A Drink, A Club, And A Set of Fluffy Knickers

Last Thursday I got an email from our fair little Pixie informing me of something called Seattle Urban Golf. Hmm, said I. Just like that. Hm.. this sounds.. interesting. And a couple of emails to Ms. Ironika and back to Ms. Pix, and before I knew it, Team Fluffy Knickers was born and greatness embarked upon!

Our big event took place on Saturday afternoon with a mass of costumed fanatics, including ourselves, dressed for the occasion. The burners arrived with their highly equipped golf cart that was dressed more for getting round the playa than making its way round a few city blocks, but they managed just fine.. yes they did.

The idea was to get thru 9 holes in and around the Capital Hill area.. each hole ending at.. oh.. a bar! Because if you have incentive, then it makes the golfing that much more fun - not that we needed incentive to have fun - we were golfing with plastic hockey sticks for children after all.. The first hole was um.. not so tough.. just a few short yards away and I think we walked further to the bar beyond the hole than it took to get to the hole itself! So I took my time.. what? Like we were in a hurry?? But we got going.. and phew! We made it to the first bar and first round of drinks.

We managed quite a bit with our original team of 6, tho we were added onto twice by the organizational leaders and made into 10 quickly. Two of them seemed to disappear as fast as they joined.. but they found others with whom to bond behind us. And everyone made friends cuz what is golfing AND drinking without a bit of friendly? I'll tell you.. dull, people. You're simply a drunk in plaid.. and that's just not ok.. no no, it is not.

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Please note Blogger is suddenly not letting me upload pictures anymore and hellloooo Blogger PEOPLE... I'm so NOT happy about this, like AT ALL! Grrr! So due to technical difficulties to no fault of my own, thank you, I will continue on without the visual examples since my post has already been delayed and instead, will be forced to submit y'all to more sarcasm than usual.. yes, I will. Hey.. blame Blogger..
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ANYWAY..

Pretty much after the first hole, guesstimates of scores were tallied. My first one? I think it was 4 strokes... times 12. It didn't really matter since by hole 5 or 6 we started noticing people we'd never seen before. At first we thought they must've started after us and because of our dallying, drinking, and nacho-ordering so as to absorb what was beyond my already 12-year-old girl tolerance to alcohol, that they must've caught us.. but nope that was wrong, as I found out when bothering asking them myself. No indeed.. they'd started well before us.. like an hour. We simply mastered the cement greens and thoroughfares too skillfully- and I think eventually, we just really wanted to be done (hi, those boots ain't made for that much walkin') - that we surpassed all but one team by the end - six hours later.. yes, really, it took that long.

The height of the buzz surrounding the event as well as caused by many a potent libation truly came during some back and forth trash talking with the team close at our heels, the Assimilators. Persistent in their efforts to convert our dearest and most attractive members, Pixie and Ironika, with their emblazened sharpie markings, I duked it out with them in a few bars and they could only stand back with mouths agape, but oh so impressed by the fear I instilled in them. And then, to the delight of the man in the neon-lit army helmet [imagine picture here *ahem*] following his jab at me for his stroke score (and oh.. just wait for it), came my comment, "Oh yeah, I'll stroke YOU,"..... which as you're experiencing right now, was followed by silence and then much, much laughter and maybe an array of every possible shade of red that one Miss D can turn. Yup.. that was me. Pure brilliance I tell you. After my graduation from clown school, I will be available for parties..

A few of the team members couldn't endure the rigors of the entire tourney and I know after an extensive chat with a gopher (pictures would be HERE if Blogger got their you know what together) and a large Guinness, Ms. Ironika, as well as a couple of other Fluffy Knickers, cabbed it home. And the five of us who lasted sat round our victory table after 9 grueling, yet fascinatingly entertaining, holes - fried mozzerella and pitchers of water already delivered by the time the other drunks teams finally started arriving. And tho we made some new acquaintances, Pixie and I left them to their final rounds of full pints and decided to head home when we felt our ability to drive had returned and our costumed journey had come to a successful end.

And then I spent ALL day Sunday editing pictures (after coffee and four ibuprofen)! Mine are here but there are a few others we found here and here! Go look! And read the captions! Yay! Cuz I'm so funny!

Coming soon..

No time to write at the moment.. but thought I'd leave a little teaser.. Team Fluffy Knickers sailed thru Seattle's first ever Urban Golf Tournament a.k.a How Many Bars In Capital Hill Can One Walk To After Pretending To Golf In The Street.. I Think It's 9. Ohhh.. you will like this one.. I promise!

More to come my lovelies.. more to come.. xoxox

Sassypants Tuesday

You might think this post is going to be about sassypants, since the title says, 'Sassypants Tuesday'.. but noooooo.. it's about me being sassy and.. maybe.. wearing pants while doing it.. which is not altogether out of the ordinary, but I give you this picture above. Yes I do. It's yours. I know.. I really shouldn't have, but it comes with a string - or rather, a contest if you will. Tell me what you think it is.. or give it a title of sorts.. something catchy, witty, and creative.. something worth getting my ass kicked by Kari who's the owner of this fine whatchamacallit and you, my fancy readers, get to help - name it, that is.. not kick my ass. I am fragile you know, but given the chance, I am a scrapper. I pull hair. So watch out, fyi.

What's in it for you? Oh.. um.. hm.. well, I'll think of something.

Now you ask, what brought me to snapping shots of Kari's garden art? Well, two glasses of wine for starters.. but mainly, this little bug's 4th birthday party.. also cake. Don't forget the power of cake.. I never do.. just like I never forget the children (except when I do and don't mail Christmas presents to Megan til like May, but they weren't really forgotten, they just weren't sent.. til much later past Christmas like 5 months and, oh.. I know, I suck.)... But isn't she a cutester? All four years of her.

And this other little bug, Max, to whom I'm not even related in the slightest, could not be photo-resisted when he gave me this little magician/2-year-old-in-the-hood look. I tell you.. frickin precious..

Continuing on the birthday bent and this backward spiral of storytelling, Pixie and I headed out for a rather belated celebratory girl date drink, or 4, for her 30th anniversary of life on this planet on Friday. It wasn't quite my fault she was in Europe during the exact change over into 30-dom or that there was some reverse present-giving upon her return from her travels which sparkled up my wrist considerably. But, I did my best to make it up to her, sambuca poised for her pending arrival, and anticipated the girl-talk to be had.

Far be it from me to deny myself any special camera opportunities when in the company of the Pixie-ness herself, but to my surprise, after a few unflattering shots were captured by my unskilled push of a very snazzy, but oh-so-slow camera button, Pixie put the kibosh on that and thusly, stole the picture-making device away from my tipsy little hands. You can see that look, can't you? That.. 'Oh dear.. she is an insistent little thing, isn't she?' look. But before I knew it, she was flashing the pics trying to find just the right top-of-my-head shot and somehow, this one, where as I'm doing my best chihuahua growl.. or something to that effect, was the keeper. There's even a little cleavage in there. My gift to you.

And THEN, you know what happened??? The most AMAZING THING! Last Thursday I got a package! Yes I did! And tho it wasn't a box-load of wine or diamonds or winning lottery tickets, it did contain 4, I repeat four, BOXES of homemade Read's chocolates from the fantastic parents of Treena and their legendary candy store. I'm telling you.. order some. Now. Do it. You will thank me later. Yes you will. Cuz you know why? You've never ever had chocolate fudge wrapped in caramel and then covered in chocolate.. have you? Well, maybe you have.. but I hadn't.. and there were lots of mmmohhhhhhhmy's and mmohmygod's around the office wherein I secured my popularity and the undefeated Bringer Of Chocolates title once again. You'd think I'd be all chocolated out by now too with all my choices - each one veiled in either milk or dark chocolate - the peanut butter fudge with caramel and the chocolate covered coconut.. and a bag of licorice that is ALL. MINE. But nope, not sick of it at all. Are you frickin kidding?! Yeah, no.. that could never happen.

Oh! I almost forgot - has anyone noticed my weather pixie? Such the little tart, don't you think? But she fits right in with her sassy platforms and is almost always inappropriately dressed for the weather. Maybe I should name her Pomgirl since she keeps forgetting her coat when it rains (Hee!)? Or maybe there should be more winnings to the person who comes up with the best name for her? Yes, why not! I promise, it'll be something cool and maybe.. chocolate! Oh, did I say that outloud?!

So what have we learned today? Take pictures when you've had alcohol, tease your friends - kindly, but publicly of course, ooo and aww for the children, come up with ingenious answers for my many spur-of-the-moment-just-thought-up-JUSTNOW contests, and take a dip into the happiness that is to be found by way of much cocoa indulgence. Do it. You know you want to.

When Life Gives You Lemons.. Make It A Lulu

Ahh, what the joys of spontaneous travel to Portland with a couple of girlfriends sporting large cups of caffeine and questionable will power when waltzing into the glory that is lululemon will do for you..

Abby, Casandra and I decided to take a day trip to Portland. Mind you, half the day, of course, was made up of driving cuz tho it seems relatively nearby, The fair Rose City is still a good 2 - 2 1/2 hour drive from The Emerald City (you can't put those two terribly close together cuz green and red only work during Christmas people). No jauntyness about it, nothing quick.. no no no. But we gabbed and caught up and sang songs and voilà! We arrived - where much shopping excitement awaited us!

Oh and how it came and went so very quickly, as did our funds, within the first store, lululemon. This is due to the greatness of their athletic pants that Abby said she needed - she is a very striking, if not the best, yoga instructor, after all - and I'd been needing some new sweats myself.

After only a few minutes there, we focused in on these pants, called the groove pant, but I've since renamed them 'the best ass pants EVER' cuz when we saw our backsides clothed in these so-hot-they'll-burn-up-the-gym-pants in the mirror, we were all hot for ourselves. Seriously, guys? If your girl works out, spend the money ($84) and get her some of these.. you won't regret it. Mine are all black with a pale pink stripe just above the bum. Let me just say if I didn't before, I definitely put the 'ass' in assertive now. I almost can't stop looking at my own butt. I'm not kidding.. it rocks the hotness.

Quite exhausted and starving after so much staring at our gorgeous derrières, we galavanted over to the Hawthorne district, one of my favorite areas of Portland, after lunch, snacked again, window shopped further, and by 6-ish, caffeinated ourselves for the ride home, but made one more stop at this random junk-ish store called Pretty Good Stuff. Hats were tried on, bad jokes were made, Abby attempted her poor piano playing, but her dancing in the street and channeling of Mick Jagger were much better. Obviously, the sugar/caffeine combo and possibly the shopping delirium were getting to us, but that was the point. We headed back to Seattle shopped out, but happy.

Back home now, celebrating the Memorial Day holidayness by way of staying in my pajamas for as long as possible, I'll catch y'all up on the rest..

I wish I could say I stand before you corrected, but I can't.. cuz the only thing I really can tell you is that um.. I'm blonde. Suddenly. Well, blonder than I may ever have been in my life. And I don't think it's quite what I asked for or expected since I'm certain I went in to have my hair dyed and came out with it bleached. Sorry boys if you don't understand, but we, girls, know the difference. I'm still unclear how 'not my natural color, but just a bit warmer' actually meant 'oh I wish I could have hair the color of Jennifer Aniston's.' Hm. And you know what's worse? She explained that they didn't go to the root cuz they wanted it to look natural when it grew out and to prevent a definitive line. Um.. girls? If anyone tells you this, run, don't walk, out of the salon. It's a scam.

Now, we know I'm not the quickest one of us here.. yes we do.. but also, in my defense, her logic sort of made sense to me at the time.. AND the lighting at this particular downtown Seattle salon (which I will not name, but will tell you it does rhyme with PAIN and replace the P with a V) is a little strange so I couldn't really see it until I was home and worked with it the next day. So why, you ask, was I shocked when checking it out? Cuz I figured her logic meant........ ok, you know.. I really don't know what the hell she was talking about.. cuz looking at my hair it looks more like it was done a month ago.. not last Thursday.

But hey, I no longer look like Pat Benetar.. if that's the bright side.. Still, I took my newly blonder and still botched dye job'd self to a more reputable and highly recommended salon on Capital Hill and showed my soon-to-be saviorette how my hair was victimized. After her initial gasp - yes, she and the receptionist - she promised she could fix me. Two weeks from now. God, let's hope someone can. So kids, please learn from my mistakes. Don't wait to do things last minute when pictures that are supposed to last the rest of some people's lives, namely, your mother's, will be taken during her wedding and will be found in her house to haunt you for as long as you both shall live... Just sayin.

AND.. speaking of the BIG DAY.. are you dying to hear about it?! Oh please, no dying.. it wasn't all that or anything. My mom was very cute and slightly flustered and rushed and I think, actually nervous. It was sweet. I even lip glossed her cuz for some reason, when Mom asked me if she looked alright, the wicked step-sister decided to tell her just SECONDS before we all started the important walking down the aisle stuff that she needed lipstick. Um.. helllooo.. cow, thank you for completely ruining my mother's sense of calm she had just reached. She looked FINE.. but ok, she looked a tiiiny bit better with my lip gloss on her. It was a nice pale pink that goes with anything (seriously - it's by MAC and it's called Underage - refrain from the jokes boys - it's fab.). Still, that's not the point.. did I tell the W.S.S. that my aunt almost asked her when she was due cuz at first she thought she was 7 months pregnant? Nooo.. OR that her cleavage could barely be contained in the dress that just wasn't working for her? Nope. Did I want to? Ooooh yes. Very much. But I kept my mouth shut, let her dig her own grave with my family and truly, she did me proud. After two aunts (one who never says anything bad about anyone), a cousin, and my grandmother all said they didn't like her and would never go out of their way to spend time with her just based on her own control-freakish and rude words and actions that day, I knew avoiding her during the standard holiday visits in the future would be accepted appropriate behavior. Chalk that up on my list as something for me to be happy about Pomgirl!

And tho I wasn't happy with any pictures of me, here is a cute one with my adorable cousin, Mollie and one of my sister-in-law, Nadia, who's wearing the coolest vintage dress ever.

So here's to finding something that will make you happy - be it softball games in the pouring rain for Treena, the relief of that much, MUCH-awaited news of a job for LadyMiss (Yay!! And congrats!!), a weekend trip to San Fran for my sassy Pixie, the desperately needed mouse-eating magical pony for Léonie, happiness in a tablet for the spritely Pom, the bond between relatives created by despising the same person, or just a really expensive, but devylishly fetching pair of sweats.

It's all about the simple pleasures.. isn't it?

You Can Learn A Lot From Me, Besides How To Be Sarcastic

I give out a lot of advice.. mostly when I think it's going to be useful, tho I'm sure sometimes, it's unwanted - however, you should all listen when I give out this little tidbit - for free, mind you - as it will save you an ENORMOUS amount of grief. Oh no.. no thanks necessary.. your peace of mind is thanks enough. So here it is:

Never ever ever ever EVER EVER have your hair done at a salon you've NEVER been to TWO DAYS BEFORE you're to be the MAID OF HONOR in a WEDDING.. that happens to be your MOTHER'S.

Just saying.

No.. it didn't go well. The hair is a bit fried from the 'trim' that was much less an actual trim and more an ok-I-totally-know-exactly-what-you-want-except-I-won't-be-doing-anything-like-that -AT-ALL. And the dye/foil part? Well.. let's just say a picture of Pat Benetar from the 80's looks more like me at this very moment.. Yeah, it totally rocks.

Not.

There will be a 'correction' for free - and then there will be a sort of NO going back there. Tho I do have to say, they were very sweet and very nice.. nothing personal you know, but I just can't trust them with my hair, which is sort of the main reason you'd step into a salon.. but you know, maybe they're good at other things.. like abstract expressionism.. or the tuba.. but hair? Hm.. not so much. On some karmic level, I'm sure I deserved it. I did kill a nuclear-sized spider the night before. Spidey justice maybe.

Barring that, the drive down to Mom's was pleasant.. if not completely delayed. I meant to leave around 3 at the latest from Seattle. 5:15 was more exact.. and right in the middle of Friday rush hour. I don't know what happened, but every single frickin errand I had to run, somehow found me on the most jam-packed way there and back. Roads I never take, routes I never go.. and I was on them.. ALL.

And did I mention the night before I lost my debit card? Yeah.. right before you leave for an important trip out of town is the BEST night to do that. Especially right after the relaxing mani/pedi with your friend Ironika.. and then instantly, neither of you are relaxed cuz you pretty much ruined that part and um, also? She is much poorer due to the fact that she had to PAY for your sorry, stupid, absent-minded self. Only if I'd kicked her in the knee could that have been any better for her, I'm sure.

Anyway.. so there I was, FINALLY driving down to Oregon.. in the middle of no-where-radio-station-land and I find something and have a little realization, which I have to admit to y'all. You guys.. I like the Goo Goo Dolls. Ok, there. I said it. I do. Say what you will about them or their silly band name, but they're catchy. I LOVE that guy's voice.. I love that each single sort of moves me and I can say each time one of their songs comes on, I think of a specific person I was with, a moment I had with someone.. a memory. Something like that. Not the new one quite yet, however, I do like the lyrics and.. I just like them. Ok? Geez.. Anyway, I just had to get that out.

SO.. back to the farm.. la la la.. where I arrived safely and all that and then before I went bed, I thought, maybe I should try on those shoes I bought to go with the dress.. just in case. And you know what's coming right? You know that part in Cinderella where the ugly step-sisters are trying on the dainty glass slipper? Yup.. the shoes Didn't. Fucking. Fit. Tho I don't think they said it quite like that..

You know, I'm going to give y'all a bit more advice here:

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy shoes a 1/2 size smaller than you normally wear just because you think they fit in the store. Yes, they were snug.. Yes, of course, I thought they were fine.. but it was also cooler then.. and in SEATTLE, where it's COLD AND RAINY TEN MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR. Not humid like it is in MiddleofNoWhere, Oregon.. where CORN GROWS and where feet will most likely swell in such weather.

People.. you are asking when I'll learn.. aren't you? Yes.. I know. Sigh..

I was sort of relieved to have to go shopping cuz then I didn't have to make nice all day with the new step-family and all their 3 foot offspring. Small talk gets tedious quickly when you know you're just going to have to do it again and go over exactly the same things in like, November, for Thanksgiving. Personally, I'm thankful there's at least a 6 month window between now and then.

But I did find shoes - at the last possible store (Salem is very small) cuz you wouldn't think silver strappy numbers were a near extinct species being right in the midst of prom season now, would you? You'd be wrong, of course. Just like I was. Yes, I can tell you're completely shocked. But tell me, when did black acutally return to being the new black?!

The problem lay in the fact that when one loses one's debit card, one has to withdraw an ASSLOAD of cash to pay for one's many errands from Friday to Saturday prior to one's mother getting remarried, including one's last-minute replacement of one's poor choice for maid-of-honor-dress shoes. Things added up very quickly and oh I ran thru $400 real fast. I was a frickin Mastercard commercial.. well, without the actual card.

$34 for oil change before 4 1/2 hour drive to mother's house for her wedding that you're in.
$5 for belated mother's day cards for both mother and grandmother who you'll see at mother's house before her wedding that you're in.
$115 + $25 tip for botched salon job that was to make you "pretty" for said mother's wedding that you're in.
$1 zillion for gas for 4 1/2 hour drive to mother's house in Bumfuck Egypt for mother's wedding that you're in.
$60 for new shoes, to replace previously purchased shoes that you thought fit but were actually too small, for your mother's wedding that you're in.

Having your mother tell you what her girlfriends gave her as gifts for her bridal shower:
Priceless.

Oh yeah.. wanna hear that conversation?

Me: Mom.. just so you know, I have to run into town tomorrow, first thing. I have to get new shoes. These don't fit.

Mom: Oh ok.. no problem. Oh.. you should've seen what the girls gave me for presents.. they're so dirty.. *giggles*... Edib *INTERRUPTED BY ME*

Me: MOM! GOD!

Mom: *giggling more now* No.. *giggle* no.. you have to hear..

Me: NO MOM! I'M NOT LISTENING! EW! NO! SHUT UP!

Mom: *completely laughing now* But.. you have to.. *almost in tears she's laughing so much*.. really..

Me: LALALALALA.. Um.. no. No I DON'T Mom! Go away now! Gross!! *shutting door and pushing her laughing ass out*

And people wonder why I have drama. Seriously..

That Which Doesn't Kill You Should Not Ruin A Good Manicure..

Ok.. who bawled their eyes out on Monday night over the season finale of Grey's Anatomy?? Come ON.. I know at least some of you had to.. I mean.. the dog died, the one guy died.. there was dying and soon-to-be dying and shootings that caused dying all over the place! And Chris O'Donnell looking very cute - I didn't cry over him or anything.. just admired the cuteness and daydreamed.......................

Oh.. um.. what was I saying?

Right, right.. Grey's.. Needless to say, it = good AND I even managed to get some decorating done. Just a little arranging and rearranging of my cute, little, humble abode and guys.. it's looking good! And, more importantly.. it's looking moved in! Yes! You should come over and see it! See that I can live without half-emptied boxes of things I don't know what to do with! I really can! Tho I'm not exactly done.. but I certainly made a dent. Pictures are hung and it's looking rather artsy and cool, if I do say so myself, thank you. It feels good to get settled.. to start making things happen for myself. In lots of ways.

There've been a few bumps in the road lately, but honestly, I feel stronger cuz I'm not allowing them to affect me negatively - or at least not for nearly as long as they have. I'm trying to listen better - paying attention to what my friends advise me.. cuz hi.. they sort of have my best interest at heart. They're good like that. So when two of them almost kicked my ass kindly suggested recently that it was time to sever ties with the boy, the ex one.. I knew they were right.

I'd come home late after a movie on Saturday and was still up puttering around at 1am when I received an unexpected text from him. He was drunk and doing his best I'm-cute impression trying to cover up the fact he drunk dialed at all cuz there was no direct booty calling in his message.. just checking in to see what I was up to. Trust me when I say he was over it the moment we broke up - if not before. I watched anything he ever felt for me fall right out of him while we were going thru it - yet, there he was trying to get my attention in the middle of the night. No.. I wasn't confused at all. So what did I do? Called him back. Yes, I found it a particulary brilliant move on my part..

The conversation was light, but he was scolded cuz he knew better, slurred words or not. He floundered a bit thru-out then the alcohol really took over and he said some pretty insensitive and stingy things.. and I thought, ok, let it go.. he's drunk and is clearly not aware what he's saying and how it affects me.. so the next awesome thing I did was overlook the obvious and asked if we should hang out the next day and chat (yes, brilliant move #2, thank you!). He then started in about the girl he's dating and how she was coming over and that she'd stay all thru the next day and then I started kicking my stupid self.. dumb dumb dumb, stop stop STOP. He heard the break in my voice when I told him that was enough. He realized what he'd done and apologized but I knew right then I'd reached my limit. I know.. you're asking why it took me that long. People.. I know.

I'd really hoped we could be friends.. Boy's a good person - I know this, but being friends is something he just isn't capable of yet and we both came to that same conclusion Monday during a much more sober conversation. Don't be too surpsied he took responsibility for his mistakes that have kept my wound open. We all have issues and he knows he has things to work on. He's got 'figure out how to be friends with girls, including those who are exes' on his list of things to learn. But maybe sometimes we're not meant to keep everyone we've loved in our lives. Maybe it's ok for some things to just be over.. for good. I really don't know. It was really hard for me, but I know it was the right decision.. and as for my list, there's a very fresh checkmark next to the item that says 'Move on'.

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Now, the next thing for me to tackle: Mom's wedding. So to prepare, pampering has been planned - the hair, the nails.. a little extra pushing it at the gym so that I feel bright and sparkly and I plan to be oh-so-nice even if the step-sister-monster talked her way into the damn wedding itself AND into being a bridesmaid.. WTF?! I guess if she has a neeeeeed to stand up for my mother, which is just frickin wierd if you ask me, fine. I'll smile ALL day and she can talk about God til the cows come home - cuz literally, they just might. We will be in Hickville, Oregon for this stand out event of the season after all.. I would not be surprised if a cow came right up to her and pooped on her shoe on its way home while she's spewing Godness.. and, if God had anything to do with it, one would.. but for the most part, I'm simply just going to be happy for Mom. Honest! Nothing else really matters and I know Dad would prefer it that way.

Speaking of Pops, May 7th was his birthday. He would've been 61. A week after his birthday 6 years ago, he died. I totally forgot both anniversaries. I was actually surprised at myself since he's been on my mind quite a bit due to Mom's pending nuptials, but still, it's not a bad thing. My dad loved us very much, but he was never a positive force. Yet, both my brother and I have felt since then he only wants us to be happy and what's stranger, is that with the shift of this new understanding and friendship with Mom, came a peace I've never felt before within my family. Our history is that of dysfunction, but maybe we've all reached the age where it's just too much work to keep up the bickering. I don't know how it happened, the switch that was flipped that makes everything just a tiny bit easier, that much smoother, but it's all I've ever wanted since I was a little kid - for us to be a happy family. Maybe it's cuz Mom has finally found that and ultimately, so has my father. I really don't remember many times I can clearly say both my parents felt that way at the same time. There was too much anger and resentment between them, but maybe it had to take all this for each of them to reach that point - which sounds morbid in my father's case - but seriously, I've never felt Fate in such the tangible way as I have recently.

When you notice the path clearing, like the planets have realigned in your favor... finally.. I say you should make a point to acknowledge it. So.. to Whomever is doing that for me.. thanks. You have no idea what a difference it makes..

******************

Soooo.. you know what else?? I had a really good first date last night.. and you know also?? I have another first date planned TONIGHT.. with someone completely different! Obviously. And um.. that's all. I think that's plenty of PYMotI's.. I don't want to become a PYMotI tart or anything, but kids, let me tell you.. it has been barren and uh helllooo.. it's sorta spring you know.. and I was all about wondering where the love has been y'all.. seriously. So I will be attending Mom's wedding stag, but we may actually have some new potentials on the horizon.. yes indeed..

Til next week my lovelies - when stories of accidental deaths by wedding cake for certain soon-to-be step-sisters may have to be told.. Mwahahaha.. I mean.. um.. mwah!

LOST, Dreams, And Lost Dreamy Dates. Yes, I Know.. You So Wish You Were Me!

Ok.. hi.. who the hell can sit still with what has happened on Lost???!! I don't see anyone talking about it.. and here I was, sitting here, not watching the one from last week cuz it was recorded on my oh-so-snazzy DVR gadgety thing and I'd heard it was so good and stuff happened.. STUFF PEOPLE! And I finally saw it last night! What the...??! No one TOLD me it was THAT good! Ok ok.. Loren did.. but I thought.. they've teased us left and right and left us with mysteries all over the place.. but noooooooooo! This one was revealing! They told us things! THINGS PEOPLE! I can't even go into it all it was so much! And I'm watching the new one RIGHT NOW (well.. not by the time you read this.. duh)!!

Phew!

Ok.. calming down.. breathe.. until, you know.. the commercials are over.

Other than that, yours truly has been quite the busy bee.. moving mountains, saving the world.. well, one little broken heart at a time. Have you noticed this? It's going around.. break ups all over the place.. hiding amidst frolicking pregnacies and engagements. It's weird. Is it a strange hiccup of spring? Spring should be happy and light, which = good! Not all dreary and grey, which = bad.. argh! But I'm hoping within the bad there can be found a fresh start and that this is an especially good thing in the long run for my friend who's having a hard time of it right now.. and I should also send an extra virtual squeeze to the one who narrowly escaped such finality.

On the brighter side, there was much celebrating at Wazhma's store, Retail Therapy, where she had her three year anniversary last Friday. If you haven't been in yet and you live here, you really have no excuse. She has all kinds of gifty girly things, not to mention it's where Pixie gets all her sexy undies.. Ooh!

AND speaking of our fair Pixie, she showed up to Wazhma's big event and inundated me with a lovely little piece of bling from the French Riviera (I have no idea if that is capitalized or not.. but we're going with my grammar gut) from her most recent trip to far off foreign countries.. like um.. France. Ooh and my bling is soooo pretty! It's better than regular bling.. it's like superbling! There must be a belated birthday gift I can come up with for my adventurous friend, but oh, I'm afraid it would lack the same kick as what she's already surprised me with.. but then again, maybe a sunny afternoon of catching up over lunch will do.

I did have a couple of early morning setbacks this weekeend.. vivid dreams on Saturday morning involving the ex and another friend, both in different scenarios, both having lied to me, and of course, the ex's being more painful and harder to shake once I awoke. Tho I knew each situation hadn't actually happened, the feelings of betrayal remained nonetheless. And I wondered what my subconscious was trying to work out or what it was trying to tell me - and about who. Myself? Random friends or strangers? The specific ones who occupied my dreams? Or do I just chalk it up to over-thinking and let them go (the dreams, that is.. tho probably parting with the people might help too - sigh..) ? Dreams with similar messages aren't something I usually have.. and I actually had three of them, but can't remember the third for some reason.. and still, I paid attention cuz.. well.. it felt like I should. They all circled around the same idea so there must be something I'm struggling with.. right? So.. um.. tune in NEXT episode when my personal writers frickin reveal it!

Overall tho, days are shiny, girl is fairly sparkly - if still in dire need of a foil and dye before Mom's upcoming nuptials - but hey, that's not bad. So maybe the dating options have become non-existent.. pffft.. whatever. The last one blew me off before we even officially met - yes he was one of those PYMotI's - People You Meet on the Internet (another something I've stolen blatantly, and probably badly at that, from our little English bird, Léonie (which, incidentally.. girl, I get a lot of good shit from you.. what is up with that??)). And you know.. it's fine. The choices aren't all that compelling anyway and if they were, they might try a bit harder or stick around a little longer.. or be a little less gay-er/duller/childish/obsessive.. you know.. some of those things just aren't appealing. I know.. call me crazy.

But hey, dating is way overrated. Trust those of us who are professionally single.. really, it is. And besides, I have lots of friends who need an ear, nieces who need entertaining (not tattoos or piercings as their mother might believe I would allow.. ahem..), and a stunning dress in which I must look fabulous very soon so some gym time will be clocked. Things to do people.. things to do!

But um.. hey, if you know anyone you might want to set me up with.. I could sure use a date to that wedding..

Meme-ry.. All Alone In The Bloglight..

Yes.. I'm retarded.. but I still came up with the idea of starting our own orignal meme.. whatever the hell that word means. And I've gathered some questions from a few of the blogger girls around the world - seriously, they are around the world you know - and then passed the torch so maybe they'll humor me in this very silly little game and post their answers too. They know who they are but they're all on my list of recommended reads.. Go find 'em!

If you, dear reader, would also like to take part.. knock yourself out.. not literally of course.. do be careful with yourself.

* Dislaimer: I do not pretend to have made up all these questions, nor to be responsible if they suck.. but um.. they don't.

THE NEW MEME

1. What is the dish you take to every potluck?
My homemade rockstar hummus.. cuz it rocks or the not so homemade but out-of-the-Knorr-box spinach dip that pretty much kicks ass.

2. Have you ever seen or felt a ghost, angel, spirit, or some sort of other-worldy being?
I feel like there are a few times I've seen strange little strings of light that were so bright I thought they were a glare from the window but they were in odd spots - like the glimmer of light off a single thread of a spider web.. I can't really explain it, but I felt they were not of this world.

I also had a very powerful dream of my father a month or so after he died where he told me to make sure Mom was happy and that I made myself happy. When I woke up, I knew he'd been in the room, somehow. His energy was just dissipating and the room was tingling.

3. Would you rather never workout again and be skinny forever or be able to work out whenever you wanted to and be a little overweight?
Um.. hi.. skinny forever.. and never work out.. that'd be rad!

4. What is the hardest thing you think you've experienced so far?
Death - physical or even the deaths of any relationship, friends and/or lovers.. The death of my good friend Nic at only 26. The deaths of my maternal grandfather, father, and paternal grandmother within 5 months of each other, followed by the break up of my boyfriend at the time and I the following month after that.

5. Do you like Snoopy or Woodstock better?
Hm.. this is tough. I think Snoopy cuz he's rather independent even if he needs Charlie Brown to feed him. And I played him in a musical my senior year in high school. So I'm sorta biased.

6. Can you talk and eat at the same time? And if so, can people understand you?
Yes I can.. I'm a talker. I've honed the skill of eating and talking at the same time.. but I think people can only understand me in relation to how long they've known me.. like learning a language, the more they've been around me, the more they understand what I'm saying when my mouth is full.... hm.. that came out wrong I think.

7. If you could be good at any profession, which would you choose and why?
I still would love to be a successful rockstar.. well, once I learn to magically play the guitar, I think that will happen for me. Just like that.

8. Would you rather be a Playboy bunny or a Hooters girl?
Playboy bunny by far.. they don't really have to work, do they?

9. Peanut butter – crunchy or smooth?
I like them both, but prefer smooth.

10. Bad boys, frat boys, intellectuals or dorks?
Dorks and bad boys.. never liked the fratty ones, tho they look cute til they start talking.. and tho I do like a good smarty pants.. the intellectuals often are a bit too pretentious for me.

11. Name 6 people, alive or dead, you'd like to invite to dinner.
Queen Elizabeth I, Tom Stoppard, William Shakespeare or the Duke of Oxford (cuz honestly, I think the Duke actually wrote all of Shakespeare.. but that's another question for later cuz you don't care do you?), Robin Williams, Katherine Hepburn, and Jon Stewart.

12. This is a two parter, and be truthful – when you are by yourself, do you get a 6 inch or a 12 inch sandwich from Subway? How about when you are with your friends?
Only Treena would come up with this one.. um.. 6 inch.. but now.. I'm assuming this is 'for realz' girl and not some.. um.. suggestive question.. How the hell can you eat a 12" sandwich? That's what we should be asking.

13. What was the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you?
Todd punched me once.. I remember that.. all I know is I was always getting into trouble for not getting chores done when I always did my chores and he screwed around all day.. Spoiled brat he was.

14. Location of the best sex you've ever had?
With the most recent ex and anywhere we had it. Seriously.. that good.

15. Oddest place you've ever had sex?
A graveyard - um.. it was very dark, ok? Spontenaity people..

16. If you were super drunk, and REALLY had to pee, but all the toilets were being used, would you consider alternate receptacles, i.e. the mens, outside, a sink?
Done the men's room before.. but um.. other than that.. outside.. no sink action.. ew ew!

17. If you had to pick, classical or jazz?
Classical... probably Chopin or Mozart.. love it.

18. What's your favorite kind of pizza?
Vegetarian.. w/ pepperoni. Mmmmmmm!

19. Ever flirted with a friend's significant other?
Probably, but not in a way that anyone would think I was doing anything devious.. harmless.. I would never do that to a friend.

20. What was the blog site or blog post that began your interest in blogging? Please add the site name and link to specific post if possible for completely entertainment purposes.
Miss Doxie was the first ever blog I discovered cuz a friend sent me a link to her post about seeing The Graduate, starring Morgan Fairchild, on stage. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.. I've read just about everything she's ever written since and convinced most of my office and friends to do so as well. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.. That girl = funny.

21. Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Marshmallows?
Um.. no.. and ew!

22. Last time you drank so much that you had to throw up?
I think a couple of years ago.. a girlfriend and I went out to EMP with no intentions of drinking til we were sloshed.. had 3 drinks unbeknownst to us that the martinis were always served as doubles.. Oy.. accidental hangover for Miss D.

23. Do you have a stupid human trick you can do if you ever get on Dave Letterman? And do tell, if so!
I'm pigeon-toed enough that I can sit on my knees, turn out my legs to the side with the toes completely pointed in and then can bring my legs all the way in til my toes touch. It grosses everyone out and looks like my legs are broken. Hee!

24. Describe your perfect day.
Let's see.. I'm in the south of France with the person I love, just after a lazy morning, having petite déjeuner under a gorgeous sky with friends and family on their way. Oh and I've just become independently wealthy and quit my job.

25. Do you think the concept of a single best friend is outdated and unrealistic?
Single? Probably outgrown more than outdated.. I have varying degrees of best in my friends, but they all know how much they mean to me.

26. What about the idea of one true love?
I do believe in that - however, I don't think we're limited to loving only one person throughout our lives and sometimes, I don't think we're meant to be with one person forever.. I'd like to believe that's the case, but I also haven't found that person for me either. One day.

27. One of your favorite memories of all time?
When I turned 21, I was in college and living in Ashland. My closest friends and roommates at the time, Stephanie, Nic, and Keith were there.. and I believe a couple of others. Nic, who'd been a lover for a short time prior to us being roommates, and I had always had a strong connection since we'd met but we'd also had the uncanny ability to completely irritate the other any time one of us wanted. But that night, he suggested to the group that we play a game. They would go around the circle and let everyone know what their favorite thing about me was and the only catch was that I had to sit there, unable to say anything, and listen. I was so overwhelmed with how much he cared, I must've turned 7 shades of red. However, I can't, to this day, remember what his favorite thing was.. or anyone's for that matter. It was really the idea behind the game that mattered the most and I felt so special and loved. I'll never forget it.

28. What is your least favorite physical feature about yourself?
The fact I'm slightly pigeon-toed and it affects the way I walk. I hate it.

29. What's your most favorite?
Hm.. tie between my eyes and my smile.

30. If you had one wish for making the world a better place, what would it be?
That we could all agree that it's ok if we think differently and then the anger between people and countries would subside into a peaceful happiness where we could all co-exist at the same time.

31. What traits, good and bad, from your family do you posses?
Being adopted.. I have to guess a little, tho some are definitely behavioral and learned from my current family:
Good: Happy, energetic, kinda smart, thoughtful, empathetic and compassionate, and super soft skin
Bad: Procrastinator, negative at times, lazy at others, whiny, impatient, and short to name a few.

32. When was the last time you played a board game, which one, and with whom?
I think it was about a month ago with my friend Matt - we played cribbage at 611 Supreme. He tried to get me back for the last time we played on St. Patrick's Day at the Pacific Inn where I literally creamed him.. it was awesome. And, for the record, he did beat me this last time, but not like the creaming I gave him.. aw yeah.

33. Name some person/place/thing currently that infuriates you.
The current president of America.. grrrrr!

34. Name some person/place/thing currently that makes you happy, deliriously or otherwise.
This gorgeous weather and feeling lighter than I have in the last 3-4 months.

35. Ever been in a car accident? If so, how many and spill the details.
Oy.. a few.. Mostly fender benders when I was younger.. and one here when I was texting while driving. Dumb! The last one was worse tho, about 5 years ago now when I turned too sharply in an exit and lost control of my car, swerving so much I couldn't regain control. I gave up and slammed sharply into the barrier and promptly freaked the fuck out. Within 5 minutes, I couldn't lift my head cuz I had some lovely whiplash.. but nothing that muscle relaxants and ibuprofen couldn't address. Course, nothing could save the car. It was totalled.

36. What's your favorite word?
Solace

We Now Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Program..

Hi! I'm back!

Um.. don't know who that person was who wrote that last post while I was 'gone'.. but um.. I'm really sorry I let her take over! It wasn't me... well, not the real me.. I don't think. It doesn't count being from me when I felt so manic and bi-polar and insane and oh.. maybe un-lucid. Basically your typical, every-word-you-can-think-of-for-crazy type feeling has been running thru my psyche.

And tho I think I said I had no idea why it was all happening, I kinda did.. sorta.. which I didn't explain and really will try to be brief about cuz I think it was due to some nice little bitesize help-is-on-the-way's that look just like little breath mints but are way less funner since instead of keeping away bad breath, they're a little more powerful at keeping an 'oops' from turning into a much smaller version of me or my ex.. and we said 'oops' a couple of times in our few months together. That's just something you really shouldn't have to say much.. if at all.. really.

And while these adult tic-tacs are a lifesaver in more ways than one, in my experience of taking them one other time a few years back, they can come back to haunt your hormones just when you're headed into your standard, girly pms. And what should've been just a normal bit of crabby or just a little bit of extra sensitive during those commercials for cotton or Kleenex, turned into an unrelenting Hurricane Katrina! Right there! In my little body! It did! There were witnesses!

But hey.. look! I'm better!

Well.. I'm still me.. which is to say, you know.. dramatic, if nothing else.. but, normal dramatic is way different from crazy. Way.

And I must say, being happy for like FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT is really a good thing. I fully recommend it. I enjoyed the weekend, went to Volunteer Park and saw Keith's very funny version of Hamlet he directed for the talented kids at Cornish, went to Fatima's baby shower - where, incidentally, so many other attendees were in various stages of pregnancy you might think children were the thing to have or something, bought shoes for the awesome dress I'm wearing in Mom's wedding, treated myself to a mani/pedi pick-me-up, cleaned house.. I mean.. it was a nice change from the last two weeks of out-of-no-where depression and all the crying.. you think?

I went for a really great walk last night in my neighborhood. It was one of the more beautiful Sundays, but maybe it was just cuz I felt good and was looking forward to getting out and breathing in the last evening of April. I smelled the air, admired the houses, paid attention to my walk, my breathing, and did my best to process the last few weeks into something that made sense. I still don't know how I got in that awful place of confusion and sadness, but I'm determined not to go back there again. It's amazing what we take for granted when just living day after day, like.. um.. sanity, for example. And I know my hormones can get the best of me once in a while, but I'd never imagined myself sad most of the time. It just wasn't me.

But for the entire walk, I was just happy. I felt really hopeful that boy and I will eventually get to a good place where we can be friends, I felt grateful to have him and my other friends to offer their strengths when I need support and I haven't freaked them all out, I'm genuinely thrilled for Mom knowing she has a partner in life again and rather excited about this new friendship she's starting with me even if I'm not completely holding my breath yet.. I mean it's such a relief to feel the positive energy I knew was there but had been struggling to come back to me since the beginning of this year..

Ahh.. I love spring just for that reason. It's rejuvenating. And honestly, it's about goddamn time.

Circling The [Medicated] Wagons

So.. I can't really write today.. I'm stealing again from Léonie, who's blog is one of many I adore.. She talks in bullet points quite often and very well.. tho I'm sure hers has an accent, but I think bullet points really can say it all.. don't you think?

Last week - Monday thru Thursday:

* Cried and cried and cried - no reason.. just, you know.. cried. Sort of a lot. Sort of a concerning amount..

* Tried to work, cuz you know.. I sort of have a job that pays me maybe to actually work and not to cry.

* Tried not to cry.

* Cried anyway.

* Went to the gym and didn't cry - twice! - unbelievably.

* Talked to the ex boy.. and tho there was no crying planned, cried nonetheless.. think amount of crying scared him.

* Made mental note not to call the ex when anywhere near crying state - and also thought, duh..

* Managed extremely heavy workload barely saving from making many a mistake until Thursday when..
* I was 5 minutes late to work and missed a very important conference call.
* Felt really awful. Like.. really.
* Email arrived from ex boy about nothing important but still..

* Suddenly tears.. and..
* Cried a river.. or maybe 4.
* Cried exponentially..

* Called doctor.
* Got prescription for happy pills after filling out lovely survey for depression.
* Took one - well.. 1/2 of one (1/2 being my regular dose).

Friday:

* Waited for happiness to commence.

* Waited some more..

* Um.. waited a bit longer..

* Ooh! Felt something! Ohhh.. sick.
* Felt really really sick... like, going-to-throw-up-any-second sick.
* Ow... um.. massive-pressure-in-head-and-vision-skewing sick.
* Thought of food - but then thought, ew.. sick.

* Called doctor and apparently, this was normal and I'd feel this way for about a week. Constantly. Oh yay.

Weekend:

* Much MUCH sun = much MUCH happy!

* Worked at my friend's bar, Liberty, twice and made lots of money! Whoo hoo! And also, had fun!

* Saw dumb Jason Mraz show with Abby - Jason Mraz wasn't dumb. He was actually very cute and very good at all stuff guitar, but whole set up was stupid.

* Wasn't nauseaus so I ate sometimes - yay!

* Felt normal and happy most of the time, surprisingly.

This Monday:

*Delirium of happy set on by frickin GORGEOUS day!

* HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY.. like.. really happy!

* Walked with Ironika and Jody after successful day of work - maintained happy. Yay!

* Ironika picked up my dress for Mom's wedding - discount on pretty rockin dress by pretty rockin friend = extra happy!

* Met ex boy for Mexican food (happy!) to update on sitch of new happy pills and catch up.

* Ate like food was scarce.

* Chatted and joked with boy.. both of us = happy.

* On way out, nausea returned.. overwhelmingly. It was very mad at Mexican food in tummy.
* Boy flirted - bad bad - and = me not so happy by calling him on it.
* Head not only in vice, but being fucked with.. unintentionally but still..
* Unruly nausea was soon joined by waterworks of unstoppable nature.

* Inbetween ick and tears, discussed with boy about our questionable future as friends.
* Discovered boy needs to figure out a few things for us to be friends - it's not just me.
* Many sad, frustrated, and concerned looks passed from him to me and from me to him.
* Talked a lot about how friend idea is hard and wierd and might take us pretty much forever.

* Ack! Dam.. broke.. somewhere in my eyes...
* FEMA somehow did not register this.
* Memorable quote on my part to boy, "No offense," pointing at ocean of tears coming from said category 5 broken eye dam, "but honestly, this is not all because of you.. I swear," and we both laughed a little despite ourselves.

* Went home extremely embarrassed and disheartened.

* Called Mom.

Tuesday:

* Woke up extremely embarrassed and disheartened.

* Showered.

* Cried.

* Cried more.. yes, I know.. you're completely shocked now.. like how am I not out of tears?

* Nausea returned again. Apparently, it has nothing better to do.

* Emailed Ironika explaining previous evening after I left her house.
* Ironika sent back email sufficient to be good kick in the ass, consoling and understanding all at same time.

* Boy emailed asking how I was..
* Tho appreciative, said worst of day had passed and let him know not to worry. I suggested a tad more space and time.
* He agreed, in a nice way.

* Made it thru work til 3pm when I couldn't take it anymore and left early due to understanding boss.

* Bought ice cream and went to lake with a friend.

* Sat under a stunning sun, soaked up rays during beautiful afternoon, talked with friend and suddenly realized I could feel nothing. At all.

* Poked at my mental stability.. no reaction.

* Returned home, napped, felt better.

* Got ready for first date - a little anxious but positive.

* Walked out locked door without keys.
* Said, "Crap," really loudly. Among other things.

* Called date, cancelled. Apologized profusely.
* Called landlord, left message.
* Bothered neighbors for useless screwdrivers.
* Landlord sent his mom with keys (she lives nearby).

* Went back in house, pouted.

* Made myself eat most of half an apple til full.
* I showed that nausea.. didn't I?

* Met friend for drink to avoid pouting and sudden lack of evening plans.

* Poked at mental stability before bed - same, practically comatose.

Today:

* Noticed auto-pilot still on.
* Couldn't be bothered to find 'off' switch.

* Tho not crying, literally could not smile if I tried.

* Apparently nausea works the same hours I do.

* Took break to post office and post office lady was so nice. I pretended cuz of her niceness.

* Talked to Megan (Told her I was at post office and sent her Christmas presents for her and her kids. Hey.. what's wrong with Christmas in April?) and smiled for first time today.
* Talked to Kari and described manic-ness that is me.

* Thought maybe I should work since I was at work.. and kind of almost succeeded.

* Talked to nurse about stalker nausea and woozy head and apathetic self that is unlike any self I recognized.
* Doctor called back, had brilliant idea to stop meds immediately and wait a week to start new kind. Said this one isn't working for me.

* I breathed sigh of relief and kept sarcastic comments to myself.

* Personality peeked out a bit later so I decided to maybe do some actual work and stayed late.

* Mom saw me online and instant messaged me even tho she barely knows how to use her computer.

* Out of no where and in relation to nothing we were talking about, she wrote, "I hope you start feeling better and know that I love you very much and that you'll always be my little girl."

* I paused.
* I felt.
* I did not cry. Technically.

* Decided just now to go home and celebrate me kicking nausea to curb. And maybe eat some ice cream.

I Liked The Font Ok??! Oh And Where Mom And I Bond.. Yes, Really!

So y'all are a bunch of whiners.. Yeah.. I said it. Whatcha gonna do? HUH?

You: I don't liiiiiiiiiiike your new font, Angel.. It's haaaaaaaard to reeeeeeeaaaaaad.. It huuuuurts my wittle eyyyyes...

Moi: Wah wah.. cry me a river people..

So fine.. y'all obviously don't want to challenge yourselves.. or risk a TINY bit of eye strain.. so I changed it back.. ok? Happy now??!

Sheesh..

Oh.. and my mom is so NOT a zillionaire.. by the way.. in case you were planning that big surprise marriage proposal to me. Yeah.. you can ditch that idea.. my invisible friend.. You'd have better luck with my mom. I hear she's accepting them all over the place.

My brother was apparently smoking crack.. or so my mom thinks when I asked her about the money..

Mom: WHAT did he say?? *laughing and in shock at the same time*

Moi: That you had *fill in blank with large sum of money and add many zeros here* dollars invested..

Mom: Um.. is your brother on drugs??! I do not have that kind of money.. Where did he get that idea?

Moi: Well.. if he's on drugs.. apparently from that. But no, I don't think he's on drugs, Mom. Delusional, yes. Drugs, not so much. But he said he helped you invest it.. no?

Mom: Please.. I do my own investing and it's not like your brother knows anything about that stuff..

Moi: Phew! I'm so glad you said that. I was really starting to think I didn't know him anymore..

That's basically how that went. Oh and my brother is like the biggest lying liar ev-er or completely thinking of someone else he helped invest much money with many zeros. I don't ask.. what's the point? He's married and his wife gets to look after him and all his (many) idiosyncrasies. Bless her.

Unless my mom is totally lying.............. Noooooo........... you think? Crap. I don't know.

Wanna hear the best part???! You DO! I KNOW you do! Ok. This isn't it, but it prefaces: I met the soon-to-be-step-father this last weekend and hey, he was pretty nice. Ok.. so far so good. He and Mom are actually cute.. a little gross, but cute nonetheless. They seem very happy and he doesn't seem like a serial killer OR a carnie! YAY! Glad I got that out of the way! I mean, it was awkward and Mom was very wrapped up in him and we didn't do much after I arrived on Saturday - just movie'd it all evening, which didn't make much time for talking, but I figured Sunday we'd have a little more time.

Um.. you know.. insert the usual 'Wrong!' here..

Sunday Mom invited our ENTIRE extended family on her side up for Easter dinner. When I say extended, I mean my cousin's half sister, my cousin's neighbor's children, my aunt's EX-step kids and her husband and their kids.. you get the picture? Two aunts and their families didn't even show! Can you imagine?? THEN if you throw in all the dogs, there were like 42 people, large, small, and furry occupying the kitchen, dining and living rooms. The children cried, threw fits, talkedtalkedtalkedtalkedtalkedohmyGOD.. we ate, MMMMM TURKEY.. and somewhere in the middle of that (this is the best part by the way), the step-dad-to-be's daughter and HER family showed up. They have SEVEN CHILDREN.. (I'll just let that sink in for a sec..) of which she kindly only brought three. Um.. she's 36.. you do the math (ok ok, I think this is the 2nd marriage for both of them, but if you leave that fact out it sounds way more shocking, right?).

So there we all are.. VASTLY uncomfortable.. and I'm trying to make conversation with them but not really wanting to. I'm more focused on seeing if I can dive into the mashed potatoes and sorta hide there... No such luck tho.

We were on the far side of the living room and Mom and Dale were on the far side of the dining room and this = not close, ok?? Mind you, there are like 26 zillion people inbetween - and she tried to get her dad's attention so she could say grace. I ask you.. grace? And you ask back.. um.. is that so bad? To which I reply, no.. not COMPARITIVELY to what happened LATER.. um.. no. But her dad couldn't hear her so she gave up and she forced her daughter to say it for her and the rest of them. And I was SOOOOO nice and VERY sweet (I was!) and I gently told her that she might have a hard time with that sort of thing on this side of the family cuz tho I thought some of them probably believed in God and all, they weren't particularly religious. But I tried to reassure her by saying I thought Mom was sort of getting back into it. And do you think she said, Oh.. that's good.. or, Oh, that's nice..?? No.. it went like this exactly:

Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: Well, I should hope so because I don't want Dad to stop going to church just because, you know, he's getting married.

Moi: *??????????*

and I thought..

Moi: *WTF?! Are you the boss of him (yes, I totally regressed at that point, what of it?)? And oh yeah.. he looks just like the type of person who can't think for himself. I completely see why you'd be worried.*

But really I didn't say anything after that and just stared at my food.. seething.

And she added..

Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: ..cuz MY girls go to Youth Group.

and I thought..

Moi: * 1) Wow, my condolences to your girls and 2) um.. so?*

Dinner being over, someone put in The Chronicles of Narnia for all the kids and for the zoning out adults (possibly me). Not long after it started, her husband, I'll call him Flanders for the purpose of this story, decides to pull me into conversation:

Flanders: *Very teacher-esque* So did you know this movie is a fable?

Moi: Excuse me?

Flanders: A fable.. based on the life of Jesus Christ.

Moi: *trying to keep from falling out of my chair in much shock*

and I say..

Moi: Oh.. um.. yeah.. I think I heard something about that.. *invisibly rolling my eyes*

but I THINK..

Moi: *WARNING! WARNING! Jesus freak approaching! And DUH.. cuz when the movie came out, that fact was sorta ALL OVER the news, tv, and radio.. but obviously I look like I've been living under a ROCK for a year so.. yeah, of course, I wouldn't know that.*

and, unbelievably.. he continues..

Flanders: Yes, well Aslan is God and the White Witch is the Devil.... *fades out cuz I can't hear him over my FREAKING OUT thoughts*

which are..

Moi: *OHMYGOD! Thank you SO much for pointing that out. Completely clueless here.. obviously.. good/evil, lion/witch - that was VERY confusing for me. Would've never guessed had you not helped me figure that out.. phew!* and *FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SACRED.. PLEASE SHUT UP!*

But he went ON about C.S. Lewis and how most of his writings were very biblical in nature and that current scholars are actually trying to make them into something they're not - which he never explained, but really, that was ok by me cuz I just figured.. what, maybe they said they were just... stories?? I was nauseous, let's put it that way.

For the record, I'm spiritual. I believe in God, or a higher power, in my way.. I don't go to church or believe there is only one way to worship IF you want to worship OR believe at all and, if not, that's ok too.. so me and God? We're all good. But you people know.. I'm.. opinionated.. strongly.. and of all people to start preaching to.. you'd think maybe they would've picked up on the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.. and maybe thought.. oh.. um.. honey.. she doesn't like pushy religious types..

I'm just sayin.. I would never walk into a stranger's house - a stranger that is marrying into my family - and start wearing God all over me - or anything else controversially big for that matter - politics, abortion.. Satanism.. I mean.. hi.. what if I went to their house and just rearranged their furniture into the shape of a pentagram?? There is having strong beliefs.. and there is simply being inappropriate. This was certainly the latter and to be honest, I didn't appreciate it. She implied this marriage to MY mother might actually have some sort of negative affect over her father's ways and beliefs (at 62, please..) AAAND assumed that grace is something we even do in our house! We don't! Ok? And you know what? God is just fine with that. And hellooo.. do you not know what assuming does, lady? Yeah..

And the movie? Can it JUST be a movie? Please? Seriously, you could make God and the Devil in any good or bad character in any movie respectively. Tho when describing the scene to my 16-year-old cousin I saw later that night, she said I should've asked them if they'd seen Brokeback Mountain and if they knew who God and the Devil were in that movie..... evil little girl, that one. Love her.

And I left.. pouting. Mad at Mom cuz she hadn't spent one minute with me.. and, more to the point, we were going to be related by marriage to crazy know-it-all bible thumpers! God save us!

But it really bothered me so I called her yesterday night.. and you (uh.. Megan & Kari) won't believe it, but it was the first time ever that my mother and I had a good conversation.. where we really talked and she really listened - at least that I can remember. I told her it hurt to see her flitting around worried about everyone else's kids but her own - being everyone else's mom but mine.. that he should've tried harder to talk to us if the two of them weren't so tied to each other's hips all weekend.. and there was just too much family there. I mean, he was marrying into the family, sure, but the family of us is what Todd and I thought mattered most.. and no, it wasn't intentional, but it really kind of sucked.

And so she listened.. and she apologized.. and she meant it, shockingly enough.. and then we laughed and laughed over Dale's crazy daughter and her crazier husband and I suddenly realized I had an ally in my mother I didn't know existed.. and you know what? I stopped freaking out. I just felt calmer.. and I knew this marriage would be a good thing for my mom and my family.. and despite the occasional step-crazies we may have to reign in quick-like (cuz you know I will given a next time, kids).. it's all going to be fine.

I wish I could tell Dad he was right.

This Ends With Cake..That's Not Bad, Is It?

So I have news.

Are you sitting down?

This is what my mother should've prefaced with when she told me she was getting remarried.. except I was sitting down. And I couldn't speak. Yes, shockingly, this is possible.. only a few times in my life, but yes, believe it.

You wanna know what else? She's known him for 6 weeks.. SIX WEEKS! If you count this last week I've been digesting her news, I guess 7. Um.. yes, whatever you're thinking, I've already asked her.. with exactly that tone you're asking it. And no, I haven't met him yet.. in fact, she's only mentioned him a few times. I don't even know his last name. I suddenly feel like this is probably how most parents feel when hearing this sort of information from their offspring - however, I'm betting there's usually a pregnancy involved (BITE YOUR TONGUE PEOPLE.. EW!) or a lot more time invested. I mean, we know nothing about him. He could be crazy.. or a serial killer.. or.. or.. a carnie!

But this remarrying thing.. I've never had to go thru it. My mother has only dated 2 people since my father died 6 years ago.. so I don't think she's rushed it and I certainly do want her to be happy.. but um, he still has to be my step-father when all is said and done. Not to mention he has children of his own - and voilà - instant step-siblings: two brothers and a sister. Ok.. so I have to admit.. that's.. intriguing as I've never had a sister. But since they're probably close to my age and have families of their own, are they really going to want to go out of their way to get to know me and forge a relationship? I mean, I know I'm feeling awfully hesitant about that.. and if they were all gung-ho about it, I'd be a little suspicious. So I guess if nothing else, maybe we'll all bond over the fact our parents are completely out of their minds. Eh.. a silver lining is a silver lining. I'm trying here..

In the meantime, there's.. um.. actual bonding over this situation with my actual brother. I know.. wierd. And we discussed my concern some other friend's have voiced when I told them this news. ''Do we think this guy is after Mom's money? I mean.. she doesn't really have a lot to get.. um.. does she? To which I expected my brother to simply echo my thinking.. And, if you know me at all, you also know how often I'm wrong. Wrong, wrong WRONG. Like in this instance. Granted, it's invested, but my mother, apparently, is doing just fine. A-lot-more-zeros-than-I-thought fine. Like.. so fine I wonder why she maybe keeps telling me to get my own place and when I answer that I can't afford to live without at least one roommate that maybe she doesn't sort of OFFER to help me. A little. Like.. AT ALL. Not that my mom isn't generous.. she really is - when she wants to be.. and not that I don't understand working for what you need and want.. but let me tell you something - whatever I know about budgeting and keeping myself out of debt has all been self-taught - by LOTS of trial and error.. and more error than anything. Besides that, she'd rather give me things that collect dust than cash any day.. what is with that?

So THEN.. already trying to fathom the my-mom-is-kinda-rich confusion I had, which was plenty to deal with, my brother tells me not to worry about Mom or her money. That he just knows it's going to be fine. You want to know why? Dad told him. My father.. you know.. the one who DIED 6 years ago?? Yeah.. THAT one. Obviously, I can see some of you are shocked.. understandably.. and some of you are just laughing cuz you think my brother is crazy. I, however, did not bat an eye - did not even flinch, no no.. I did not. Why, you ask? My brother is a bit eccentric.. oh and he's annoying, sure.. but crazy he is not.. The appearance of my father isn't even the point cuz my father has appeared to me before - but only once and in a dream about a month or so after his death, which is probably normal I would think when you lose one of your immediate family members. Without going into it too much, I woke up from the dream upset, but the room was.. tingling. I don't know how else to describe it. An energy had been there and I knew it was my father, but it dissipated very quickly. Still, it was so.. tangible. And I remembered this when Todd told me Dad had appeared to him recently AND that Dad has done this a few times.. wait.. A FEW TIMES?? WTF? What am I? Cut glass?? Like I said, it's not the fact I question he appeared.. but why he hasn't appeared to ME! Hi.. I'm sorta his daughter.. adopted yes, but that meant they really wanted me. Todd was an accident. HELLOOOO??!

Oy.. all joking aside, I wonder how other people handle something like this.. keeping the memory of your father, although a troubled individual, but still so lovable with all his imperfections, sacred and then trying to make new memories with someone who's to fill that void that's been vacant for a long time. Oh and incidentally, who will make your mother probably happier than she's ever been - as you've known her to be unhappy more than you've ever known her happy. Sad, yes, but true. It conflicted me that her first words about my new step-daddy-to-be were that he was completely different than my father. I know how she meant it, but still - ow. And then.. why did I feel hurt by that? This stuff.. wow - it's complicated! Let the psycho-analyzing begin.

But I know.. this is not about me. Yes, hi, let's stop being so self-absorbed, Angel.. I'm just saying.. this is a lot to take in and I'm trying. I'm going to be her maid of honor and that's pretty cool.. Thank God I get to help decide what I'm wearing, otherwise you'd never see pictures.. and that's still fairly unclear at this point. And no, do NOT suggest I go for the bouquet at my own mother's wedding.. that is not a silver lining people.. that's just.. creepy. But it is next month - oh please, like you thought they were going to wait to get married when he proposed at 6 weeks? Why do that?! Yeah.. now that spinning feeling you have? Multiply it by 10 and that's what I'm coming down from.

Wait.. we were focusing on the positives.. um.. it'll be fun! There'll be cake.. right? Yeah, cake is something to look forward to.. and champagne! God bless champagne! Yes.. of course, my mother's happiness.. blah blah blah.. but YAY! CAKE!

50 Things

The list virus: It's going around..and I'm a big copy cat. Yes. Yes I am. All the cool girls are doing it.. and besides, anything good I've ever said was probably stolen anyway..

50 things about me (more than you ever wanted to know):

1. I hate my middle name, which was my grandmother's first name, and she, incidentally, didn't like it either.

2. My mother wanted to name me Babette Marie. Babs for short. My father wanted to name me Angel. Guess who won. And, also.. Babs?! WTF?

3. I've been fired from 2 jobs and forced to resign 2 others - in the last 10 years. Not an authority issue, more of a this-job-sucks-and-I-have-a-bad-attitude sort of issue. Yeah.. nice. I'm working on it.

4. I'm afraid of water I can't see thru for no apparent reason.

5. I've had very deep, happy, movie-type love twice in my life and even tho they ended, I'm still good friends with those exes.

6. I've been an extra in an independent movie.

7. I've waited on Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick (when they were dating), as well as Joe Cocker, who called me 'love', shared an elevator with Lorenzo Lamas (who is actually, really hot and way tall even if not the most incredible actor ever..), Keith Richards brushed by me in Vegas, and I partied at Wesley Snipes' rented bungalow (and by bungalow, I mean fucking AMAZING pad) in Vancouver, BC til the wee hours where I also saw Vin Diesel, and then I shook Wesley's hand and he smiled at me and said 'Thank you for coming.' He's much much shorter in person and not a good dj. Don't hire him for that.

8. I went to Norway on foreign exchange for a year after I graduated high school and cuz I got into trouble 2 different times - once for riding in a boat with a bunch of drunk friends (a big no no there) and the second time, for skipping school and lying about it, I was sent home after 2 1/2 months.

9. I had a drink thrown on me in a bar after I had a large group of complete drunks kicked out for throwing ice at me and being complete asshats. My attitude and sharp wit, not to mention their idiocy, may or may not have had something to do with that.

10. I've wanted to change my last name to my birth mother's for at least six or seven years.. and haven't because I don't want to hurt my (adoptive) mother.

11. I can't not bite my nails unless they're manicured every week - which is expensive people.

12. Fuck is the best cuss word ever - in my opinion.

13. I don't think I could live without hummus, peanut butter, Thai food, Mexican food, or chocolate.

14. I really am within six degrees or less of Kevin Bacon. More like one actually.

15. I have three pairs of jeans. Yes, really.

16. I'm actually fairly ashamed to be an American currently.

17. I'm really hoping the Mariner's don't completely suck this year.

18. After moving anywhere, I always have about four or five boxes that I just don't know what to do with and that sit for a minimum of six months out in the open, in a state of half-unpacked. I really suck at that.

19. I can't watch horror movies - I was scared to death after the stupid Blair Witch Project and The Ring.

20. I hate to lose.

21. I was a cheerleader in high school - and have pictures to prove it - but quit when it stopped being cool - tho I think that was always the case. It just took me two years to figure it out. Still, I was always on top in the pyramids so shut it.

22. I won second place in our high school talent contest my senior year with 3 other ex-cheerleaders making fun of cheerleaders in a little number we choreographed to 'Oh Mickey.' Let me tell you, it was awesome. Treena, Kari, and Megan - you better back me up.. you were all there. Wait.. Treena.. weren't you in it with me or am I totally wrong?

23. I won second place (are you seeing a pattern?) in my grade school's spelling bee ONLY because we ran out of time and the official was hurrying and didn't define the word 'reign' after giving it to me, so of course I spelled it r-a-i-n. Um, yeah, then he defined it and the other kid won. Bastards. I'm not bitter tho.

24. I stole a really expensive office chair from one of my jobs that laid off its entire staff when they went bankrupt and finally sold it this year for $300.. and it made me really happy.

25. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

26. I also stole nail polish when I was 12 or 13 from the store where my own mother worked.. and was caught. Was so grounded.

27. I've wanted to be the lead singer in a band for as long as I can remember.

28. I had braces for 4 1/2 years. FOUR AND A HALF YEARS PEOPLE!

29. For any wound, injury or little hurt I ever had when I was a child, my grandfather would always say I'd be alright by the time I got married.. and I didn't find it funny til much later.

30. I can still fit into my prom dress from my junior year.. and it's actually a little too big.

31. I was painfully shy til high school.

32. Tho I can't stand Britney Spears, I have to admit I still really like 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' and 'Toxic.' I still like 'Genie In a Bottle' by Christina too.

33. I believe in some form of higher power, tho not necessarily God, plus angels, ghosts, life after death and reincarnation.

34. I don't, however, believe in a hell or the devil. I think we create those things for ourselves while we're alive.

35. I'm pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-whatever the fuck you want to do with your life as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and you don't try to tell me what to do.

36. I believe in soul mates, but don't think it has to be in a lover/husband/partner-type.

37. My longest relationship was one year. Yes, go ahead.. cry.. send money. Or chocolate. Or wine.

38. When I was little, I thought I'd grow up to be a waitress, a librarian, or a nurse and my brother would be a fireman and we'd get married. Um.. ew.

39. In second grade, my best friend, Laura Gillette, and I shared a boyfriend, Sean Dewey, who would put his arms around both of us during show and tell.

40. I met Luis, from Sesame Street when he took a directing class one year at my college, Southern Oregon.

41. My birthday is my favorite 'holiday'.

42. I'm afraid of dying - especially being stabbed or being completely deformed and harmed in some sort of awful car accident.

43. I was a virgin until I was 18.

44. I hate being cold.

45. I'm always cold.

46. Anything carbonated gives me ever-lasting hiccups.

47. I can get rid of hiccups every time by eating a spoonful of peanut butter.

48. Of the many pet names given to me, my favorites were from my father: Suzie-Q, and various lovers: Kitten, Boo boo, and Babygirl.

49. I've been in A Midsummer Night's Dream three times and played a total of five different parts inlcuding one lead (Bottom).

50. I talk in my sleep.

Phew.. that was much harder than I thought.. Who's next?

April Fool's = Happy New Year To Me!

You know what today is?? My first anniversary of writing this little, pink blog! It's true! I can hardly believe it myself. It started out being my clean slate.. my fresh start from a rocky first part of 2005. I made it my New Year's, which I'm going to keep up and make my own tradition - just in case the standard New Year isn't shiny enough for me, and in most cases, it isn't. This year started out rather the same way as the last few and you know.. it's time to feel new again.. thus I give you spring! Have y'all noticed that it's spring in Seattle? Ok.. um.. it's spring everywhere.. I suppose.. but for those of you who aren't here.. TA DA! Spring is! And also - YAY!

It makes such a difference for most of us in the northwest who require light therapy in the dreary wintery months to have SUN! It's been shining, and tho still chilly, it hasn't been raining for 45 THOUSAND days straight and we all, and by we I mean me cuz that is who I'm writing about, smile more and there's just a general lovely feeling going around. Plus a good amount of time has passed between the beginning of the year - that part that sort of really sucked and was composed of all kinds of sad and self-pitying over my fragile little heart and maybe the cute boy.. but hey.. nevermind that now.. cuz.. LOOK! SPRING! And, like waffles, spring can make everything better. Yes, waffles. You heard me. Shut up.

But I feel lighter. Maybe even slightly hot-air-balloonish lighter cuz happy seems to be coming easier and who doesn't like happy? Oy.. I know.. it's taken about three months to get that petite little ticker of mine to heal over, but I just feel what I feel and I don't rush myself.. or go postal.. so be grateful people cuz my personality could easily lend itself to that sort of thing. And tho difficult, I knew the letting go would eventually have to happen. I mean it kinda helped that boy stopped any drunk dialing he was doing in the wee hours on the weekends.. (in his defense, it was only twice and he called himself on it by the end of the second call actually.. so don't be too harsh), but I wasn't any better thinking I could handle hearing about who he'd been dating.. err.. other things ending in -ing. I had this theory that seeing his very obvious moving on would help me close the door more completely. Um.. yeah.. just to let you know.. in practice.. that's a bad theory. Don't feel the need to test it yourself, ok? I mean boy is special to me.. he knows this.. but I really do look forward to the day when we can care about each other and there's nothing complicated or wistful about that. And tho the theory didn't work out in every way I planned, that little ache afterwards didn't last as long either.. so hope and I are hanging out again, you know, just coffee, but still.. that's something to smile about..

Speaking of smiling.. for many reasons, but one of which might include dating.. there may be some of that happening in my world. It's still very early to tell anything at this moment.. but according to Léonie and what she knows of Americans from tv, my three different dates recently are just standard everyday fare:

So you see, I know that in Sex and The City people go on multiple dates all the time, and that it is not only normal but postively encouraged, but that is in America. In America people go out on dates with more than one person in a week and that is fine. The thing is, you see, I am not from America. Clapham is not America, even though it is similar because there is a McDonalds and you do sometimes see fat people*.

*Just a little joke. There are no fat people in Clapham.

Ha ha.. *ahem* no no.. the three dates a week isn't something I'm trying to pursue on a regular basis.. it just sort of.. happened that way.. chatty chatty here, let's do something there.. and before I knew it, any space I had between the visits with the mommy friend and my nieces, the really horrid horrid play Keith and Abby and Chloe and I saw, laundry.. oh and sleep just filled up. Accidentally. But.. um.. it was fun. Kinda.. I mean, as fun as small talk with a couple of wrong people can be.. and that's really all I should say about it for now other than it's nice to recognize the possibilities again, which I always knew existed.. it's just.. I know. That's all. Ahh.. it feels good to feel good.

Aaaaaaaand.. drumroll please.. well - fake it, ok? I've also got a BRAND NEW ROOMMATE! Whoo hoo!! *Applause* One who isn't 40 and overtly affectionate at inappropriate times.. or ALL the time as the case might've been. Let's meet Kyle, shall we? He's 25, doesn't really pay much attention to whether I'm cute at all or a three-headed troll, does the dishes, AND doesn't leave the seat up! Yes! He's normal! But for his age, he's pretty worldly, done some traveling, plays his guitar quite nicely, and seems kind of like a little brother. The Boy (now capitalized so you don't get him and the roommate confused being in the same paragraph) and some other friends really don't like the idea of me continuing to live with a guy - and tho I do appreciate their concern, they just need to trust me. It's going to be fine.. you know why? It just will. Are we all clear now kids? Sparky? Loren? Keith? Pixie? Ok, good. I just need to finish unpacking now. Ugh.

Since I finally seem to be taking a bit better care of myself all around, I also took steps towards figuring out why I've had this chronic ache in my hip for the last few years and which has only been getting worse. I've been slightly pigeon-toed since I was a kid.. something I'd been teased about growing up and of course, hated about myself, but the right people in my life have found it cute and endearing, if in a dorky way - and it'd be nice if that's all there was to it, but it does have detrimental effects as far as pain due to exercising over time. Do you think the doctors have any idea why exactly? Does the emphasis on 'any' assist you in coming up with a two-lettered answer?

We started with x-rays and the radiologist began my tiny bit of panic when he wrote down I might have 'hip dysplasia'. If you didn't know, this is something German and Australian shephards are prone to from too much overbreeding those types of mixes.. I'm sure I can look forward to strolling around in those fun doggy carts later in life.. can't you just see it now? 'Wrong growth' was also mentioned.. I love those warm, fuzzy and completely fucking vague diagnoses. My orthorpedist, Dr. Watts, didn't really agree with the radiologist - um... shouldn't they CONCUR or something?? NOT that he could tell ANYTHING from the x-rays, he also said. Um.. ooook.. Other than a slight inward turn on the right, my hips are actually not so out of whack.. yes, that was the technical term. Tho he did think maybe it was bursitis - inflammation of the bursa - don't ask me what that is. Do I look like I could even try? Please.. But since I had pain, regardless of whether he could actually tell what is wrong with me or not, he said we (I love their collective terms they use) could do a few things: an MRI or a bone scan - both of which sounded quite scary, not to mention might require lots of squinting when I opened any medical bills after - OR he could give me a cortizone shot in the hip.. and I thought, well, shots aren't so bad.. it's just a little pinch at first.. no big deal. So this is what I opted for thinking oh Mr. Doctor probably knows what he's talking about.. Mr. Doctor probably does this all day in his sleep and is probably right about many things very smart.. Mr. Doctor also put a FIVE INCH NEEDLE IN MY ASS AND OWWWWWWWWWWWOWOWOW!STOPSTOPSTOP! God!

Sooo.. THAT was fun. If it turns out to be bursitis, 'we'll do the other side.' Um.. yeah.. can't wait! Hold me back! In the meantime, I'm doing all this fun physical therapy - and I don't really mean fun.. I mean all these silly leg lifts and stretches and it's frickin hard actually, but I do think it's helping, maybe.. ok, I really don't know. Let's just pretend.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, and I'm sure it probably is, I'm trying to make a career change and looking into actual theatre jobs.. like a position in which my degree might be useful and not just for dust collecting. What a concept, right? I've had this nifty idea for a couple of years of trying to get into casting directing and recently I even went to lunch with a contact at the Seattle Rep to discuss it. What I learned is that I'd have to intern and before that, be offered the one of 12 internship positions over hundreds of others who apply, it doesn't pay well and the hours are the same ones I have now, meaning I couldn't do both jobs at once, and thus (did you notice I've used this twice so far just in this post?? Such an underused word!!), would be pretty impossible. And then, like a little light of hope to guide my way, Pixie unexpectedly sent along a little gem of a find this week - a very interesting possibility that's opened at the Intiman Theatre and they need someone like yesterday. It's not an internship and it does pay, tho theatres are non-profits so it could still be a crap-shoot, but I'm getting things organized so I can apply. The important thing I realized tho is even if I don't get it, there's more than just a couple of opportunities out there by which I could make a career. I just have to rub those two brain cells together that are fighting and frickin figure it out..

So that's the latest - besides seeing many a play recently - one tonight at the Rep with a cute date and one last night with friends that was so God-awful and I mean that literally as it was in a church.. tho honey, God could do nothing to save it, sadly.. but hey, there were cookies! And now I am off to work cuz I am THAT dedicated.. and THAT behind, more to the point, that suddenly now I work on weekends. *Sniff sniff* Don't cry for me Argentina.. I'll live.. a cute boy later and a sunny day feeling, even if it's fairly grey outside, are enough of a reminder of my sparkly new year ahead. Spring forward indeed..