Oh For The Love Of Pete! Finally!

Seriously, you have NO idea how in-fucking-sane work has been for me this last week and oh.. yet yesterday.. while writing this... it's 10:16pm (actually it was after midnight.. grr). Do you know where your Miss D is? Well I'll tell you, darling.. she's still at work! And no, I won't bore you with the details cuz that would acronym you right to sleep for a century.. just like magic! But then you would miss out on my oh-so-splendifidus storytelling of the happenings that don't include that which is the daily monotony that pays my bills. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.. See? Already feeling it?! I best get a move on then!

Chapter 1 - Three Wigs And As Many Girls.. Also, Hippies!

This is my friend Pixie. Hands in the air for all of you who think she should be the official Burning Man Poster Child - uh.. yeah.. it's unanimous Pix - you're the hottest hippie girl around.

Ok people.. tongues back in your mouths.. thank you.

This was the first big event of the Blogger Diva Weekend between the fabulous Lady Miss Marquise and few other lovelies, which included yours truly.

She arrived on a slow-going coach from the north and not by the private jet filled with cosmetics and spa treatments that she truly deserved, but she was beaming and sparkly, nonetheless. I quickly whisked her up in my chauffeured celebrity ride (read: crappy Ford Focus) and off we went, already finishing each other's sentences, and ready to begin our adventures.

We started at my favorite neighborhood bar, O Lounge, to catch up over drinks and appetizers (and maybe a quick eye flirt with the cute bar manager as well.. cuz I'm very good at multi-tasking..) and since we'd both had quite the long day of work issues, we relaxed and took our time being girls.

Afterwards, we headed back home to change for Luminous Flux, touted as the party of the year and hosted by the Space Virgins of Burning Man fame. One cannot head to a party such as this in the standard Friday-night garb.. oh no.. one must, at the very least, don a brightly colored wig as that is the bare minimum - a light pink one for me and a purple one for Lady Miss, but we also added a fuzzy zebra-striped skirt, some silver glitter, sexy boots and our brazen personalities none of which we could do without before we were to meet up with Ms. Pixie herself and her utility-kilted man, amongst the other standard burners that were sure to be present wearing their wigs, goggles, and what appeared to be stuffed animals (it was a jungle theme after all). There was quite a bit of debaucherous entertainment for the senses and we mainly enjoyed all the people-watching, appreciating the creativeness of everyone there who obviously requires more than just the one day a year to dress in costume. I think I'm personally becoming of that mindset myself. Such scandal! We loved it!

But we could not last nearly as long as the fair Pixie since she was dedicated to her mission of dance and merriment and not in the least bit interested in calling it a night at 3am like we were.. Yes, in retrospect maybe we were a tad weak, but we had loftier goals for the following day for which we needed to be prepared..




But before we laid down our pretty matted-wig-haired heads for our beauty rest, oh.. we may have targeted Miss Emma. Doesn't she just look ecstatic about this idea?! She's so dignified and elegant.. Or maybe she looks more like she's going to cut me in my sleep.. hm..

Chapter 2: How Much Money CAN We Possibly Spend For Poor Service And The Tiniest Cowboy Boots You've Ever Seen?!

Saturday was non-stop commercialism at its finest. After dining on gourmet vegetarian brunchy delights with Ms. Pixie and observing how not only had she had less sleep than we had, but she somehow managed to look positively radiant to boot, we thought we'd start with the biggest and most unusual market first: Target! I'm not kidding. Lady Miss had never been to Target and since I needed a few necesseties from there before we were side-tracked by the rest of the more expensive and glittery baubles from the other stores we had lined up to hit, Target was the first main attraction.

Have to tell you tho.. I hate it.. well.. ok, LOVE to hate it. I never leave there without spending at least $50.. and that day it started with the cutest EVER childrens' boots we walked by and which we must've spent oh.. like 30 minutes picking out just the right ones for my nieces cuz after seeing them it was too late and I was in unable-to-resist status and Lady Miss only served to weaken my addiction, but she has mad style, that one, so now my nieces are ever so lovely due to her much-needed second opinion. Girl.. those cowboy boots.. seriously, you've never seen a child so frickin cute in your whole life.

By early evening, we were both feeling that sort of fatigue that only comes with extraneous amounts of shopping. Lady Miss found herself a lovely new chapeau as her last purchase of the day and off we went to freshen up before dinner and the evening ahead.

I'd picked a lovely new place where a former mediterranean bistro had been, but had since been replaced by only a letter - Q - which was ambiguous and exciting but that I can't even get myself to link to cuz it was such a disappointment it was laughable. When you have to remind yourself and your friends it's not the establishment, but the chosen few around you in which you wish to drench yourselves.. I mean, yes, all true, but then if that's the point, stay in and watch Steel Magnolias over a large box of tissues.. I wanted sexy and intriguing and lush.. and we got so-so, and half-assed and really uncomfortable. This = so not what I was going for, but I'll give you the short list:

1. Drinks were very slow, place was not busy, server never apologized - for anything.

2. Server never came to check on us unless we chased her down.. which could've been fun had this been the point of the restaurant - but you know.. since she was supposed to wait on us.. it sort of wasn't.

3. She argued.. ARGUED about the cheese plate coming with warm baguette - it said so right on the menu.. but she said plainly, 'No, it doesn't come with that' like somehow, we'd made it up even after we pointed it out and again, not with attitude, but with no apology, yet she happily offered to bring us some bread, which was plain, wheat, and rustic - that was also so hard it could've broken a tooth. Oh. Hold me back.

4. The salmon was so eerily under-done in the middle.. and I already have fish issues people.. it was a big step for me that I won't be taking again soon. One word: ew.

5. After four appetizers, they started clearing our plates asking us if we wanted desert - our fifth person hadn't even ARRIVED! Helloooo?!

6. When the manager came over with the server in tow asking us if everything had been alright, we weren't mean and not even were we firm - but we didn't lie. The server actually then interrupted him asking about her level of service as we had only left her two dollars. Now.. I've been in food service since I was 14 - obviously if you only receive two dollars in tip, your service is not good. In fact, I do believe it is the OPPOSITE of good.. but please tell me where it is standard behavior to confront said low-tipping customer and ask them?! AND you will ALL be so very proud of me - as sarcastic as I am, I held my tongue on this one and kindly, KINDLY I say, pointed out she'd already included what we thought was an 18% gratuity WITHIN the tab, THAT WE PAID.. so in addition to the exorbitant amount of $24 + that I would never have left her otherwise cuz seriously, 12% was more than she deserved, tho we certainly would never have stiffed her, the two dollars were extra. She then said to her manager naively, 'Oh.. well, how does that work?' and he said he'd show her and left - no apology, no 'excuse us', no 'we'll be right back'.. He eventually apologized to the table.. but honey.. really.. come back? You are kidding.. right?

Honestly, the best part was the company as Lady Miss and I met yet another blogger, my friend, Wendy, who I've known for at least a year, if not more, but had never met. You'd think this was the coolest game I made up or something - collecting random, online strangers and only knowing them from what they write about themselves on their blogs.. hm.. come to think of it, that's sort of true. Like.. a lot. I may definitely have issues OR it could just be really lucky that I haven't met any serial killers.. tho Wendy seemed awfully sane.. especially for a mother of two tiny red-headed children.

We ended dinner - thank God - said our goodbyes to Ms. Wendy and the rest while Lady Miss and I headed up to the hill for a little more celebratory toasting with Pixie, her man and a few other friends of mine. And dammit, we should've just stayed there cuz downtown was too crowded with the too platinum, too drunk, and too rude - tho it didn't get any better on Capital Hill where the gay boys had no use for the straight girls that night, tho I had to admit, one boy did have nicer legs than I'd seen on a woman in a long time.

Irritated and annoyed, I apologized to Lady Miss for running out of energy at 3:30am and wanting only to get away from the crowds. What a sweet girl she was for completely understanding and being a good sport.

Chapter 3: Recovery = Minimal

Sunday moved much more slowly as we made our way to brunch and met up with one of Lady Miss' friends in town. We wandered Pike Place Market, said hello to the one and only fish guy I still know who shouted out my name after I'd just told Lady Miss he probably had no idea who I was anymore.. interesting.. We tried on hats in an antique store and then I introduced my fabulous friend to the famous Fremont Troll (Pictures are STILL a problem.. my apologies.. stupid stupid blogger..) - which is a statue under the Fremont Bridge people.. not an actual.. oh.. nevermind..

I then escorted the fair Lady Miss back to her coach and she was transported off to the land of the north after many hugs and an abundance of happy memories created.

Now my next question is - Pom? Léonie? t? Duck? Mandy? Treena??? When are you coming to visit?!

25 Peeps - Again! Woot!

Ok.. I know I've got a lot to tell you about people... but you'll have to wait just a little longer cuz last week was so incredibly busy at work and in life.. and I've started a post for realz but haven't finished it yet. Seriously, I need a computer at home - obviously.. duh..

BUT.. there's hope!

As you can see, I've made the 25peeps.com list again! Yay! Whoopee even!

SO.. you know what you can do? I think you might.. and cuz you all love me SO much, won't you help me out and give me a little teensy ego boost just for fun and click on the link so I get some MAD traffic and stay on for a while? Please please please?? I'll love you forever! I'll think of you often! I'll tell everyone how much you completely ROCK! How cool is that? I'll tell you.. SOOOO cool!

And I promise to get a new post out like.. tonight.. or tomorrow morning. See how I'm making SACRIFICES for YOU? Cuz I'm good like that.. NOT TO MENTION that I neeeeeeeed to catch up on ALL THE READING the rest of you people are writing up and look how I show you my gratitude! I haven't even caught up on what's going on with YOU! I'm SO self-absorbed! HOW SELFISH! Well good God, you guys! SLOW DOWN! Ok ok.. I guess you don't have to.. geez.. but if you get like 18 comments from me all at once that sound like I'm really behind on everything.. well.. I am. Bear with me please..

Now.. get going over there.. you have lots of clicking to do!
Mwah!

The Friday Festivities

Completely stolen from that little bird, Léonie, and as she and that little sprite Pom are always doing quirky, little lists, I'll do my best to keep up with the British Joneses. Plus work is too busy to not talk in bullet points today.

1. Are you named after anyone? If so, explain.
I'm named by my father's own originality and excitement (one would assume) from being granted that great opportunity to adopt me and, according to my mother, he had to name me cuz he always called me his 'little angel.' And there you have it. History at it's finest hour.

2. Do you have your children's names picked out already? If so, is there any significance?
I do have a fascination with names, probably due to my own, which I like to think is fairly unique. Tho I'm not sure I want children yet, when I hear creative names, I make a mental note. I like surnames for first names as in Tucker or Salinger.. but I don't want them to be abbreviated - like Sal. Ew. Unless I just give them an abbreviated name.. like Max. Love that one. Girl or boy.. dog or cat. Whatever. But no significance other than I think it's original - and not all my choices are. I like simple names like Henry and Jack for some reason. Who doesn't want a grandpa named Jack? It's sweet. I just dig it. And then yesterday I saw a poster that was probably for a band and said 'Cadence' on it.. and I thought.. wow.. cool name. Popped into the registry for an unknown time..

3. If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name have been?
Well.. since I'm adopted and I was the only thing available at the time, they didn't get a choice and I never heard they were looking for a little boy.. but since I do have a non-adopted brother, I would assume my name would've been Todd... hm.. I like mine better.

4. If you could re-name yourself what name would you pick and why?
I wouldn't.. Almost no one believes me when I tell them my name is Angel.. not at first. There isn't even a better stripper name I can come up with.. and I can use it if I ever become famous.. like Cher or Madonna.. Who wouldn't know me with that name?! Tho when I go out to cheesy bars, I usually pick a name for the night.. which is often Zoe.. I just never remember to answer to it when someone uses it.. oops! Obviously, if you don't get the real name, however fake it may sound, there's a reason.

5. Are there any mispronunciations/typos that people do w/ your name constantly?
Just from work alone I can give you many examples I hear from my customers almost daily when they call me back asking for:
Angie
Angela
Angle - um.. right, acute, or obtuse?
Inga
Ingrid
Ingo
April
Andrea
and Eagle - which is my personal favorite and happens more times than I can count. As if Eagle makes more sense than what they think they heard.. I mean, it couldn't be Angel right? Eagle is sooooooo popular.. (wtf?)

When they do hear it correctly, I'm often asked, 'And how do you spell that?' Really? It's five letters.. and two syllables.. it's not something from the Scripps Spelling Bee people..

**************************
The rest of my day and weekend will be spent as such:

** Getting into what will hopefully be all kinds of mischief when this particular diva arrives tonight by train from BC. I'm literally counting down the hours til we can be
completely and utterly girly, cocktails in hand, flirt on, costumed beyond recognition, yet unconcerned if we're out done as that will be guaranteed as we head to...

** The Party of the Year, as I understand and hear stories to support all claims. The Space Virgins (read: Burners) will undoubtedly out-do themselves and we may even run into a little Pixie costumed to the hilt as well, if we're very lucky.

** Saturday will be spent doing whatever LadyMiss and I deem appropriate be it wandering down to Pike Place Market where we can dine on fresh crépes and buy oodles of wild flowers or shop til we fall over downtown and beyond.

** Saturday night will be composed of a lovely dinner at a new spot called Q with a few choice friends and a few new faces for random, yet lively, conversations while we ponder lost British accents, regained Canadian ones, and pretend we are so very hip and funny. Well, ok.. we won't have to pretend that hard. And then, at whatever time we find ourselves unable to sit still a moment longer, we'll find a little place with a big crowd and loud music in which we can booty shake til we are hot, sweaty, and able to untangle ourselves from the many attractive hangers-on once we are ready to crash into a much-needed unconscious state of rest until..

** Sunday morning OR afternoon, whenever we feel the need to open our dainty eyes and brighten them with steaming mugs of caffeine, bountiful breakfasts at
brunch, and recounting our tales with little to no embarrassing moments hopefully other than having to turn down one too many suitors from the night before.

I love a good story.. don't you? Just you wait til next week, my pretties.. Til then, be good and don't do anything I wouldn't do.. or rather, scratch that.. do it ALL.. and save me the good parts! Mwah!

The Global Warming Of My Loins

I'm sure that got your attention..

*ahem*

Can you blame me? It's been HOT here.. um.. everywhere.. and 90 plus degrees does nothing to quench a healthy woman's libido when she's not getting any.. if you know what I mean.. and I think you do.. you're quick like that.

It's not like I'm not dating.. cuz I am. I'm finally in a good place where I feel good being single and having a good time with it. There's been some 'hanging out' and maybe even a little 'casual' dating, but then it falls by the wayside as we both end up realizing, oh yeah.. you're not working for me.. next! And this is what dating is for.. so that's fine with me.

And it's not like there aren't 84 1/2 zillion definitions of what casual or dating or hanging out actually IS. There are. The ex thought 'seeing each other' and 'dating' were two different things. Ok. Seriously.. where's the memo on that cuz I thought they were the same.. ?? Am I crazy? Ok.. nevermind that.. Am I wrong? Really??

But mostly.. I've been confused. This is not surprising to you who are my very special (and oh-so-attractive I might add, yes, you're welcome) regular readers. I do a bit of dating online - and there's more rejecting than actual dating, but whatever - but I continually get hit up by the same type of guy. Out of all the rejects - and I'm not boosting myself up here or anything - there are A LOT - one will shine a bit. I'll reply back, we chat over a few emails and after a week or maybe a little more, arrange for our first date, where everything goes well and at the end there are hugs all around. Second date goes just as well.. more questions, a bit deeper, longer conversations, chemistry developing if it hasn't engulfed us completely and some excitement building.. again, hugs goodbye. Ok.. fine.. but are you seeing a pattern here? No? Ok.. I'll just spell it out for you... THIRD DATE - again, goes WELL, people.. talk talk talk, smiles smiles smiles, chemistry alloverthefuckingplace.. aaaaaaaand wait for it.. wait for it.. ANOTHER HUG GOODBYE! Um.. excuse me... WTF??!

I did get an explanation from a particular boy recently when my curiosity got the better of me and I turned back around after I'd already left cuz the question of this hug ending was seriously plaguing me. Did I have bad breath? Was he not into me? Was it for religious reasons?! No.. actually, it was that he was needing 'air' from his last relationship that went quite awry some months before, which, in his defense, anyone would understand as it was especially awful.. but if 'air' is something you are searching for.. something of which you're in desperate need cuz for whatever reason you might be suffocating, my darling, darling boy - and please bear in mind that I'm saying this as nicely as I possibly can - by all means do enlighten me as to why you are WASTING MY FUCKING TIME. I mean.. let's be real here.. if I wanted hugs at the end of a third date, I'd hang out with one of my girlfriends.. not that I'm suddenly only thinking with my lower extremities and needing a horizontal hula lesson (if you're picking up what I'm putting down - and again, I think you might be..), but if you've had a good time and we seem to like each other, WHATTHEFUCK is wrong with a kiss? I'll tell you.. NOTHING!

You know.. it's a wonder there are any women left.. cuz the logic of men and the way they justify their behavior at times is enough to drive us all over the edge.. wouldn't you agree, ladies?

Ok.. my apologies.. this post isn't meant to bash men entirely.. just, you know.. knock them around a little maybe.. no? Ok.. no men bashing here at all.. geez. But I think most men are just like most women.. we all want the same thing, generally speaking.. and you just get something started and you're put off for a trip or just being busy.. or they actually say they fell asleep before they could call you like they said they would.. cuz you know that makes a girl feel special.

I'm just tired of excuses. Aren't you? I'll put it this way - cuz I think it's so simple a 6-year-old could understand it:

Say what you WANT, MEAN what you say, and SHOW me how much.

Really.. is it that hard?

Now.. a few extra things to remember that surround that basic lesson:

1. Do not hit me up if you've just ended a relationship, I work with you, you are under 28, or you live out of state - a girl has her limits, people (unless of course you are super hot.. then there are exceptions.. ok ok.. kidding.. ok, only sorta..no really, totally kidding.. mostly.)

2. My time is as valuable as yours, thank you.

3. If your week is filling up, you can assume mine is too, therefore, maybe an advance request for a date would be a particularly brilliant idea and not 3pm the same day you suddenly find yourself free, especially if this is for a first date.

4. Do spellcheck your emails and please refrain from too much gangsta/ebonics lingo (unless you're LL Cool J, Usher, or Justin Timberlake and then that's totally ok and, in fact, maybe hot).

5. Before asking if you can reschedule, see rule #2 and possibly, rethink that..

6. Ask questions - something more than, 'Do you want another beer,' preferably if I've been initiating all of them cuz you've been sitting there like a lump or only talking about yourself non-stop (ok - this isn't really fair.. I've only had a couple of dates ever go this way - HOWEVER, it's still a good thing to keep in mind, boys.).

7. Be polite, be real and genuine, be courteous, kind.. and above all, honest.

Well, I'm sure some of you have a few general dating guidelines, deal breakers, or requests you wish others of the opposite sex could adhere to so please.. share as I'm going home now to my most dedicated and adoring fan whose love I never, ever doubt - my cat, Emma.

Unsatisfyingly and oh-so-frustratedly yours,

Miss D.

The Magic of Water

This is what five days is like without access to email, blogs, or anything computer related in ANY way. How incredibly stunning is that? I'll tell you.. very.

Last Wednesday, I headed out early (ok.. so it was 12:30.. but really, that was quite good for me) and drove in a southerly manner, feeling light on a gorgeous day with nothing other than the road in front of me and a lengthy, but well-worth-it drive to the Oregon Coast. It was a long overdue family gathering with aunts, uncles, and cousins from my dad's side whom I haven't seen in some time, a few for at least a year or more, and with most of whom I never get to spend that kind of time. Honestly.. for the first time in ages, I was really looking forward to being a part of that.

I lived in Lincoln City for 10 years - thru high school and working thru some summers during college when I could stand being so close to Mom and Dad who weren't getting along and with whom I got along much worse when I was within a few miles. But this was Arch Cape - just four miles south of the cutesy Cannon Beach and about 10 miles south of that tourist trap they call Seaside. No Arch Cape is quieter, more isolated, more dignified.. and tho memories from when I was younger ran thru my head, I mostly remembered how much I loved the ocean.


I could feel the change in the air.. in myself.. as I neared my destination. My family was preparing for dinner when I arrived in the late afternoon - gourmet pasta, decorated salad.. we didn't eat poorly, that's for sure. And I was greeted with warm, caring hugs and smiles, how-are-you's and what's-new's and tho it sounds a bit cheesy, it felt so good. Sometimes, the busy social life is a lot of work. Being single and dating, working 8-5 plus, the city life of friends and their events - not that it's not rewarding and I love my life and my friends who make up my chosen family, but this family, that is basically blood-related despite my adoption into it, has known me since I was born and you can't find that kind of integral acceptance - that well-we're-stuck-with-her-but-I-guess-that's-ok sort of love that only gets better when you realize you can finally relate to the adults as another adult. It sounds strange - that I'm a all grown up, but there's such pleasure in it.


And I see how fascinated my 16-year-old twin cousins are with me as they gunned me down with questions about my love life (just barely above non-existant) and teased me about turning 40 (hi.. 6, SIX years away, thank you.. if you want to live to see 17..) cuz they know they can. And I can see how well they've grown into precocious young women who spent a good four mile walk talking politics and world events with me. And their parents and my other aunts and uncles see how I've grown and changed and *shocker* have a personality and maybe that I'm a rather sensational individual myself. And you know what? I saw that they were too.


One of my favorite things about this time with everyone was getting to know my four-year-old cousin, Maeve. She's a wee thing from China my aunt and uncle adopted three years ago last weekend, which gives her and I a special bond that even at her age, she understands. We sang songs, looked for starfish, sea anemones, and hermit crabs in the tidepools, sand dollars along the beach, read stories and were quite silly actually.. but when you're around a bright and tiny star of a child, it's easy to do that. She's a little bit of magic, that one and I just fell in love with her.


Days were spent getting up much earlier than I'm used to on weekends (8:30 am!), at least one lengthy walk down the beach a day, if not two, after breakfast and french-pressed coffee, ice cream - which was never a bad idea until it was just about twice a day.. and then, hey, we were on vacation, so there. We met up with friends of my family at their beach house down the road, collected enough sand dollars to fill a treasure chest, admired the flocks of pelicans I never knew existed along the coast, played too much Boggle, Yahtzee and cribbage and oooh'd and awww'd over who was winning, bad hands, and clever words. And you can't have a beach vacation without s'mores.. so we had a few of those (or five) along with a roaring campfire and a glorious sunset. And I STILL had three days left!



By Saturday night, I was feeling an ache to be home in my own bed, to snuggle with the cat, and to check in with my friends. The desires of a city girl can never be quelled for long when away from the city itself.. but it really was difficult to tear myself away from that view, that sun.. and the clean smell of summer at the beach.


The ocean has always held something for me. It's been where I would escape to when I skipped classes with friends in high school, where I'd cry in solitude over the latest broken heart, or just daydream the time away when searching for poetry to scribble in a journal. This trip reminded me of the underestimated strength of water - it can put out fires, wear down the earth and its walls, drown your sorrows - or you, if you aren't careful - but mostly, its rhythm is healing. It comes in and goes out - leaving traces of debris it's trying to work thru and expel and yet it continues to wear away the stagnant rocks and embraces every difficult grain of sand. Why that moves me, I don't know.. but I found myself a little treasure I brought home to remind me of that feeling - a powder blue board etched with an Isak Dinesen quote I've long had in my journal of ramblings and wanna-be rhymes:

"The cure for everything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea."

I think that says it all.

I'm No Martha Stewart, But I Have Some Good Advice

Pomgirl has me list-thinking again.. and while getting ready for work last week I was thinking of things I could put in some sort of listy post.. to impart my day-to-day wisdom and share in the brightness that are the many lightbulbs switched on in my head (and which keep me from running into things) with my obsessed followers dedicated readers. You guys want to learn something new, don't you? I think you do. I don't care if your teachers in school have previously told your parents otherwise.. I believe in you!

So here goes..

1. Baking Soda Is Good For Removing Smells And Absorbing Liquid: Pour baking soda immediately where 'incident' occurred, leave overnight, and then vaccuum up or put in the wash.

This is good for things like kitty accidents.. or rather, kitty crimes cuz trust me.. this was no accident. I know this cuz one Emma, the cat, the alleged suspect, recently decided her litter box was sub-par and thought since I was distracted on a call that she would jump on the bed, where I was sitting and show me exactly how dissatisified she really was.. AND I hadn't been paying her enough attention anyway SO she thought I probably deserved it. Did I mention new sheets? Sigh..

** Thanks to Kari for this little tidbit as it saved my mattress, sheets, and not to mention, my nose. Nothing is worse than that smell for me.

2. In Place Of Deodorant, Rubbing Alcohol Works Even Better: Seriously - dab on with a cotton ball and that's it! I haven't used deodorant for a week (and I'm wondering if I really should admit that.. hm)! I still can't remember who told me about this just recently (now I'm going to get emails, I know) that models use this method so as not to mark up expensive clothing during photo shoots. And girls, I kinda sweat.. I'm not a glower, tho I'd love to say I am, but I'm just not... and tho you may need a touch up late afternoon, this is pretty cool. No stains on your clothes, no stink... it's odd that I haven't heard about this amazing phenomenon before.. and you can go ahead and not believe me ALL. YOU. LIKE. but it really works! And I think it's rad, so there.
*** UPDATE *** As Pixie so kindly reminded me in the comments, she is due the credit for this valuable bit.

3. Do Not Text While Driving: Just common sense right? Well, we all know sometimes that this is beyond me and luckily (thanks to all the powers that be) only once has this practice caused me a firm, but minor, fender bender a few years ago that was totally my fault.

We were completely stopped and I was sending a message to someone, but looked up and thought, tho completely stopped as I said, we were now moving. Why, you ask? That is a very good question. One the very nice lady in front of me also asked after I'd rear-ended her so rudely. But it did end well since there was no mark at all on her car and she let it slide. My little bumper had seen better days tho and I don't think my poor little Focus has really ever forgiven me.

4. Have Spare Keys To Your Apartment Or House Hidden OUTSIDE: Duh. Self-explanatory. This is an especially good idea when you're late for a first date and you're running out the door, slamming everything shut until it hits you immediately after closing said door, that your keys are still on the counter. Date will cancel, think you're completely unreliable, a bad liar, an airhead or all of the above and decide not to bother with you after that. Or maybe that just happens to me.

5. Do Not Wear Heels If You Have A Penchant For Clutziness: Now, despite how prone I am to falling down oh.. for no reason whatsoever and always in front of many people, I continue to do this. At 5' 3" height is something I covet and therefore do everything I can to increase my stature, even if only a few inches. It makes all the difference in my tiny world. Yet lately, my sandals have come pretty close to killing me.. multiple times. I sense they are doing it on purpose, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.. for now, tho I'm keeping a very close eye on the buggers. The other day, for example, I had no less than three, THREE, incidents getting out of my office chair AND walking down the hall AND walking to my car where I almost twisted my ankle AND consequently, probably could've very well maimed or severely damaged some useful parts of my body that are not used to this new height achieved by these sexy, open-toed numbers. I think some classes and/or training could be required and my people are looking into this as we speak.

5a: Do Not Wear Heels When Headed To Big Events Such As A Concert Or Independence Day: We walked and walked and walked and STILL continued to walk cuz I foolishly thought when heading to Gasworks Park on the 4th of July that there couldn't possibly be as many people there as there actually were. We parked practically in another district due to the ocean of people, which I've never seen in real life before. OCEAN.. of PEOPLE. EVERYWHERE. It was also my first time at Gasworks for this particular celebration in the 10 years I've lived in Seattle - and it was crazy and crowded and actually, really, really amazing. Thank God I had an extra pair of sandals in the car more suited for all the walking around.

This was not the case, however, when I went to the Indigo Girls concert at the zoo last weekend and traipsed all thru the place from the south side to the north where the concert gates were located, cuz I didn't know there was another frickin entrance closer, with a blanket, bag o crap, and cooler filled to the brim with ice, which all = very heavy and awkward when walking in cute and new little summer shoes in 85 degree weather. It also = blisters and much 'ow.'

6. Know What You Want When Going To The Salon And Take Pictures With You: You can't go to a salon and hem and haw.. this is the worst thing you can possibly do next to asking your stylist, 'What do YOU think I should do with this mop?' This has been the bane of my existance since I had the 'brilliant' idea of getting the current hairstyle I've had now for years. It's high-maintenance and a complete crapshoot when trying to find someone who really knows how to cut it. I've been fairly lucky, but once in a while, like recently, I'm butchered, have to wait for a good month or two for it to grow out properly and have to find a new stylist. Pictures usually can insure more consistent results as does going back to the same person cuz they get used to working with your hair and its limitations (I have four cowlicks people.. I'm a frickin anomaly) - and it also doesn't matter how much they charge. Some of the best cuts I've received have been $25 or less.. and I've found myself crying in my bathroom after a highly-recommended place destroyed my locks and raided my wallet to boot. So there you go.

7. (For The Girls) Do Not Wear A Short Skirt AND Carry A Backpack At The Same Time: This is an oldie, but a goodie. It of course depends on the type of skirt and type of backpack you have, but at the time when I was in college (Wow.. this was a long time ago.. 15 years? Geez I'm old!) I wore skirts often (sort of like.. now) and carried a backpack at all times. Those history and theatre books weren't exactly light. But I had a favorite skirt.. a-line, polyester, and brightly and psychedelically printed that I paired with purple tights and my cowboy boots (What can I say? I was a theatre major. I was out there a little in my fashion sense, but I thought I was cool.).

One day, my friend and I were walking away from the Student Union in the late afternoon after most classes were over so there was only a mere spattering of witnesses... and we were about 100 feet away on our walk towards another building when I heard gasping from behind. My friend and I both turned around to see people looking and pointing back at us.. or rather, more specifically, at me.. and the fact my skirt had been caught by the suede bottom of my backpack and ridden up so that one side of my backside was completely exposed, still covered, tho recognizable, in undies and purple tights. Luckily, this was well before my discovery of the comfort of thong underwear as well, but the full undie coverage didn't prevent any overall embarrassment.. no, it did not. After that, my backpack was almost always carried over one shoulder even if it made me look a bit lopsided.

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I think that's a good enough list for now tho there are many other tokens I could impart such as Do Not Become Romantically Involved With Anyone Who May Be Part Owner of the Company With Whom You're Currently Employed Even If He Tells You His Current Relationship Is 'Open' and When Making Friends With Your Ex's New Girlfriend (cuz that can happen once in a while), Do Not EVER Bring Up Stories Of ANY Nature, But Especially Sexual, Involving You And Your Ex. Yes, those are classic tidbits, but will have to be saved for another time.

Gleen what you can from me, my lovelies, and enjoy the newly acquired admiration soon to be heaped upon you by your peers, friends, and family when you too pass on this knowledge (that you've printed out, resized and laminated in order to carry with you at all times) that I've shared with you today only because I know how impressionable special and bright you all are.

Do report back if you've a remarkable story about how you saved the day or prevented a major social catastrophe by using one of my tried and true methods listed above. But really, no thanks is necessary. There's nothing like the overwhelming feeling of joy I get when I know I've fulfilled my purpose of helping others in desperate times. That's all the thanks I need.. Mwah!

Won't You Be My Neighbor II

I've been walking around my neighborhood quite often these last few evenings and have been breathing it all in. July seems to have arrived very quickly tho the dregs of pre-spring were rather dreadful and bitter for a few specific reasons, I've found myself smackdab in the midst of a mostly lovely summer and I hardly recognized it'd arrived so soon.

I walk all over the Queen Anne hills and have yet to cement my route cuz I keep looking for challenging paths and another new street to discover. There are so many darling porches just aching for a swing or an old table by which to dine on homemade pancakes during a lazy Sunday morning, flowers scattered here and there and arranged with clever landscaping that strike me as I walk by - lilacs, something that smells similar to earl grey tea, roses, hydrangeas, lavendar, grass.. ahh.. I love the smell of freshly mowed grass.. nothing says summer is here as boldly in my opinion.

There are those out walking their little dogs, the random whoorish kitty rolling all over the sidewalk just dying for a rub on her belly, the family out having a mini barbeque on their front steps or the gentleman wearing the bolero hat and playing something Spanish sounding on his acoustic guitar. Toys scattered in fenced yards give away the children at play and their parents who care less about appearances and more about fun. Front doors are left wide open for the occasional breeze that wanders in meekly like a stranger looking for a bit of a handout and wanders away to test its luck next door and on down the street.

Joggers spurn the sidewalk and run down the middle of the quiet side streets, cyclers pant for dear life in their racing spandex - and I feel sorry for both sets. I'm walking fast, but I have time to absorb my surroundings and make mental notes to come back for longer visits for various reasons: there's a newly discovered taco joint that might have dinner-time potential, a girly gifty store with earrings and ribbons perfect for Saturday afternoon window shopping, a decadent bakery when it's treat time, a sexy salon, and a divey neighborhood bar that comes equipped complete with divey neighbors.. just for a start.

I think Queen Anne is my favorite district so far in which I've lived in Seattle - and having been here 10 years now, I've been around, baby. Ballard is a little far away and you can't walk anywhere, tho the downtown area has shaped up; Capital Hill has its edgy and bustling life bursting around it, but it can give you the creeps when someone semi-follows you back to your apartment (which happened once) and in the summer, when you have your window open for a bit of air during the night, you're more than likely going to be assaulted with quite the sexual noises orchestra from all the other open apartment complex windows; Madison Park has 2 ways to go back and forth and for one of the most affluent areas of the city, they sure spend a lot of the time driving around - it's just constant traffic; The top of Fremont had potential, but it was too close to 99, one of the main thoroughfares to and from downtown and not close enough to anything else worth moving my feet towards; North Seattle was near the mall, I-5 and 99, cheap rent and a nice walk to Greenlake, but there were no sidewalks and even tho I was always near a good sale at Nordstrom's, there wasn't anything original nearby that sparkled.

Queen Anne stands tall - literally one of the steepest hills in this city I believe - like the proud girl she is - residential and homey right in the middle of the city-ness where I could walk to any number of concerts and events at Key Arena, take a short elevator ride to the top of the Space Needle or simply just admire the view of Mt. Rainier and Puget Sound.

I love this city tho I've considered leaving it a time or two.. the weather can be depressing and wear on a soul that may need a bit more light therapy than Seattle can offer, but this is a truly beautiful summer season so far and I really can't complain. Come on over for a visit. I'll make the hummus if you'll man the barbeque, ok?

25 Peeps!

Whoo hoo! I'm on it! Yippee! Yahoo!

Um.. honestly, I don't know why I'm so friggin thrilled, I just am. It's like getting new shoes or a happy new skirt.. or like 80 new friends who like your blog! Just like THAT! Yay!!

So please please help keep me on the page (cuz it took forEVER to get on it) by clicking on my referral 25peeps.com and let's see how long I can stay there!

Thanks my lovelies! xoxo

**************** UPDATE ****************

7/4/06

Well THAT was a big 'ol waste of time! I've already been kicked OFF! Suppose I'll keep trying.. but thanks to y'all who helped!

Oh The Places We Will Go!

I'm in the eve of my Friday that's really Thursday and who doesn't love that?? Things are not winding down, but up. It's already been a busy week filled with some good friends, a lot of laughing and unfortunately, a bit of struggle with the day job and men - two things I wish would fall into place at some point, but continue to hang like a dangling carrot and I'm the eager little bunny who gives chase.

Yeah, um.. let me just say.. bunny's ass ain't in shape for that much chasing, ok?

Well let's start off with something positive. That hair that was SO blonde on my head? Got that fixed last week. It's a lovely red brown. RED BROWN! OHMYGOD! That's what I'm supposed to ask for??! *DING DING DING* Idiot. I've been thinking the color I want has no words.. I even resorted to 'You know.. like the color of bark dust.. that dark red, but not really red red? And not dark brown, you know?' Cuz um.. NO, they don't. Just for the record. How simple would it have been to say red brown?? I'll tell you.. pretty damn simple people.

Sometimes I have two brain cells.. and they're fighting.

Anyway, it's a much better color for my skin tone which = pretty girl and I like that. The pieces that the former butcher destroyed have been trimmed to grow out better which = still too short, but it's cute and my hope in cosmotologists around the globe has been restored. Mostly. Til next month, I'm sure.

Now are you just dying to hear about the dates? Well, you can safely not do that please cuz they weren't all that.

I will start and say I met a lovely young man - emphasis on 'young' as he is only 25. Genuine, very sweet, wants something longterm and would be serious.. if I was into him. I do like him.. not drawn like one should be to constitute 'into'.. but cool nonetheless and we'll be friends.

The other.. well, he was attractive, fun.. but there was no friggin connection. And not cuz I wasn't trying. I was like a moth flitting around a friggin lamppost and expecting it to flit back. Yeah.. no flitting and nothing real there.. tho he spent like 4 hours with me.. it was.. odd. I think he was just out to say he was dating and then four days later after my initial 'Thanks for the night, what's up' sort of email.. I got the 'You're great, but we're not a match' reply. Yeah, honey.. sorta got that (and uh yeah.. that's why I emailed.. duh). We were so far from being a match, fire hadn't even been invented yet. That's how so not a match we were. Just to be clear. In case you were still wondering.

I think one of my brain cells has won the fight and put the other in a coma.

But the end of the weekend came and after a significant amount of quality girl-time with the Pixie discussing our slips, foibles, and idiosyncracies regarding men, work, life in general, and all the hurdles we can't seem to get over, there might've been one cute bartender/singer who got my attention.. and my email by mentioning he'd relay his music updates and then has not been so forthcoming as easily as I thought. I think I confused him by directing the chat to Pixie and possibly laughing too much like an idiot at everything that he said. Yeah.. awesome.

But you know where the lack of brain cells came in handy? When it was time for Pixie and I to be entertained properly. Who needs brain cells to laugh? Exactly!

We went to see one of my dearest friends, Keith, in a very funny variety show at the Theatre Off Jackson benefitting this great organization called Clowns Without Borders and the two women who were joining up with this group next year to tour India with their other clowny-type friends. This included, but was not limited to, live acts with British accents where hilarity ensued, tap dance, masked people singing silly songs, funny storytelling, more hilarity sans accents, a raffle and a very exciting live auction of original paintings created during the show by this group of which I forget the name (argh!), but were frickin amazing! And then way more hilarity as the auctioning crescendoed for said art pieces to the point the bidders were actually removing their clothes! Oh it was worth the price of admission just for that! As our bidders kept warring and the price for the last painting increased, we saw a foot raised instead of a hand, then a backside was acknowledged, then a shirt removed, and then her shirt and an ohIdidn'twanttoseethat, and then he removed his friend's shirt and I forget what she did next and then he took off his PANTS and THEN .. so did SHE! And the ENTIRE audience was howling! Pixie and I thought we were going to cry, fall over AND pee our pants, which, to our delight, we kept on, thank you.

Ohhhh... dear.. and then we were exhausted, but smiling cuz you know.. it was a pretty great time. Seriously, the hanging-out-with-me calendar is filling up fast.. you people better get in line.

Well, I'm off for the rest of the long weekend. The married girls from my high school days, all their darling offspring - to which I'm the Best. Auntie. Ever - and I are spending most of the next few days catching up, eating our weight in good food, and remembering what it's like to have friends who've known you for literally 20 years (We'll make sure to toast to you Treena!). Topped with an Indigo Girls concert at the zoo, a coffee/thrifting date with Pixie and fireworks??? Who needs men?? Ok ok.. don't answer that.. we'll get back to that next week.

Happy 4th of July everyone! Hope you find your own 'fireworks' this weekend! Mwah!

The Summer Glow

Today feels like summer to me. It's arrived early for Seattle. We really only have two seasons.. winter and August.. with the official day of summer starting the 5th of July. Those aren't fireworks, they're a scare tactic to let the sun know if it doesn't start showing its face, well.. something big is going to happen. Yes indeedy.. we mean business.

The short skirts are out in droves, dusted off and awoken from their wintery, closeted sleep and oh how they shift back and forth on their owners in a flippy little dance daring anyone who stares to come just a bit closer..

This is the plan anyway.. the game of allure. Show a little skin, a few more freckles from lazing in the summer day, add a spry skirt and a sassy blouse or tank.. top it with a smile and a flirty glance.. and girl, you are golden.

The gym has seen much more of me as of late for this reason and it's paying off from what I can tell in how my clothes fit. I love that. I found the gym is easier to hit during the work day once I finally realized even a shorter workout is better than not going at all and surprisingly, everything is just lighter. The endorphins work a number on my spirits and every call, every co-worker, and every issue once I return, damp and glowy from my feats of strength with a few free weights and the agony of 43 thousand lunges, seems like such a breeze to handle. I'm calmer, quieter - which is saying a lot - I think clearer and I'm more productive. Overall, it doesn't suck. And I need this cuz things aren't going so well at the office.

I've written about my bad habit before and how it gets me into trouble. I'm certainly an assertive girl, but I can get pushy and aggressive very quickly without thinking. I say what's on my mind and sometimes without editing silently first - I'm learning on that one, but I feel it's my job to be somewhat of a bulldog at work, tho I have yet to recognize where the line is that borders Friendly, Happy, But Gets The Job Done and Hard To Deal With Bitch Who No One Will Work With .. and then when I cross it - even just a little cuz I think I'm right, which ultimately doesn't matter in the least - I still pull back too late and inevitably, the boss will pull me into his office and tell me to shut the door. Sigh.. nothing is worse than feeling like you're walking on glass all day long, that your incredible work ethic (yes, it is very good, thank you) is the only thing that has kept you your job and the fact that if they lost you, they'd be in a very sore spot. Not to mention, you'd be everyone's favorite IF you could find that button that controls your tone that rubs people the wrong way and TURN. IT. OFF. Um.. please? Someone? Anyone? Is this thing on?

But I'm trying to be more positive in general and as I said, the gym helps, the sunny brilliance of this Seattle summer is a lovely beginning, and overall, I'm healed from my winter romance - finally. I don't think of him nearly as much and when I do, it's no longer painful. We're both doing fine without the other and maybe one day we'll have figured out who is good for us and what we really want and how we can be friends (and Sparky - I hope your trip is amazing).

And with all that good energy I'm mustering, I can't say I would mind a bit more attention of that boy nature. I do have a date tonight and one tomorrow.. and had another earlier in the week. I'm not juggling really so don't jump to conclusions. These are all firsts and it's been rather sporadic when I find someone interesting who might even pursue me a little, tho usually, the persistent ones are so much younger.. it's endearing, of course, but Miss D must start learning from her mistakes one day and play with the older ones who hopefully, have better timing and a clearer understanding of that balance of planning for a future and living in the moment.

Well.. one can only hope, right?

And yet, since the dating plane has been more of a dusty desert recently, I might be having drinks with an adorable 25-year-old tonight....... eh.. so my plan of learning from my mistakes starts tomorrow. What's one more day?

Happy weekend my lovelies! Mwah!

Glitter+Sun+Crinolines = Solstice Baby

It has come and gone, the weekend of Solstice, tho June 21st, the longest day of the year, is just hours away and Seattle celebrated in the brightest way it could in the heart of Fremont.

Again, helloooo Blogger IT people.. it'd be nice to post some PICTURES please.. No?! Was that some snickering over there in Blogger land where some mean and green being is maniacally planning to take over the world denying one blogger at a time the ability to upload pictures of our lives??! I think so!

Fine. No cake for you.. I mean, until this is fixed.. um.. if it will get you to fix the issue faster.. then of course, cake will be right up.. well.. just as soon as I can upload pictures. Got it buster? *Sigh*

** Update ** Oh um.. thank you Blogger for fixing the picture issue. Cake will be on its way.. or should be.. or hey, why don't you just go pick one up and then send me the receipt? Yes. There's a good Blogger. Check's in the mail and all that.

Ahem... now where was I? Oh yes..

I direct your attention to this link titled appropriately, Fremont Solstice '06, or as I started calling us, The Crinoline Brigade. I'm sure you can see why.

*** Update AGAIN *** Stupid !@#$% Blogger.. as you can see.. no further pictures.. the top one was a fluke people. Please, come put me out of my misery. And do not, I repeat, DO NOT, send cake to those Blogger people who apparently do nothing all day but laugh at cute little bloggers like me and our futile picture-uploading efforts.. Hmph. Hate you right now Blogger.. yes I do!

Moving on..

The theme was camo and crinolines, which, let me just say, got us a whole mess of attention. And my new camo t-shirt, a bargain deal at only $6.99 and a child's medium at that, I might add, was actually quite fetching, I found. Seriously, the military might have something on fashion and this stretch fabric.. you know.. when you're trying to blend in with the foliage, might as well look as good as you feel is all I'm saying.

Spirits were high.. and only after a short time, also tipsy, but mostly the bright colors found complete strangers smiling with us and even one gay friendly boy demanded we twirl.. and you know what?! We did - to everyone's delight! Oh yes.. we brought joy to the masses that day and if you don't know the Fremont Solstice, there were masses to behold.. um.. en masse. Er.. whatever.

And then you know what? The sun came out, which is rare here in June people.. but it did! And there was lots of yay! And then it sort of became 85 zillion degrees very fast and we weren't moving.. or in shade. Nope - we were just sitting there.. waiting for the parade - to start.. sort of forever.. and then it finally did.. Oh! Whoo hoo! And stuff like that.. and it kept going and going and going.. and we sat.. for hours.. in sun.. directly.. with no sunscreen. Ow, my scalp. But hey, who noticed?

Did I mention the drinks started happening pretty early? There were water bottles of margaritas which I only sipped cuz really.. me + sun + drinking = not so pretty so I was the designated crinoline brigade driver of sorts. The majority of the other kids? Well.. yes, they were trashed before the parade was over.. but it was rather humorous and entertaining and there was much fluffing and dancing with the crinolines and strangers and such - you know.. general merriment (which you would SEE - right here - if Blogger corrected their breaky parts! Argh!).

And I believe afterwards, there were many many.. many more bartender's margaritas and very little food and possibly a beer garden and somewhere in there, Ms. Ironika glazed over like a Krispy Kreme (I told her this myself - which I thought was a particularly brilliant comment, not to mention, simile, thank you.) and both her man and I noticed about the same time. We thought better than to jar her suddenly cuz she seemed on the verge, and yet I was proud she managed herself, crinoline and bobbly headband and all, to the restaurant facilities to have her moment of .. um.. eradication, as it were.

Hey, she was smiling afterwards..

I think there was some walking.. and then some lying down on the grass.. and then another attempt at walking but just to a nearby patch of grass in which to lie (lay??) again - or possibly nap. So to be clear: Walking = 0, Grass lying = 2.

Those of us who could manage the walk to the beer garden to extract keys, only managed to extract our host entirely from said beer garden in fear we would lose his one and only house key - and you know, we probably would've.. so in retrospect, he actually made the right decision to accompany us - and then we met up with the rest of our jubilant, and also, very plastered, friends who'd rallied and found a semi-grounded state enough to stand and walk. I thought it was a good sign. And then off we went for further private purging and the much-needed post-purge nap.

Oh the girls were silly and how I so wished I had video of the whole raucous event, but you will just have to settle for the link of pictures to Flickr and then write mean and nasty and pleading letters to Blogger to FIX. THE. PICTURE. LINK. ALREADY. GOD!

I think Solstice was done up - and down - and probably sideways by our pretty platoon. I, for one, was never bored.. and the fancy crinoline I wore did wonders for my popularity amongst the public. It never hurts to have a few adorable male strangers fawn and compliment.. and request a twirl or two..

A Drink, A Club, And A Set of Fluffy Knickers

Last Thursday I got an email from our fair little Pixie informing me of something called Seattle Urban Golf. Hmm, said I. Just like that. Hm.. this sounds.. interesting. And a couple of emails to Ms. Ironika and back to Ms. Pix, and before I knew it, Team Fluffy Knickers was born and greatness embarked upon!

Our big event took place on Saturday afternoon with a mass of costumed fanatics, including ourselves, dressed for the occasion. The burners arrived with their highly equipped golf cart that was dressed more for getting round the playa than making its way round a few city blocks, but they managed just fine.. yes they did.

The idea was to get thru 9 holes in and around the Capital Hill area.. each hole ending at.. oh.. a bar! Because if you have incentive, then it makes the golfing that much more fun - not that we needed incentive to have fun - we were golfing with plastic hockey sticks for children after all.. The first hole was um.. not so tough.. just a few short yards away and I think we walked further to the bar beyond the hole than it took to get to the hole itself! So I took my time.. what? Like we were in a hurry?? But we got going.. and phew! We made it to the first bar and first round of drinks.

We managed quite a bit with our original team of 6, tho we were added onto twice by the organizational leaders and made into 10 quickly. Two of them seemed to disappear as fast as they joined.. but they found others with whom to bond behind us. And everyone made friends cuz what is golfing AND drinking without a bit of friendly? I'll tell you.. dull, people. You're simply a drunk in plaid.. and that's just not ok.. no no, it is not.

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Please note Blogger is suddenly not letting me upload pictures anymore and hellloooo Blogger PEOPLE... I'm so NOT happy about this, like AT ALL! Grrr! So due to technical difficulties to no fault of my own, thank you, I will continue on without the visual examples since my post has already been delayed and instead, will be forced to submit y'all to more sarcasm than usual.. yes, I will. Hey.. blame Blogger..
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ANYWAY..

Pretty much after the first hole, guesstimates of scores were tallied. My first one? I think it was 4 strokes... times 12. It didn't really matter since by hole 5 or 6 we started noticing people we'd never seen before. At first we thought they must've started after us and because of our dallying, drinking, and nacho-ordering so as to absorb what was beyond my already 12-year-old girl tolerance to alcohol, that they must've caught us.. but nope that was wrong, as I found out when bothering asking them myself. No indeed.. they'd started well before us.. like an hour. We simply mastered the cement greens and thoroughfares too skillfully- and I think eventually, we just really wanted to be done (hi, those boots ain't made for that much walkin') - that we surpassed all but one team by the end - six hours later.. yes, really, it took that long.

The height of the buzz surrounding the event as well as caused by many a potent libation truly came during some back and forth trash talking with the team close at our heels, the Assimilators. Persistent in their efforts to convert our dearest and most attractive members, Pixie and Ironika, with their emblazened sharpie markings, I duked it out with them in a few bars and they could only stand back with mouths agape, but oh so impressed by the fear I instilled in them. And then, to the delight of the man in the neon-lit army helmet [imagine picture here *ahem*] following his jab at me for his stroke score (and oh.. just wait for it), came my comment, "Oh yeah, I'll stroke YOU,"..... which as you're experiencing right now, was followed by silence and then much, much laughter and maybe an array of every possible shade of red that one Miss D can turn. Yup.. that was me. Pure brilliance I tell you. After my graduation from clown school, I will be available for parties..

A few of the team members couldn't endure the rigors of the entire tourney and I know after an extensive chat with a gopher (pictures would be HERE if Blogger got their you know what together) and a large Guinness, Ms. Ironika, as well as a couple of other Fluffy Knickers, cabbed it home. And the five of us who lasted sat round our victory table after 9 grueling, yet fascinatingly entertaining, holes - fried mozzerella and pitchers of water already delivered by the time the other drunks teams finally started arriving. And tho we made some new acquaintances, Pixie and I left them to their final rounds of full pints and decided to head home when we felt our ability to drive had returned and our costumed journey had come to a successful end.

And then I spent ALL day Sunday editing pictures (after coffee and four ibuprofen)! Mine are here but there are a few others we found here and here! Go look! And read the captions! Yay! Cuz I'm so funny!

Coming soon..

No time to write at the moment.. but thought I'd leave a little teaser.. Team Fluffy Knickers sailed thru Seattle's first ever Urban Golf Tournament a.k.a How Many Bars In Capital Hill Can One Walk To After Pretending To Golf In The Street.. I Think It's 9. Ohhh.. you will like this one.. I promise!

More to come my lovelies.. more to come.. xoxox

Sassypants Tuesday

You might think this post is going to be about sassypants, since the title says, 'Sassypants Tuesday'.. but noooooo.. it's about me being sassy and.. maybe.. wearing pants while doing it.. which is not altogether out of the ordinary, but I give you this picture above. Yes I do. It's yours. I know.. I really shouldn't have, but it comes with a string - or rather, a contest if you will. Tell me what you think it is.. or give it a title of sorts.. something catchy, witty, and creative.. something worth getting my ass kicked by Kari who's the owner of this fine whatchamacallit and you, my fancy readers, get to help - name it, that is.. not kick my ass. I am fragile you know, but given the chance, I am a scrapper. I pull hair. So watch out, fyi.

What's in it for you? Oh.. um.. hm.. well, I'll think of something.

Now you ask, what brought me to snapping shots of Kari's garden art? Well, two glasses of wine for starters.. but mainly, this little bug's 4th birthday party.. also cake. Don't forget the power of cake.. I never do.. just like I never forget the children (except when I do and don't mail Christmas presents to Megan til like May, but they weren't really forgotten, they just weren't sent.. til much later past Christmas like 5 months and, oh.. I know, I suck.)... But isn't she a cutester? All four years of her.

And this other little bug, Max, to whom I'm not even related in the slightest, could not be photo-resisted when he gave me this little magician/2-year-old-in-the-hood look. I tell you.. frickin precious..

Continuing on the birthday bent and this backward spiral of storytelling, Pixie and I headed out for a rather belated celebratory girl date drink, or 4, for her 30th anniversary of life on this planet on Friday. It wasn't quite my fault she was in Europe during the exact change over into 30-dom or that there was some reverse present-giving upon her return from her travels which sparkled up my wrist considerably. But, I did my best to make it up to her, sambuca poised for her pending arrival, and anticipated the girl-talk to be had.

Far be it from me to deny myself any special camera opportunities when in the company of the Pixie-ness herself, but to my surprise, after a few unflattering shots were captured by my unskilled push of a very snazzy, but oh-so-slow camera button, Pixie put the kibosh on that and thusly, stole the picture-making device away from my tipsy little hands. You can see that look, can't you? That.. 'Oh dear.. she is an insistent little thing, isn't she?' look. But before I knew it, she was flashing the pics trying to find just the right top-of-my-head shot and somehow, this one, where as I'm doing my best chihuahua growl.. or something to that effect, was the keeper. There's even a little cleavage in there. My gift to you.

And THEN, you know what happened??? The most AMAZING THING! Last Thursday I got a package! Yes I did! And tho it wasn't a box-load of wine or diamonds or winning lottery tickets, it did contain 4, I repeat four, BOXES of homemade Read's chocolates from the fantastic parents of Treena and their legendary candy store. I'm telling you.. order some. Now. Do it. You will thank me later. Yes you will. Cuz you know why? You've never ever had chocolate fudge wrapped in caramel and then covered in chocolate.. have you? Well, maybe you have.. but I hadn't.. and there were lots of mmmohhhhhhhmy's and mmohmygod's around the office wherein I secured my popularity and the undefeated Bringer Of Chocolates title once again. You'd think I'd be all chocolated out by now too with all my choices - each one veiled in either milk or dark chocolate - the peanut butter fudge with caramel and the chocolate covered coconut.. and a bag of licorice that is ALL. MINE. But nope, not sick of it at all. Are you frickin kidding?! Yeah, no.. that could never happen.

Oh! I almost forgot - has anyone noticed my weather pixie? Such the little tart, don't you think? But she fits right in with her sassy platforms and is almost always inappropriately dressed for the weather. Maybe I should name her Pomgirl since she keeps forgetting her coat when it rains (Hee!)? Or maybe there should be more winnings to the person who comes up with the best name for her? Yes, why not! I promise, it'll be something cool and maybe.. chocolate! Oh, did I say that outloud?!

So what have we learned today? Take pictures when you've had alcohol, tease your friends - kindly, but publicly of course, ooo and aww for the children, come up with ingenious answers for my many spur-of-the-moment-just-thought-up-JUSTNOW contests, and take a dip into the happiness that is to be found by way of much cocoa indulgence. Do it. You know you want to.

When Life Gives You Lemons.. Make It A Lulu

Ahh, what the joys of spontaneous travel to Portland with a couple of girlfriends sporting large cups of caffeine and questionable will power when waltzing into the glory that is lululemon will do for you..

Abby, Casandra and I decided to take a day trip to Portland. Mind you, half the day, of course, was made up of driving cuz tho it seems relatively nearby, The fair Rose City is still a good 2 - 2 1/2 hour drive from The Emerald City (you can't put those two terribly close together cuz green and red only work during Christmas people). No jauntyness about it, nothing quick.. no no no. But we gabbed and caught up and sang songs and voilà! We arrived - where much shopping excitement awaited us!

Oh and how it came and went so very quickly, as did our funds, within the first store, lululemon. This is due to the greatness of their athletic pants that Abby said she needed - she is a very striking, if not the best, yoga instructor, after all - and I'd been needing some new sweats myself.

After only a few minutes there, we focused in on these pants, called the groove pant, but I've since renamed them 'the best ass pants EVER' cuz when we saw our backsides clothed in these so-hot-they'll-burn-up-the-gym-pants in the mirror, we were all hot for ourselves. Seriously, guys? If your girl works out, spend the money ($84) and get her some of these.. you won't regret it. Mine are all black with a pale pink stripe just above the bum. Let me just say if I didn't before, I definitely put the 'ass' in assertive now. I almost can't stop looking at my own butt. I'm not kidding.. it rocks the hotness.

Quite exhausted and starving after so much staring at our gorgeous derrières, we galavanted over to the Hawthorne district, one of my favorite areas of Portland, after lunch, snacked again, window shopped further, and by 6-ish, caffeinated ourselves for the ride home, but made one more stop at this random junk-ish store called Pretty Good Stuff. Hats were tried on, bad jokes were made, Abby attempted her poor piano playing, but her dancing in the street and channeling of Mick Jagger were much better. Obviously, the sugar/caffeine combo and possibly the shopping delirium were getting to us, but that was the point. We headed back to Seattle shopped out, but happy.

Back home now, celebrating the Memorial Day holidayness by way of staying in my pajamas for as long as possible, I'll catch y'all up on the rest..

I wish I could say I stand before you corrected, but I can't.. cuz the only thing I really can tell you is that um.. I'm blonde. Suddenly. Well, blonder than I may ever have been in my life. And I don't think it's quite what I asked for or expected since I'm certain I went in to have my hair dyed and came out with it bleached. Sorry boys if you don't understand, but we, girls, know the difference. I'm still unclear how 'not my natural color, but just a bit warmer' actually meant 'oh I wish I could have hair the color of Jennifer Aniston's.' Hm. And you know what's worse? She explained that they didn't go to the root cuz they wanted it to look natural when it grew out and to prevent a definitive line. Um.. girls? If anyone tells you this, run, don't walk, out of the salon. It's a scam.

Now, we know I'm not the quickest one of us here.. yes we do.. but also, in my defense, her logic sort of made sense to me at the time.. AND the lighting at this particular downtown Seattle salon (which I will not name, but will tell you it does rhyme with PAIN and replace the P with a V) is a little strange so I couldn't really see it until I was home and worked with it the next day. So why, you ask, was I shocked when checking it out? Cuz I figured her logic meant........ ok, you know.. I really don't know what the hell she was talking about.. cuz looking at my hair it looks more like it was done a month ago.. not last Thursday.

But hey, I no longer look like Pat Benetar.. if that's the bright side.. Still, I took my newly blonder and still botched dye job'd self to a more reputable and highly recommended salon on Capital Hill and showed my soon-to-be saviorette how my hair was victimized. After her initial gasp - yes, she and the receptionist - she promised she could fix me. Two weeks from now. God, let's hope someone can. So kids, please learn from my mistakes. Don't wait to do things last minute when pictures that are supposed to last the rest of some people's lives, namely, your mother's, will be taken during her wedding and will be found in her house to haunt you for as long as you both shall live... Just sayin.

AND.. speaking of the BIG DAY.. are you dying to hear about it?! Oh please, no dying.. it wasn't all that or anything. My mom was very cute and slightly flustered and rushed and I think, actually nervous. It was sweet. I even lip glossed her cuz for some reason, when Mom asked me if she looked alright, the wicked step-sister decided to tell her just SECONDS before we all started the important walking down the aisle stuff that she needed lipstick. Um.. helllooo.. cow, thank you for completely ruining my mother's sense of calm she had just reached. She looked FINE.. but ok, she looked a tiiiny bit better with my lip gloss on her. It was a nice pale pink that goes with anything (seriously - it's by MAC and it's called Underage - refrain from the jokes boys - it's fab.). Still, that's not the point.. did I tell the W.S.S. that my aunt almost asked her when she was due cuz at first she thought she was 7 months pregnant? Nooo.. OR that her cleavage could barely be contained in the dress that just wasn't working for her? Nope. Did I want to? Ooooh yes. Very much. But I kept my mouth shut, let her dig her own grave with my family and truly, she did me proud. After two aunts (one who never says anything bad about anyone), a cousin, and my grandmother all said they didn't like her and would never go out of their way to spend time with her just based on her own control-freakish and rude words and actions that day, I knew avoiding her during the standard holiday visits in the future would be accepted appropriate behavior. Chalk that up on my list as something for me to be happy about Pomgirl!

And tho I wasn't happy with any pictures of me, here is a cute one with my adorable cousin, Mollie and one of my sister-in-law, Nadia, who's wearing the coolest vintage dress ever.

So here's to finding something that will make you happy - be it softball games in the pouring rain for Treena, the relief of that much, MUCH-awaited news of a job for LadyMiss (Yay!! And congrats!!), a weekend trip to San Fran for my sassy Pixie, the desperately needed mouse-eating magical pony for Léonie, happiness in a tablet for the spritely Pom, the bond between relatives created by despising the same person, or just a really expensive, but devylishly fetching pair of sweats.

It's all about the simple pleasures.. isn't it?

You Can Learn A Lot From Me, Besides How To Be Sarcastic

I give out a lot of advice.. mostly when I think it's going to be useful, tho I'm sure sometimes, it's unwanted - however, you should all listen when I give out this little tidbit - for free, mind you - as it will save you an ENORMOUS amount of grief. Oh no.. no thanks necessary.. your peace of mind is thanks enough. So here it is:

Never ever ever ever EVER EVER have your hair done at a salon you've NEVER been to TWO DAYS BEFORE you're to be the MAID OF HONOR in a WEDDING.. that happens to be your MOTHER'S.

Just saying.

No.. it didn't go well. The hair is a bit fried from the 'trim' that was much less an actual trim and more an ok-I-totally-know-exactly-what-you-want-except-I-won't-be-doing-anything-like-that -AT-ALL. And the dye/foil part? Well.. let's just say a picture of Pat Benetar from the 80's looks more like me at this very moment.. Yeah, it totally rocks.

Not.

There will be a 'correction' for free - and then there will be a sort of NO going back there. Tho I do have to say, they were very sweet and very nice.. nothing personal you know, but I just can't trust them with my hair, which is sort of the main reason you'd step into a salon.. but you know, maybe they're good at other things.. like abstract expressionism.. or the tuba.. but hair? Hm.. not so much. On some karmic level, I'm sure I deserved it. I did kill a nuclear-sized spider the night before. Spidey justice maybe.

Barring that, the drive down to Mom's was pleasant.. if not completely delayed. I meant to leave around 3 at the latest from Seattle. 5:15 was more exact.. and right in the middle of Friday rush hour. I don't know what happened, but every single frickin errand I had to run, somehow found me on the most jam-packed way there and back. Roads I never take, routes I never go.. and I was on them.. ALL.

And did I mention the night before I lost my debit card? Yeah.. right before you leave for an important trip out of town is the BEST night to do that. Especially right after the relaxing mani/pedi with your friend Ironika.. and then instantly, neither of you are relaxed cuz you pretty much ruined that part and um, also? She is much poorer due to the fact that she had to PAY for your sorry, stupid, absent-minded self. Only if I'd kicked her in the knee could that have been any better for her, I'm sure.

Anyway.. so there I was, FINALLY driving down to Oregon.. in the middle of no-where-radio-station-land and I find something and have a little realization, which I have to admit to y'all. You guys.. I like the Goo Goo Dolls. Ok, there. I said it. I do. Say what you will about them or their silly band name, but they're catchy. I LOVE that guy's voice.. I love that each single sort of moves me and I can say each time one of their songs comes on, I think of a specific person I was with, a moment I had with someone.. a memory. Something like that. Not the new one quite yet, however, I do like the lyrics and.. I just like them. Ok? Geez.. Anyway, I just had to get that out.

SO.. back to the farm.. la la la.. where I arrived safely and all that and then before I went bed, I thought, maybe I should try on those shoes I bought to go with the dress.. just in case. And you know what's coming right? You know that part in Cinderella where the ugly step-sisters are trying on the dainty glass slipper? Yup.. the shoes Didn't. Fucking. Fit. Tho I don't think they said it quite like that..

You know, I'm going to give y'all a bit more advice here:

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy shoes a 1/2 size smaller than you normally wear just because you think they fit in the store. Yes, they were snug.. Yes, of course, I thought they were fine.. but it was also cooler then.. and in SEATTLE, where it's COLD AND RAINY TEN MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR. Not humid like it is in MiddleofNoWhere, Oregon.. where CORN GROWS and where feet will most likely swell in such weather.

People.. you are asking when I'll learn.. aren't you? Yes.. I know. Sigh..

I was sort of relieved to have to go shopping cuz then I didn't have to make nice all day with the new step-family and all their 3 foot offspring. Small talk gets tedious quickly when you know you're just going to have to do it again and go over exactly the same things in like, November, for Thanksgiving. Personally, I'm thankful there's at least a 6 month window between now and then.

But I did find shoes - at the last possible store (Salem is very small) cuz you wouldn't think silver strappy numbers were a near extinct species being right in the midst of prom season now, would you? You'd be wrong, of course. Just like I was. Yes, I can tell you're completely shocked. But tell me, when did black acutally return to being the new black?!

The problem lay in the fact that when one loses one's debit card, one has to withdraw an ASSLOAD of cash to pay for one's many errands from Friday to Saturday prior to one's mother getting remarried, including one's last-minute replacement of one's poor choice for maid-of-honor-dress shoes. Things added up very quickly and oh I ran thru $400 real fast. I was a frickin Mastercard commercial.. well, without the actual card.

$34 for oil change before 4 1/2 hour drive to mother's house for her wedding that you're in.
$5 for belated mother's day cards for both mother and grandmother who you'll see at mother's house before her wedding that you're in.
$115 + $25 tip for botched salon job that was to make you "pretty" for said mother's wedding that you're in.
$1 zillion for gas for 4 1/2 hour drive to mother's house in Bumfuck Egypt for mother's wedding that you're in.
$60 for new shoes, to replace previously purchased shoes that you thought fit but were actually too small, for your mother's wedding that you're in.

Having your mother tell you what her girlfriends gave her as gifts for her bridal shower:
Priceless.

Oh yeah.. wanna hear that conversation?

Me: Mom.. just so you know, I have to run into town tomorrow, first thing. I have to get new shoes. These don't fit.

Mom: Oh ok.. no problem. Oh.. you should've seen what the girls gave me for presents.. they're so dirty.. *giggles*... Edib *INTERRUPTED BY ME*

Me: MOM! GOD!

Mom: *giggling more now* No.. *giggle* no.. you have to hear..

Me: NO MOM! I'M NOT LISTENING! EW! NO! SHUT UP!

Mom: *completely laughing now* But.. you have to.. *almost in tears she's laughing so much*.. really..

Me: LALALALALA.. Um.. no. No I DON'T Mom! Go away now! Gross!! *shutting door and pushing her laughing ass out*

And people wonder why I have drama. Seriously..

That Which Doesn't Kill You Should Not Ruin A Good Manicure..

Ok.. who bawled their eyes out on Monday night over the season finale of Grey's Anatomy?? Come ON.. I know at least some of you had to.. I mean.. the dog died, the one guy died.. there was dying and soon-to-be dying and shootings that caused dying all over the place! And Chris O'Donnell looking very cute - I didn't cry over him or anything.. just admired the cuteness and daydreamed.......................

Oh.. um.. what was I saying?

Right, right.. Grey's.. Needless to say, it = good AND I even managed to get some decorating done. Just a little arranging and rearranging of my cute, little, humble abode and guys.. it's looking good! And, more importantly.. it's looking moved in! Yes! You should come over and see it! See that I can live without half-emptied boxes of things I don't know what to do with! I really can! Tho I'm not exactly done.. but I certainly made a dent. Pictures are hung and it's looking rather artsy and cool, if I do say so myself, thank you. It feels good to get settled.. to start making things happen for myself. In lots of ways.

There've been a few bumps in the road lately, but honestly, I feel stronger cuz I'm not allowing them to affect me negatively - or at least not for nearly as long as they have. I'm trying to listen better - paying attention to what my friends advise me.. cuz hi.. they sort of have my best interest at heart. They're good like that. So when two of them almost kicked my ass kindly suggested recently that it was time to sever ties with the boy, the ex one.. I knew they were right.

I'd come home late after a movie on Saturday and was still up puttering around at 1am when I received an unexpected text from him. He was drunk and doing his best I'm-cute impression trying to cover up the fact he drunk dialed at all cuz there was no direct booty calling in his message.. just checking in to see what I was up to. Trust me when I say he was over it the moment we broke up - if not before. I watched anything he ever felt for me fall right out of him while we were going thru it - yet, there he was trying to get my attention in the middle of the night. No.. I wasn't confused at all. So what did I do? Called him back. Yes, I found it a particulary brilliant move on my part..

The conversation was light, but he was scolded cuz he knew better, slurred words or not. He floundered a bit thru-out then the alcohol really took over and he said some pretty insensitive and stingy things.. and I thought, ok, let it go.. he's drunk and is clearly not aware what he's saying and how it affects me.. so the next awesome thing I did was overlook the obvious and asked if we should hang out the next day and chat (yes, brilliant move #2, thank you!). He then started in about the girl he's dating and how she was coming over and that she'd stay all thru the next day and then I started kicking my stupid self.. dumb dumb dumb, stop stop STOP. He heard the break in my voice when I told him that was enough. He realized what he'd done and apologized but I knew right then I'd reached my limit. I know.. you're asking why it took me that long. People.. I know.

I'd really hoped we could be friends.. Boy's a good person - I know this, but being friends is something he just isn't capable of yet and we both came to that same conclusion Monday during a much more sober conversation. Don't be too surpsied he took responsibility for his mistakes that have kept my wound open. We all have issues and he knows he has things to work on. He's got 'figure out how to be friends with girls, including those who are exes' on his list of things to learn. But maybe sometimes we're not meant to keep everyone we've loved in our lives. Maybe it's ok for some things to just be over.. for good. I really don't know. It was really hard for me, but I know it was the right decision.. and as for my list, there's a very fresh checkmark next to the item that says 'Move on'.

******************

Now, the next thing for me to tackle: Mom's wedding. So to prepare, pampering has been planned - the hair, the nails.. a little extra pushing it at the gym so that I feel bright and sparkly and I plan to be oh-so-nice even if the step-sister-monster talked her way into the damn wedding itself AND into being a bridesmaid.. WTF?! I guess if she has a neeeeeed to stand up for my mother, which is just frickin wierd if you ask me, fine. I'll smile ALL day and she can talk about God til the cows come home - cuz literally, they just might. We will be in Hickville, Oregon for this stand out event of the season after all.. I would not be surprised if a cow came right up to her and pooped on her shoe on its way home while she's spewing Godness.. and, if God had anything to do with it, one would.. but for the most part, I'm simply just going to be happy for Mom. Honest! Nothing else really matters and I know Dad would prefer it that way.

Speaking of Pops, May 7th was his birthday. He would've been 61. A week after his birthday 6 years ago, he died. I totally forgot both anniversaries. I was actually surprised at myself since he's been on my mind quite a bit due to Mom's pending nuptials, but still, it's not a bad thing. My dad loved us very much, but he was never a positive force. Yet, both my brother and I have felt since then he only wants us to be happy and what's stranger, is that with the shift of this new understanding and friendship with Mom, came a peace I've never felt before within my family. Our history is that of dysfunction, but maybe we've all reached the age where it's just too much work to keep up the bickering. I don't know how it happened, the switch that was flipped that makes everything just a tiny bit easier, that much smoother, but it's all I've ever wanted since I was a little kid - for us to be a happy family. Maybe it's cuz Mom has finally found that and ultimately, so has my father. I really don't remember many times I can clearly say both my parents felt that way at the same time. There was too much anger and resentment between them, but maybe it had to take all this for each of them to reach that point - which sounds morbid in my father's case - but seriously, I've never felt Fate in such the tangible way as I have recently.

When you notice the path clearing, like the planets have realigned in your favor... finally.. I say you should make a point to acknowledge it. So.. to Whomever is doing that for me.. thanks. You have no idea what a difference it makes..

******************

Soooo.. you know what else?? I had a really good first date last night.. and you know also?? I have another first date planned TONIGHT.. with someone completely different! Obviously. And um.. that's all. I think that's plenty of PYMotI's.. I don't want to become a PYMotI tart or anything, but kids, let me tell you.. it has been barren and uh helllooo.. it's sorta spring you know.. and I was all about wondering where the love has been y'all.. seriously. So I will be attending Mom's wedding stag, but we may actually have some new potentials on the horizon.. yes indeed..

Til next week my lovelies - when stories of accidental deaths by wedding cake for certain soon-to-be step-sisters may have to be told.. Mwahahaha.. I mean.. um.. mwah!