F*cking Snow, But It Smells Better Than Other Things

Hey! Did you see that? The little asterisk that I put in to replace the 'u' in my favorite word ever is snowflake like! Total accident. Did you notice? So it emphasizes the whole snow issue that is currently Pissing. Me. Off.

People.. FUUUUCK. Can the snow BE gone now?! Helloooo.. me + snow + boots that aren't made of say.. um.. SNOW TIRES = much almost-spillage and even ACTUAL spillage of my uber-clumsy self with my ass landing on the snow-covered ground. Fucking OW. I mean.. aren't we at sea level? Why does it seem like I fell asleep and woke up in an alternate Oz.. in MONTANA?! I mean.. BRRRRRRR! Where's global warming when you need it?

And if that wasn't enough - and it certainly is - when I come home where I want to relax and feel comfy and warm, I first have to hold my breath and light 43 floraly smelling candles because we've recently discovered something so foul that at first disguised itself as the hey-roomie-did-you-make-fish-or-something-else-stinky-for-dinner smell when in actuality, after the roomie said, 'Uh..no,' and we rattled our brains together (which was noisy) cuz it wasn't something I made and it was clearly coming from the oven or fridge areas.. and it possibly smelled like sour death.. all we came up with was.. um.. sour death, BUT in addition to that we then remembered Emma (the cat) had been staring at the grate at the bottom of the fridge for about a month, which I've only ever seen her do one other time* at one of the last places I lived.. and then Kyle said he'd heard a little scampery scamper sound when he'd been home working during the day.. we realized (you know where I'm going with this, don't you? Treena.. close your eyes..) EWWWWWW.. DEAD MOUSE!

Uh.. yeah.. wanna come over? C'mon.. it can't last that long.. can it? Please tell me it can't. It's got to be under the fridge or the oven tho mini-flashlight waving around didn't show any shadows of a dead-like, grey, clumpy thing with whiskers. And no one can be mad at me.. I didn't kill it. I have no idea how it got into the house so I have to assume it just couldn't take the dismal life mice are prone to lead where the continuous pursuit of cheese and the Tom-and-Jerry lifestyle exhausted him and he maybe thought he couldn't be held to that standard anymore.. I mean, what do they all expect of him?! And with the final thought that he'd show them, oh yes he would, he threw himself under the fridge for a newsworthy-in-MouseWorld death while simultaneously punishing humans with one of the most rank smells known to man for being the bastards we are by hoarding all the cheese. Awesome.

So there might be a new guy.. who is quite adorable and makes me smile and stuff.. and his new nickname might be Sailor thus far.. cuz he maybe lives on his sailboat.. and he's sooo damn manly he will be coming over to help me move things around (read: for once, I'm dating a man and not a boy and of the two of us, my biceps are not the biggest - as it should be) and we'll procure said dead mouse, or whatever else could be rotting in my kitchen, and there will be ewwww's.. and oh man's.. and we will all be appropriately grossed out and then with masks and rubber gloves and something that reduces it to ashes for the proper cremation it deserves, we'll, God willing, throw what's left of it in the trash outside. Wish me luck.

(*We had rats once.. many of them.. with tails that were minimum five inches easy and where I had to set trap after trap in the cupboard under the kitchen sink and sort of listen to them snap and eventually die.. cuz yes, I had to KILL them cuz it was either me or them and it certainly wasn't going to be me.. and when I die, I imagine I will end up in a hell where I will either be squished with crumpled balls of tissue or with big shoes over and over by scary looking spiders OR snapped in half in a trap that a big rat gets to set, lovingly baited with peanut butter, which I can never resist. You wait. It'll happen.)

Also.. random news bulletin: Two people I know just passed the first audition of American Idol's portion in Seattle! Hi.. did anyone tell me?! Um.. that would be a big fat NO.. til I came in late and missed the first one, Blake, and caught our second friend, Rudy's, audition. First of all, I have to say, ok.. I'm not that close with them BUT if they saw me, they would admit to knowing me and would even give me hugs. Shut up! It's true! But sadly, I hate that show with a passion.. and yet.. dammit.. til my friends either get kicked off or make it to the end and possibly even win (cuz honestly, they really don't suck and are, in fact, quite good in my opinion), I'm now forced to watch the whole frickin thing. Crap.

And.. geez.. I have to admit, after the girly-drunken-lingerie-picture-taking evening with Irony and EmmaK.. life has become irritatingly mundane. What's up with that?? I'm sure there is something exciting coming up that I will have to write about in detail.. something.. I know there's something.. wait.. hmm... damn.. I think the dead mouse, snow and friends I actually never see or really ever talk to much anymore who are on American Idol and don't suck have really been it. I already let myself down when I realized I wasn't smarter than the 12-year-olds who know how to command youtube.com and the incredibly funny video of Irony helping EmmaK put on too-small platform boots you will probably never see cuz I'm an idiot. Yeah.. who knew..? Again, not exciting.

God.. I better get back outside in the snow so I can slip and provide some entertainment for somebody..