Glory Days

Tonight I walked into the gym's locker room to find 8 or 9 thin and tightly athletically-clothed girls running thru their dance routine in front of the mirrors. Again.. this was the locker room.. where I was changing.. and they were about a foot away from me and my transformation from office sex kitten to gym bunny. I was in my zone.. and then.. not. And then I.. uh.. just didn't know what to do.. with the snapping and clapping going on so NEAR MY HEAD.. It honestly just threw me and I finished changing as quickly as I could to get out of there.

I moved onto my workout - and the girls took over about a quarter of the bikes and elliptical machines, chatting vigorously at the same time, of course, like the teenagers they seemed to be. Again I thought.. strange.. cuz this gym never has 18 hot, underage girls within it ALL at the same time. It just doesn't happen. Were there cheerleading try-outs for the University of Washington going on? Or did one of the high school dance squads just join the gym? I mean, when you're already in your not-so-flattering sweats and a jog bra that completely immobilizes the decent rack you have, thank you very much, insecurities heighten watching the flurry of their movement.. swarming in various areas, shirts tied in knots at the back and pulled up just under the sternum revealing tan and lean torsos with low sweats actually pulled halfway down the ass on one showing nothing scandalous but her black shorts underneath - yet she still maintained that 'cooler than thou' attitude.

WTF?! Seriously.. did I walk into the right gym??

And there were SO many of them. When they were done with their cardio, they moved onto other spaces to continue practicing their moves.. around the machines I would've very much liked to have used except.. well.. they were dancing around it. Seriously. Not kidding. It was baffling. I was baffled.

I kept wondering what sort of hell I'd been transported to.. not to mention what real crime had I committed to be in a hell where that sort of youthful perfection is not only flaunted in front of my face.. but one that came with some pretty damn good choreography to emphasize it. I mean these girls were tiiiiiny. These were the girls that shop for size 00.. cuz 0 is just a little too big. You know what I mean? And it just felt.. uncomfortable.

I was instantly brought back to the days of high school and not fitting in, being on the outskirts of popularity, knowing people who were popular and kind of being friends with them, shared the same honors classes, sometimes actually invited to the same parties, but not quite as smart, pretty, or rich as they were.. and never feeling like I was good enough or totally accepted.

And then I just felt old. I'm turning 35 in less than a month people.. holy crap! No wonder I'm not dating. I mean, have you SEEN some of the examples of men at 35 in this city? They LOOK old! And yes, thank you, I know I don't look 35, not that I'm sure what that should look like cuz all MY friends look as young as me I think.. but I can't find a guy that looks as young, is around my age, knows what the hell he wants AND is not afraid to go after it. And then I thought, these girls are exactly why men have mid-life crises.. and women have affairs with younger men.. or whatever. It's that feeling of loss - never being able to go back, never again to be labeled as 'young' or 'younger'. Instead of hearing how you shouldn't rush and much time you have to find that Mr. Right, you start hearing, 'Well isn't it about time you settled on someone?'

I'll admit it - I was jealous for a bit. I was coveting their slender figures, their perfectly non-sweaty hair and even skin tones, and maybe even their girly camaradarie. And then, I walked by the front desk on the way downstairs to grab my things and go when I asked the girl behind the counter about the newest arrivals to the gym. Apparently the owner had recently contracted with the Seattle SuperSonics - and their entire dance team.

Suddenly I felt better.. you know why? They are just semi-grown-up cheerleaders.. that's it. Nothing super special.. not like hot, dancey doctors or sexy break-dancing child welfare workers or anything.. not that cheerleaders aren't necessary.. for.. life, I guess.. or its many sporting events - so great for them. I'm sure they're all very nice girls and they do their jobs well, blahblahblah. But it made me feel better cuz I'd already been one of them however long ago high school was and I was so into it and I thought, rather good at it. It was my way to be a part of something.. even if after I quit I made fun of myself with a group of other former cheerleaders our senior year in a talent show skit we danced poorly to on purpose to 'Oh Mickey' and won 2nd place. Oh hell yeah.. I rocked the school spirt.. and that skirt.

But you know what was the best reason I had to feel good about being a cheerleader? Have you any idea what was so fucking great about that? And get ready cuz you should pay attention to this one.. I mean, it's really good:

I was always on top.
Seriously. That's it. And that fact alone kicks so much teensy Sonic dancer ass.