone when it's required doesn't surprise me. I know them.. they're capable of anything and I could never say I'm grateful enough. In their company, I glow just from the light that radiates from them.. and when they laugh, they shine - all north star like..

I hope they know how much they mean to me.