Red

What is it about Christmas time that makes people go all nutty? Is there a requirement that once you are over the age of 30 that you lose that sense of wonder?

I remember as a child joyfully singing infinite verses of Jingle Bells at the top of my lungs. When did I stop loving Christmas Carols? The Muzak version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer piped through invisible speakers in my office is not helping the cause.

I’m sitting in my cubicle, filing my crimson nails instead of filing the stacks of reports that I’ve been working on. My boss is locked in her office surfing the Net for that perfect holiday dress that will show just the right amount of cleavage yet is easily removable. I’m pretending I don’t know what she’s doing and she’s returning the favor.

It’s December 1. An entire week has passed since the official start to the holiday shopping season and I still haven’t set foot in a single store for that purpose. I just can’t bring myself to get into that spirit that causes usually sane people to spend obscene amounts of money on things that no one really needs.

Perhaps the funk I’m in has something to do with the fact that my boyfriend has decided that he wants to take a break for a while. Again.

Perhaps I’m realizing that this will be a permanent break this time. Perhaps I’m realizing that the odds are no longer in my favor of finding that “special someone” that the married people like to tell me about.

So long white flowing wedding gown. So long ruby bridesmaid dresses. So long bouquet of roses. I never really wanted you anyway.

If you buy that I have a desert property in Minnesota to sell you.

With a sigh I drop my nail file in the trash next to a Kit Kat wrapper. My fingers tangle in my blonde hair as I knit them behind my head. My chair creaks as I recline the office chair back as far as it will go without tipping over.

“Marriage.” The word slips from my lips without my knowledge. I envision myself in 20 years surrounded by cats and muttering to myself. The irony is lost on me.

“What?” calls Frank from the next cubicle.

“Nothing.” I feel my face flush. Great. As though he doesn’t already think I’m a few strokes short of a game.

Glancing at the clock above my desk I see that it is nearly quitting time. I will go home tonight and open a bottle of wine while the bathtub fills. I may even light a candle or two.

I can almost see the metal skimming across my wrist, the red river cascading into the water.
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Heather is Mom to 2 children, M who is 4, and K who is 2. By the way, this piece is FICTION! She has not actually lost that Christmas spirit and has most of her shopping done already. (Ducking.) Heather has plenty of random thoughts and feels compelled to share them with strangers. Her daughter is amazed at the size of her Cool Zebras. Don’t forget to visit Miss Devylish there, keeping my place warm today.

This post is part of the December Blog Exchange. This month we're all writing pieces that are titled Red or Green. That was the only rule this month, so they could be fictional, poetry, whatever! You can find me at Heather's site today, and the full list of participants can be found by clicking here.