Lockdown In Sector 4! WTF?!

And then further: (please note the proper use of 'further,' just for you, Treena!)

Our system has detected abnormal usage of your Gmail account. As a result, we have temporarily disabled access to this account. It will take between one minute and 24 hours for you to regain access, depending on the behavior our system detected.

Uh. Hm. Ok.

Let's start with.. WTF?!

Ok, no.. you're right.. I can't start there. You don't know the whole story. 'WTF' was just my reaction.. and remains my reaction considering said account is STILL locked the F down.

So it started with some files a friend sent me and the ibook at home was having a hard time downloading the zip and kept stopping. I'd found that emailing them to myself after downloading them to my work pc was time consuming, but still much easier for the MAC to handle when I got home and just downloaded from there.

After accomplishing most of what I'd set out to do during the day, I wanted to wrap it up a little quicker and opened two browsers like Yahoo and MSN have never had any issue with before. Apparently, Google has a very big problem with this. They think that someone who is unauthorized (GASP! The horror!) has accessed your account and is doing really really bad things with it.. like.. um.. sending you music or funny jokes.. or possibly spreading cancer! Cuz God knows this 'protection' they claim isn't from spam.

I never had an issue with spam in my whole history of using Yahoo email unless I used my address to sign up for random things and it wasn't a big deal cuz eventually I thought I'd move away from Yahoo cuz Gmail is soooo great, right? Yet, from the first moment I signed up for Gmail, I was getting spam daily.. not many, but I've only had the address for maybe a bit more than a year and it's already doubled in the amount of spam I receive. AND I get them in Japanese and/or Chinese no less!*

Plus - and this really annoys me for some reason - when y'all leave comments on the blog, it groups them together by post title like you aren't even unique or something. So sometimes I may miss a comment cuz I only see the top one and don't think to scroll down when there may actually be more than one there - which insults YOU, my awesomest and most sexy readers, implying that YOU, of all people, can be bulked together like a 25-pair bag of discount socks at Costco!** The shock! The awe! How DARE they!

I tried showing Google exactly what I thought of their punishment by starting a new email at Yahoo, but sadly, 'missdevylish' is not available. Can you believe it?! There might've been severe disappointment and maybe I teared up for a second at that realization cuz really, is 'devylishmiss' good enough? Hardly! Or 'mdevylish?' Or even 'miss_devylish?!' NO! I think NOT! I refuse to be defined by an underline! It's practically indecent!

I thought I might start a protest.. you know.. boycotting Gmail and their hauty lockdown ways knowing that yes, Blogger and Blogspot are owned by Google, but I'm not mad at the Blogger people - except oh.. maybe with all their issues they've had in the last week and, to steal a quote directly from the fabulous Lady Miss Marquise herself, it seems we were having a 'domestic.'

But it's simply with the seemingly undiscriminatory determination from the Gmail folks that I was doing something 'dangerous' and possibly.. oooh CRIMINAL even.. that's irritating. I mean I'm a good and upstanding citizen! I don't forward every joke I receive nor do I gullibly believe those chain letters promising wealth/good luck/'something neat' if I just pass it on to everyone in my address book and their dog. I simply communicate with friends, associates, acquaintances.. the community at large being that I'm an extroverted and happy individual with a need for expressing myself.***

So PLEASE, Gmail people.. I'm BEGGING you.. tell me what beastly atrocity I have committed so that I may plead upon my life for your forgiveness and be allowed, once again, to reach out to my people!

Oh.. um.. hey.. it's back! Nevermind! Um.. pretend we never had this conversation..

Thanks!

* I don't know the difference between Chinese or Japanese type. Yes, I'm completely uneducated. I know. You're shocked.

** You are more like the 100-count bag of tea lights at Ikea. That's WAY better. Good deal, that. You know.. for candles.

*** Yes.. that is what you call it. No, we don't need any other euphamisms from the Peanut Gallery, thank you.

Insert Smile Here _____.

I'm crabby. That's all there is to it. No tell-tale rhyme nor reason. Well, there is a reason - the monthly radical fluctuation of hormones that cause me to be depressed one minute and bitchy the next and oh-so-much fun to be around, if I don't say so myself.. but nothing's causing it per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong, but everything seems wrong and more than it rightfully should be cuz when you're feeling like this, as most women can relate to, the things that aren't wrong, become wrong, or at the very least, extremely irritating where no irritation may even exist. Irrational Irritation Syndrome. Or maybe Complex - better acronym - IIC (sounds like: ick). Awesome. I'm IIC'y. Nice to meet you.

In light of said annoyance that my own charming personality is creating today, I'm trying to pull myself out of it and force the happy to come out. I know it's there.. it's just.. um.. hiding. I think I can coax some smiling by finding some cool things to watch or read.. Here are my picks:

This site is a friend of Ironika's and her husband's. Besides being adorable, Cindy's in Antarctica and tho she doesn't post all the time, what she writes is usually lengthy and insightful, funny and quirky (like.. who knew they did marathons there?) and she always has great pictures up, some with the biggest penguins ever! Right in front of her even! But you have to see these videos she linked to within her Donuts of Misery post. This one is about the group she's driven to a spot where they dive to collect sea urchins. A friendly seal (sea lion?) tries to make friends with them.. and this one is a photographer's time-lapsed photography over the course of a year in and around McMurdo Station (where Cindy is) and Scott Base set to music. Absolutely stunning. And it makes me smile by the end, so yay!

And thanks to Ms. Duck, showing me the extra entertaining ways of John Mayer, however VH1 she and Irony both find him, I would agree with her that he's surprisingly a really funny writer as well. Seriously.. his latest post? Wtf is that about? Who else could write a coming out script for the most heterosexual doctor on Grey's Anatomy.. ? Apparently, yes, it's John. Random AND amusing. So many more points.

I'm not sure how I found this one the other day.. clicking around out of sheer boredom when I accidentally found [redacted], or Dan from New York, who is shockingly intelligent AND funny.. and not really hard to look at either. His posts about watching 24 or the Golden Globes cracked me up since Sailor was kind enough to indulge me that evening and sit thru the awards show til 10pm when I saw he was well glazed over. In his defense, he was pretty sick and couldn't really fight much.. and I um.. probably took advantage of the situation most likely by witholding the fact that there was a perfectly good guy's show with things blowing up on another channel. But why would I sabatoge myself when I can make fun of Sienna what's-her-name's dress and what the hell was going on with her Swiss-Miss hair?!

I love This American Life, on NPR, and over the weekend, while catching up on my podcasts, they did a story about things lost and found, which included the founders of foundmagazine.com. The site includes anything found: notes, poetry on napkins, love letters, etc. Click on the 'about' page for the first note that kicked them off. Best damn note ever. Sort of like Joe Apology or PostSecret with that voyeuristic feeling.. but you know.. different.

Also, if you haven't seen the link to the right, you should check out Overheard in New York cuz it's fucking hilarious. I would also deem Overheard In The Office and Overheard At The Beach equally amusing, which you can get to from the original site. Updated every hour it seems... so you could easily find 8 excuses a day for laughing, couldn't you? Let me know if you can't.. cuz I have at least that just off the top of my head. Always happy to help!

Once in a while.. this cracks me up.. but you have to watch the whole thing. Silly.

When I'm in need for lots and lots of laughing tho... my trusty tried and true is always Miss Doxie. Her archives are a kick in the pants and I never get tired of reading them. You probably all know her by now. I only stalk mention her all the damn time.. well.. cuz I'm sure some of you haven't read her.. and you really should. And tho it should feel wrong that one girl should be so funny all the time.. she still is. And she's nice too. She's emailed me before. AND been funny in her email. She's my friend. Ok.. it's not like we're tight or anything.. but she knows who I am and stuff. So there.

So what do you do to get yourself out of your crabbypants?

F*cking Snow, But It Smells Better Than Other Things

Hey! Did you see that? The little asterisk that I put in to replace the 'u' in my favorite word ever is snowflake like! Total accident. Did you notice? So it emphasizes the whole snow issue that is currently Pissing. Me. Off.

People.. FUUUUCK. Can the snow BE gone now?! Helloooo.. me + snow + boots that aren't made of say.. um.. SNOW TIRES = much almost-spillage and even ACTUAL spillage of my uber-clumsy self with my ass landing on the snow-covered ground. Fucking OW. I mean.. aren't we at sea level? Why does it seem like I fell asleep and woke up in an alternate Oz.. in MONTANA?! I mean.. BRRRRRRR! Where's global warming when you need it?

And if that wasn't enough - and it certainly is - when I come home where I want to relax and feel comfy and warm, I first have to hold my breath and light 43 floraly smelling candles because we've recently discovered something so foul that at first disguised itself as the hey-roomie-did-you-make-fish-or-something-else-stinky-for-dinner smell when in actuality, after the roomie said, 'Uh..no,' and we rattled our brains together (which was noisy) cuz it wasn't something I made and it was clearly coming from the oven or fridge areas.. and it possibly smelled like sour death.. all we came up with was.. um.. sour death, BUT in addition to that we then remembered Emma (the cat) had been staring at the grate at the bottom of the fridge for about a month, which I've only ever seen her do one other time* at one of the last places I lived.. and then Kyle said he'd heard a little scampery scamper sound when he'd been home working during the day.. we realized (you know where I'm going with this, don't you? Treena.. close your eyes..) EWWWWWW.. DEAD MOUSE!

Uh.. yeah.. wanna come over? C'mon.. it can't last that long.. can it? Please tell me it can't. It's got to be under the fridge or the oven tho mini-flashlight waving around didn't show any shadows of a dead-like, grey, clumpy thing with whiskers. And no one can be mad at me.. I didn't kill it. I have no idea how it got into the house so I have to assume it just couldn't take the dismal life mice are prone to lead where the continuous pursuit of cheese and the Tom-and-Jerry lifestyle exhausted him and he maybe thought he couldn't be held to that standard anymore.. I mean, what do they all expect of him?! And with the final thought that he'd show them, oh yes he would, he threw himself under the fridge for a newsworthy-in-MouseWorld death while simultaneously punishing humans with one of the most rank smells known to man for being the bastards we are by hoarding all the cheese. Awesome.

So there might be a new guy.. who is quite adorable and makes me smile and stuff.. and his new nickname might be Sailor thus far.. cuz he maybe lives on his sailboat.. and he's sooo damn manly he will be coming over to help me move things around (read: for once, I'm dating a man and not a boy and of the two of us, my biceps are not the biggest - as it should be) and we'll procure said dead mouse, or whatever else could be rotting in my kitchen, and there will be ewwww's.. and oh man's.. and we will all be appropriately grossed out and then with masks and rubber gloves and something that reduces it to ashes for the proper cremation it deserves, we'll, God willing, throw what's left of it in the trash outside. Wish me luck.

(*We had rats once.. many of them.. with tails that were minimum five inches easy and where I had to set trap after trap in the cupboard under the kitchen sink and sort of listen to them snap and eventually die.. cuz yes, I had to KILL them cuz it was either me or them and it certainly wasn't going to be me.. and when I die, I imagine I will end up in a hell where I will either be squished with crumpled balls of tissue or with big shoes over and over by scary looking spiders OR snapped in half in a trap that a big rat gets to set, lovingly baited with peanut butter, which I can never resist. You wait. It'll happen.)

Also.. random news bulletin: Two people I know just passed the first audition of American Idol's portion in Seattle! Hi.. did anyone tell me?! Um.. that would be a big fat NO.. til I came in late and missed the first one, Blake, and caught our second friend, Rudy's, audition. First of all, I have to say, ok.. I'm not that close with them BUT if they saw me, they would admit to knowing me and would even give me hugs. Shut up! It's true! But sadly, I hate that show with a passion.. and yet.. dammit.. til my friends either get kicked off or make it to the end and possibly even win (cuz honestly, they really don't suck and are, in fact, quite good in my opinion), I'm now forced to watch the whole frickin thing. Crap.

And.. geez.. I have to admit, after the girly-drunken-lingerie-picture-taking evening with Irony and EmmaK.. life has become irritatingly mundane. What's up with that?? I'm sure there is something exciting coming up that I will have to write about in detail.. something.. I know there's something.. wait.. hmm... damn.. I think the dead mouse, snow and friends I actually never see or really ever talk to much anymore who are on American Idol and don't suck have really been it. I already let myself down when I realized I wasn't smarter than the 12-year-olds who know how to command youtube.com and the incredibly funny video of Irony helping EmmaK put on too-small platform boots you will probably never see cuz I'm an idiot. Yeah.. who knew..? Again, not exciting.

God.. I better get back outside in the snow so I can slip and provide some entertainment for somebody..

The Money Shot(s)

When inviting another blogger friend to visit.. be sure that you have a camera.. and maybe a lingerie party to hit.. a few wigs.. and oh.. many drinks.. and you might come close to the night three of us had.

It started like this:

And then there may have been some alcohol and a few.. ideas..




Irony's boots were much easier to get on:


And then.. the posing started:
















Irony fills up the flasks:


Then it was time to hit our party out:


I went with my short black warm coat, but couldn't decide if I should snag Irony's sexy trench:


Irony picks the faux fur:




Emma patiently waited for Irony and I to finish hamming it up:


And then out we went.. into the night.. to the unsuspecting public:
















There are a few more on my flickr link.. and Ms. Emma has a few YouTube numbers and pics on her site as well. If my attempt at YouTube'ing works out.. I'll update with a video that is probably way funnier drunk, but is still quite entertaining sober.

Overall - one hell of an evening, I'd say.

Governor Terminator Strikes A Chord

This needs to be fairly quick (which never happens) cuz I have to clean my humble abode due to the fair Ms. Emma, the honorable Real Writer (and not my cat), who will be arriving in less than two days to have blogger girl time with some of our local talent - namely Irony, Pix, Kario, Wendy.. and oh.. anyone else who wants to tag along. For money. Kidding.. well.. sort of. Anyway, I better get crackin'.

So.. hi there Mr. Governor Schwarzenegger! Look at you! Who knew you were such a Democrat at heart?! Ok.. maybe not completely and this is where I'll completely show my amazing ignorance of political goings on, but.. YAY YOU! You have some great ideas - like seriously.. health care for everyone in California INCLUDING illegal immigrants? Wow.. my heart truly swells and finds that incredibly compassionate because you can hear all of your party completely seething from here. I still think it rocks. I wish we lived in a world that could and will happen and I wish you the best of luck cuz you'd sort of need all kinds of peace and a resolution on all those border issues and all that to go with it.. but I'm crossing my fingers for you anyway. You go!

AND you want to decrease carbons in the air to combat global warming? By 10%?! Ok.. really, who are you and what did you do with the real Republican inside you? I'm so confused.. but again, like you much more right now. The polar bears send their thanks.

And I know it was hard telling people you'd have to build more prisons, but you made a point - either build them or the courts build them and take money from other funding for education and health care. Tho seriously you need $40+ billion to do that? Just for California? Um.. can't we just send the extra bad guys to Iraq? Or Siberia? Or the White House? Ok.. maybe that last part was mean. Sort of..

I'm liking this Idea Man you've become. You have energy and charisma and I hope you're not sexually harassing anyone anymore. You might not get everything (read: slim to no chance actually) you proposed and requested, not because it's not a great idea, but cuz you'll be opposed by a good amount of both sides for various reasons and I'm sure some of them will be sound - and still.. goddamn.. I just really dig your enthusiasm. Yup.. you kind of rock right now.

Whatever It Is, They're Even Smiling About It On Mars..

There is something going around.. and it's not this nasty virus that has stricken everyone I know including Pixie and Irony and made them un-makeout-able.. unless you're their betrothed.. and then you're required to make out with them regardless of the level of sicky cuz you're married or engaged to them.. but I just mean if you're me, you can't make out with them.. not that I would.. cuz I'm straight.. unless I was dared.. and for money.. but not while they're sick.. that is my point. Or.. um.. hmm.. maybe it wasn't..

I feel good. I feel light. And all that = happy. Maybe it's the new year.. fresh starts, new beginnings, change of focus, brighter ideas.. I just feel less weight upon my wussy-ass shoulders. And for Pixie, sugar.. January means that much closer to spring!

So.. there is someone new, there is someone old.. there are many smiles and much giggling and friendships blossoming and chemistry making.. and differences in each who are different players in my life. These are relationships on the cusp of good and true and honest.. and that's exciting and gives me such genuine joy I can't express.. cuz strangely, they're lacking in drama and insecurity, which is a nice change. Not saying I don't have my moments.. we all know I'm a work still in progress, but surprisingly, the drama I've recently witnessed swirling about I've tried very hard to avoid making my own cuz truly, it's not of my making. Yay for improvement! Unfortunately, I was still involved due to the fact that one of my relationships was directly affected cuz a third party, one who doesn't know me personally and who is neither the first or second party in said relationship that involves only the first and second parties, didn't like it. Not that this fact concerned our fair third party cuz it didn't stop the ultimatum from being given.. and it did little for maintaining my level of respect for the second party when he eventually acquiesced. I have yet to find within the pure definition of a friend any place for an ultimatum to be imposed or manipulation to be wielded in my world.. but some people handle their relationships differently. That is certainly their choice, but I would advise those who use tactics of that nature to really think about what kind of friendship exists when those tactics have to be employed at all in order to get the desired results. And.. to what expense.

Moving on.. cuz that's what I'm supposed to be doing.. and that was such a small detour from the road of happy - more like a side street of inconsequence - and.. uh.. I probably lost you there for a second.

ANYWAY..

The new car is happy and shiny. Tho coming back from Oregon tonight, there flew a lone rock from out of nowhere and lo! My first chip so soon! Baby's only a couple of weeks old! Damn you I-5! But we will see what the dealer can do as they seem so willing to make me happy.. Ahh, if only there were more people whose sole purpose was to do that.

But the car - oh.. she's lovely (and we may have named her Fiona.. jury's still out on that tho - taking suggestions..???). She kept me in happy beats all the way down and back to the second Christmas with the family in Oregon. All my extended relatives made it this time - well, cuz Gram said so. And you don't argue with Gram.

So the turkey was oven'd, the cranberries crushed, and the stuffing, green beans, potatoes, and gravy all met once again at the table in merriment - and possibly confusion cuz they were all just there. But to my delight, Gram made candy! Her famous chocolate covered peanut butter balls. And those mean it's really Christmas.. well, in our household anyway. And lo.. there was peace in the world. Could a whole bag possibly have ended up coming home with me?! Who's to say.. hm..

Before I left to meet with the candy-making matriarch, I spent Friday with friends at Spin the Bottle where quite a few of the posse met up... where also I just happened to be ON TIME I might add.. and people noticed, thank you. But after singing the praises of the monthly cabaret that's become a Miss D and Irony tradition, we were showered with a first act of Fairly Hard-To-Sit-Thru Theatre. Um.. yeah. The ones who hadn't been there before found it hard to stomach believe when I said it was never quite.. like this. Thankfully, the second half redeemed the prior portion and besides, the drinks were so stiff, it sort of made up for it. The frites afterwards didn't hurt either.

That is what we call livin' la vida loca here.. oh yes we do. I know you're just biting your lip in anticipation to be included.. and with only a small membership fee of an undisclosed amount you too can join in the fun! Just like our new Brit-In-Boston blogger friend, Emma, an actual Real Writer, who will be arriving this coming Friday night for.. yes! A night out with Miss D and friends! She heard what A Riot we are, what Unbridled Amusement we get ourselves up to every single weekend and she couldn't pass up The Time Of Her Life. Oh yes, it's true. And don't think there won't be stories after.. and possibly the involvement of a government official and a snake bite kit. Oh the adventure of it all! Can you feel it?

Happy New Year!

Welcome, 2007. I'm so glad you're here. 2006 was a difficult ride, however much I grew and learned.. I, for one, am not sad to see it go. I'm looking ahead to the next 365 days with a smile and taking what I can from the last year and making better decisions, making myself happier overall, and appreciating all I've been blessed with a lot more than I have.

Since I spent a good portion of the last day of the year with the fair Pixie, it seems fitting that I would completely rip off her idea for this post. I hope she forgives..

Reflections of 2006

* I put a lot more into relationships than many people.. and therefore hold onto them sometimes too long and too tightly.

* I'm a horrible manager of my own social time and cause a lot of people to wait around for me.

* I really like myself a lot better when I don't let things get to me so much and I work to avoid drama. I listen better, interrupt less, and have more patience than I ever did. These are improvements I'm excited about!

* I really appreciate my family more than I ever have in the past. They've surprised me with their love and support in the smallest of ways that have become huge for me in my understanding of them. We have become closer and I truly cherish that.

* I may actually have decided I would one day like to have children - probably adopted, but that is a change of heart I never expected. I think one day I could be a good mother and watching my child/ren grow up into good people gives me a sense of future pride.

* The friends I have around me are so amazing - even the ones I've never met, but with whom I still have a bond. My lifetime friends, Kari and Megan who are family to me, my college theatre friends, Keith, Kristen, and Stephanie who make me incredibly proud knowing they've come so far in their drive and talents, the friends I've made over the last 11 years I've lived in Seattle, Kam, Pixie, Fatima, Abby, Wazhma, Loren, and Scott, who all keep me grounded and laughing and enjoying every minute of my time with them, my new blogger friends, Jules, Wendy, and Emma, who are real enough to become permanent friends and visitors as well as the surprise find of the year, Treena, whose reacquaintance I've fully enjoyed to the point we've decided we've been the same person this whole time, just a different brain, and all the ones I haven't yet met but who've forged this tie of global love-and-affection-checking-in that I wouldn't give up for the world and whose stories keep me wildly entertained thru all their ups and downs: Pomgirl, Kara, T, Lisa, Léonie, Mandy, Indi, The Duck, Rigmor, and Welshy. What would I do without you all?

* I can't ask 'why me?' for the things that go horribly wrong.. as I would then have to ask the same when so many good things happen - and I don't for fear God may have picked me by mistake sometimes.. and I don't want to bring that to His attention.

Resolutions for 2007

* Remember that I can only control what I can control - including my feelings for and about others.. and that I need to give an equal amount of what's being provided back to me. Sometimes more is great.. but I need to keep it all in a positive perspective and avoid being clingy and insecure.

* I will do everything in my power to be on time - no more of this 15 more minutes type situation that turns into 30 minutes later.. I'm not saying this will happen over night (note to Pixie).. but it will improve. I dedicate that to everyone who's ever waited for me. And there's a lot of you, I know.

* I will continue to do my best to spin things positively, not let things bother me so much, to be more patient and kind, listen better, interrupt less, appreciate more. Those are always things I'm working on. Anything just to be a better person that people enjoy being around.. even if I'll never curb my level of chatty. I'm a talker, sue me.

* Love love love.. always love.

Here's to a fantastic and love-filled 2007 to you all. Hope you rang it in safely, soundly, and with the wildest of ambitions, dreams, and optimism for what is yet to come.