Ok.. hi.. who the hell can sit still with what has happened on Lost???!! I don't see anyone talking about it.. and here I was, sitting here, not watching the one from last week cuz it was recorded on my oh-so-snazzy DVR gadgety thing and I'd heard it was so good and stuff happened.. STUFF PEOPLE! And I finally saw it last night! What the...??! No one TOLD me it was THAT good! Ok ok.. Loren did.. but I thought.. they've teased us left and right and left us with mysteries all over the place.. but noooooooooo! This one was revealing! They told us things! THINGS PEOPLE! I can't even go into it all it was so much! And I'm watching the new one RIGHT NOW (well.. not by the time you read this.. duh)!!
Phew!
Ok.. calming down.. breathe.. until, you know.. the commercials are over.
Other than that, yours truly has been quite the busy bee.. moving mountains, saving the world.. well, one little broken heart at a time. Have you noticed this? It's going around.. break ups all over the place.. hiding amidst frolicking pregnacies and engagements. It's weird. Is it a strange hiccup of spring? Spring should be happy and light, which = good! Not all dreary and grey, which = bad.. argh! But I'm hoping within the bad there can be found a fresh start and that this is an especially good thing in the long run for my friend who's having a hard time of it right now.. and I should also send an extra virtual squeeze to the one who narrowly escaped such finality.
On the brighter side, there was much celebrating at Wazhma's store, Retail Therapy, where she had her three year anniversary last Friday. If you haven't been in yet and you live here, you really have no excuse. She has all kinds of gifty girly things, not to mention it's where Pixie gets all her sexy undies.. Ooh!
AND speaking of our fair Pixie, she showed up to Wazhma's big event and inundated me with a lovely little piece of bling from the French Riviera (I have no idea if that is capitalized or not.. but we're going with my grammar gut) from her most recent trip to far off foreign countries.. like um.. France. Ooh and my bling is soooo pretty! It's better than regular bling.. it's like superbling! There must be a belated birthday gift I can come up with for my adventurous friend, but oh, I'm afraid it would lack the same kick as what she's already surprised me with.. but then again, maybe a sunny afternoon of catching up over lunch will do.
I did have a couple of early morning setbacks this weekeend.. vivid dreams on Saturday morning involving the ex and another friend, both in different scenarios, both having lied to me, and of course, the ex's being more painful and harder to shake once I awoke. Tho I knew each situation hadn't actually happened, the feelings of betrayal remained nonetheless. And I wondered what my subconscious was trying to work out or what it was trying to tell me - and about who. Myself? Random friends or strangers? The specific ones who occupied my dreams? Or do I just chalk it up to over-thinking and let them go (the dreams, that is.. tho probably parting with the people might help too - sigh..) ? Dreams with similar messages aren't something I usually have.. and I actually had three of them, but can't remember the third for some reason.. and still, I paid attention cuz.. well.. it felt like I should. They all circled around the same idea so there must be something I'm struggling with.. right? So.. um.. tune in NEXT episode when my personal writers frickin reveal it!
Overall tho, days are shiny, girl is fairly sparkly - if still in dire need of a foil and dye before Mom's upcoming nuptials - but hey, that's not bad. So maybe the dating options have become non-existent.. pffft.. whatever. The last one blew me off before we even officially met - yes he was one of those PYMotI's - People You Meet on the Internet (another something I've stolen blatantly, and probably badly at that, from our little English bird, Léonie (which, incidentally.. girl, I get a lot of good shit from you.. what is up with that??)). And you know.. it's fine. The choices aren't all that compelling anyway and if they were, they might try a bit harder or stick around a little longer.. or be a little less gay-er/duller/childish/obsessive.. you know.. some of those things just aren't appealing. I know.. call me crazy.
But hey, dating is way overrated. Trust those of us who are professionally single.. really, it is. And besides, I have lots of friends who need an ear, nieces who need entertaining (not tattoos or piercings as their mother might believe I would allow.. ahem..), and a stunning dress in which I must look fabulous very soon so some gym time will be clocked. Things to do people.. things to do!
But um.. hey, if you know anyone you might want to set me up with.. I could sure use a date to that wedding..
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Meme-ry.. All Alone In The Bloglight..
Yes.. I'm retarded.. but I still came up with the idea of starting our own orignal meme.. whatever the hell that word means. And I've gathered some questions from a few of the blogger girls around the world - seriously, they are around the world you know - and then passed the torch so maybe they'll humor me in this very silly little game and post their answers too. They know who they are but they're all on my list of recommended reads.. Go find 'em!
If you, dear reader, would also like to take part.. knock yourself out.. not literally of course.. do be careful with yourself.
* Dislaimer: I do not pretend to have made up all these questions, nor to be responsible if they suck.. but um.. they don't.
THE NEW MEME
1. What is the dish you take to every potluck?
My homemade rockstar hummus.. cuz it rocks or the not so homemade but out-of-the-Knorr-box spinach dip that pretty much kicks ass.
2. Have you ever seen or felt a ghost, angel, spirit, or some sort of other-worldy being?
I feel like there are a few times I've seen strange little strings of light that were so bright I thought they were a glare from the window but they were in odd spots - like the glimmer of light off a single thread of a spider web.. I can't really explain it, but I felt they were not of this world.
I also had a very powerful dream of my father a month or so after he died where he told me to make sure Mom was happy and that I made myself happy. When I woke up, I knew he'd been in the room, somehow. His energy was just dissipating and the room was tingling.
3. Would you rather never workout again and be skinny forever or be able to work out whenever you wanted to and be a little overweight?
Um.. hi.. skinny forever.. and never work out.. that'd be rad!
4. What is the hardest thing you think you've experienced so far?
Death - physical or even the deaths of any relationship, friends and/or lovers.. The death of my good friend Nic at only 26. The deaths of my maternal grandfather, father, and paternal grandmother within 5 months of each other, followed by the break up of my boyfriend at the time and I the following month after that.
5. Do you like Snoopy or Woodstock better?
Hm.. this is tough. I think Snoopy cuz he's rather independent even if he needs Charlie Brown to feed him. And I played him in a musical my senior year in high school. So I'm sorta biased.
6. Can you talk and eat at the same time? And if so, can people understand you?
Yes I can.. I'm a talker. I've honed the skill of eating and talking at the same time.. but I think people can only understand me in relation to how long they've known me.. like learning a language, the more they've been around me, the more they understand what I'm saying when my mouth is full.... hm.. that came out wrong I think.
7. If you could be good at any profession, which would you choose and why?
I still would love to be a successful rockstar.. well, once I learn to magically play the guitar, I think that will happen for me. Just like that.
8. Would you rather be a Playboy bunny or a Hooters girl?
Playboy bunny by far.. they don't really have to work, do they?
9. Peanut butter – crunchy or smooth?
I like them both, but prefer smooth.
10. Bad boys, frat boys, intellectuals or dorks?
Dorks and bad boys.. never liked the fratty ones, tho they look cute til they start talking.. and tho I do like a good smarty pants.. the intellectuals often are a bit too pretentious for me.
11. Name 6 people, alive or dead, you'd like to invite to dinner.
Queen Elizabeth I, Tom Stoppard, William Shakespeare or the Duke of Oxford (cuz honestly, I think the Duke actually wrote all of Shakespeare.. but that's another question for later cuz you don't care do you?), Robin Williams, Katherine Hepburn, and Jon Stewart.
12. This is a two parter, and be truthful – when you are by yourself, do you get a 6 inch or a 12 inch sandwich from Subway? How about when you are with your friends?
Only Treena would come up with this one.. um.. 6 inch.. but now.. I'm assuming this is 'for realz' girl and not some.. um.. suggestive question.. How the hell can you eat a 12" sandwich? That's what we should be asking.
13. What was the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you?
Todd punched me once.. I remember that.. all I know is I was always getting into trouble for not getting chores done when I always did my chores and he screwed around all day.. Spoiled brat he was.
14. Location of the best sex you've ever had?
With the most recent ex and anywhere we had it. Seriously.. that good.
15. Oddest place you've ever had sex?
A graveyard - um.. it was very dark, ok? Spontenaity people..
16. If you were super drunk, and REALLY had to pee, but all the toilets were being used, would you consider alternate receptacles, i.e. the mens, outside, a sink?
Done the men's room before.. but um.. other than that.. outside.. no sink action.. ew ew!
17. If you had to pick, classical or jazz?
Classical... probably Chopin or Mozart.. love it.
18. What's your favorite kind of pizza?
Vegetarian.. w/ pepperoni. Mmmmmmm!
19. Ever flirted with a friend's significant other?
Probably, but not in a way that anyone would think I was doing anything devious.. harmless.. I would never do that to a friend.
20. What was the blog site or blog post that began your interest in blogging? Please add the site name and link to specific post if possible for completely entertainment purposes.
Miss Doxie was the first ever blog I discovered cuz a friend sent me a link to her post about seeing The Graduate, starring Morgan Fairchild, on stage. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.. I've read just about everything she's ever written since and convinced most of my office and friends to do so as well. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.. That girl = funny.
21. Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Marshmallows?
Um.. no.. and ew!
22. Last time you drank so much that you had to throw up?
I think a couple of years ago.. a girlfriend and I went out to EMP with no intentions of drinking til we were sloshed.. had 3 drinks unbeknownst to us that the martinis were always served as doubles.. Oy.. accidental hangover for Miss D.
23. Do you have a stupid human trick you can do if you ever get on Dave Letterman? And do tell, if so!
I'm pigeon-toed enough that I can sit on my knees, turn out my legs to the side with the toes completely pointed in and then can bring my legs all the way in til my toes touch. It grosses everyone out and looks like my legs are broken. Hee!
24. Describe your perfect day.
Let's see.. I'm in the south of France with the person I love, just after a lazy morning, having petite déjeuner under a gorgeous sky with friends and family on their way. Oh and I've just become independently wealthy and quit my job.
25. Do you think the concept of a single best friend is outdated and unrealistic?
Single? Probably outgrown more than outdated.. I have varying degrees of best in my friends, but they all know how much they mean to me.
26. What about the idea of one true love?
I do believe in that - however, I don't think we're limited to loving only one person throughout our lives and sometimes, I don't think we're meant to be with one person forever.. I'd like to believe that's the case, but I also haven't found that person for me either. One day.
27. One of your favorite memories of all time?
When I turned 21, I was in college and living in Ashland. My closest friends and roommates at the time, Stephanie, Nic, and Keith were there.. and I believe a couple of others. Nic, who'd been a lover for a short time prior to us being roommates, and I had always had a strong connection since we'd met but we'd also had the uncanny ability to completely irritate the other any time one of us wanted. But that night, he suggested to the group that we play a game. They would go around the circle and let everyone know what their favorite thing about me was and the only catch was that I had to sit there, unable to say anything, and listen. I was so overwhelmed with how much he cared, I must've turned 7 shades of red. However, I can't, to this day, remember what his favorite thing was.. or anyone's for that matter. It was really the idea behind the game that mattered the most and I felt so special and loved. I'll never forget it.
28. What is your least favorite physical feature about yourself?
The fact I'm slightly pigeon-toed and it affects the way I walk. I hate it.
29. What's your most favorite?
Hm.. tie between my eyes and my smile.
30. If you had one wish for making the world a better place, what would it be?
That we could all agree that it's ok if we think differently and then the anger between people and countries would subside into a peaceful happiness where we could all co-exist at the same time.
31. What traits, good and bad, from your family do you posses?
Being adopted.. I have to guess a little, tho some are definitely behavioral and learned from my current family:
Good: Happy, energetic, kinda smart, thoughtful, empathetic and compassionate, and super soft skin
Bad: Procrastinator, negative at times, lazy at others, whiny, impatient, and short to name a few.
32. When was the last time you played a board game, which one, and with whom?
I think it was about a month ago with my friend Matt - we played cribbage at 611 Supreme. He tried to get me back for the last time we played on St. Patrick's Day at the Pacific Inn where I literally creamed him.. it was awesome. And, for the record, he did beat me this last time, but not like the creaming I gave him.. aw yeah.
33. Name some person/place/thing currently that infuriates you.
The current president of America.. grrrrr!
34. Name some person/place/thing currently that makes you happy, deliriously or otherwise.
This gorgeous weather and feeling lighter than I have in the last 3-4 months.
35. Ever been in a car accident? If so, how many and spill the details.
Oy.. a few.. Mostly fender benders when I was younger.. and one here when I was texting while driving. Dumb! The last one was worse tho, about 5 years ago now when I turned too sharply in an exit and lost control of my car, swerving so much I couldn't regain control. I gave up and slammed sharply into the barrier and promptly freaked the fuck out. Within 5 minutes, I couldn't lift my head cuz I had some lovely whiplash.. but nothing that muscle relaxants and ibuprofen couldn't address. Course, nothing could save the car. It was totalled.
36. What's your favorite word?
Solace
If you, dear reader, would also like to take part.. knock yourself out.. not literally of course.. do be careful with yourself.
* Dislaimer: I do not pretend to have made up all these questions, nor to be responsible if they suck.. but um.. they don't.
THE NEW MEME
1. What is the dish you take to every potluck?
My homemade rockstar hummus.. cuz it rocks or the not so homemade but out-of-the-Knorr-box spinach dip that pretty much kicks ass.
2. Have you ever seen or felt a ghost, angel, spirit, or some sort of other-worldy being?
I feel like there are a few times I've seen strange little strings of light that were so bright I thought they were a glare from the window but they were in odd spots - like the glimmer of light off a single thread of a spider web.. I can't really explain it, but I felt they were not of this world.
I also had a very powerful dream of my father a month or so after he died where he told me to make sure Mom was happy and that I made myself happy. When I woke up, I knew he'd been in the room, somehow. His energy was just dissipating and the room was tingling.
3. Would you rather never workout again and be skinny forever or be able to work out whenever you wanted to and be a little overweight?
Um.. hi.. skinny forever.. and never work out.. that'd be rad!
4. What is the hardest thing you think you've experienced so far?
Death - physical or even the deaths of any relationship, friends and/or lovers.. The death of my good friend Nic at only 26. The deaths of my maternal grandfather, father, and paternal grandmother within 5 months of each other, followed by the break up of my boyfriend at the time and I the following month after that.
5. Do you like Snoopy or Woodstock better?
Hm.. this is tough. I think Snoopy cuz he's rather independent even if he needs Charlie Brown to feed him. And I played him in a musical my senior year in high school. So I'm sorta biased.
6. Can you talk and eat at the same time? And if so, can people understand you?
Yes I can.. I'm a talker. I've honed the skill of eating and talking at the same time.. but I think people can only understand me in relation to how long they've known me.. like learning a language, the more they've been around me, the more they understand what I'm saying when my mouth is full.... hm.. that came out wrong I think.
7. If you could be good at any profession, which would you choose and why?
I still would love to be a successful rockstar.. well, once I learn to magically play the guitar, I think that will happen for me. Just like that.
8. Would you rather be a Playboy bunny or a Hooters girl?
Playboy bunny by far.. they don't really have to work, do they?
9. Peanut butter – crunchy or smooth?
I like them both, but prefer smooth.
10. Bad boys, frat boys, intellectuals or dorks?
Dorks and bad boys.. never liked the fratty ones, tho they look cute til they start talking.. and tho I do like a good smarty pants.. the intellectuals often are a bit too pretentious for me.
11. Name 6 people, alive or dead, you'd like to invite to dinner.
Queen Elizabeth I, Tom Stoppard, William Shakespeare or the Duke of Oxford (cuz honestly, I think the Duke actually wrote all of Shakespeare.. but that's another question for later cuz you don't care do you?), Robin Williams, Katherine Hepburn, and Jon Stewart.
12. This is a two parter, and be truthful – when you are by yourself, do you get a 6 inch or a 12 inch sandwich from Subway? How about when you are with your friends?
Only Treena would come up with this one.. um.. 6 inch.. but now.. I'm assuming this is 'for realz' girl and not some.. um.. suggestive question.. How the hell can you eat a 12" sandwich? That's what we should be asking.
13. What was the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you?
Todd punched me once.. I remember that.. all I know is I was always getting into trouble for not getting chores done when I always did my chores and he screwed around all day.. Spoiled brat he was.
14. Location of the best sex you've ever had?
With the most recent ex and anywhere we had it. Seriously.. that good.
15. Oddest place you've ever had sex?
A graveyard - um.. it was very dark, ok? Spontenaity people..
16. If you were super drunk, and REALLY had to pee, but all the toilets were being used, would you consider alternate receptacles, i.e. the mens, outside, a sink?
Done the men's room before.. but um.. other than that.. outside.. no sink action.. ew ew!
17. If you had to pick, classical or jazz?
Classical... probably Chopin or Mozart.. love it.
18. What's your favorite kind of pizza?
Vegetarian.. w/ pepperoni. Mmmmmmm!
19. Ever flirted with a friend's significant other?
Probably, but not in a way that anyone would think I was doing anything devious.. harmless.. I would never do that to a friend.
20. What was the blog site or blog post that began your interest in blogging? Please add the site name and link to specific post if possible for completely entertainment purposes.
Miss Doxie was the first ever blog I discovered cuz a friend sent me a link to her post about seeing The Graduate, starring Morgan Fairchild, on stage. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.. I've read just about everything she's ever written since and convinced most of my office and friends to do so as well. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.. That girl = funny.
21. Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Marshmallows?
Um.. no.. and ew!
22. Last time you drank so much that you had to throw up?
I think a couple of years ago.. a girlfriend and I went out to EMP with no intentions of drinking til we were sloshed.. had 3 drinks unbeknownst to us that the martinis were always served as doubles.. Oy.. accidental hangover for Miss D.
23. Do you have a stupid human trick you can do if you ever get on Dave Letterman? And do tell, if so!
I'm pigeon-toed enough that I can sit on my knees, turn out my legs to the side with the toes completely pointed in and then can bring my legs all the way in til my toes touch. It grosses everyone out and looks like my legs are broken. Hee!
24. Describe your perfect day.
Let's see.. I'm in the south of France with the person I love, just after a lazy morning, having petite déjeuner under a gorgeous sky with friends and family on their way. Oh and I've just become independently wealthy and quit my job.
25. Do you think the concept of a single best friend is outdated and unrealistic?
Single? Probably outgrown more than outdated.. I have varying degrees of best in my friends, but they all know how much they mean to me.
26. What about the idea of one true love?
I do believe in that - however, I don't think we're limited to loving only one person throughout our lives and sometimes, I don't think we're meant to be with one person forever.. I'd like to believe that's the case, but I also haven't found that person for me either. One day.
27. One of your favorite memories of all time?
When I turned 21, I was in college and living in Ashland. My closest friends and roommates at the time, Stephanie, Nic, and Keith were there.. and I believe a couple of others. Nic, who'd been a lover for a short time prior to us being roommates, and I had always had a strong connection since we'd met but we'd also had the uncanny ability to completely irritate the other any time one of us wanted. But that night, he suggested to the group that we play a game. They would go around the circle and let everyone know what their favorite thing about me was and the only catch was that I had to sit there, unable to say anything, and listen. I was so overwhelmed with how much he cared, I must've turned 7 shades of red. However, I can't, to this day, remember what his favorite thing was.. or anyone's for that matter. It was really the idea behind the game that mattered the most and I felt so special and loved. I'll never forget it.
28. What is your least favorite physical feature about yourself?
The fact I'm slightly pigeon-toed and it affects the way I walk. I hate it.
29. What's your most favorite?
Hm.. tie between my eyes and my smile.
30. If you had one wish for making the world a better place, what would it be?
That we could all agree that it's ok if we think differently and then the anger between people and countries would subside into a peaceful happiness where we could all co-exist at the same time.
31. What traits, good and bad, from your family do you posses?
Being adopted.. I have to guess a little, tho some are definitely behavioral and learned from my current family:
Good: Happy, energetic, kinda smart, thoughtful, empathetic and compassionate, and super soft skin
Bad: Procrastinator, negative at times, lazy at others, whiny, impatient, and short to name a few.
32. When was the last time you played a board game, which one, and with whom?
I think it was about a month ago with my friend Matt - we played cribbage at 611 Supreme. He tried to get me back for the last time we played on St. Patrick's Day at the Pacific Inn where I literally creamed him.. it was awesome. And, for the record, he did beat me this last time, but not like the creaming I gave him.. aw yeah.
33. Name some person/place/thing currently that infuriates you.
The current president of America.. grrrrr!
34. Name some person/place/thing currently that makes you happy, deliriously or otherwise.
This gorgeous weather and feeling lighter than I have in the last 3-4 months.
35. Ever been in a car accident? If so, how many and spill the details.
Oy.. a few.. Mostly fender benders when I was younger.. and one here when I was texting while driving. Dumb! The last one was worse tho, about 5 years ago now when I turned too sharply in an exit and lost control of my car, swerving so much I couldn't regain control. I gave up and slammed sharply into the barrier and promptly freaked the fuck out. Within 5 minutes, I couldn't lift my head cuz I had some lovely whiplash.. but nothing that muscle relaxants and ibuprofen couldn't address. Course, nothing could save the car. It was totalled.
36. What's your favorite word?
Solace
Monday, May 01, 2006
We Now Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Program..
Hi! I'm back!
Um.. don't know who that person was who wrote that last post while I was 'gone'.. but um.. I'm really sorry I let her take over! It wasn't me... well, not the real me.. I don't think. It doesn't count being from me when I felt so manic and bi-polar and insane and oh.. maybe un-lucid. Basically your typical, every-word-you-can-think-of-for-crazy type feeling has been running thru my psyche.
And tho I think I said I had no idea why it was all happening, I kinda did.. sorta.. which I didn't explain and really will try to be brief about cuz I think it was due to some nice little bitesize help-is-on-the-way's that look just like little breath mints but are way less funner since instead of keeping away bad breath, they're a little more powerful at keeping an 'oops' from turning into a much smaller version of me or my ex.. and we said 'oops' a couple of times in our few months together. That's just something you really shouldn't have to say much.. if at all.. really.
And while these adult tic-tacs are a lifesaver in more ways than one, in my experience of taking them one other time a few years back, they can come back to haunt your hormones just when you're headed into your standard, girly pms. And what should've been just a normal bit of crabby or just a little bit of extra sensitive during those commercials for cotton or Kleenex, turned into an unrelenting Hurricane Katrina! Right there! In my little body! It did! There were witnesses!
But hey.. look! I'm better!
Well.. I'm still me.. which is to say, you know.. dramatic, if nothing else.. but, normal dramatic is way different from crazy. Way.
And I must say, being happy for like FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT is really a good thing. I fully recommend it. I enjoyed the weekend, went to Volunteer Park and saw Keith's very funny version of Hamlet he directed for the talented kids at Cornish, went to Fatima's baby shower - where, incidentally, so many other attendees were in various stages of pregnancy you might think children were the thing to have or something, bought shoes for the awesome dress I'm wearing in Mom's wedding, treated myself to a mani/pedi pick-me-up, cleaned house.. I mean.. it was a nice change from the last two weeks of out-of-no-where depression and all the crying.. you think?
I went for a really great walk last night in my neighborhood. It was one of the more beautiful Sundays, but maybe it was just cuz I felt good and was looking forward to getting out and breathing in the last evening of April. I smelled the air, admired the houses, paid attention to my walk, my breathing, and did my best to process the last few weeks into something that made sense. I still don't know how I got in that awful place of confusion and sadness, but I'm determined not to go back there again. It's amazing what we take for granted when just living day after day, like.. um.. sanity, for example. And I know my hormones can get the best of me once in a while, but I'd never imagined myself sad most of the time. It just wasn't me.
But for the entire walk, I was just happy. I felt really hopeful that boy and I will eventually get to a good place where we can be friends, I felt grateful to have him and my other friends to offer their strengths when I need support and I haven't freaked them all out, I'm genuinely thrilled for Mom knowing she has a partner in life again and rather excited about this new friendship she's starting with me even if I'm not completely holding my breath yet.. I mean it's such a relief to feel the positive energy I knew was there but had been struggling to come back to me since the beginning of this year..
Ahh.. I love spring just for that reason. It's rejuvenating. And honestly, it's about goddamn time.
Um.. don't know who that person was who wrote that last post while I was 'gone'.. but um.. I'm really sorry I let her take over! It wasn't me... well, not the real me.. I don't think. It doesn't count being from me when I felt so manic and bi-polar and insane and oh.. maybe un-lucid. Basically your typical, every-word-you-can-think-of-for-crazy type feeling has been running thru my psyche.
And tho I think I said I had no idea why it was all happening, I kinda did.. sorta.. which I didn't explain and really will try to be brief about cuz I think it was due to some nice little bitesize help-is-on-the-way's that look just like little breath mints but are way less funner since instead of keeping away bad breath, they're a little more powerful at keeping an 'oops' from turning into a much smaller version of me or my ex.. and we said 'oops' a couple of times in our few months together. That's just something you really shouldn't have to say much.. if at all.. really.
And while these adult tic-tacs are a lifesaver in more ways than one, in my experience of taking them one other time a few years back, they can come back to haunt your hormones just when you're headed into your standard, girly pms. And what should've been just a normal bit of crabby or just a little bit of extra sensitive during those commercials for cotton or Kleenex, turned into an unrelenting Hurricane Katrina! Right there! In my little body! It did! There were witnesses!
But hey.. look! I'm better!
Well.. I'm still me.. which is to say, you know.. dramatic, if nothing else.. but, normal dramatic is way different from crazy. Way.
And I must say, being happy for like FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT is really a good thing. I fully recommend it. I enjoyed the weekend, went to Volunteer Park and saw Keith's very funny version of Hamlet he directed for the talented kids at Cornish, went to Fatima's baby shower - where, incidentally, so many other attendees were in various stages of pregnancy you might think children were the thing to have or something, bought shoes for the awesome dress I'm wearing in Mom's wedding, treated myself to a mani/pedi pick-me-up, cleaned house.. I mean.. it was a nice change from the last two weeks of out-of-no-where depression and all the crying.. you think?
I went for a really great walk last night in my neighborhood. It was one of the more beautiful Sundays, but maybe it was just cuz I felt good and was looking forward to getting out and breathing in the last evening of April. I smelled the air, admired the houses, paid attention to my walk, my breathing, and did my best to process the last few weeks into something that made sense. I still don't know how I got in that awful place of confusion and sadness, but I'm determined not to go back there again. It's amazing what we take for granted when just living day after day, like.. um.. sanity, for example. And I know my hormones can get the best of me once in a while, but I'd never imagined myself sad most of the time. It just wasn't me.
But for the entire walk, I was just happy. I felt really hopeful that boy and I will eventually get to a good place where we can be friends, I felt grateful to have him and my other friends to offer their strengths when I need support and I haven't freaked them all out, I'm genuinely thrilled for Mom knowing she has a partner in life again and rather excited about this new friendship she's starting with me even if I'm not completely holding my breath yet.. I mean it's such a relief to feel the positive energy I knew was there but had been struggling to come back to me since the beginning of this year..
Ahh.. I love spring just for that reason. It's rejuvenating. And honestly, it's about goddamn time.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Circling The [Medicated] Wagons
So.. I can't really write today.. I'm stealing again from Léonie, who's blog is one of many I adore.. She talks in bullet points quite often and very well.. tho I'm sure hers has an accent, but I think bullet points really can say it all.. don't you think?
Last week - Monday thru Thursday:
* Cried and cried and cried - no reason.. just, you know.. cried. Sort of a lot. Sort of a concerning amount..
* Tried to work, cuz you know.. I sort of have a job that pays me maybe to actually work and not to cry.
* Tried not to cry.
* Cried anyway.
* Went to the gym and didn't cry - twice! - unbelievably.
* Talked to the ex boy.. and tho there was no crying planned, cried nonetheless.. think amount of crying scared him.
* Made mental note not to call the ex when anywhere near crying state - and also thought, duh..
* Managed extremely heavy workload barely saving from making many a mistake until Thursday when..
* I was 5 minutes late to work and missed a very important conference call.
* Felt really awful. Like.. really.
* Email arrived from ex boy about nothing important but still..
* Suddenly tears.. and..
* Cried a river.. or maybe 4.
* Cried exponentially..
* Called doctor.
* Got prescription for happy pills after filling out lovely survey for depression.
* Took one - well.. 1/2 of one (1/2 being my regular dose).
Friday:
* Waited for happiness to commence.
* Waited some more..
* Um.. waited a bit longer..
* Ooh! Felt something! Ohhh.. sick.
* Felt really really sick... like, going-to-throw-up-any-second sick.
* Ow... um.. massive-pressure-in-head-and-vision-skewing sick.
* Thought of food - but then thought, ew.. sick.
* Called doctor and apparently, this was normal and I'd feel this way for about a week. Constantly. Oh yay.
Weekend:
* Much MUCH sun = much MUCH happy!
* Worked at my friend's bar, Liberty, twice and made lots of money! Whoo hoo! And also, had fun!
* Saw dumb Jason Mraz show with Abby - Jason Mraz wasn't dumb. He was actually very cute and very good at all stuff guitar, but whole set up was stupid.
* Wasn't nauseaus so I ate sometimes - yay!
* Felt normal and happy most of the time, surprisingly.
This Monday:
*Delirium of happy set on by frickin GORGEOUS day!
* HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY.. like.. really happy!
* Walked with Ironika and Jody after successful day of work - maintained happy. Yay!
* Ironika picked up my dress for Mom's wedding - discount on pretty rockin dress by pretty rockin friend = extra happy!
* Met ex boy for Mexican food (happy!) to update on sitch of new happy pills and catch up.
* Ate like food was scarce.
* Chatted and joked with boy.. both of us = happy.
* On way out, nausea returned.. overwhelmingly. It was very mad at Mexican food in tummy.
* Boy flirted - bad bad - and = me not so happy by calling him on it.
* Head not only in vice, but being fucked with.. unintentionally but still..
* Unruly nausea was soon joined by waterworks of unstoppable nature.
* Inbetween ick and tears, discussed with boy about our questionable future as friends.
* Discovered boy needs to figure out a few things for us to be friends - it's not just me.
* Many sad, frustrated, and concerned looks passed from him to me and from me to him.
* Talked a lot about how friend idea is hard and wierd and might take us pretty much forever.
* Ack! Dam.. broke.. somewhere in my eyes...
* FEMA somehow did not register this.
* Memorable quote on my part to boy, "No offense," pointing at ocean of tears coming from said category 5 broken eye dam, "but honestly, this is not all because of you.. I swear," and we both laughed a little despite ourselves.
* Went home extremely embarrassed and disheartened.
* Called Mom.
Tuesday:
* Woke up extremely embarrassed and disheartened.
* Showered.
* Cried.
* Cried more.. yes, I know.. you're completely shocked now.. like how am I not out of tears?
* Nausea returned again. Apparently, it has nothing better to do.
* Emailed Ironika explaining previous evening after I left her house.
* Ironika sent back email sufficient to be good kick in the ass, consoling and understanding all at same time.
* Boy emailed asking how I was..
* Tho appreciative, said worst of day had passed and let him know not to worry. I suggested a tad more space and time.
* He agreed, in a nice way.
* Made it thru work til 3pm when I couldn't take it anymore and left early due to understanding boss.
* Bought ice cream and went to lake with a friend.
* Sat under a stunning sun, soaked up rays during beautiful afternoon, talked with friend and suddenly realized I could feel nothing. At all.
* Poked at my mental stability.. no reaction.
* Returned home, napped, felt better.
* Got ready for first date - a little anxious but positive.
* Walked out locked door without keys.
* Said, "Crap," really loudly. Among other things.
* Called date, cancelled. Apologized profusely.
* Called landlord, left message.
* Bothered neighbors for useless screwdrivers.
* Landlord sent his mom with keys (she lives nearby).
* Went back in house, pouted.
* Made myself eat most of half an apple til full.
* I showed that nausea.. didn't I?
* Met friend for drink to avoid pouting and sudden lack of evening plans.
* Poked at mental stability before bed - same, practically comatose.
Today:
* Noticed auto-pilot still on.
* Couldn't be bothered to find 'off' switch.
* Tho not crying, literally could not smile if I tried.
* Apparently nausea works the same hours I do.
* Took break to post office and post office lady was so nice. I pretended cuz of her niceness.
* Talked to Megan (Told her I was at post office and sent her Christmas presents for her and her kids. Hey.. what's wrong with Christmas in April?) and smiled for first time today.
* Talked to Kari and described manic-ness that is me.
* Thought maybe I should work since I was at work.. and kind of almost succeeded.
* Talked to nurse about stalker nausea and woozy head and apathetic self that is unlike any self I recognized.
* Doctor called back, had brilliant idea to stop meds immediately and wait a week to start new kind. Said this one isn't working for me.
* I breathed sigh of relief and kept sarcastic comments to myself.
* Personality peeked out a bit later so I decided to maybe do some actual work and stayed late.
* Mom saw me online and instant messaged me even tho she barely knows how to use her computer.
* Out of no where and in relation to nothing we were talking about, she wrote, "I hope you start feeling better and know that I love you very much and that you'll always be my little girl."
* I paused.
* I felt.
* I did not cry. Technically.
* Decided just now to go home and celebrate me kicking nausea to curb. And maybe eat some ice cream.
Last week - Monday thru Thursday:
* Cried and cried and cried - no reason.. just, you know.. cried. Sort of a lot. Sort of a concerning amount..
* Tried to work, cuz you know.. I sort of have a job that pays me maybe to actually work and not to cry.
* Tried not to cry.
* Cried anyway.
* Went to the gym and didn't cry - twice! - unbelievably.
* Talked to the ex boy.. and tho there was no crying planned, cried nonetheless.. think amount of crying scared him.
* Made mental note not to call the ex when anywhere near crying state - and also thought, duh..
* Managed extremely heavy workload barely saving from making many a mistake until Thursday when..
* I was 5 minutes late to work and missed a very important conference call.
* Felt really awful. Like.. really.
* Email arrived from ex boy about nothing important but still..
* Suddenly tears.. and..
* Cried a river.. or maybe 4.
* Cried exponentially..
* Called doctor.
* Got prescription for happy pills after filling out lovely survey for depression.
* Took one - well.. 1/2 of one (1/2 being my regular dose).
Friday:
* Waited for happiness to commence.
* Waited some more..
* Um.. waited a bit longer..
* Ooh! Felt something! Ohhh.. sick.
* Felt really really sick... like, going-to-throw-up-any-second sick.
* Ow... um.. massive-pressure-in-head-and-vision-skewing sick.
* Thought of food - but then thought, ew.. sick.
* Called doctor and apparently, this was normal and I'd feel this way for about a week. Constantly. Oh yay.
Weekend:
* Much MUCH sun = much MUCH happy!
* Worked at my friend's bar, Liberty, twice and made lots of money! Whoo hoo! And also, had fun!
* Saw dumb Jason Mraz show with Abby - Jason Mraz wasn't dumb. He was actually very cute and very good at all stuff guitar, but whole set up was stupid.
* Wasn't nauseaus so I ate sometimes - yay!
* Felt normal and happy most of the time, surprisingly.
This Monday:
*Delirium of happy set on by frickin GORGEOUS day!
* HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY.. like.. really happy!
* Walked with Ironika and Jody after successful day of work - maintained happy. Yay!
* Ironika picked up my dress for Mom's wedding - discount on pretty rockin dress by pretty rockin friend = extra happy!
* Met ex boy for Mexican food (happy!) to update on sitch of new happy pills and catch up.
* Ate like food was scarce.
* Chatted and joked with boy.. both of us = happy.
* On way out, nausea returned.. overwhelmingly. It was very mad at Mexican food in tummy.
* Boy flirted - bad bad - and = me not so happy by calling him on it.
* Head not only in vice, but being fucked with.. unintentionally but still..
* Unruly nausea was soon joined by waterworks of unstoppable nature.
* Inbetween ick and tears, discussed with boy about our questionable future as friends.
* Discovered boy needs to figure out a few things for us to be friends - it's not just me.
* Many sad, frustrated, and concerned looks passed from him to me and from me to him.
* Talked a lot about how friend idea is hard and wierd and might take us pretty much forever.
* Ack! Dam.. broke.. somewhere in my eyes...
* FEMA somehow did not register this.
* Memorable quote on my part to boy, "No offense," pointing at ocean of tears coming from said category 5 broken eye dam, "but honestly, this is not all because of you.. I swear," and we both laughed a little despite ourselves.
* Went home extremely embarrassed and disheartened.
* Called Mom.
Tuesday:
* Woke up extremely embarrassed and disheartened.
* Showered.
* Cried.
* Cried more.. yes, I know.. you're completely shocked now.. like how am I not out of tears?
* Nausea returned again. Apparently, it has nothing better to do.
* Emailed Ironika explaining previous evening after I left her house.
* Ironika sent back email sufficient to be good kick in the ass, consoling and understanding all at same time.
* Boy emailed asking how I was..
* Tho appreciative, said worst of day had passed and let him know not to worry. I suggested a tad more space and time.
* He agreed, in a nice way.
* Made it thru work til 3pm when I couldn't take it anymore and left early due to understanding boss.
* Bought ice cream and went to lake with a friend.
* Sat under a stunning sun, soaked up rays during beautiful afternoon, talked with friend and suddenly realized I could feel nothing. At all.
* Poked at my mental stability.. no reaction.
* Returned home, napped, felt better.
* Got ready for first date - a little anxious but positive.
* Walked out locked door without keys.
* Said, "Crap," really loudly. Among other things.
* Called date, cancelled. Apologized profusely.
* Called landlord, left message.
* Bothered neighbors for useless screwdrivers.
* Landlord sent his mom with keys (she lives nearby).
* Went back in house, pouted.
* Made myself eat most of half an apple til full.
* I showed that nausea.. didn't I?
* Met friend for drink to avoid pouting and sudden lack of evening plans.
* Poked at mental stability before bed - same, practically comatose.
Today:
* Noticed auto-pilot still on.
* Couldn't be bothered to find 'off' switch.
* Tho not crying, literally could not smile if I tried.
* Apparently nausea works the same hours I do.
* Took break to post office and post office lady was so nice. I pretended cuz of her niceness.
* Talked to Megan (Told her I was at post office and sent her Christmas presents for her and her kids. Hey.. what's wrong with Christmas in April?) and smiled for first time today.
* Talked to Kari and described manic-ness that is me.
* Thought maybe I should work since I was at work.. and kind of almost succeeded.
* Talked to nurse about stalker nausea and woozy head and apathetic self that is unlike any self I recognized.
* Doctor called back, had brilliant idea to stop meds immediately and wait a week to start new kind. Said this one isn't working for me.
* I breathed sigh of relief and kept sarcastic comments to myself.
* Personality peeked out a bit later so I decided to maybe do some actual work and stayed late.
* Mom saw me online and instant messaged me even tho she barely knows how to use her computer.
* Out of no where and in relation to nothing we were talking about, she wrote, "I hope you start feeling better and know that I love you very much and that you'll always be my little girl."
* I paused.
* I felt.
* I did not cry. Technically.
* Decided just now to go home and celebrate me kicking nausea to curb. And maybe eat some ice cream.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I Liked The Font Ok??! Oh And Where Mom And I Bond.. Yes, Really!
So y'all are a bunch of whiners.. Yeah.. I said it. Whatcha gonna do? HUH?
You: I don't liiiiiiiiiiike your new font, Angel.. It's haaaaaaaard to reeeeeeeaaaaaad.. It huuuuurts my wittle eyyyyes...
Moi: Wah wah.. cry me a river people..
So fine.. y'all obviously don't want to challenge yourselves.. or risk a TINY bit of eye strain.. so I changed it back.. ok? Happy now??!
Sheesh..
Oh.. and my mom is so NOT a zillionaire.. by the way.. in case you were planning that big surprise marriage proposal to me. Yeah.. you can ditch that idea.. my invisible friend.. You'd have better luck with my mom. I hear she's accepting them all over the place.
My brother was apparently smoking crack.. or so my mom thinks when I asked her about the money..
Mom: WHAT did he say?? *laughing and in shock at the same time*
Moi: That you had *fill in blank with large sum of money and add many zeros here* dollars invested..
Mom: Um.. is your brother on drugs??! I do not have that kind of money.. Where did he get that idea?
Moi: Well.. if he's on drugs.. apparently from that. But no, I don't think he's on drugs, Mom. Delusional, yes. Drugs, not so much. But he said he helped you invest it.. no?
Mom: Please.. I do my own investing and it's not like your brother knows anything about that stuff..
Moi: Phew! I'm so glad you said that. I was really starting to think I didn't know him anymore..
That's basically how that went. Oh and my brother is like the biggest lying liar ev-er or completely thinking of someone else he helped invest much money with many zeros. I don't ask.. what's the point? He's married and his wife gets to look after him and all his (many) idiosyncrasies. Bless her.
Unless my mom is totally lying.............. Noooooo........... you think? Crap. I don't know.
Wanna hear the best part???! You DO! I KNOW you do! Ok. This isn't it, but it prefaces: I met the soon-to-be-step-father this last weekend and hey, he was pretty nice. Ok.. so far so good. He and Mom are actually cute.. a little gross, but cute nonetheless. They seem very happy and he doesn't seem like a serial killer OR a carnie! YAY! Glad I got that out of the way! I mean, it was awkward and Mom was very wrapped up in him and we didn't do much after I arrived on Saturday - just movie'd it all evening, which didn't make much time for talking, but I figured Sunday we'd have a little more time.
Um.. you know.. insert the usual 'Wrong!' here..
Sunday Mom invited our ENTIRE extended family on her side up for Easter dinner. When I say extended, I mean my cousin's half sister, my cousin's neighbor's children, my aunt's EX-step kids and her husband and their kids.. you get the picture? Two aunts and their families didn't even show! Can you imagine?? THEN if you throw in all the dogs, there were like 42 people, large, small, and furry occupying the kitchen, dining and living rooms. The children cried, threw fits, talkedtalkedtalkedtalkedtalkedohmyGOD.. we ate, MMMMM TURKEY.. and somewhere in the middle of that (this is the best part by the way), the step-dad-to-be's daughter and HER family showed up. They have SEVEN CHILDREN.. (I'll just let that sink in for a sec..) of which she kindly only brought three. Um.. she's 36.. you do the math (ok ok, I think this is the 2nd marriage for both of them, but if you leave that fact out it sounds way more shocking, right?).
So there we all are.. VASTLY uncomfortable.. and I'm trying to make conversation with them but not really wanting to. I'm more focused on seeing if I can dive into the mashed potatoes and sorta hide there... No such luck tho.
We were on the far side of the living room and Mom and Dale were on the far side of the dining room and this = not close, ok?? Mind you, there are like 26 zillion people inbetween - and she tried to get her dad's attention so she could say grace. I ask you.. grace? And you ask back.. um.. is that so bad? To which I reply, no.. not COMPARITIVELY to what happened LATER.. um.. no. But her dad couldn't hear her so she gave up and she forced her daughter to say it for her and the rest of them. And I was SOOOOO nice and VERY sweet (I was!) and I gently told her that she might have a hard time with that sort of thing on this side of the family cuz tho I thought some of them probably believed in God and all, they weren't particularly religious. But I tried to reassure her by saying I thought Mom was sort of getting back into it. And do you think she said, Oh.. that's good.. or, Oh, that's nice..?? No.. it went like this exactly:
Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: Well, I should hope so because I don't want Dad to stop going to church just because, you know, he's getting married.
Moi: *??????????*
and I thought..
Moi: *WTF?! Are you the boss of him (yes, I totally regressed at that point, what of it?)? And oh yeah.. he looks just like the type of person who can't think for himself. I completely see why you'd be worried.*
But really I didn't say anything after that and just stared at my food.. seething.
And she added..
Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: ..cuz MY girls go to Youth Group.
and I thought..
Moi: * 1) Wow, my condolences to your girls and 2) um.. so?*
Dinner being over, someone put in The Chronicles of Narnia for all the kids and for the zoning out adults (possibly me). Not long after it started, her husband, I'll call him Flanders for the purpose of this story, decides to pull me into conversation:
Flanders: *Very teacher-esque* So did you know this movie is a fable?
Moi: Excuse me?
Flanders: A fable.. based on the life of Jesus Christ.
Moi: *trying to keep from falling out of my chair in much shock*
and I say..
Moi: Oh.. um.. yeah.. I think I heard something about that.. *invisibly rolling my eyes*
but I THINK..
Moi: *WARNING! WARNING! Jesus freak approaching! And DUH.. cuz when the movie came out, that fact was sorta ALL OVER the news, tv, and radio.. but obviously I look like I've been living under a ROCK for a year so.. yeah, of course, I wouldn't know that.*
and, unbelievably.. he continues..
Flanders: Yes, well Aslan is God and the White Witch is the Devil.... *fades out cuz I can't hear him over my FREAKING OUT thoughts*
which are..
Moi: *OHMYGOD! Thank you SO much for pointing that out. Completely clueless here.. obviously.. good/evil, lion/witch - that was VERY confusing for me. Would've never guessed had you not helped me figure that out.. phew!* and *FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SACRED.. PLEASE SHUT UP!*
But he went ON about C.S. Lewis and how most of his writings were very biblical in nature and that current scholars are actually trying to make them into something they're not - which he never explained, but really, that was ok by me cuz I just figured.. what, maybe they said they were just... stories?? I was nauseous, let's put it that way.
For the record, I'm spiritual. I believe in God, or a higher power, in my way.. I don't go to church or believe there is only one way to worship IF you want to worship OR believe at all and, if not, that's ok too.. so me and God? We're all good. But you people know.. I'm.. opinionated.. strongly.. and of all people to start preaching to.. you'd think maybe they would've picked up on the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.. and maybe thought.. oh.. um.. honey.. she doesn't like pushy religious types..
I'm just sayin.. I would never walk into a stranger's house - a stranger that is marrying into my family - and start wearing God all over me - or anything else controversially big for that matter - politics, abortion.. Satanism.. I mean.. hi.. what if I went to their house and just rearranged their furniture into the shape of a pentagram?? There is having strong beliefs.. and there is simply being inappropriate. This was certainly the latter and to be honest, I didn't appreciate it. She implied this marriage to MY mother might actually have some sort of negative affect over her father's ways and beliefs (at 62, please..) AAAND assumed that grace is something we even do in our house! We don't! Ok? And you know what? God is just fine with that. And hellooo.. do you not know what assuming does, lady? Yeah..
And the movie? Can it JUST be a movie? Please? Seriously, you could make God and the Devil in any good or bad character in any movie respectively. Tho when describing the scene to my 16-year-old cousin I saw later that night, she said I should've asked them if they'd seen Brokeback Mountain and if they knew who God and the Devil were in that movie..... evil little girl, that one. Love her.
And I left.. pouting. Mad at Mom cuz she hadn't spent one minute with me.. and, more to the point, we were going to be related by marriage to crazy know-it-all bible thumpers! God save us!
But it really bothered me so I called her yesterday night.. and you (uh.. Megan & Kari) won't believe it, but it was the first time ever that my mother and I had a good conversation.. where we really talked and she really listened - at least that I can remember. I told her it hurt to see her flitting around worried about everyone else's kids but her own - being everyone else's mom but mine.. that he should've tried harder to talk to us if the two of them weren't so tied to each other's hips all weekend.. and there was just too much family there. I mean, he was marrying into the family, sure, but the family of us is what Todd and I thought mattered most.. and no, it wasn't intentional, but it really kind of sucked.
And so she listened.. and she apologized.. and she meant it, shockingly enough.. and then we laughed and laughed over Dale's crazy daughter and her crazier husband and I suddenly realized I had an ally in my mother I didn't know existed.. and you know what? I stopped freaking out. I just felt calmer.. and I knew this marriage would be a good thing for my mom and my family.. and despite the occasional step-crazies we may have to reign in quick-like (cuz you know I will given a next time, kids).. it's all going to be fine.
I wish I could tell Dad he was right.
You: I don't liiiiiiiiiiike your new font, Angel.. It's haaaaaaaard to reeeeeeeaaaaaad.. It huuuuurts my wittle eyyyyes...
Moi: Wah wah.. cry me a river people..
So fine.. y'all obviously don't want to challenge yourselves.. or risk a TINY bit of eye strain.. so I changed it back.. ok? Happy now??!
Sheesh..
Oh.. and my mom is so NOT a zillionaire.. by the way.. in case you were planning that big surprise marriage proposal to me. Yeah.. you can ditch that idea.. my invisible friend.. You'd have better luck with my mom. I hear she's accepting them all over the place.
My brother was apparently smoking crack.. or so my mom thinks when I asked her about the money..
Mom: WHAT did he say?? *laughing and in shock at the same time*
Moi: That you had *fill in blank with large sum of money and add many zeros here* dollars invested..
Mom: Um.. is your brother on drugs??! I do not have that kind of money.. Where did he get that idea?
Moi: Well.. if he's on drugs.. apparently from that. But no, I don't think he's on drugs, Mom. Delusional, yes. Drugs, not so much. But he said he helped you invest it.. no?
Mom: Please.. I do my own investing and it's not like your brother knows anything about that stuff..
Moi: Phew! I'm so glad you said that. I was really starting to think I didn't know him anymore..
That's basically how that went. Oh and my brother is like the biggest lying liar ev-er or completely thinking of someone else he helped invest much money with many zeros. I don't ask.. what's the point? He's married and his wife gets to look after him and all his (many) idiosyncrasies. Bless her.
Unless my mom is totally lying.............. Noooooo........... you think? Crap. I don't know.
Wanna hear the best part???! You DO! I KNOW you do! Ok. This isn't it, but it prefaces: I met the soon-to-be-step-father this last weekend and hey, he was pretty nice. Ok.. so far so good. He and Mom are actually cute.. a little gross, but cute nonetheless. They seem very happy and he doesn't seem like a serial killer OR a carnie! YAY! Glad I got that out of the way! I mean, it was awkward and Mom was very wrapped up in him and we didn't do much after I arrived on Saturday - just movie'd it all evening, which didn't make much time for talking, but I figured Sunday we'd have a little more time.
Um.. you know.. insert the usual 'Wrong!' here..
Sunday Mom invited our ENTIRE extended family on her side up for Easter dinner. When I say extended, I mean my cousin's half sister, my cousin's neighbor's children, my aunt's EX-step kids and her husband and their kids.. you get the picture? Two aunts and their families didn't even show! Can you imagine?? THEN if you throw in all the dogs, there were like 42 people, large, small, and furry occupying the kitchen, dining and living rooms. The children cried, threw fits, talkedtalkedtalkedtalkedtalkedohmyGOD.. we ate, MMMMM TURKEY.. and somewhere in the middle of that (this is the best part by the way), the step-dad-to-be's daughter and HER family showed up. They have SEVEN CHILDREN.. (I'll just let that sink in for a sec..) of which she kindly only brought three. Um.. she's 36.. you do the math (ok ok, I think this is the 2nd marriage for both of them, but if you leave that fact out it sounds way more shocking, right?).
So there we all are.. VASTLY uncomfortable.. and I'm trying to make conversation with them but not really wanting to. I'm more focused on seeing if I can dive into the mashed potatoes and sorta hide there... No such luck tho.
We were on the far side of the living room and Mom and Dale were on the far side of the dining room and this = not close, ok?? Mind you, there are like 26 zillion people inbetween - and she tried to get her dad's attention so she could say grace. I ask you.. grace? And you ask back.. um.. is that so bad? To which I reply, no.. not COMPARITIVELY to what happened LATER.. um.. no. But her dad couldn't hear her so she gave up and she forced her daughter to say it for her and the rest of them. And I was SOOOOO nice and VERY sweet (I was!) and I gently told her that she might have a hard time with that sort of thing on this side of the family cuz tho I thought some of them probably believed in God and all, they weren't particularly religious. But I tried to reassure her by saying I thought Mom was sort of getting back into it. And do you think she said, Oh.. that's good.. or, Oh, that's nice..?? No.. it went like this exactly:
Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: Well, I should hope so because I don't want Dad to stop going to church just because, you know, he's getting married.
Moi: *??????????*
and I thought..
Moi: *WTF?! Are you the boss of him (yes, I totally regressed at that point, what of it?)? And oh yeah.. he looks just like the type of person who can't think for himself. I completely see why you'd be worried.*
But really I didn't say anything after that and just stared at my food.. seething.
And she added..
Crazy soon-to-be-step-sister: ..cuz MY girls go to Youth Group.
and I thought..
Moi: * 1) Wow, my condolences to your girls and 2) um.. so?*
Dinner being over, someone put in The Chronicles of Narnia for all the kids and for the zoning out adults (possibly me). Not long after it started, her husband, I'll call him Flanders for the purpose of this story, decides to pull me into conversation:
Flanders: *Very teacher-esque* So did you know this movie is a fable?
Moi: Excuse me?
Flanders: A fable.. based on the life of Jesus Christ.
Moi: *trying to keep from falling out of my chair in much shock*
and I say..
Moi: Oh.. um.. yeah.. I think I heard something about that.. *invisibly rolling my eyes*
but I THINK..
Moi: *WARNING! WARNING! Jesus freak approaching! And DUH.. cuz when the movie came out, that fact was sorta ALL OVER the news, tv, and radio.. but obviously I look like I've been living under a ROCK for a year so.. yeah, of course, I wouldn't know that.*
and, unbelievably.. he continues..
Flanders: Yes, well Aslan is God and the White Witch is the Devil.... *fades out cuz I can't hear him over my FREAKING OUT thoughts*
which are..
Moi: *OHMYGOD! Thank you SO much for pointing that out. Completely clueless here.. obviously.. good/evil, lion/witch - that was VERY confusing for me. Would've never guessed had you not helped me figure that out.. phew!* and *FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SACRED.. PLEASE SHUT UP!*
But he went ON about C.S. Lewis and how most of his writings were very biblical in nature and that current scholars are actually trying to make them into something they're not - which he never explained, but really, that was ok by me cuz I just figured.. what, maybe they said they were just... stories?? I was nauseous, let's put it that way.
For the record, I'm spiritual. I believe in God, or a higher power, in my way.. I don't go to church or believe there is only one way to worship IF you want to worship OR believe at all and, if not, that's ok too.. so me and God? We're all good. But you people know.. I'm.. opinionated.. strongly.. and of all people to start preaching to.. you'd think maybe they would've picked up on the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.. and maybe thought.. oh.. um.. honey.. she doesn't like pushy religious types..
I'm just sayin.. I would never walk into a stranger's house - a stranger that is marrying into my family - and start wearing God all over me - or anything else controversially big for that matter - politics, abortion.. Satanism.. I mean.. hi.. what if I went to their house and just rearranged their furniture into the shape of a pentagram?? There is having strong beliefs.. and there is simply being inappropriate. This was certainly the latter and to be honest, I didn't appreciate it. She implied this marriage to MY mother might actually have some sort of negative affect over her father's ways and beliefs (at 62, please..) AAAND assumed that grace is something we even do in our house! We don't! Ok? And you know what? God is just fine with that. And hellooo.. do you not know what assuming does, lady? Yeah..
And the movie? Can it JUST be a movie? Please? Seriously, you could make God and the Devil in any good or bad character in any movie respectively. Tho when describing the scene to my 16-year-old cousin I saw later that night, she said I should've asked them if they'd seen Brokeback Mountain and if they knew who God and the Devil were in that movie..... evil little girl, that one. Love her.
And I left.. pouting. Mad at Mom cuz she hadn't spent one minute with me.. and, more to the point, we were going to be related by marriage to crazy know-it-all bible thumpers! God save us!
But it really bothered me so I called her yesterday night.. and you (uh.. Megan & Kari) won't believe it, but it was the first time ever that my mother and I had a good conversation.. where we really talked and she really listened - at least that I can remember. I told her it hurt to see her flitting around worried about everyone else's kids but her own - being everyone else's mom but mine.. that he should've tried harder to talk to us if the two of them weren't so tied to each other's hips all weekend.. and there was just too much family there. I mean, he was marrying into the family, sure, but the family of us is what Todd and I thought mattered most.. and no, it wasn't intentional, but it really kind of sucked.
And so she listened.. and she apologized.. and she meant it, shockingly enough.. and then we laughed and laughed over Dale's crazy daughter and her crazier husband and I suddenly realized I had an ally in my mother I didn't know existed.. and you know what? I stopped freaking out. I just felt calmer.. and I knew this marriage would be a good thing for my mom and my family.. and despite the occasional step-crazies we may have to reign in quick-like (cuz you know I will given a next time, kids).. it's all going to be fine.
I wish I could tell Dad he was right.
Monday, April 10, 2006
This Ends With Cake..That's Not Bad, Is It?
So I have news.
Are you sitting down?
This is what my mother should've prefaced with when she told me she was getting remarried.. except I was sitting down. And I couldn't speak. Yes, shockingly, this is possible.. only a few times in my life, but yes, believe it.
You wanna know what else? She's known him for 6 weeks.. SIX WEEKS! If you count this last week I've been digesting her news, I guess 7. Um.. yes, whatever you're thinking, I've already asked her.. with exactly that tone you're asking it. And no, I haven't met him yet.. in fact, she's only mentioned him a few times. I don't even know his last name. I suddenly feel like this is probably how most parents feel when hearing this sort of information from their offspring - however, I'm betting there's usually a pregnancy involved (BITE YOUR TONGUE PEOPLE.. EW!) or a lot more time invested. I mean, we know nothing about him. He could be crazy.. or a serial killer.. or.. or.. a carnie!
But this remarrying thing.. I've never had to go thru it. My mother has only dated 2 people since my father died 6 years ago.. so I don't think she's rushed it and I certainly do want her to be happy.. but um, he still has to be my step-father when all is said and done. Not to mention he has children of his own - and voilà - instant step-siblings: two brothers and a sister. Ok.. so I have to admit.. that's.. intriguing as I've never had a sister. But since they're probably close to my age and have families of their own, are they really going to want to go out of their way to get to know me and forge a relationship? I mean, I know I'm feeling awfully hesitant about that.. and if they were all gung-ho about it, I'd be a little suspicious. So I guess if nothing else, maybe we'll all bond over the fact our parents are completely out of their minds. Eh.. a silver lining is a silver lining. I'm trying here..
In the meantime, there's.. um.. actual bonding over this situation with my actual brother. I know.. wierd. And we discussed my concern some other friend's have voiced when I told them this news. ''Do we think this guy is after Mom's money? I mean.. she doesn't really have a lot to get.. um.. does she? To which I expected my brother to simply echo my thinking.. And, if you know me at all, you also know how often I'm wrong. Wrong, wrong WRONG. Like in this instance. Granted, it's invested, but my mother, apparently, is doing just fine. A-lot-more-zeros-than-I-thought fine. Like.. so fine I wonder why she maybe keeps telling me to get my own place and when I answer that I can't afford to live without at least one roommate that maybe she doesn't sort of OFFER to help me. A little. Like.. AT ALL. Not that my mom isn't generous.. she really is - when she wants to be.. and not that I don't understand working for what you need and want.. but let me tell you something - whatever I know about budgeting and keeping myself out of debt has all been self-taught - by LOTS of trial and error.. and more error than anything. Besides that, she'd rather give me things that collect dust than cash any day.. what is with that?
So THEN.. already trying to fathom the my-mom-is-kinda-rich confusion I had, which was plenty to deal with, my brother tells me not to worry about Mom or her money. That he just knows it's going to be fine. You want to know why? Dad told him. My father.. you know.. the one who DIED 6 years ago?? Yeah.. THAT one. Obviously, I can see some of you are shocked.. understandably.. and some of you are just laughing cuz you think my brother is crazy. I, however, did not bat an eye - did not even flinch, no no.. I did not. Why, you ask? My brother is a bit eccentric.. oh and he's annoying, sure.. but crazy he is not.. The appearance of my father isn't even the point cuz my father has appeared to me before - but only once and in a dream about a month or so after his death, which is probably normal I would think when you lose one of your immediate family members. Without going into it too much, I woke up from the dream upset, but the room was.. tingling. I don't know how else to describe it. An energy had been there and I knew it was my father, but it dissipated very quickly. Still, it was so.. tangible. And I remembered this when Todd told me Dad had appeared to him recently AND that Dad has done this a few times.. wait.. A FEW TIMES?? WTF? What am I? Cut glass?? Like I said, it's not the fact I question he appeared.. but why he hasn't appeared to ME! Hi.. I'm sorta his daughter.. adopted yes, but that meant they really wanted me. Todd was an accident. HELLOOOO??!
Oy.. all joking aside, I wonder how other people handle something like this.. keeping the memory of your father, although a troubled individual, but still so lovable with all his imperfections, sacred and then trying to make new memories with someone who's to fill that void that's been vacant for a long time. Oh and incidentally, who will make your mother probably happier than she's ever been - as you've known her to be unhappy more than you've ever known her happy. Sad, yes, but true. It conflicted me that her first words about my new step-daddy-to-be were that he was completely different than my father. I know how she meant it, but still - ow. And then.. why did I feel hurt by that? This stuff.. wow - it's complicated! Let the psycho-analyzing begin.
But I know.. this is not about me. Yes, hi, let's stop being so self-absorbed, Angel.. I'm just saying.. this is a lot to take in and I'm trying. I'm going to be her maid of honor and that's pretty cool.. Thank God I get to help decide what I'm wearing, otherwise you'd never see pictures.. and that's still fairly unclear at this point. And no, do NOT suggest I go for the bouquet at my own mother's wedding.. that is not a silver lining people.. that's just.. creepy. But it is next month - oh please, like you thought they were going to wait to get married when he proposed at 6 weeks? Why do that?! Yeah.. now that spinning feeling you have? Multiply it by 10 and that's what I'm coming down from.
Wait.. we were focusing on the positives.. um.. it'll be fun! There'll be cake.. right? Yeah, cake is something to look forward to.. and champagne! God bless champagne! Yes.. of course, my mother's happiness.. blah blah blah.. but YAY! CAKE!
Are you sitting down?
This is what my mother should've prefaced with when she told me she was getting remarried.. except I was sitting down. And I couldn't speak. Yes, shockingly, this is possible.. only a few times in my life, but yes, believe it.
You wanna know what else? She's known him for 6 weeks.. SIX WEEKS! If you count this last week I've been digesting her news, I guess 7. Um.. yes, whatever you're thinking, I've already asked her.. with exactly that tone you're asking it. And no, I haven't met him yet.. in fact, she's only mentioned him a few times. I don't even know his last name. I suddenly feel like this is probably how most parents feel when hearing this sort of information from their offspring - however, I'm betting there's usually a pregnancy involved (BITE YOUR TONGUE PEOPLE.. EW!) or a lot more time invested. I mean, we know nothing about him. He could be crazy.. or a serial killer.. or.. or.. a carnie!
But this remarrying thing.. I've never had to go thru it. My mother has only dated 2 people since my father died 6 years ago.. so I don't think she's rushed it and I certainly do want her to be happy.. but um, he still has to be my step-father when all is said and done. Not to mention he has children of his own - and voilà - instant step-siblings: two brothers and a sister. Ok.. so I have to admit.. that's.. intriguing as I've never had a sister. But since they're probably close to my age and have families of their own, are they really going to want to go out of their way to get to know me and forge a relationship? I mean, I know I'm feeling awfully hesitant about that.. and if they were all gung-ho about it, I'd be a little suspicious. So I guess if nothing else, maybe we'll all bond over the fact our parents are completely out of their minds. Eh.. a silver lining is a silver lining. I'm trying here..
In the meantime, there's.. um.. actual bonding over this situation with my actual brother. I know.. wierd. And we discussed my concern some other friend's have voiced when I told them this news. ''Do we think this guy is after Mom's money? I mean.. she doesn't really have a lot to get.. um.. does she? To which I expected my brother to simply echo my thinking.. And, if you know me at all, you also know how often I'm wrong. Wrong, wrong WRONG. Like in this instance. Granted, it's invested, but my mother, apparently, is doing just fine. A-lot-more-zeros-than-I-thought fine. Like.. so fine I wonder why she maybe keeps telling me to get my own place and when I answer that I can't afford to live without at least one roommate that maybe she doesn't sort of OFFER to help me. A little. Like.. AT ALL. Not that my mom isn't generous.. she really is - when she wants to be.. and not that I don't understand working for what you need and want.. but let me tell you something - whatever I know about budgeting and keeping myself out of debt has all been self-taught - by LOTS of trial and error.. and more error than anything. Besides that, she'd rather give me things that collect dust than cash any day.. what is with that?
So THEN.. already trying to fathom the my-mom-is-kinda-rich confusion I had, which was plenty to deal with, my brother tells me not to worry about Mom or her money. That he just knows it's going to be fine. You want to know why? Dad told him. My father.. you know.. the one who DIED 6 years ago?? Yeah.. THAT one. Obviously, I can see some of you are shocked.. understandably.. and some of you are just laughing cuz you think my brother is crazy. I, however, did not bat an eye - did not even flinch, no no.. I did not. Why, you ask? My brother is a bit eccentric.. oh and he's annoying, sure.. but crazy he is not.. The appearance of my father isn't even the point cuz my father has appeared to me before - but only once and in a dream about a month or so after his death, which is probably normal I would think when you lose one of your immediate family members. Without going into it too much, I woke up from the dream upset, but the room was.. tingling. I don't know how else to describe it. An energy had been there and I knew it was my father, but it dissipated very quickly. Still, it was so.. tangible. And I remembered this when Todd told me Dad had appeared to him recently AND that Dad has done this a few times.. wait.. A FEW TIMES?? WTF? What am I? Cut glass?? Like I said, it's not the fact I question he appeared.. but why he hasn't appeared to ME! Hi.. I'm sorta his daughter.. adopted yes, but that meant they really wanted me. Todd was an accident. HELLOOOO??!
Oy.. all joking aside, I wonder how other people handle something like this.. keeping the memory of your father, although a troubled individual, but still so lovable with all his imperfections, sacred and then trying to make new memories with someone who's to fill that void that's been vacant for a long time. Oh and incidentally, who will make your mother probably happier than she's ever been - as you've known her to be unhappy more than you've ever known her happy. Sad, yes, but true. It conflicted me that her first words about my new step-daddy-to-be were that he was completely different than my father. I know how she meant it, but still - ow. And then.. why did I feel hurt by that? This stuff.. wow - it's complicated! Let the psycho-analyzing begin.
But I know.. this is not about me. Yes, hi, let's stop being so self-absorbed, Angel.. I'm just saying.. this is a lot to take in and I'm trying. I'm going to be her maid of honor and that's pretty cool.. Thank God I get to help decide what I'm wearing, otherwise you'd never see pictures.. and that's still fairly unclear at this point. And no, do NOT suggest I go for the bouquet at my own mother's wedding.. that is not a silver lining people.. that's just.. creepy. But it is next month - oh please, like you thought they were going to wait to get married when he proposed at 6 weeks? Why do that?! Yeah.. now that spinning feeling you have? Multiply it by 10 and that's what I'm coming down from.
Wait.. we were focusing on the positives.. um.. it'll be fun! There'll be cake.. right? Yeah, cake is something to look forward to.. and champagne! God bless champagne! Yes.. of course, my mother's happiness.. blah blah blah.. but YAY! CAKE!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
50 Things
The list virus: It's going around..and I'm a big copy cat. Yes. Yes I am. All the cool girls are doing it.. and besides, anything good I've ever said was probably stolen anyway..
50 things about me (more than you ever wanted to know):
1. I hate my middle name, which was my grandmother's first name, and she, incidentally, didn't like it either.
2. My mother wanted to name me Babette Marie. Babs for short. My father wanted to name me Angel. Guess who won. And, also.. Babs?! WTF?
3. I've been fired from 2 jobs and forced to resign 2 others - in the last 10 years. Not an authority issue, more of a this-job-sucks-and-I-have-a-bad-attitude sort of issue. Yeah.. nice. I'm working on it.
4. I'm afraid of water I can't see thru for no apparent reason.
5. I've had very deep, happy, movie-type love twice in my life and even tho they ended, I'm still good friends with those exes.
6. I've been an extra in an independent movie.
7. I've waited on Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick (when they were dating), as well as Joe Cocker, who called me 'love', shared an elevator with Lorenzo Lamas (who is actually, really hot and way tall even if not the most incredible actor ever..), Keith Richards brushed by me in Vegas, and I partied at Wesley Snipes' rented bungalow (and by bungalow, I mean fucking AMAZING pad) in Vancouver, BC til the wee hours where I also saw Vin Diesel, and then I shook Wesley's hand and he smiled at me and said 'Thank you for coming.' He's much much shorter in person and not a good dj. Don't hire him for that.
8. I went to Norway on foreign exchange for a year after I graduated high school and cuz I got into trouble 2 different times - once for riding in a boat with a bunch of drunk friends (a big no no there) and the second time, for skipping school and lying about it, I was sent home after 2 1/2 months.
9. I had a drink thrown on me in a bar after I had a large group of complete drunks kicked out for throwing ice at me and being complete asshats. My attitude and sharp wit, not to mention their idiocy, may or may not have had something to do with that.
10. I've wanted to change my last name to my birth mother's for at least six or seven years.. and haven't because I don't want to hurt my (adoptive) mother.
11. I can't not bite my nails unless they're manicured every week - which is expensive people.
12. Fuck is the best cuss word ever - in my opinion.
13. I don't think I could live without hummus, peanut butter, Thai food, Mexican food, or chocolate.
14. I really am within six degrees or less of Kevin Bacon. More like one actually.
15. I have three pairs of jeans. Yes, really.
16. I'm actually fairly ashamed to be an American currently.
17. I'm really hoping the Mariner's don't completely suck this year.
18. After moving anywhere, I always have about four or five boxes that I just don't know what to do with and that sit for a minimum of six months out in the open, in a state of half-unpacked. I really suck at that.
19. I can't watch horror movies - I was scared to death after the stupid Blair Witch Project and The Ring.
20. I hate to lose.
21. I was a cheerleader in high school - and have pictures to prove it - but quit when it stopped being cool - tho I think that was always the case. It just took me two years to figure it out. Still, I was always on top in the pyramids so shut it.
22. I won second place in our high school talent contest my senior year with 3 other ex-cheerleaders making fun of cheerleaders in a little number we choreographed to 'Oh Mickey.' Let me tell you, it was awesome. Treena, Kari, and Megan - you better back me up.. you were all there. Wait.. Treena.. weren't you in it with me or am I totally wrong?
23. I won second place (are you seeing a pattern?) in my grade school's spelling bee ONLY because we ran out of time and the official was hurrying and didn't define the word 'reign' after giving it to me, so of course I spelled it r-a-i-n. Um, yeah, then he defined it and the other kid won. Bastards. I'm not bitter tho.
24. I stole a really expensive office chair from one of my jobs that laid off its entire staff when they went bankrupt and finally sold it this year for $300.. and it made me really happy.
25. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.
26. I also stole nail polish when I was 12 or 13 from the store where my own mother worked.. and was caught. Was so grounded.
27. I've wanted to be the lead singer in a band for as long as I can remember.
28. I had braces for 4 1/2 years. FOUR AND A HALF YEARS PEOPLE!
29. For any wound, injury or little hurt I ever had when I was a child, my grandfather would always say I'd be alright by the time I got married.. and I didn't find it funny til much later.
30. I can still fit into my prom dress from my junior year.. and it's actually a little too big.
31. I was painfully shy til high school.
32. Tho I can't stand Britney Spears, I have to admit I still really like 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' and 'Toxic.' I still like 'Genie In a Bottle' by Christina too.
33. I believe in some form of higher power, tho not necessarily God, plus angels, ghosts, life after death and reincarnation.
34. I don't, however, believe in a hell or the devil. I think we create those things for ourselves while we're alive.
35. I'm pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-whatever the fuck you want to do with your life as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and you don't try to tell me what to do.
36. I believe in soul mates, but don't think it has to be in a lover/husband/partner-type.
37. My longest relationship was one year. Yes, go ahead.. cry.. send money. Or chocolate. Or wine.
38. When I was little, I thought I'd grow up to be a waitress, a librarian, or a nurse and my brother would be a fireman and we'd get married. Um.. ew.
39. In second grade, my best friend, Laura Gillette, and I shared a boyfriend, Sean Dewey, who would put his arms around both of us during show and tell.
40. I met Luis, from Sesame Street when he took a directing class one year at my college, Southern Oregon.
41. My birthday is my favorite 'holiday'.
42. I'm afraid of dying - especially being stabbed or being completely deformed and harmed in some sort of awful car accident.
43. I was a virgin until I was 18.
44. I hate being cold.
45. I'm always cold.
46. Anything carbonated gives me ever-lasting hiccups.
47. I can get rid of hiccups every time by eating a spoonful of peanut butter.
48. Of the many pet names given to me, my favorites were from my father: Suzie-Q, and various lovers: Kitten, Boo boo, and Babygirl.
49. I've been in A Midsummer Night's Dream three times and played a total of five different parts inlcuding one lead (Bottom).
50. I talk in my sleep.
Phew.. that was much harder than I thought.. Who's next?
50 things about me (more than you ever wanted to know):
1. I hate my middle name, which was my grandmother's first name, and she, incidentally, didn't like it either.
2. My mother wanted to name me Babette Marie. Babs for short. My father wanted to name me Angel. Guess who won. And, also.. Babs?! WTF?
3. I've been fired from 2 jobs and forced to resign 2 others - in the last 10 years. Not an authority issue, more of a this-job-sucks-and-I-have-a-bad-attitude sort of issue. Yeah.. nice. I'm working on it.
4. I'm afraid of water I can't see thru for no apparent reason.
5. I've had very deep, happy, movie-type love twice in my life and even tho they ended, I'm still good friends with those exes.
6. I've been an extra in an independent movie.
7. I've waited on Helen Hunt and Matthew Broderick (when they were dating), as well as Joe Cocker, who called me 'love', shared an elevator with Lorenzo Lamas (who is actually, really hot and way tall even if not the most incredible actor ever..), Keith Richards brushed by me in Vegas, and I partied at Wesley Snipes' rented bungalow (and by bungalow, I mean fucking AMAZING pad) in Vancouver, BC til the wee hours where I also saw Vin Diesel, and then I shook Wesley's hand and he smiled at me and said 'Thank you for coming.' He's much much shorter in person and not a good dj. Don't hire him for that.
8. I went to Norway on foreign exchange for a year after I graduated high school and cuz I got into trouble 2 different times - once for riding in a boat with a bunch of drunk friends (a big no no there) and the second time, for skipping school and lying about it, I was sent home after 2 1/2 months.
9. I had a drink thrown on me in a bar after I had a large group of complete drunks kicked out for throwing ice at me and being complete asshats. My attitude and sharp wit, not to mention their idiocy, may or may not have had something to do with that.
10. I've wanted to change my last name to my birth mother's for at least six or seven years.. and haven't because I don't want to hurt my (adoptive) mother.
11. I can't not bite my nails unless they're manicured every week - which is expensive people.
12. Fuck is the best cuss word ever - in my opinion.
13. I don't think I could live without hummus, peanut butter, Thai food, Mexican food, or chocolate.
14. I really am within six degrees or less of Kevin Bacon. More like one actually.
15. I have three pairs of jeans. Yes, really.
16. I'm actually fairly ashamed to be an American currently.
17. I'm really hoping the Mariner's don't completely suck this year.
18. After moving anywhere, I always have about four or five boxes that I just don't know what to do with and that sit for a minimum of six months out in the open, in a state of half-unpacked. I really suck at that.
19. I can't watch horror movies - I was scared to death after the stupid Blair Witch Project and The Ring.
20. I hate to lose.
21. I was a cheerleader in high school - and have pictures to prove it - but quit when it stopped being cool - tho I think that was always the case. It just took me two years to figure it out. Still, I was always on top in the pyramids so shut it.
22. I won second place in our high school talent contest my senior year with 3 other ex-cheerleaders making fun of cheerleaders in a little number we choreographed to 'Oh Mickey.' Let me tell you, it was awesome. Treena, Kari, and Megan - you better back me up.. you were all there. Wait.. Treena.. weren't you in it with me or am I totally wrong?
23. I won second place (are you seeing a pattern?) in my grade school's spelling bee ONLY because we ran out of time and the official was hurrying and didn't define the word 'reign' after giving it to me, so of course I spelled it r-a-i-n. Um, yeah, then he defined it and the other kid won. Bastards. I'm not bitter tho.
24. I stole a really expensive office chair from one of my jobs that laid off its entire staff when they went bankrupt and finally sold it this year for $300.. and it made me really happy.
25. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.
26. I also stole nail polish when I was 12 or 13 from the store where my own mother worked.. and was caught. Was so grounded.
27. I've wanted to be the lead singer in a band for as long as I can remember.
28. I had braces for 4 1/2 years. FOUR AND A HALF YEARS PEOPLE!
29. For any wound, injury or little hurt I ever had when I was a child, my grandfather would always say I'd be alright by the time I got married.. and I didn't find it funny til much later.
30. I can still fit into my prom dress from my junior year.. and it's actually a little too big.
31. I was painfully shy til high school.
32. Tho I can't stand Britney Spears, I have to admit I still really like 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' and 'Toxic.' I still like 'Genie In a Bottle' by Christina too.
33. I believe in some form of higher power, tho not necessarily God, plus angels, ghosts, life after death and reincarnation.
34. I don't, however, believe in a hell or the devil. I think we create those things for ourselves while we're alive.
35. I'm pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-whatever the fuck you want to do with your life as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and you don't try to tell me what to do.
36. I believe in soul mates, but don't think it has to be in a lover/husband/partner-type.
37. My longest relationship was one year. Yes, go ahead.. cry.. send money. Or chocolate. Or wine.
38. When I was little, I thought I'd grow up to be a waitress, a librarian, or a nurse and my brother would be a fireman and we'd get married. Um.. ew.
39. In second grade, my best friend, Laura Gillette, and I shared a boyfriend, Sean Dewey, who would put his arms around both of us during show and tell.
40. I met Luis, from Sesame Street when he took a directing class one year at my college, Southern Oregon.
41. My birthday is my favorite 'holiday'.
42. I'm afraid of dying - especially being stabbed or being completely deformed and harmed in some sort of awful car accident.
43. I was a virgin until I was 18.
44. I hate being cold.
45. I'm always cold.
46. Anything carbonated gives me ever-lasting hiccups.
47. I can get rid of hiccups every time by eating a spoonful of peanut butter.
48. Of the many pet names given to me, my favorites were from my father: Suzie-Q, and various lovers: Kitten, Boo boo, and Babygirl.
49. I've been in A Midsummer Night's Dream three times and played a total of five different parts inlcuding one lead (Bottom).
50. I talk in my sleep.
Phew.. that was much harder than I thought.. Who's next?
Saturday, April 01, 2006
April Fool's = Happy New Year To Me!
You know what today is?? My first anniversary of writing this little, pink blog! It's true! I can hardly believe it myself. It started out being my clean slate.. my fresh start from a rocky first part of 2005. I made it my New Year's, which I'm going to keep up and make my own tradition - just in case the standard New Year isn't shiny enough for me, and in most cases, it isn't. This year started out rather the same way as the last few and you know.. it's time to feel new again.. thus I give you spring! Have y'all noticed that it's spring in Seattle? Ok.. um.. it's spring everywhere.. I suppose.. but for those of you who aren't here.. TA DA! Spring is! And also - YAY!
It makes such a difference for most of us in the northwest who require light therapy in the dreary wintery months to have SUN! It's been shining, and tho still chilly, it hasn't been raining for 45 THOUSAND days straight and we all, and by we I mean me cuz that is who I'm writing about, smile more and there's just a general lovely feeling going around. Plus a good amount of time has passed between the beginning of the year - that part that sort of really sucked and was composed of all kinds of sad and self-pitying over my fragile little heart and maybe the cute boy.. but hey.. nevermind that now.. cuz.. LOOK! SPRING! And, like waffles, spring can make everything better. Yes, waffles. You heard me. Shut up.
But I feel lighter. Maybe even slightly hot-air-balloonish lighter cuz happy seems to be coming easier and who doesn't like happy? Oy.. I know.. it's taken about three months to get that petite little ticker of mine to heal over, but I just feel what I feel and I don't rush myself.. or go postal.. so be grateful people cuz my personality could easily lend itself to that sort of thing. And tho difficult, I knew the letting go would eventually have to happen. I mean it kinda helped that boy stopped any drunk dialing he was doing in the wee hours on the weekends.. (in his defense, it was only twice and he called himself on it by the end of the second call actually.. so don't be too harsh), but I wasn't any better thinking I could handle hearing about who he'd been dating.. err.. other things ending in -ing. I had this theory that seeing his very obvious moving on would help me close the door more completely. Um.. yeah.. just to let you know.. in practice.. that's a bad theory. Don't feel the need to test it yourself, ok? I mean boy is special to me.. he knows this.. but I really do look forward to the day when we can care about each other and there's nothing complicated or wistful about that. And tho the theory didn't work out in every way I planned, that little ache afterwards didn't last as long either.. so hope and I are hanging out again, you know, just coffee, but still.. that's something to smile about..
Speaking of smiling.. for many reasons, but one of which might include dating.. there may be some of that happening in my world. It's still very early to tell anything at this moment.. but according to Léonie and what she knows of Americans from tv, my three different dates recently are just standard everyday fare:
Aaaaaaaand.. drumroll please.. well - fake it, ok? I've also got a BRAND NEW ROOMMATE! Whoo hoo!! *Applause* One who isn't 40 and overtly affectionate at inappropriate times.. or ALL the time as the case might've been. Let's meet Kyle, shall we? He's 25, doesn't really pay much attention to whether I'm cute at all or a three-headed troll, does the dishes, AND doesn't leave the seat up! Yes! He's normal! But for his age, he's pretty worldly, done some traveling, plays his guitar quite nicely, and seems kind of like a little brother. The Boy (now capitalized so you don't get him and the roommate confused being in the same paragraph) and some other friends really don't like the idea of me continuing to live with a guy - and tho I do appreciate their concern, they just need to trust me. It's going to be fine.. you know why? It just will. Are we all clear now kids? Sparky? Loren? Keith? Pixie? Ok, good. I just need to finish unpacking now. Ugh.
Since I finally seem to be taking a bit better care of myself all around, I also took steps towards figuring out why I've had this chronic ache in my hip for the last few years and which has only been getting worse. I've been slightly pigeon-toed since I was a kid.. something I'd been teased about growing up and of course, hated about myself, but the right people in my life have found it cute and endearing, if in a dorky way - and it'd be nice if that's all there was to it, but it does have detrimental effects as far as pain due to exercising over time. Do you think the doctors have any idea why exactly? Does the emphasis on 'any' assist you in coming up with a two-lettered answer?
We started with x-rays and the radiologist began my tiny bit of panic when he wrote down I might have 'hip dysplasia'. If you didn't know, this is something German and Australian shephards are prone to from too much overbreeding those types of mixes.. I'm sure I can look forward to strolling around in those fun doggy carts later in life.. can't you just see it now? 'Wrong growth' was also mentioned.. I love those warm, fuzzy and completely fucking vague diagnoses. My orthorpedist, Dr. Watts, didn't really agree with the radiologist - um... shouldn't they CONCUR or something?? NOT that he could tell ANYTHING from the x-rays, he also said. Um.. ooook.. Other than a slight inward turn on the right, my hips are actually not so out of whack.. yes, that was the technical term. Tho he did think maybe it was bursitis - inflammation of the bursa - don't ask me what that is. Do I look like I could even try? Please.. But since I had pain, regardless of whether he could actually tell what is wrong with me or not, he said we (I love their collective terms they use) could do a few things: an MRI or a bone scan - both of which sounded quite scary, not to mention might require lots of squinting when I opened any medical bills after - OR he could give me a cortizone shot in the hip.. and I thought, well, shots aren't so bad.. it's just a little pinch at first.. no big deal. So this is what I opted for thinking oh Mr. Doctor probably knows what he's talking about.. Mr. Doctor probably does this all day in his sleep and is probably right about many things very smart.. Mr. Doctor also put a FIVE INCH NEEDLE IN MY ASS AND OWWWWWWWWWWWOWOWOW!STOPSTOPSTOP! God!
Sooo.. THAT was fun. If it turns out to be bursitis, 'we'll do the other side.' Um.. yeah.. can't wait! Hold me back! In the meantime, I'm doing all this fun physical therapy - and I don't really mean fun.. I mean all these silly leg lifts and stretches and it's frickin hard actually, but I do think it's helping, maybe.. ok, I really don't know. Let's just pretend.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, and I'm sure it probably is, I'm trying to make a career change and looking into actual theatre jobs.. like a position in which my degree might be useful and not just for dust collecting. What a concept, right? I've had this nifty idea for a couple of years of trying to get into casting directing and recently I even went to lunch with a contact at the Seattle Rep to discuss it. What I learned is that I'd have to intern and before that, be offered the one of 12 internship positions over hundreds of others who apply, it doesn't pay well and the hours are the same ones I have now, meaning I couldn't do both jobs at once, and thus (did you notice I've used this twice so far just in this post?? Such an underused word!!), would be pretty impossible. And then, like a little light of hope to guide my way, Pixie unexpectedly sent along a little gem of a find this week - a very interesting possibility that's opened at the Intiman Theatre and they need someone like yesterday. It's not an internship and it does pay, tho theatres are non-profits so it could still be a crap-shoot, but I'm getting things organized so I can apply. The important thing I realized tho is even if I don't get it, there's more than just a couple of opportunities out there by which I could make a career. I just have to rub those two brain cells together that are fighting and frickin figure it out..
So that's the latest - besides seeing many a play recently - one tonight at the Rep with a cute date and one last night with friends that was so God-awful and I mean that literally as it was in a church.. tho honey, God could do nothing to save it, sadly.. but hey, there were cookies! And now I am off to work cuz I am THAT dedicated.. and THAT behind, more to the point, that suddenly now I work on weekends. *Sniff sniff* Don't cry for me Argentina.. I'll live.. a cute boy later and a sunny day feeling, even if it's fairly grey outside, are enough of a reminder of my sparkly new year ahead. Spring forward indeed..
It makes such a difference for most of us in the northwest who require light therapy in the dreary wintery months to have SUN! It's been shining, and tho still chilly, it hasn't been raining for 45 THOUSAND days straight and we all, and by we I mean me cuz that is who I'm writing about, smile more and there's just a general lovely feeling going around. Plus a good amount of time has passed between the beginning of the year - that part that sort of really sucked and was composed of all kinds of sad and self-pitying over my fragile little heart and maybe the cute boy.. but hey.. nevermind that now.. cuz.. LOOK! SPRING! And, like waffles, spring can make everything better. Yes, waffles. You heard me. Shut up.
But I feel lighter. Maybe even slightly hot-air-balloonish lighter cuz happy seems to be coming easier and who doesn't like happy? Oy.. I know.. it's taken about three months to get that petite little ticker of mine to heal over, but I just feel what I feel and I don't rush myself.. or go postal.. so be grateful people cuz my personality could easily lend itself to that sort of thing. And tho difficult, I knew the letting go would eventually have to happen. I mean it kinda helped that boy stopped any drunk dialing he was doing in the wee hours on the weekends.. (in his defense, it was only twice and he called himself on it by the end of the second call actually.. so don't be too harsh), but I wasn't any better thinking I could handle hearing about who he'd been dating.. err.. other things ending in -ing. I had this theory that seeing his very obvious moving on would help me close the door more completely. Um.. yeah.. just to let you know.. in practice.. that's a bad theory. Don't feel the need to test it yourself, ok? I mean boy is special to me.. he knows this.. but I really do look forward to the day when we can care about each other and there's nothing complicated or wistful about that. And tho the theory didn't work out in every way I planned, that little ache afterwards didn't last as long either.. so hope and I are hanging out again, you know, just coffee, but still.. that's something to smile about..
Speaking of smiling.. for many reasons, but one of which might include dating.. there may be some of that happening in my world. It's still very early to tell anything at this moment.. but according to Léonie and what she knows of Americans from tv, my three different dates recently are just standard everyday fare:
Ha ha.. *ahem* no no.. the three dates a week isn't something I'm trying to pursue on a regular basis.. it just sort of.. happened that way.. chatty chatty here, let's do something there.. and before I knew it, any space I had between the visits with the mommy friend and my nieces, the really horrid horrid play Keith and Abby and Chloe and I saw, laundry.. oh and sleep just filled up. Accidentally. But.. um.. it was fun. Kinda.. I mean, as fun as small talk with a couple of wrong people can be.. and that's really all I should say about it for now other than it's nice to recognize the possibilities again, which I always knew existed.. it's just.. I know. That's all. Ahh.. it feels good to feel good.So you see, I know that in Sex and The City people go on multiple dates all the time, and that it is not only normal but postively encouraged, but that is in America. In America people go out on dates with more than one person in a week and that is fine. The thing is, you see, I am not from America. Clapham is not America, even though it is similar because there is a McDonalds and you do sometimes see fat people*.
*Just a little joke. There are no fat people in Clapham.
Aaaaaaaand.. drumroll please.. well - fake it, ok? I've also got a BRAND NEW ROOMMATE! Whoo hoo!! *Applause* One who isn't 40 and overtly affectionate at inappropriate times.. or ALL the time as the case might've been. Let's meet Kyle, shall we? He's 25, doesn't really pay much attention to whether I'm cute at all or a three-headed troll, does the dishes, AND doesn't leave the seat up! Yes! He's normal! But for his age, he's pretty worldly, done some traveling, plays his guitar quite nicely, and seems kind of like a little brother. The Boy (now capitalized so you don't get him and the roommate confused being in the same paragraph) and some other friends really don't like the idea of me continuing to live with a guy - and tho I do appreciate their concern, they just need to trust me. It's going to be fine.. you know why? It just will. Are we all clear now kids? Sparky? Loren? Keith? Pixie? Ok, good. I just need to finish unpacking now. Ugh.
Since I finally seem to be taking a bit better care of myself all around, I also took steps towards figuring out why I've had this chronic ache in my hip for the last few years and which has only been getting worse. I've been slightly pigeon-toed since I was a kid.. something I'd been teased about growing up and of course, hated about myself, but the right people in my life have found it cute and endearing, if in a dorky way - and it'd be nice if that's all there was to it, but it does have detrimental effects as far as pain due to exercising over time. Do you think the doctors have any idea why exactly? Does the emphasis on 'any' assist you in coming up with a two-lettered answer?
We started with x-rays and the radiologist began my tiny bit of panic when he wrote down I might have 'hip dysplasia'. If you didn't know, this is something German and Australian shephards are prone to from too much overbreeding those types of mixes.. I'm sure I can look forward to strolling around in those fun doggy carts later in life.. can't you just see it now? 'Wrong growth' was also mentioned.. I love those warm, fuzzy and completely fucking vague diagnoses. My orthorpedist, Dr. Watts, didn't really agree with the radiologist - um... shouldn't they CONCUR or something?? NOT that he could tell ANYTHING from the x-rays, he also said. Um.. ooook.. Other than a slight inward turn on the right, my hips are actually not so out of whack.. yes, that was the technical term. Tho he did think maybe it was bursitis - inflammation of the bursa - don't ask me what that is. Do I look like I could even try? Please.. But since I had pain, regardless of whether he could actually tell what is wrong with me or not, he said we (I love their collective terms they use) could do a few things: an MRI or a bone scan - both of which sounded quite scary, not to mention might require lots of squinting when I opened any medical bills after - OR he could give me a cortizone shot in the hip.. and I thought, well, shots aren't so bad.. it's just a little pinch at first.. no big deal. So this is what I opted for thinking oh Mr. Doctor probably knows what he's talking about.. Mr. Doctor probably does this all day in his sleep and is probably right about many things very smart.. Mr. Doctor also put a FIVE INCH NEEDLE IN MY ASS AND OWWWWWWWWWWWOWOWOW!STOPSTOPSTOP! God!
Sooo.. THAT was fun. If it turns out to be bursitis, 'we'll do the other side.' Um.. yeah.. can't wait! Hold me back! In the meantime, I'm doing all this fun physical therapy - and I don't really mean fun.. I mean all these silly leg lifts and stretches and it's frickin hard actually, but I do think it's helping, maybe.. ok, I really don't know. Let's just pretend.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, and I'm sure it probably is, I'm trying to make a career change and looking into actual theatre jobs.. like a position in which my degree might be useful and not just for dust collecting. What a concept, right? I've had this nifty idea for a couple of years of trying to get into casting directing and recently I even went to lunch with a contact at the Seattle Rep to discuss it. What I learned is that I'd have to intern and before that, be offered the one of 12 internship positions over hundreds of others who apply, it doesn't pay well and the hours are the same ones I have now, meaning I couldn't do both jobs at once, and thus (did you notice I've used this twice so far just in this post?? Such an underused word!!), would be pretty impossible. And then, like a little light of hope to guide my way, Pixie unexpectedly sent along a little gem of a find this week - a very interesting possibility that's opened at the Intiman Theatre and they need someone like yesterday. It's not an internship and it does pay, tho theatres are non-profits so it could still be a crap-shoot, but I'm getting things organized so I can apply. The important thing I realized tho is even if I don't get it, there's more than just a couple of opportunities out there by which I could make a career. I just have to rub those two brain cells together that are fighting and frickin figure it out..
So that's the latest - besides seeing many a play recently - one tonight at the Rep with a cute date and one last night with friends that was so God-awful and I mean that literally as it was in a church.. tho honey, God could do nothing to save it, sadly.. but hey, there were cookies! And now I am off to work cuz I am THAT dedicated.. and THAT behind, more to the point, that suddenly now I work on weekends. *Sniff sniff* Don't cry for me Argentina.. I'll live.. a cute boy later and a sunny day feeling, even if it's fairly grey outside, are enough of a reminder of my sparkly new year ahead. Spring forward indeed..
Monday, March 27, 2006
Meme
Pomgirl tagged me. I think it's an epidemic.. this 'meme' thing, which, by the way, am I the only one who doesn't know what the hell 'meme' means?? Apparently so. It's four letters.. FOUR. How hard could it be? But no.. I remain clueless and just do what everyone tells me like a mindless little sheep. Just like my mother always said, if everyone jumped off a bridge, I'd obviously need to do it too. But hey, I'd be cool then.
What were you doing 10 Years Ago?
Let's see.. I was 24 and it was my first year in Seattle. I lived in a house with 4 other people and my room was in the basement. The owner's son, the third one back in the cro-magnon evolutionary line of the human race, lived in the house with us. I lasted 6 months before me and another girl couldn't take his caveman behavior anymore and moved out together.
The only job experience I had was waiting on tables and working as a barista.. so the first job I landed here was slinging coffee in Wallingford at Nice Day Coffee. Already you can sense the irony, can't you?
It wasn't far from my house in Ballard, but was owned by this lying, cheating, cocaine-addicted narcissist who was related to the Paul Mitchell empire and sniffed all his daddy's money up his nose. After three days there I couldn't wait to quit - it was that bad. He went thru four managers in my 2-3 months there and only after my first few weeks, our banks started letting us know our $150 paychecks were bouncing. He said there was a 'misunderstanding' at his bank, accused us of stealing the deposits, but I finally just started cashing my paychecks at his bank immediately so I could then deposit them into mine.
The guy was sick - grossly overweight, talked with this ridiculously high voice, denied his own homosexuality as he was married, and oh yeah.. had the ugliest baby I'd ever seen. His power was in manipulation and fear. I once witnessed him threaten a sweet and passive 18-year-old when she simply wanted to talk to him about how he treated her. He actually told her he could make it so she 'never worked in this town again.' Riiiiiiight. We all hated him immensely. I watched many a big blow out between him and numerous quitting managers out in the street - it was the norm.
He 'fired' me the day after his wife came in with their frightening example of an offspring. He said she'd told him I was rude to her. Um.. hi, do you think I didn't know who she was? I was very nice and needed the job at the time, but that was his nature and she was obviously as coked up as he was most of the time.. I counted it a blessing that he actually did me that favor and not long after that, he drove the place into the ground, someone else MUCH nicer bought it and turned it into a cybercafe. *Shudder* So glad that's over.
5 Years Ago?
I was 29 and still reeling from the worst year of my life. 28 was my favorite age, but that February, my grandfather (my mom's step-dad) died of cancer with all of us surrounding him at home. If you've never seen your grandmother hysterically crying over the man she's loved for longer than you've been alive and telling him it's ok to let go, feel lucky. It was one of the toughest things I've ever witnessed, but I felt blessed to be there when my grandfather passed.
That May, one week after my father's 54th birthday, and the day after Mother's Day, my father died in his sleep. He'd been in remission from leukemia for 5 years, but over time, the harsh medicine and his condition had just worn his heart out. He was already on a list for a new liver, which I knew he'd never last long enough to receive.. and if I was actually wrong about that, I didn't think he'd survive the transplant or at least not the recovery that would require. Again I had to listen to my mother's hysterical voicemail before she actually reached me at work to tell me the news. It was pure torture.
Only one month later, still struggling to break free of this auto-pilot my body clicked on all on its own, my grandmother (my dad's mother), who'd been in a retirement facility and who barely recognized us anymore due to advanced Alzheimer's, finally died. I was happy for her cuz she just missed my grandfather so much who'd died years ago during my freshman year in college. She'd not been the same since anyway and she was only waiting to go in order to be with him again. The only negative part was the funeral, where, only one month prior, I'd seen all the same people who'd come to my father's funeral. Dad's side has a huge extended family and we knew most everyone in that small-town community so the church was packed both times, but the only people I remember even being able to relate to were my 14-year-old twin cousins. Ali, my boyfriend at the time who lived in Vancouver, BC was called a lot cuz he was the only person I felt could console me.
Ali and I broke up the next month in July - I don't remember the rest of the year very clearly after that. We'd been together close to 8 months and before him, I thought I'd never loved anyone so deeply. He was going thru his own crisis of trying to take care of himself and trying to support me emotionally while 3 hours away so visits only every other weekend became too much of a struggle. We didn't last more than a week without talking cuz we were still really close, but I mourned that relationship for two years before I finally let it go. Surprisingly, we're still really good friends after all this time.
1 Year Ago?
Recovering from yet another broken heart in January. Let's just say the first quarter of the last few years hasn't been my time.. I think it's mostly my fault in setting up false expectations that the new year will bring instant happiness, just add water. I was also struggling with a friendship I adored, but couldn't seem to find the balance in figuring out who we were to each other and because of a stupid secret someone else informed me of in a not so nice way, we stopped speaking to each other for about three months or so. During that time, we both did some discovering and after much discussion, made up. We've since become much closer friends and I'm really grateful for that. Unlike the boy at the time, she was much more vital to my life.
Five snacks you enjoy:
My Rockstar hummus (roasted red pepper and jalepeno)
Luna bars - peanut butter cookie, to be exact
Trader Joe's multigrain crackers
Granny Smith apples and peanut butter
Trader Joe's dark chocolate covered soy nuts
Five songs (you think) you know by heart:
The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels Band (I grew up listening to country music since that's all my parents listened to.. and I still love this song.)
Criminal - Fiona Apple (You should hear me karaoke this one.. ooh. I rock!)
Shape of My Heart - Sting
Chain of Fools - Aretha Franklin
At Last - Etta James
Five things you would do with a LOT of money:
Pay off my family's and friend's debts
Travel the world
Buy a much better car - stay away from Fords people!
Buy a house
Put the rest in savings!!
Five things you would never wear:
A Britney Spears concert t-shirt
A muu-muu
Combat boots
Anything in support of George W. Bush
A tongue ring (ow!)
Five things I should never have worn:
Neon
A peach satin bridesmaid's dress (Pom - I wore one too!)
4 inch heels in the 7th grade (what was my mother thinking?)
Shaker sweaters
My Midsummer Night's Dream costume my junior year of college - ohmygod.. let's just say being fairies in painted bodysuits wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Five things I enjoy doing:
Reading blogs, books
Hiking
Going to theatre and movies
Not working
Kissing (like who doesn't..?)
Five bad habits:
Procrastinating
Whining
Biting the skin around my nails
My occassional road rage
My lack of patience
Five people I would like to do this:
Kario
Doug
Adammmmmm
Treena (just do it ok? God.)
t
What were you doing 10 Years Ago?
Let's see.. I was 24 and it was my first year in Seattle. I lived in a house with 4 other people and my room was in the basement. The owner's son, the third one back in the cro-magnon evolutionary line of the human race, lived in the house with us. I lasted 6 months before me and another girl couldn't take his caveman behavior anymore and moved out together.
The only job experience I had was waiting on tables and working as a barista.. so the first job I landed here was slinging coffee in Wallingford at Nice Day Coffee. Already you can sense the irony, can't you?
It wasn't far from my house in Ballard, but was owned by this lying, cheating, cocaine-addicted narcissist who was related to the Paul Mitchell empire and sniffed all his daddy's money up his nose. After three days there I couldn't wait to quit - it was that bad. He went thru four managers in my 2-3 months there and only after my first few weeks, our banks started letting us know our $150 paychecks were bouncing. He said there was a 'misunderstanding' at his bank, accused us of stealing the deposits, but I finally just started cashing my paychecks at his bank immediately so I could then deposit them into mine.
The guy was sick - grossly overweight, talked with this ridiculously high voice, denied his own homosexuality as he was married, and oh yeah.. had the ugliest baby I'd ever seen. His power was in manipulation and fear. I once witnessed him threaten a sweet and passive 18-year-old when she simply wanted to talk to him about how he treated her. He actually told her he could make it so she 'never worked in this town again.' Riiiiiiight. We all hated him immensely. I watched many a big blow out between him and numerous quitting managers out in the street - it was the norm.
He 'fired' me the day after his wife came in with their frightening example of an offspring. He said she'd told him I was rude to her. Um.. hi, do you think I didn't know who she was? I was very nice and needed the job at the time, but that was his nature and she was obviously as coked up as he was most of the time.. I counted it a blessing that he actually did me that favor and not long after that, he drove the place into the ground, someone else MUCH nicer bought it and turned it into a cybercafe. *Shudder* So glad that's over.
5 Years Ago?
I was 29 and still reeling from the worst year of my life. 28 was my favorite age, but that February, my grandfather (my mom's step-dad) died of cancer with all of us surrounding him at home. If you've never seen your grandmother hysterically crying over the man she's loved for longer than you've been alive and telling him it's ok to let go, feel lucky. It was one of the toughest things I've ever witnessed, but I felt blessed to be there when my grandfather passed.
That May, one week after my father's 54th birthday, and the day after Mother's Day, my father died in his sleep. He'd been in remission from leukemia for 5 years, but over time, the harsh medicine and his condition had just worn his heart out. He was already on a list for a new liver, which I knew he'd never last long enough to receive.. and if I was actually wrong about that, I didn't think he'd survive the transplant or at least not the recovery that would require. Again I had to listen to my mother's hysterical voicemail before she actually reached me at work to tell me the news. It was pure torture.
Only one month later, still struggling to break free of this auto-pilot my body clicked on all on its own, my grandmother (my dad's mother), who'd been in a retirement facility and who barely recognized us anymore due to advanced Alzheimer's, finally died. I was happy for her cuz she just missed my grandfather so much who'd died years ago during my freshman year in college. She'd not been the same since anyway and she was only waiting to go in order to be with him again. The only negative part was the funeral, where, only one month prior, I'd seen all the same people who'd come to my father's funeral. Dad's side has a huge extended family and we knew most everyone in that small-town community so the church was packed both times, but the only people I remember even being able to relate to were my 14-year-old twin cousins. Ali, my boyfriend at the time who lived in Vancouver, BC was called a lot cuz he was the only person I felt could console me.
Ali and I broke up the next month in July - I don't remember the rest of the year very clearly after that. We'd been together close to 8 months and before him, I thought I'd never loved anyone so deeply. He was going thru his own crisis of trying to take care of himself and trying to support me emotionally while 3 hours away so visits only every other weekend became too much of a struggle. We didn't last more than a week without talking cuz we were still really close, but I mourned that relationship for two years before I finally let it go. Surprisingly, we're still really good friends after all this time.
1 Year Ago?
Recovering from yet another broken heart in January. Let's just say the first quarter of the last few years hasn't been my time.. I think it's mostly my fault in setting up false expectations that the new year will bring instant happiness, just add water. I was also struggling with a friendship I adored, but couldn't seem to find the balance in figuring out who we were to each other and because of a stupid secret someone else informed me of in a not so nice way, we stopped speaking to each other for about three months or so. During that time, we both did some discovering and after much discussion, made up. We've since become much closer friends and I'm really grateful for that. Unlike the boy at the time, she was much more vital to my life.
Five snacks you enjoy:
My Rockstar hummus (roasted red pepper and jalepeno)
Luna bars - peanut butter cookie, to be exact
Trader Joe's multigrain crackers
Granny Smith apples and peanut butter
Trader Joe's dark chocolate covered soy nuts
Five songs (you think) you know by heart:
The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels Band (I grew up listening to country music since that's all my parents listened to.. and I still love this song.)
Criminal - Fiona Apple (You should hear me karaoke this one.. ooh. I rock!)
Shape of My Heart - Sting
Chain of Fools - Aretha Franklin
At Last - Etta James
Five things you would do with a LOT of money:
Pay off my family's and friend's debts
Travel the world
Buy a much better car - stay away from Fords people!
Buy a house
Put the rest in savings!!
Five things you would never wear:
A Britney Spears concert t-shirt
A muu-muu
Combat boots
Anything in support of George W. Bush
A tongue ring (ow!)
Five things I should never have worn:
Neon
A peach satin bridesmaid's dress (Pom - I wore one too!)
4 inch heels in the 7th grade (what was my mother thinking?)
Shaker sweaters
My Midsummer Night's Dream costume my junior year of college - ohmygod.. let's just say being fairies in painted bodysuits wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Five things I enjoy doing:
Reading blogs, books
Hiking
Going to theatre and movies
Not working
Kissing (like who doesn't..?)
Five bad habits:
Procrastinating
Whining
Biting the skin around my nails
My occassional road rage
My lack of patience
Five people I would like to do this:
Kario
Doug
Adammmmmm
Treena (just do it ok? God.)
t
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Vegas - for REAL this time! And you thought my other posts were long..
I feel awful I've made you, all my darling friends and my other 4 readers, wait with bated breath for MY Vegas story.. mainly cuz it's probably all going to be a complete exaggeration just to make it look better than it really was now. But you should keep in mind that this was a work function.. however, you probably don't work with the same type of people I do.But let's get to it, shall we? Oh goody!
Friday: Loren and I headed to the airport extremely giddy as we coffee'd and scone'd ourselves in advance preparation for any possible airport complications we might've encuntered. One cannot deal appropriately with the stress of airport security measures, which, these days, equals practically stripping down to one's skivvies in front of 150 other strangers doing the same thing, if one is still in a sleepy daze.. no no.. the caffeine must be working thru the system by the time you have to arrange and rearrange proof of the existance of you along with 14 different boarding passes and id's and high school prom pictures or you're screwed. But it still should be obvious that the cutest gay boy ever and his bestest fag hag wouldn't be carrying any concealed bombs in their shoes.. please darling.. that was soooooo last year. We're a little more fashionable than that.
Then we get on the plane, fly fly fly.. la la la.. and no problems until:
*Voice over intercom* 'We're coming up on a little turbulance, so the fasten seatbelt sign has been turned back on. Please return to your seats.'
I really didn't think anything of this.. even with some of the shaking.. and it seemed.. oh, maybe a little.. excessive.. but I was the picture of 'calm'. Yes I was. And then.. we DROPPED. Like a fucking ROCK. For probably two excruciatingly scary seconds. Did we hear everyone go 'OH!'? Did I almost throw up that coffee and scone?! Did I FREAK the FUCK out??! Oh yeah.. all of the above and I can tell you Loren thought I was going to break his frickin hand I was holding it so hard.. I didn't open my eyes again til we were landing. And you KNOW I wasn't the only one freaking out cuz EVERYONE ON THE PLANE CLAPPED. In relief! So there! Pffft.
I felt ill for the next few hours but we were thrilled to be in Vegas finally. Then I got a call from one of my co-workers who'd arrived earlier telling me that the Ultimate Fighting Championship was being held at our hotel, which I didn't really get until she said they were all in the lobby and they were all hot. Suddenly now I was paying attention. Go figure. After Loren and I checked in, we saw a few ourselves.. and oooooooh my.. one in particular, niiiiiiice arms, very attractive.. and all I could think was, oh honey.. that pretty face of yours is going to be smashed in and broken tomorrow night! Tsk, tsk.. what a shame..
We checked out the room, which had a pretty fabulous view, tho attempts to take pictures of it at night did not fare well considering the flash prevented seeing anything but the backlight of the room itself. So I gave up that idea. Instead we decided to wander before dinner thru the New York, New York and the MGM. The MGM lions were very impressive and I took a bazillion pictures of them cuz even tho they looked at me like I could've been an appetizer, still.. CUTE!
Dinner was at the Pink Taco, the so-trashy-we're-hip name of the restaurant in the Hard Rock casino. And while waiting for our reservation with 20 minutes to kill, I won $20 on the quarter slots! Yahoo! Of course I lost $10 of that in the next two minutes and decided to cash out. I thought, hey.. gambling is easy! Well.. sorta.
At dinner, where most of my office was continuing the buzz they started on the plane, a bachelorette party (one of a kajillion I saw while in Vegas) sat outside in plain view of our table.. and, thusly, I give you what eventually led to, example A:
which doesn't look so bad, but one second after this picture was taken of Kyle, our VP of sales, he buried his married face into the oh-so-buxom bosom of the girl with the shiny red bra. Yes. Lovely. And on their way out, the bride-to-be, who wore a becoming veil of chiffon with CONDOMS sewn in it - yes, all the rage in Milan this season I hear - addressed my side of the table saying they were composing an alphabet photo journal and they were on the letter 'D' 
. so guess what they needed a picture of.. oh c'mon, just guess already. There lacked any hesitation on our part in pointing Kyle's direction for the example they required - for which he obliged immediately followed by screams and oh's shouted from the opposite table. My co-worker did her best to shield her eyes, but I fear she may be scarred for life. However, in Kyle's defense, he's got some snazzy boxers. As boy so astutely observed when he accompanied me to my office Christmas party back in December, "You guys don't have an HR department, do you?"I then proceeded to spill a large amount of food upon my pretty shirt. Why why WHY am I blessed with that particular skill, I ask you..? So Loren, and I, along with my co-worker, Darlene, and her daughter went back to the hotel - not thinking we would miss out on the ENTIRE rest of my company going to Crazy Horse Too for LAP DANCES! I mean what is a trip to Vegas without a lap dance people??! I think a very dull one, yes I do! Tho it did probably save me a thousand pictures of me with my face turning 80 shades of red in front of my co-workers so I'm a teensy bit grateful that didn't happen.. but that's all. LAP DANCES people! God!
After the lap dance extravaganza, the crew rejoined us back at the Hard Rock where there was quite the frustration as we tried to get into Body English, Hard Rock's nightclub, which, by the way, if you LOVE lines and cheesy long-haired soap opera looking guys with clipboards who promise you they'll 'be right with you', then GO MY CHILDREN, GO! But we are not those people and there was much irritation after promises of VIP-ness were not remembered.. and I watched my sales manager and her cute boyfriend convince them to let us in and um, hi, no, we aren't buying any bottles, let alone three.. whatever dude.. let us IN. And we got in, shockingly. But once inside, Loren and I looked at each other after only a few minutes hearing the worst hip-hop ever and seeing just how crowded it was, we thought, hmm.. yeah.. don't think so.. and we left to gamble instead.
Aaaaaand.. I learned to play craps!! I did! And I was winning! Well, cuz this guy next to me just told me to play what he was playing - but I was winning! MONEY! Like.. lots! Ok.. $10 at a time.. but still! I got to roll the dice and everything! For 10 minutes! They said that was a long time, ok? And I did my best to restrain myself from kissing them like they do in the movies - but there weren't any slow motion effects to go along with it so I thought, um.. no.. that would be so not worth getting some weird dice disease cuz I didn't know where those dice had been.. no no.. but I did learn something while winning lots of money.. which was not, to be clear, NOT how to keep it.. and um.. shortly thereafter, I was losing all said money won. No real shocker there.. I have better luck throwing $100 bill out the window people.. but I left with $30 and that was fine with me.
We tried to find another nightclub, but had a hard time admitting maybe we weren't going to find the music we particularly liked and certainly no where without a pretty steep cover. So since the city doesn't really sleep, we thought we'd better. 12:30am on our first night in Vegas = done. Yes, we're sissies.. just frickin say it already.
Saturday: Loren had a fabulous idea to head down to The Paris and have crepes for breakfast. On our way down to meet Jamie and her girlfriend who were coming with, this random drunk got in the elevator and on his way out asked us if we'd heard about the DEAD BODY that was found in the hallway on the 25th floor the day before... yeah.. just throws that out there - no pleasantries, no 'Have a good day'. No! Dead body is the first thing he can think of. Um, hi.. that would be a NO, we hadn't heard and oh yeah, thank you for ruining my appetite. But then of course he left and we were like.. oooh.. was CSI and homicide here and everything?? The answer was yes. Yes they were.. and crap! We missed it! There was some glory in being the first to spread the news around to the group and witness the shock - I know - sue me for that bit of morbid enjoyment. I'm evil.
We really got to exploring then. The four of us wandered down the strip, took pictures, walked by Elvis and dammit if I didn't get a picture of him - again, what is Vegas with no picture of Elvis?? I know.. my bad. But we saw our first-and-only-real-life showgirl in front of The Paris, got our crepes - which took FOREVER - ohmygod, 
Saturday morning in Vegas - DO avoid brunch if you can - and then wandered over to The Bellagio where we took the BEST PICTURES EVER IN THE HISTORY OF PICTURES in front of the Jesus Saves guy. We, of course, thought we were causing such a scene but I don't think the Jesus Saves guy was really paying close enough attention. I told Jamie and her girlfriend they were going to burn in Hell anyway - just for effect.The Bellagio was beautiful.. and we took many pictures as you'll have to check out in the flickr badge cuz Blogger is being difficult.. but again, don't view them as a slideshow or you'll miss me being all kinds of funny and humorous and all things comedic in the comments. Yes you will!
We then hit the roller coaster at The New York, New York and all I can tell you is that thing fucking scared the crap out of me! It was great! It was fast! And I thought I was going to DIE! I mean, I LOVE roller coasters, don't get me wrong.. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. But the pictures didn't lie.. you know the ones they take during the ride while you're screaming your bloody guts out.. and oh yes, I look like the first anonymous girl about to be killed in any given horror movie - THAT scared. True story. Needless to say, we didn't need the pictures to remember the ride.
We were exhausted after that so we tried to nap, but Darlene found a t-shirt with my name on it that she wanted to give me (so sweet) so after I retrieved that, I had to switch elevators in the main lobby in order to get back to my room.. and on my way to my elevator, I felt someone quickly brush by me, someone I only saw a partial side view and mostly the back but noticed the Rolling Stones concert t-shirt on him.. and then I remembered they were at the MGM that night and it was about 5-ish, which made sense that it was probably sound check time and he was hurrying and I saw how thin he was and then the hair, greying, curly, pulled back with a headband and a glimpse of the wrinkly face and then.. OHMYGODWASTHATWASTHAT..? And I locked eyes with only two other guys in the whole crowd of people who were doing the same thing and once words came back to us there was much nodding and shock over having just witnessed the one and only Keith Richards in our midst. Ok, well.. maybe YOU'RE not impressed.. but I get star-struck easily.. and damn, that was fuckin cool. Tho I did think it a bit narcissistic he was wearing his own tour t-shirt..
We met up with the rest of the work crew for dinner at PF Chang's and dear God, drinks were coming slow. Even the CEO was ordering doubles with the rest of us - but Angel doesn't drink doubles.. except wow, they were really good.. so somewhere after dinner, as Loren and I left to kill a little time before the Cirque Du Soleil show, I think I realized I'd had about four of those double gin and tonics and became drunk. But hey, a fun drunk!
We took pretty pictures at The Wynn, but couldn't stay long and made our way back to The Bellagio for Cirque Du Soleil's 'O'. We were so fucking excited we could hardly contain ourselves.. but this is the only picture you get of that.. the ceiling.. cuz they have usher nazis and pictures of these pretty pretty people and all they do are NOT allowed.. I'm sad for you.
But we were thoroughly wide-eyed and amazed at the whole experience, including when one of them, who was very very attractive and a perfect specimen of the human body, caught our eyes directly and then playfully splashed both me and Loren! Really! Like a couple of times! And we laughed and thought, oh you silly.. DO IT AGAIN!, but um.. we had to contain ourselves, unfortunately. The front row SO rocked by the way..The rest of the night was fun, even if O was hard to top. There was some dancing til dawn, some looking really really good, thank you very much, and enough attention from strangers to last me thru to the trip home. Oh and sleep? I think Loren got 1 hour to my none.. but when fun is to be had.. what's sleep?! Eh.. not important..
Well.. until it was time to go.
Here's what the shuttle and all the waiting at the airport due to a delayed flight did to all of us: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH! Yes, be glad you weren't there. Me + Loren = whiney! Ok.. I was the 'whine' part and Loren was the 'y' part, if you want me to be fair.. but this is why we gave up on pictures too. We all looked exactly like we'd stayed up all night.. you know.. cuz we did. Hmm.. yeah.. not pretty.
But honestly, tho it was disappointing to see the Seattle city lights after a long and PAID FOR (yes, that wasn't anything to sneeze at) weekend of partying and know I had to get back to being regular, old me - still broken a bit, tentative - it was nice to leave the extreme stimuli of Vegas behind. For my first time, it didn't suck, that's for sure.. but that much fun people.. expensive! And I totally understand now why people say a couple of days in Vegas is all you need. There's only so much you can take.. well, unless you're Satan.. right?
But if you're just Miss Devylish - who's mostly, almost entirely made up of so many things angelic - Seattle will do. It's not lit up 24/7, we don't party every night, but we do have the best mac n' cheese in the country. And that's all that matters.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
7 things - cuz this is STILL faster than writing about Vegas
I've been tagged.. by the cutester Texan. It's not MY fault people. I mean, when one has been tagged, one HAS to respond in kind and follow thru. Not to mention she did this days ago and I'm just catching up which makes me an awful friend of my favorite bloggers.. so I'm required to comply. Besides, this is much faster than the detailed novella I'm writing about Vegas and I will have to hone those brevity skills quickly and decide what is really important cuz goddamn I'm wordy.. as boy knows when he came over last week and I tried to simply tell him the story. About 30 minutes into it he said I needed to find the shorter version and wrap it up. Um.. ya think? Seriously, I have no impromptu editing skills when it comes to the spoken word. Sigh.. it's a process people.
SO.. without further ado:
Sevens
Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Really travel - most of Europe, back to Norway, and Costa Rica to start
2. Stop biting my nails (I'm progressing!)
3. Learn to play the guitar - well
4. Pursue some aspect in film, theatre, or music as a profession
5. Become financially stable/comfortable or just win the lottery
6. Fall in love with the 'right' person in all degrees
7. Find my birth mother
Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Be any taller
2. Eat sushi
3. Roll my tongue
4. Become a Republican
5. Be less emotional
6. Love camping
7. Deny myself daily chocolate
Seven Things that Attract Me To Blogging:
1. It's my creative/emotional outlet and saves me from getting writer's cramp
2. I've got readers! And they've become friends! OMG.. it's insanely exciting!
3. I've learned many a new word - thank you dictionary.com and your thesaurus!
4. I'm way funnier here than I am in a journal
5. My favorite bloggers bring me into their worlds I would never know otherwise.
6. I discovered I have a talent for writing that's not too shabby
7. Mundane events become terribly noteworthy when exaggerated into the written word
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. Shut up! (the shocked/I don't believe you version)
2. Fuck, WTF, Motherfucker.. or something like that
3. Endearments - honey, sweets/sweetie, dear, baby, babe, sugar, love, tiger, and still Sparky sometimes for that particular person
4. Shocking/Color me shocked (sarcastic versions)
5. Love you (to most of my friends on a daily basis.. just in case)
6. If by ____, you mean ____ (complete exaggeration and nothing at all like the first ____) then yes, that's exactly it.
7. Rad (yes, we already had this discussion that I'm bringing this back, so shut it)
Seven Books I Love:
1. Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
2. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
3. James & The Giant Peach - Roald Dahl
4. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - Christopher Moore
5. Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
6. Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquivel
7. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells
Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over and Over Again:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. French Kiss
3. The Princess Bride
4. Chicago
5. Amelie
6. Closer
7. The Royal Tenenbaums
Seven celebs who I would be friends with
1. Ellen Pompeo
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Adam Brody
4. Margaret Cho
5. Kiera Knightley
6. Natalie Portman
7. Ben Folds
Seven People I Want To Join In:
1. Pixie
2. Ironika
3. Mr. Bloggerific
4. Treena
5. T
6. Adammmmm
7. Doug
*** Pomgirl and Lady Miss you've already been tagged by our blonde conspirator or I would've tagged you..
**** And all the rest of y'all, go ahead, just cuz I didn't have the room to tag you, definitely.. feel tagged! Knock yourself out already... geez!
SO.. without further ado:
Sevens
Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Really travel - most of Europe, back to Norway, and Costa Rica to start
2. Stop biting my nails (I'm progressing!)
3. Learn to play the guitar - well
4. Pursue some aspect in film, theatre, or music as a profession
5. Become financially stable/comfortable or just win the lottery
6. Fall in love with the 'right' person in all degrees
7. Find my birth mother
Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Be any taller
2. Eat sushi
3. Roll my tongue
4. Become a Republican
5. Be less emotional
6. Love camping
7. Deny myself daily chocolate
Seven Things that Attract Me To Blogging:
1. It's my creative/emotional outlet and saves me from getting writer's cramp
2. I've got readers! And they've become friends! OMG.. it's insanely exciting!
3. I've learned many a new word - thank you dictionary.com and your thesaurus!
4. I'm way funnier here than I am in a journal
5. My favorite bloggers bring me into their worlds I would never know otherwise.
6. I discovered I have a talent for writing that's not too shabby
7. Mundane events become terribly noteworthy when exaggerated into the written word
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. Shut up! (the shocked/I don't believe you version)
2. Fuck, WTF, Motherfucker.. or something like that
3. Endearments - honey, sweets/sweetie, dear, baby, babe, sugar, love, tiger, and still Sparky sometimes for that particular person
4. Shocking/Color me shocked (sarcastic versions)
5. Love you (to most of my friends on a daily basis.. just in case)
6. If by ____, you mean ____ (complete exaggeration and nothing at all like the first ____) then yes, that's exactly it.
7. Rad (yes, we already had this discussion that I'm bringing this back, so shut it)
Seven Books I Love:
1. Catcher In The Rye - J.D. Salinger
2. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
3. James & The Giant Peach - Roald Dahl
4. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - Christopher Moore
5. Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
6. Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquivel
7. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells
Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over and Over Again:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. French Kiss
3. The Princess Bride
4. Chicago
5. Amelie
6. Closer
7. The Royal Tenenbaums
Seven celebs who I would be friends with
1. Ellen Pompeo
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Adam Brody
4. Margaret Cho
5. Kiera Knightley
6. Natalie Portman
7. Ben Folds
Seven People I Want To Join In:
1. Pixie
2. Ironika
3. Mr. Bloggerific
4. Treena
5. T
6. Adammmmm
7. Doug
*** Pomgirl and Lady Miss you've already been tagged by our blonde conspirator or I would've tagged you..
**** And all the rest of y'all, go ahead, just cuz I didn't have the room to tag you, definitely.. feel tagged! Knock yourself out already... geez!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
This isn't the real thing, but I promise it's coming!
Ok ok ok! I didn't fall off a cliff or anything and I know you're all just DYING right where you STAND of curiosity over what happened in Vegas.. and for the love of everything that's good and holy.. I'm working on it.. really and truly! Let me give you the break down of the last week tho:
Monday: Day off for Vegas recovery - no computer. You people KNOW I haven't yet found the Sugar Daddy store or the Free Computers and Free Money For Angel store so, you know.. issues there.
Tuesday thru Friday: Work work work, blah blah blah - fighting off cold attempting to attack my oh-so-innocent immune system and not doing a very good job of it.
Wednesday night: Saw boy for second time since break up in January and the evening went well actually - much LOST and Vegas catching up and positive feelings after.
Thursday: Um.. yeah.. screwed the positive feelings apparently.. could I have cried like 8 rivers? ALL. DAY. LONG?! Probably.. but this was also attributed to girly hormones and not just the company of the ex the prior evening.. honest! I mean, estrogen and progesterone are very powerful forces in a woman's body. We could be superheroes.. if crying during those cotton commercials saved the world from evil or something..
Friday: Better - also, cool banquet my friend Matt took me too and random university party after where I felt sorta old. Sniffles and general achyness finally took over.
Saturday: Again, no computer on weekends kids - and off I went to
Woodinville to see my friend Kari and her darling family. Was tortured by cuteness of Erin and Lauren, ages 6 and 3 respectively, who begged, pleaded, and bribed with adorable dancing and acrobatic feats in order to get me to stay over night. 
I mean.. what's an auntie to do under such extreme circumstances? Deny them?! Oh right. YOU try it.
Sunday: After breakfast with the girls and leaving Erin in a puddle of tears (knowing full well this was my fault since she's clearly inherited her auntie's drama-queenness) upon my departure, there was much oohing and ahhing during the late-morning manicure had by me and Ironika B. I was then supposed to hit Bainbridge Island to see yet another niece I haven't yet met, but plans were changed and my schedule was revised to errands about town, then back to Ironika's for a little Pride and Prejudice which was actually very funny and don't let it fool you, a total chic flic.. and then right off to a drink with Keither, for brotherly mentor-ish career advice til late in the evening.
And hi.. we are then back to the work week where people are thinking of quitting (not me) and I have a doctor appointment for possible hip issues cuz I'm apparently 78 and not really 34, and there's another girlfriend in crisis.. I mean, if there was a way to create three of me minus the part where I talk so much, it could really be useful!
Hope you are all well and I'll catch up with you soon.. promise!
Monday: Day off for Vegas recovery - no computer. You people KNOW I haven't yet found the Sugar Daddy store or the Free Computers and Free Money For Angel store so, you know.. issues there.
Tuesday thru Friday: Work work work, blah blah blah - fighting off cold attempting to attack my oh-so-innocent immune system and not doing a very good job of it.
Wednesday night: Saw boy for second time since break up in January and the evening went well actually - much LOST and Vegas catching up and positive feelings after.
Thursday: Um.. yeah.. screwed the positive feelings apparently.. could I have cried like 8 rivers? ALL. DAY. LONG?! Probably.. but this was also attributed to girly hormones and not just the company of the ex the prior evening.. honest! I mean, estrogen and progesterone are very powerful forces in a woman's body. We could be superheroes.. if crying during those cotton commercials saved the world from evil or something..
Friday: Better - also, cool banquet my friend Matt took me too and random university party after where I felt sorta old. Sniffles and general achyness finally took over.
Saturday: Again, no computer on weekends kids - and off I went to
Woodinville to see my friend Kari and her darling family. Was tortured by cuteness of Erin and Lauren, ages 6 and 3 respectively, who begged, pleaded, and bribed with adorable dancing and acrobatic feats in order to get me to stay over night. 
I mean.. what's an auntie to do under such extreme circumstances? Deny them?! Oh right. YOU try it.Sunday: After breakfast with the girls and leaving Erin in a puddle of tears (knowing full well this was my fault since she's clearly inherited her auntie's drama-queenness) upon my departure, there was much oohing and ahhing during the late-morning manicure had by me and Ironika B. I was then supposed to hit Bainbridge Island to see yet another niece I haven't yet met, but plans were changed and my schedule was revised to errands about town, then back to Ironika's for a little Pride and Prejudice which was actually very funny and don't let it fool you, a total chic flic.. and then right off to a drink with Keither, for brotherly mentor-ish career advice til late in the evening.
And hi.. we are then back to the work week where people are thinking of quitting (not me) and I have a doctor appointment for possible hip issues cuz I'm apparently 78 and not really 34, and there's another girlfriend in crisis.. I mean, if there was a way to create three of me minus the part where I talk so much, it could really be useful!
Hope you are all well and I'll catch up with you soon.. promise!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Vegas experience
Well.. I really should just leave you with only this picture to say it all.. but that wouldn't be very nice, would it? Needless to say people.. I survived Vegas! But barely. I wish I had time to write it all out now, but a taste will have to do for the time being cuz even with the day off on Monday to recover, I'm not yet back in tip-top shape.. no sirree.. still much sleeping to be had and I'm wondering how I'm going to encompass the entire weekend into one post adequately! Oh the pressure! And um.. honestly, with all the drinking.. I'm wondering how I'm going to remember it all..
The pictures are uploaded on Flickr for your viewing pleasure my lovelies.. just to your right, one click away.. don't view them as a slideshow or you won't see my oh-so-funny descriptions.. cuz that's what it's all about.. me.. being witty. Yes it is. Shut up.
But I'll leave you with a few teasers:
1. First night - dead body in the hotel.. CSI and EVERYTHING!
2. Ulitmate Fighting Championship men were sort of ALL over.. and we saw them and their hotness and EVERYTHING!
3. I may have seen a Rolling Stone IN PERSON.
4. There may be a story of how I learned to play craps.. and maybe how I won.. and then later, lost.
5. The VP of my company.. that's vice president, thank you.. may have DROPPED HIS PANTS in the middle of dinner in front of oh, everyone AND a bachelorette party.
6. There was a very very fit half naked O acrobat who may have caught our eye and then *gasp* splashed us intentionally in a flirty fashion.. and we may have been totally fine with it.
7. We may have walked 42 THOUSAND miles and I wanted to rip off my own leg and chuck it in the pool at Mandalay.
8. We slept Friday night.. and that was all.
Oooooooh.. that's all you get for now! Ha ha! I promise you'll get a full report as soon as I'm once again a stable individual.. (and realizing what I just wrote.. keep your comments to yourselves..)
Mwah!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Countdown to VEGAS!!!
I'm so FRICKING excited!!! Good God you'd think I've never gone anywhere before.. oh wait.. well, Norway definitely counts.. Hawaii's not attached.. but Mexico and Canada are.. dammit.. Ok.. so I've really never been many places, and the last vacation I took was last June to Sonoma and San Fran, which reminds me not to wait so long between vacations!
But in like.. oh.. 12 hours plus.. um.. oh.. drat.. I don't do math people!! Let's just say really really soon I'M GOING TO BE IN VEGAS!
Ok.. delerium is setting in.. And also, I'm crazy. I've got a ton of shit to do before I get up at the crack of ass dawn.. and like 82 bags to pack .. so I'll miss you while I'm gone my lovelies! Be good!
YAYAYAYAY VEGAS!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Mardi Gras lite = less calories than the real thing! Well, not our way..
So Pixie and I went to have ourselves a little Mardi Gras fun on the hill last night.. and let me tell you, Seattle was having NONE of it. What a boring town we live in.
We skipped downtown cuz I'm sure the extreme opposite of 4-people-in-this-bar is 18-frat-boys-trying-very-badly-to-hit-on-us and that was less than appetizing than our other options. Plus, Pixie is always fun to hang with and she even let me play in her dress up closet. If by closet you think I mean ENTIRE ROOM of wigs, belts, boas, and all types of slutty/burning man/goth/hip wear.. yes, that's exactly it.. ooh the choices!After choosing a little blue number for the Miss D noggin,
Pixie coaxed me to hurry up my dallying self so we could get going on the fun fun fun! And no, it didn't matter no one was out but us. There were chocolate martinis to be had, 
hummus plates and too much cheese to be eaten.. and we turned heads wherever we went, tho Pixie did remind me that that's not always a good thing.. however, girly-gras was a success.. as you can clearly see.The little blue number is travling onto Vegas with me and Loren thanks to Pixie's generosity.. Clearly, NOW I'm ready.. Vegas baby, Vegas!
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