And You Thought The Only Thing Exciting About February Was The Silent 'R'

I bet you were doing just fine today.. like me. Groovin' along to the iTunes, tho I couldn't tell you exactly what was playing in the background during the time I got the email, as I'm sure you received one shortly thereafter as well.. minding your own business, nose to the grindstone, as you do... doing your cute little job in your cute little shoes.. cuz hey, you have some style.. and right when you weren't expecting it - BAM! Anna Nicole Smith dies. DIES, people! You always knew the girl was a train wreck.. but still.. shocking and sad.. and I might add, that squirrely looking guy she married seems a little suspect.. don't you think? And you know this is already in talks for becoming a Lifetime Movie of the Week or a Fox news special. But I say let dear Anna rest in peace. After the life that girl has lived, she probably needs it..

Let's all take a deep breath.. good.. feel better? Now, go hug someone you love and be grateful that some people are bred for infamy.. and, even more so, that you are not one of them.

***************

This last week has been busy, but it's all been rather low-key. Not too much time spent with boys unless they are friends and I guess that's the way it probably should be right now.

I started the weekend by spending it with Kari and her family, where my nieces did nothing but entertain and once in a while, melt down, but that is the nature between a 4 and 7-year-old. All hyper and nonsensical goofiness one minute.. and the next it's absolute life-and-death tragedy where both are crying hysterically and time-outs are issued.. and Kari is such a great mom that she takes it all in stride. We eventually just looked at each other, smiled.. and took another sip from our wine glasses with a relaxing sigh following. At least she'll have some good blackmail material/comic relief for later years to come.

Saturday, my friend, Scott, who lives in Oakland, came thru town on his way back from his annual ski trip at Whistler and I met up with him, his dad and a couple other friends for dinner. We were all happy to see there were no injuries to speak of since they seem to be fairly accident-prone during these trips and many beers were consumed in celebration. I had a sincerely crappy glass of wine. After that, I stuck with gingerale and was mocked appropriately for the rest of the evening until we closed the place down.

After brunch the next morning, they hit a local brewpub that makes a cream ale Scott can't find anywhere else. They like the beer. Lightweight Me said, 'Um, think I'll pass,' and I went off to do errands. I had to pick up Boz (the ex.. you know, we're friends and all that - and that's the nickname he picked, which does nothing to disguise him from pretty much anyone who even barely knows him, but whatever..) from the airport around the time Scott and his dad would be arriving there to head out so all of us reconvened one last time at some over-priced bar and watched the Super Bowl for a bit.

And there we were.. Boz, back from a debaucherous weekend in Sin City looking like he'd been hit by a couple of diesel trucks, yet still in a drugged-but-happy state of tired, Scott, his dad, and me. A few minutes of chit-chat pass amidst back and forth watching of the game and the oh-so-not-impressive commercials inbetween, when who walks in but six or seven very cute, very suited guys about my age. In a few minutes, a couple more walk in, equally hot, also in suits. And it just kept getting better.. and better.. and at one point, I'm sure my mouth had to be picked up from the floor manually. What sort of plane were they about to catch? Was there a special Cute Boy Gate just for them? And how do I get on that plane??

A late arrival at a table nearby was clearly 'hooked' as Boz pointed out to me. He would very obviously wait for me to meet his gaze but I don't think I ever did, yet when someone is staring at you like that.. you can practically feel it and it was just a tad unnerving. I was possibly acting a bit like a school girl - scribbled my number on a napkin with no name just in case I chickened out and was giggling like a halfwit. Boz did his best to be supportive, even asking the guy where the game was being played so he could give me an in.. but the question was asked and answered and it didn't leave me much to go on. I thought maybe I could tell them we had a bet going for who they were and why they were all dressed in suits around 4:30pm for a Sunday evening flight. The guys were certain they were in sales and therefore, jackasses. I thought sports team of some sort, but basketball seemed to be out cuz really only one guy seemed above average height for that. They all seemed to be a little silver-spooned as well so I had no other idea but business guys.. and really.. who travels in a suit at that time of day during the Super Bowl?

Ultimately, I wussed out. Yes. I know, I know. But c'mon! A bar is a bad enough place to pick someone up.. but an airport bar? Hi.. they're GOING somewhere. AWAY FROM HERE. SOON. Boz and I already agreed there was no way they lived in Seattle cuz hi.. cute guys. Cute guys are in massively short supply here. Sorry - to be clear, cute STRAIGHT guys. The hot gay guys are coming out of the woodwork people. Seriously. It sucks if you're me and all the attractive men play for the other team. You don't get that many cute, straight guys in one place. Doesn't happen. I witnessed a Cute Guy Phenomenon and I'm telling you, it won't happen again in my lifetime.. unless I move.

So as halftime hit, they quickly bolted to get into the line for security and off went my divine-looking, blue-eyed admirer. Since Boz was fading and needed food, we said our goodbyes and walked right by the same security line SuitBoy was in. He about broke his neck to get a couple more looks from what Boz told me so I turned around very clearly and gave him a very flirty smile and a wave that he couldn't help but jump out of line to chase after me in order to retrieve my info, mumbling something about soul mates............. and yeah. I'm totally lying. I didn't run after him either. Sometimes they need to work for it.. and it's not my job to make it so easy for them. Au revoir, SuitBoy! Ok, maybe I'm kicking myself a little.. damn.

Now.. Boz and I are teamed up for our McLeod Residence project, which is to become members by proposing/pulling off some event or contributing something creative and daring and awesome that no one has thought of before - tho there was a simple suggestion of cupcakes from its founder, Buster, whom we've been totally harrassing emailing (which left me with cupcakes on the brain all dang day.. mmm.. cupcakes..). And I'm all for easy, but challenging will probably make me think - and that's what we're trying to do. Challenge ourselves and as a bonus, meet some charming and captivating people and have a damn good time doing it. More on that next week.

Til then, offer up a little prayer for dear Anna, won't you? And also, you should get going on your list of 43things, don't you think? C'mon.. I have to learn Spanish. Or ooh! Combine the two!

Espero que estes bien, querida..

At Least 43 Things, Maybe More

In light of the first day of the second month of the new year, I took a look around at my world to see how I felt the beginning of 2007 has gone so far. Hm.. not bad really.

I rang in the new year with Sailor. Unexpected affection is never a bad idea in my opinion and we've been hanging out for a month now. No drama, pretty easy and laid back, but he's busy and self-employed. His deadlines and irregular business hours have left us with not much time at all together for the last two weeks and because of that, our connection has found itself in need of some repair. Not the end of the world.. he's a sweet, good guy.. and an apology for being a jackass - his words, mind you - go a long way with me.

Enter Mackenzie, who defies needing an alias (Hey.. I offered him one. The best Irony could come up with was Ohio. Like.. where he's from. Eh. Sorry girl.. I need something.. more fitting..? He questioned why he needed one at all.. and I replied, 'Oh.. um.. I guess you don't. Huh.' So there that is.). As is my usual, he's a bit younger, but he's slightly more wounded than some, not that it's obvious really.. but in the bit of time we've started to get to know each other, I can see it in him. It's quiet, he's cautious.. I can appreciate that.. and we both really like music. It's a start.

This is dating.. obviously. Not polyamory or anything like that (tho I think.. technically, if you're going by the definition.. it is.. BUT for our purposes here, we are not, fyi.). I'm just.. living in the moment. Yes, that's it. And tho I know men usually really enjoy relationships with no labels and rules left unspoken, when you are the one requesting it to be that way, it makes them.. uncomfortable. They get this look about them that says they're wondering what you could possibly do with a second man - and if that's really all of them.. maybe there are more..?! How scandalous! Isn't one enough? But that's not what it's about.. at least not for me. It's just pacing the getting-to-know part.. and it's hard to explain, but I'm doing the best I can to be genuine and keep my intentions on the table for all involved. The biggest benefit is that this keeps me focusing on me.. and not wrapped around the life of one person I barely know. It's time to stop making the same mistakes and I can only hope my strategy pays off.

As for good deeds, I participated in Chili Clash 2007 by procuring close to $2000 in items to raffle and auction off in order to raise money for... no.. not leukemia.. and noooo not the next natual disaster.. BUT.. the Solo Performance Festival, in which my friend, Keith, will appear, at Theatre Off Jackson, and really, tho no one is dying nor am I saving anyone from dying in any way whatsoever at all.. it was a good enough cause as any. And there were 5 (FIVE!) kinds of chili competing for.. uh.. BEST chili! Or something. Didn't matter.. it was good. I may have had three bowls. But my POINT here.. and yes, I DO have one.. is it made me feel like I was a part of a community and reminded me of my theatre department days in college and the functional lunacy it actually takes to be a performing artist. It's something I truly admire and respect and tho the event didn't go as well as I'd hoped, apparently they raised more money than they thought they would anyway. So.. YAY!

Now, the next undertaking is trying to find time to focus on the elements of myself I need to improve. I feel like I'm in the midst of a Life Rut and I'm trying to find things that will motivate me to make some changes, however small, so that I feel like.. well.. life has some purpose and meaning, to be honest. I have ideas.. don't get me wrong.. I have great ideas, if I do say so myself, but it's putting them into action and sometimes, I just need a push in the right direction.

And then, accidentally, I found The McLeod Residence. Is this the answer to all my problems? Probably not. Is this the motivation I've been seeking? Not sure. Is it interesting tho? Definitely. Can I explain it further (note: again, using purely for YOUR benefit, Treenster!)?? Um.. THAT is a very good question. They're touting it as a lifestyle.. of sorts:

"We are trying to build something new for Seattle. Something that we can all belong to, taking advantage of all the things that we know are possible but which you wouldn't do if you had any sort of agenda other than living an extraordinary life. We're inventing a new lifestyle and want you to join us."

Uh.. hm.. do YOU get it? Isn't it so vague you want to find out more tho? I mean, it's intriguing, right? Yeah I want an extraordinary lifestyle! Who doesn't?! Sign me up!

Therefore, you can become a member for $50 a year or $200 for a lifetime. Hi! Such a deal! You get stuff with your membership too - don't think you don't. But go to their site and read up cuz if you pitch them a good enough idea, you don't have to pay. And then maybe hit me back and see if you can explain to me what the f they are talking about. I mean, I'm excited and all, but I'm still not sure why.

So clicking around on all the links in their site in an effort to figure out what these seemingly crazy and, at the same time, ingenious and fun, people are doing, I stumble upon 43Things. What the..?! A list! This is PERFECT! Now my goals can be visible on the world wide web and hey! Look! Other people want to do the same things! AND some of them who've already done what you are still trying to do are there to give you ideas and support and 'cheers!' Who couldn't use a cheer in their struggle to achieve on a daily basis?! Like that's a bad thing? Instant Motivation! I'm feeling it! I'm psyched! And uh.. if you didn't notice, one of my 43 things (ok.. as of yet, there's only 25. I'm still thinking! Sheesh.) is to stop procrastinating so that maybe I can mark off some of these babies this year. You can also work on 43places, 43people - where incidentally, I found completely by fate, our dear Pomgirl and promptly made her my Number-1-Want-To-Meet Person. Oh yes I did. Even above meeting Jon Stewart. That's saying something.

I feel like these are super tiny things.. right? I mean, they are.. but I'm jazzed and enthusiastic cuz.. ok.. the sun's been out for like Three Whole Days in a row! You don't understand what winter is like here until you've lived 3-4 months of straight dark-and-grey so you have no idea what it can cause one to do and think and feel.. but combine that with these brilliant, little discoveries and I feel rather renewed and inspired. Touched for the very first time even!

Maybe it's a little silly.. but I want to create, I want to help, I want to feel like I'm living. Not just feel it.. know it. And stop just going thru the motions.

Can't you hear the door to my extraordinary life opening now?? Excuse me.. I'm going to step inside and just take a look around.

Lockdown In Sector 4! WTF?!

And then further: (please note the proper use of 'further,' just for you, Treena!)

Our system has detected abnormal usage of your Gmail account. As a result, we have temporarily disabled access to this account. It will take between one minute and 24 hours for you to regain access, depending on the behavior our system detected.

Uh. Hm. Ok.

Let's start with.. WTF?!

Ok, no.. you're right.. I can't start there. You don't know the whole story. 'WTF' was just my reaction.. and remains my reaction considering said account is STILL locked the F down.

So it started with some files a friend sent me and the ibook at home was having a hard time downloading the zip and kept stopping. I'd found that emailing them to myself after downloading them to my work pc was time consuming, but still much easier for the MAC to handle when I got home and just downloaded from there.

After accomplishing most of what I'd set out to do during the day, I wanted to wrap it up a little quicker and opened two browsers like Yahoo and MSN have never had any issue with before. Apparently, Google has a very big problem with this. They think that someone who is unauthorized (GASP! The horror!) has accessed your account and is doing really really bad things with it.. like.. um.. sending you music or funny jokes.. or possibly spreading cancer! Cuz God knows this 'protection' they claim isn't from spam.

I never had an issue with spam in my whole history of using Yahoo email unless I used my address to sign up for random things and it wasn't a big deal cuz eventually I thought I'd move away from Yahoo cuz Gmail is soooo great, right? Yet, from the first moment I signed up for Gmail, I was getting spam daily.. not many, but I've only had the address for maybe a bit more than a year and it's already doubled in the amount of spam I receive. AND I get them in Japanese and/or Chinese no less!*

Plus - and this really annoys me for some reason - when y'all leave comments on the blog, it groups them together by post title like you aren't even unique or something. So sometimes I may miss a comment cuz I only see the top one and don't think to scroll down when there may actually be more than one there - which insults YOU, my awesomest and most sexy readers, implying that YOU, of all people, can be bulked together like a 25-pair bag of discount socks at Costco!** The shock! The awe! How DARE they!

I tried showing Google exactly what I thought of their punishment by starting a new email at Yahoo, but sadly, 'missdevylish' is not available. Can you believe it?! There might've been severe disappointment and maybe I teared up for a second at that realization cuz really, is 'devylishmiss' good enough? Hardly! Or 'mdevylish?' Or even 'miss_devylish?!' NO! I think NOT! I refuse to be defined by an underline! It's practically indecent!

I thought I might start a protest.. you know.. boycotting Gmail and their hauty lockdown ways knowing that yes, Blogger and Blogspot are owned by Google, but I'm not mad at the Blogger people - except oh.. maybe with all their issues they've had in the last week and, to steal a quote directly from the fabulous Lady Miss Marquise herself, it seems we were having a 'domestic.'

But it's simply with the seemingly undiscriminatory determination from the Gmail folks that I was doing something 'dangerous' and possibly.. oooh CRIMINAL even.. that's irritating. I mean I'm a good and upstanding citizen! I don't forward every joke I receive nor do I gullibly believe those chain letters promising wealth/good luck/'something neat' if I just pass it on to everyone in my address book and their dog. I simply communicate with friends, associates, acquaintances.. the community at large being that I'm an extroverted and happy individual with a need for expressing myself.***

So PLEASE, Gmail people.. I'm BEGGING you.. tell me what beastly atrocity I have committed so that I may plead upon my life for your forgiveness and be allowed, once again, to reach out to my people!

Oh.. um.. hey.. it's back! Nevermind! Um.. pretend we never had this conversation..

Thanks!

* I don't know the difference between Chinese or Japanese type. Yes, I'm completely uneducated. I know. You're shocked.

** You are more like the 100-count bag of tea lights at Ikea. That's WAY better. Good deal, that. You know.. for candles.

*** Yes.. that is what you call it. No, we don't need any other euphamisms from the Peanut Gallery, thank you.

Insert Smile Here _____.

I'm crabby. That's all there is to it. No tell-tale rhyme nor reason. Well, there is a reason - the monthly radical fluctuation of hormones that cause me to be depressed one minute and bitchy the next and oh-so-much fun to be around, if I don't say so myself.. but nothing's causing it per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong, but everything seems wrong and more than it rightfully should be cuz when you're feeling like this, as most women can relate to, the things that aren't wrong, become wrong, or at the very least, extremely irritating where no irritation may even exist. Irrational Irritation Syndrome. Or maybe Complex - better acronym - IIC (sounds like: ick). Awesome. I'm IIC'y. Nice to meet you.

In light of said annoyance that my own charming personality is creating today, I'm trying to pull myself out of it and force the happy to come out. I know it's there.. it's just.. um.. hiding. I think I can coax some smiling by finding some cool things to watch or read.. Here are my picks:

This site is a friend of Ironika's and her husband's. Besides being adorable, Cindy's in Antarctica and tho she doesn't post all the time, what she writes is usually lengthy and insightful, funny and quirky (like.. who knew they did marathons there?) and she always has great pictures up, some with the biggest penguins ever! Right in front of her even! But you have to see these videos she linked to within her Donuts of Misery post. This one is about the group she's driven to a spot where they dive to collect sea urchins. A friendly seal (sea lion?) tries to make friends with them.. and this one is a photographer's time-lapsed photography over the course of a year in and around McMurdo Station (where Cindy is) and Scott Base set to music. Absolutely stunning. And it makes me smile by the end, so yay!

And thanks to Ms. Duck, showing me the extra entertaining ways of John Mayer, however VH1 she and Irony both find him, I would agree with her that he's surprisingly a really funny writer as well. Seriously.. his latest post? Wtf is that about? Who else could write a coming out script for the most heterosexual doctor on Grey's Anatomy.. ? Apparently, yes, it's John. Random AND amusing. So many more points.

I'm not sure how I found this one the other day.. clicking around out of sheer boredom when I accidentally found [redacted], or Dan from New York, who is shockingly intelligent AND funny.. and not really hard to look at either. His posts about watching 24 or the Golden Globes cracked me up since Sailor was kind enough to indulge me that evening and sit thru the awards show til 10pm when I saw he was well glazed over. In his defense, he was pretty sick and couldn't really fight much.. and I um.. probably took advantage of the situation most likely by witholding the fact that there was a perfectly good guy's show with things blowing up on another channel. But why would I sabatoge myself when I can make fun of Sienna what's-her-name's dress and what the hell was going on with her Swiss-Miss hair?!

I love This American Life, on NPR, and over the weekend, while catching up on my podcasts, they did a story about things lost and found, which included the founders of foundmagazine.com. The site includes anything found: notes, poetry on napkins, love letters, etc. Click on the 'about' page for the first note that kicked them off. Best damn note ever. Sort of like Joe Apology or PostSecret with that voyeuristic feeling.. but you know.. different.

Also, if you haven't seen the link to the right, you should check out Overheard in New York cuz it's fucking hilarious. I would also deem Overheard In The Office and Overheard At The Beach equally amusing, which you can get to from the original site. Updated every hour it seems... so you could easily find 8 excuses a day for laughing, couldn't you? Let me know if you can't.. cuz I have at least that just off the top of my head. Always happy to help!

Once in a while.. this cracks me up.. but you have to watch the whole thing. Silly.

When I'm in need for lots and lots of laughing tho... my trusty tried and true is always Miss Doxie. Her archives are a kick in the pants and I never get tired of reading them. You probably all know her by now. I only stalk mention her all the damn time.. well.. cuz I'm sure some of you haven't read her.. and you really should. And tho it should feel wrong that one girl should be so funny all the time.. she still is. And she's nice too. She's emailed me before. AND been funny in her email. She's my friend. Ok.. it's not like we're tight or anything.. but she knows who I am and stuff. So there.

So what do you do to get yourself out of your crabbypants?

F*cking Snow, But It Smells Better Than Other Things

Hey! Did you see that? The little asterisk that I put in to replace the 'u' in my favorite word ever is snowflake like! Total accident. Did you notice? So it emphasizes the whole snow issue that is currently Pissing. Me. Off.

People.. FUUUUCK. Can the snow BE gone now?! Helloooo.. me + snow + boots that aren't made of say.. um.. SNOW TIRES = much almost-spillage and even ACTUAL spillage of my uber-clumsy self with my ass landing on the snow-covered ground. Fucking OW. I mean.. aren't we at sea level? Why does it seem like I fell asleep and woke up in an alternate Oz.. in MONTANA?! I mean.. BRRRRRRR! Where's global warming when you need it?

And if that wasn't enough - and it certainly is - when I come home where I want to relax and feel comfy and warm, I first have to hold my breath and light 43 floraly smelling candles because we've recently discovered something so foul that at first disguised itself as the hey-roomie-did-you-make-fish-or-something-else-stinky-for-dinner smell when in actuality, after the roomie said, 'Uh..no,' and we rattled our brains together (which was noisy) cuz it wasn't something I made and it was clearly coming from the oven or fridge areas.. and it possibly smelled like sour death.. all we came up with was.. um.. sour death, BUT in addition to that we then remembered Emma (the cat) had been staring at the grate at the bottom of the fridge for about a month, which I've only ever seen her do one other time* at one of the last places I lived.. and then Kyle said he'd heard a little scampery scamper sound when he'd been home working during the day.. we realized (you know where I'm going with this, don't you? Treena.. close your eyes..) EWWWWWW.. DEAD MOUSE!

Uh.. yeah.. wanna come over? C'mon.. it can't last that long.. can it? Please tell me it can't. It's got to be under the fridge or the oven tho mini-flashlight waving around didn't show any shadows of a dead-like, grey, clumpy thing with whiskers. And no one can be mad at me.. I didn't kill it. I have no idea how it got into the house so I have to assume it just couldn't take the dismal life mice are prone to lead where the continuous pursuit of cheese and the Tom-and-Jerry lifestyle exhausted him and he maybe thought he couldn't be held to that standard anymore.. I mean, what do they all expect of him?! And with the final thought that he'd show them, oh yes he would, he threw himself under the fridge for a newsworthy-in-MouseWorld death while simultaneously punishing humans with one of the most rank smells known to man for being the bastards we are by hoarding all the cheese. Awesome.

So there might be a new guy.. who is quite adorable and makes me smile and stuff.. and his new nickname might be Sailor thus far.. cuz he maybe lives on his sailboat.. and he's sooo damn manly he will be coming over to help me move things around (read: for once, I'm dating a man and not a boy and of the two of us, my biceps are not the biggest - as it should be) and we'll procure said dead mouse, or whatever else could be rotting in my kitchen, and there will be ewwww's.. and oh man's.. and we will all be appropriately grossed out and then with masks and rubber gloves and something that reduces it to ashes for the proper cremation it deserves, we'll, God willing, throw what's left of it in the trash outside. Wish me luck.

(*We had rats once.. many of them.. with tails that were minimum five inches easy and where I had to set trap after trap in the cupboard under the kitchen sink and sort of listen to them snap and eventually die.. cuz yes, I had to KILL them cuz it was either me or them and it certainly wasn't going to be me.. and when I die, I imagine I will end up in a hell where I will either be squished with crumpled balls of tissue or with big shoes over and over by scary looking spiders OR snapped in half in a trap that a big rat gets to set, lovingly baited with peanut butter, which I can never resist. You wait. It'll happen.)

Also.. random news bulletin: Two people I know just passed the first audition of American Idol's portion in Seattle! Hi.. did anyone tell me?! Um.. that would be a big fat NO.. til I came in late and missed the first one, Blake, and caught our second friend, Rudy's, audition. First of all, I have to say, ok.. I'm not that close with them BUT if they saw me, they would admit to knowing me and would even give me hugs. Shut up! It's true! But sadly, I hate that show with a passion.. and yet.. dammit.. til my friends either get kicked off or make it to the end and possibly even win (cuz honestly, they really don't suck and are, in fact, quite good in my opinion), I'm now forced to watch the whole frickin thing. Crap.

And.. geez.. I have to admit, after the girly-drunken-lingerie-picture-taking evening with Irony and EmmaK.. life has become irritatingly mundane. What's up with that?? I'm sure there is something exciting coming up that I will have to write about in detail.. something.. I know there's something.. wait.. hmm... damn.. I think the dead mouse, snow and friends I actually never see or really ever talk to much anymore who are on American Idol and don't suck have really been it. I already let myself down when I realized I wasn't smarter than the 12-year-olds who know how to command youtube.com and the incredibly funny video of Irony helping EmmaK put on too-small platform boots you will probably never see cuz I'm an idiot. Yeah.. who knew..? Again, not exciting.

God.. I better get back outside in the snow so I can slip and provide some entertainment for somebody..

The Money Shot(s)

When inviting another blogger friend to visit.. be sure that you have a camera.. and maybe a lingerie party to hit.. a few wigs.. and oh.. many drinks.. and you might come close to the night three of us had.

It started like this:

And then there may have been some alcohol and a few.. ideas..




Irony's boots were much easier to get on:


And then.. the posing started:
















Irony fills up the flasks:


Then it was time to hit our party out:


I went with my short black warm coat, but couldn't decide if I should snag Irony's sexy trench:


Irony picks the faux fur:




Emma patiently waited for Irony and I to finish hamming it up:


And then out we went.. into the night.. to the unsuspecting public:
















There are a few more on my flickr link.. and Ms. Emma has a few YouTube numbers and pics on her site as well. If my attempt at YouTube'ing works out.. I'll update with a video that is probably way funnier drunk, but is still quite entertaining sober.

Overall - one hell of an evening, I'd say.

Governor Terminator Strikes A Chord

This needs to be fairly quick (which never happens) cuz I have to clean my humble abode due to the fair Ms. Emma, the honorable Real Writer (and not my cat), who will be arriving in less than two days to have blogger girl time with some of our local talent - namely Irony, Pix, Kario, Wendy.. and oh.. anyone else who wants to tag along. For money. Kidding.. well.. sort of. Anyway, I better get crackin'.

So.. hi there Mr. Governor Schwarzenegger! Look at you! Who knew you were such a Democrat at heart?! Ok.. maybe not completely and this is where I'll completely show my amazing ignorance of political goings on, but.. YAY YOU! You have some great ideas - like seriously.. health care for everyone in California INCLUDING illegal immigrants? Wow.. my heart truly swells and finds that incredibly compassionate because you can hear all of your party completely seething from here. I still think it rocks. I wish we lived in a world that could and will happen and I wish you the best of luck cuz you'd sort of need all kinds of peace and a resolution on all those border issues and all that to go with it.. but I'm crossing my fingers for you anyway. You go!

AND you want to decrease carbons in the air to combat global warming? By 10%?! Ok.. really, who are you and what did you do with the real Republican inside you? I'm so confused.. but again, like you much more right now. The polar bears send their thanks.

And I know it was hard telling people you'd have to build more prisons, but you made a point - either build them or the courts build them and take money from other funding for education and health care. Tho seriously you need $40+ billion to do that? Just for California? Um.. can't we just send the extra bad guys to Iraq? Or Siberia? Or the White House? Ok.. maybe that last part was mean. Sort of..

I'm liking this Idea Man you've become. You have energy and charisma and I hope you're not sexually harassing anyone anymore. You might not get everything (read: slim to no chance actually) you proposed and requested, not because it's not a great idea, but cuz you'll be opposed by a good amount of both sides for various reasons and I'm sure some of them will be sound - and still.. goddamn.. I just really dig your enthusiasm. Yup.. you kind of rock right now.

Whatever It Is, They're Even Smiling About It On Mars..

There is something going around.. and it's not this nasty virus that has stricken everyone I know including Pixie and Irony and made them un-makeout-able.. unless you're their betrothed.. and then you're required to make out with them regardless of the level of sicky cuz you're married or engaged to them.. but I just mean if you're me, you can't make out with them.. not that I would.. cuz I'm straight.. unless I was dared.. and for money.. but not while they're sick.. that is my point. Or.. um.. hmm.. maybe it wasn't..

I feel good. I feel light. And all that = happy. Maybe it's the new year.. fresh starts, new beginnings, change of focus, brighter ideas.. I just feel less weight upon my wussy-ass shoulders. And for Pixie, sugar.. January means that much closer to spring!

So.. there is someone new, there is someone old.. there are many smiles and much giggling and friendships blossoming and chemistry making.. and differences in each who are different players in my life. These are relationships on the cusp of good and true and honest.. and that's exciting and gives me such genuine joy I can't express.. cuz strangely, they're lacking in drama and insecurity, which is a nice change. Not saying I don't have my moments.. we all know I'm a work still in progress, but surprisingly, the drama I've recently witnessed swirling about I've tried very hard to avoid making my own cuz truly, it's not of my making. Yay for improvement! Unfortunately, I was still involved due to the fact that one of my relationships was directly affected cuz a third party, one who doesn't know me personally and who is neither the first or second party in said relationship that involves only the first and second parties, didn't like it. Not that this fact concerned our fair third party cuz it didn't stop the ultimatum from being given.. and it did little for maintaining my level of respect for the second party when he eventually acquiesced. I have yet to find within the pure definition of a friend any place for an ultimatum to be imposed or manipulation to be wielded in my world.. but some people handle their relationships differently. That is certainly their choice, but I would advise those who use tactics of that nature to really think about what kind of friendship exists when those tactics have to be employed at all in order to get the desired results. And.. to what expense.

Moving on.. cuz that's what I'm supposed to be doing.. and that was such a small detour from the road of happy - more like a side street of inconsequence - and.. uh.. I probably lost you there for a second.

ANYWAY..

The new car is happy and shiny. Tho coming back from Oregon tonight, there flew a lone rock from out of nowhere and lo! My first chip so soon! Baby's only a couple of weeks old! Damn you I-5! But we will see what the dealer can do as they seem so willing to make me happy.. Ahh, if only there were more people whose sole purpose was to do that.

But the car - oh.. she's lovely (and we may have named her Fiona.. jury's still out on that tho - taking suggestions..???). She kept me in happy beats all the way down and back to the second Christmas with the family in Oregon. All my extended relatives made it this time - well, cuz Gram said so. And you don't argue with Gram.

So the turkey was oven'd, the cranberries crushed, and the stuffing, green beans, potatoes, and gravy all met once again at the table in merriment - and possibly confusion cuz they were all just there. But to my delight, Gram made candy! Her famous chocolate covered peanut butter balls. And those mean it's really Christmas.. well, in our household anyway. And lo.. there was peace in the world. Could a whole bag possibly have ended up coming home with me?! Who's to say.. hm..

Before I left to meet with the candy-making matriarch, I spent Friday with friends at Spin the Bottle where quite a few of the posse met up... where also I just happened to be ON TIME I might add.. and people noticed, thank you. But after singing the praises of the monthly cabaret that's become a Miss D and Irony tradition, we were showered with a first act of Fairly Hard-To-Sit-Thru Theatre. Um.. yeah. The ones who hadn't been there before found it hard to stomach believe when I said it was never quite.. like this. Thankfully, the second half redeemed the prior portion and besides, the drinks were so stiff, it sort of made up for it. The frites afterwards didn't hurt either.

That is what we call livin' la vida loca here.. oh yes we do. I know you're just biting your lip in anticipation to be included.. and with only a small membership fee of an undisclosed amount you too can join in the fun! Just like our new Brit-In-Boston blogger friend, Emma, an actual Real Writer, who will be arriving this coming Friday night for.. yes! A night out with Miss D and friends! She heard what A Riot we are, what Unbridled Amusement we get ourselves up to every single weekend and she couldn't pass up The Time Of Her Life. Oh yes, it's true. And don't think there won't be stories after.. and possibly the involvement of a government official and a snake bite kit. Oh the adventure of it all! Can you feel it?

Happy New Year!

Welcome, 2007. I'm so glad you're here. 2006 was a difficult ride, however much I grew and learned.. I, for one, am not sad to see it go. I'm looking ahead to the next 365 days with a smile and taking what I can from the last year and making better decisions, making myself happier overall, and appreciating all I've been blessed with a lot more than I have.

Since I spent a good portion of the last day of the year with the fair Pixie, it seems fitting that I would completely rip off her idea for this post. I hope she forgives..

Reflections of 2006

* I put a lot more into relationships than many people.. and therefore hold onto them sometimes too long and too tightly.

* I'm a horrible manager of my own social time and cause a lot of people to wait around for me.

* I really like myself a lot better when I don't let things get to me so much and I work to avoid drama. I listen better, interrupt less, and have more patience than I ever did. These are improvements I'm excited about!

* I really appreciate my family more than I ever have in the past. They've surprised me with their love and support in the smallest of ways that have become huge for me in my understanding of them. We have become closer and I truly cherish that.

* I may actually have decided I would one day like to have children - probably adopted, but that is a change of heart I never expected. I think one day I could be a good mother and watching my child/ren grow up into good people gives me a sense of future pride.

* The friends I have around me are so amazing - even the ones I've never met, but with whom I still have a bond. My lifetime friends, Kari and Megan who are family to me, my college theatre friends, Keith, Kristen, and Stephanie who make me incredibly proud knowing they've come so far in their drive and talents, the friends I've made over the last 11 years I've lived in Seattle, Kam, Pixie, Fatima, Abby, Wazhma, Loren, and Scott, who all keep me grounded and laughing and enjoying every minute of my time with them, my new blogger friends, Jules, Wendy, and Emma, who are real enough to become permanent friends and visitors as well as the surprise find of the year, Treena, whose reacquaintance I've fully enjoyed to the point we've decided we've been the same person this whole time, just a different brain, and all the ones I haven't yet met but who've forged this tie of global love-and-affection-checking-in that I wouldn't give up for the world and whose stories keep me wildly entertained thru all their ups and downs: Pomgirl, Kara, T, Lisa, Léonie, Mandy, Indi, The Duck, Rigmor, and Welshy. What would I do without you all?

* I can't ask 'why me?' for the things that go horribly wrong.. as I would then have to ask the same when so many good things happen - and I don't for fear God may have picked me by mistake sometimes.. and I don't want to bring that to His attention.

Resolutions for 2007

* Remember that I can only control what I can control - including my feelings for and about others.. and that I need to give an equal amount of what's being provided back to me. Sometimes more is great.. but I need to keep it all in a positive perspective and avoid being clingy and insecure.

* I will do everything in my power to be on time - no more of this 15 more minutes type situation that turns into 30 minutes later.. I'm not saying this will happen over night (note to Pixie).. but it will improve. I dedicate that to everyone who's ever waited for me. And there's a lot of you, I know.

* I will continue to do my best to spin things positively, not let things bother me so much, to be more patient and kind, listen better, interrupt less, appreciate more. Those are always things I'm working on. Anything just to be a better person that people enjoy being around.. even if I'll never curb my level of chatty. I'm a talker, sue me.

* Love love love.. always love.

Here's to a fantastic and love-filled 2007 to you all. Hope you rang it in safely, soundly, and with the wildest of ambitions, dreams, and optimism for what is yet to come.

Zoom Zoom!

It's mine! It's all mine!!

With heated leather seats.. who's gonna have the warmest ass in town? I ask you.. who?!

Now.. who wants a ride?

All I Want For Christmas Is Sanity

Ok.. I ask you.. who hasn't been too busy to blog? Seriously, who?! Ok.. so Pixie and Treena and all the other damn over-blog-achievers, suuurre.. but you know, they have cars.. they didn't recently have theirs crushed by a TREE that should've stayed vertical, so they have more time. Or something. Maybe more dedication. I don't know. I have had too much fucking time on the phone with my friends at State Farm Insurance.. and Mr. Car Salesman Guy.. and Miss Rental Car Lady. That's what I've had. And when I've finished, I wanted to throw the phone against the wall. And not in a sexy way.

Things are coming together tho.. but hormone week is kicking into full swing and you know.. complicating matters on all levels.. understanding boys, doing math - ok, at normal hormone levels I can't do that anyway, but still - trying to get things done like.. oh.. buying a car, getting a loan properly, being nice. I'm managing, but ooh.. it's tricky sometimes. That nice part especially. Like.. when one of the State Farm people was trying to review my claim she asked me, "So.. was it your actual car that was hit by a tree?" And you know what my answer was, don't you... "Uh.. as opposed to my fake car? Yeah.. it was my actual car now can you please actually do something about it? Cuz that'd be great."

So then things finally got moving after almost a week of being told they were doing everything they could, which I'm sure was true, but was no less frustrating cuz hi.. still wasn't anything happening over here.. yeah.. me.. sorta got all complainy and firm (shocker) by Tuesday and told them if they didn't get an adjuster out that day that the next call they would get would be from my attorney (like I have one or something). And before an hour was up, I got the call. Car = totaled. Yeah, like that wasn't obvious. But I got a fair amount of money, picked that up today, and I'm just figuring out how to replace the car I lost - and NOT with another Ford so help me God. Mazda3.. here I come baby..

Til then, I'm off tomorrow in a stock Chevy rental to Oregon til after Christmas. Don't drink too much eggnog, y'all.. ok, if you do, just stay away from your drunk uncle.. Hope you all have a fabulous and safe holiday!

Hope Is Slow To Arrive, But It's On Its Way.. I Hear..

I have to admit, I think God hates Seattle.. well, lately.. and these poor people were hit worse than me.. or at least.. more thoroughly.. don't you think? Bigger trees anyway. But I'm a smaller person, I imagine.. so smaller tree.. or something like that. Whatever more suits a small, poorly-made Ford and the destruction of it.

I went by the house yesterday afternoon and had heard from my neighbors that the city light crews had started their work. Thank God, I thought.. and I was on my way there with Loren, who couldn't drive fast enough. I was so anxious and worried and thought for sure I would hear more bad news. But when I arrived, the guys were so very nice and the supervisor said we should have power today - which I will check later this afternoon if I don't hear from the neighbors first.

To my surprise - the tree had been removed from the car! I was so relieved. The nicey nice man of a supervisor guy walked me to my car personally over the power lines he assured me were off or dead or uh.. whatever the term is.. and I got my camera out and took more pictures. He even advised me to get their trucks in a few shots so I could verify it was a power line issue. Smart guy, right? Very.

Then he wanted me to move it.. and shockingly, it started - not that the tree hit the engine or anything, but you know, when your car is completely fucking destroyed, things like getting it to start are still surprising.. you know.. when the back windows are completely busted out and the back doors were hit so hard they won't even open.. things like that.

So Loren and I emptied out the car entirely after I moved it.. and that was hard. I don't know.. the car was cheap and starting to have issues.. but it was just sad to remove everything and throw it in plastic bags trying to make sure I didn't forget any little thing in the dash or console. I mean, the car is toast.. and tho she was kind of just a boring stand-by, saying goodbye to her was hard. She was the second car I'd bought and bargained for all by myself.. and I only had one more year of payments. I'd also just spent $300 fixing a wire that had broken just before Thanksgiving. Figures.

The insurance adjuster hasn't called yet at all. Today I will be hounding them. I was also offered the assistance of two lawyer friends, one who specializes in going after insurance companies just in case they try to screw me.. as undoubtedly they will. Everyone says I will get a new car.. I just don't think it'll be that easy. I'm sure I'll have to be pushy for the amount of money I'll finally receive.. and then shopping for something I can afford again - sigh.. not fun. I hate car salesman.. nothing is more tedious than trying to buy a car, in my opinion. Just cuz I detest liars.. and they don't know how to do anything else but lie. Til then, Loren has offered me his truck and another friend offered me his VW bug he doesn't use often.. and that is so incredibly generous of them both. So I have a way to get around to work and errands, but I'm still plagued with how I'm going to find a way down to Oregon to see my family for Christmas. The insurance company will only pay up to $25 a day towards renting a car and then only up to $600 max. OR they can cover 80% and up to $1000.. That is what they said. What I heard was 'Blah Blah Blah Blah'.. they might've well have been speaking a foreign language.. I don't understand the difference, but I hear that is their job - to confuse me and apparently, do as little for me as possible. You're in good hands my ass.

Now I just really feel like I need my mom. You know when you think so much has gone wrong that you revert to needing parental care? Yeah.. I've arrived at that point. Haven't felt that in ages, but Mom's been very sweet lately and I just need to hear that everything will be ok. I mean, yes it's just a car and I'm glad no one on my street was hurt and we're all very lucky.. but it's all getting to me a bit - all the complications that surround it. If I can be blunt, I have one nerve left and any alcohol ingested is simply coating it temporarily. So I think at the very least, I'll get a good Mom hug. She's never been overly sympathetic but she was understanding when I called her at 2am all stressed out and shocked to tell her the news. I know she's glad I'm safe and that has to = a good Mom hug I would think.

The other best thing is the support from my friends - some who are displaced from their homes as well and will probably not get power til early this week or even next I heard. We are all trying to be strong for each other and provide a good distraction. I know Loren has put up with my very testy attitude alone. I'm very grateful for the friends I have. I think I picked them pretty well.

Speaking of, I must get going.. Loren needs to get to the airport and then I have his truck for the week. Sorry this isn't so terribly entertaining, guys.. I'm not in my regular space - literally or figuratively - but I just wanted to get you all the latest. Hope you're all staying warm and thank you so much for all your messages of love and support!

When Murphy's Law Strikes, Better Stock Up On Wine

So last we left our heroine, Miss Devylish, she was headed for a good night's sleep despite the windy storm overhead. Tho she'd joked she might wake up in Oz or another dreamy land other than within her subconcious, she awoke to a different sight altogether- Oz had come to her, at 2am this morning, waking her as well as all the neighbors with a loud bang and in a much more twisted and disappointing way than she ever imagined.

This is her car.. er.. rather.. what's left of it:

A Quickie And A Good Blow

Get your attention? Good.. cuz I'm channeling Pixie for this one.. which hi - get your mind out of where it doesn't belong, thank you - basically just means it's short and to the point.. cuz I have no time at the moment to write.. and I WANT to... I DO! I LOVE you people! Well.. most of you.. but the rest of you understand I'm sure.. if you're reading this from jail.. I mean, no hard feelings, right?

Uh.. anyway..

I've been busy - I've been working out! Whoo hoo! That pretty much rocks.. and doing holiday type stuff, like tomorrow there will be a party with much drinking.. not that I will be doing a lot of that - mr. officer - noooo.. cuz my friend's house is a mansion, but wayyyyy out in Issaquah.. where there will be small-town roads with small-town speeds.. where one teeeeensy tiiiiiny drink will land you in the slammer! Ok, will land you with a very hefty ticket for no lighty lights on the back of your license plate, not that you can see that, but which is just an excuse to pull you over to see that your tabs are also EXPIRED.. and uh.. since you had a birthday last month, so is your DRIVER'S LICENSE! So.. NOW.. how much did you say you'd been drinking??!

Oh wait.. that was LAST year. *Ahem* Hey - in my defense, I'd forgotten my license expired on my birthday and I sorta work the same hours as the department of licensing.. ok??! Man. Give a girl a break! Wow was Ms. Officer pissed! $753 dollars worth. Don't worry.. I got it deferred in February and paid my $100 for promising never ever ever EVER.. to do that again.. for one year. At least. So I am just about golden..

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah.. being brief.. like Pixie.. which is um.. not happening. Like you're shocked..

I have another party on Saturday and recovering will be left for Sunday, possible tarot reading at some point with the Pixie and any other friend of mine who might be interested and can tolerate me reading her future off a pretty card and translating with a book that says this is what's going to happen for certain! Or maybe possibly. Well it could be next week.. or maybe never.. stuff like that. Oh c'mon.. it's fun!

Alright .. see now.. ugh.. now I should've just written a damn post with substance! A post of meaning! And um.. instead.. I think it's almost midnight and literally as I type this.. whoa.. our power went off and then on. Like DARK dark. Ooh.. it was SCARY! And then it was LIGHT! And it's actually more creepy when the lights come back on and you're just waiting here, like I am, and they're flickering.. once, ooh twice.. dammit.. a third time! Will it last?! Will Bling's alarm go off in the morning at 6:15am.. OR will it be blinking at 8am when she finally opens her sleepy but somehow rested eyes and has OMG 20 minutes to be at work?? Oh silly.. never fear.. there is always the alarm on the trusty cell phone. Ah technology.

And with that, I leave you.. completely in wonder at this nonsensical whimsy.. or just merely wondering how you could've wasted your time. Yes, I am at least good for that. Either way, I hope tonight's wind doesn't cause me to wake up in Oz tomorrow.. (tho that could be interesting) and I hope that your alarm works just fine.

Seriously.. Could There BE Too Many Links? Seriously? * Updated 12/7! *

Oh TIS the season.. is it not?! Oh.. it SO is. And in the name of said season, I've comprised a list of just a few things I think are pretty great for your shopping ease, and pleasure I might add.. that might just be things that maybe I want would be good for a few people on your list like me.

I've been looking around with this great idea of actually ordering every single Christmas present for friends and family and having it snazzily delivered right to my door - well, the door of my office - ok.. well, the entryway to my cubicle within my office and I would like to keep each and every site all to myself so you're still surprised when you get your gift, but tho most things are reasonably affordable, if I were to send you all a nice little something, seriously, it might make a more-than-serious dent to oh.. say.. living and maybe feeding Emma.. and she would seriously have an issue with that. And then she wouldn't like you.. and there would be hate mail.. and goodness that all has to be prevented, doesn't it.. So. Here I go sharing all these ideas with you and you may purchase away to all your dearheart's content! So get going!

I opened my Daily Candy this morning and found this cute little site called Wrapables.com with a wonder of things that would be perfect for pretty much everyone who likes cool stuff.. like this! Oh could I possibly love it more? Maybe, but I don't know how.. and tho it might not be so pretty, you could certainly try to wrap it up in some of these pretty type wrapping papers. How cute is the kitty one at the bottom left? Emma gives a couple of paws up. For the cold girl in your life, for the girl who might need a little extra glimmer, for the booky type girl or boy who has everything but snazzy bookends, or maybe the cute girl in need of a bit of shiny green round her neck.

And everyone needs a t-shirt, which is why I love so many of these and might buy a few for me and everyone I know..

And she was the reason I started blogging to begin with so it seems fitting she would of course have one of the cutest online stores ever ever and it's brand spankin' new so you should go there and buy many funny and adorable things.

I didn't find this site myself.. one of the Miss Doxie readers recommended it and I fell instantly in love with all the many, many creative little munchkiny items one might open up on Christmas/Solstice/Hannukah day.. (er.. well.. one of the 8 Hannukah days - oh crap, who am I kidding? I'm not Jewish, obviously..) like these for your chock-full-of-sass friend who may pack a looks-like-everyone-else's bag when she occasionally travels the globe and YOU could help her contribute to her differentyness! Yes! You could! Or one of these little numbers for the little lady in your life who's bringing the sexy back into the kitchen. *Update part* And for some others that might be a tad more frugal I found this and this at Chloe In Style, which are pretty dang cute! And even for Anthropologie, this and this were actually reasonable and stylish! Your diva in the kitchen will thank you!Ooh and THESE for this little butterfly girl I know - and you think I'm kidding.. but seriously.. she will love them! And I know it's silly, but this reminds me there is actually sun in some part of the world even if it's not here for like.. oh.. another zillion and a half months. Oh and more kitcheny stuff cuz aren't these just the cutest little salt and pepper people? And this or this would certainly make those long, boring afternoons at the office a little more Mission Impossible-y, wouldn't they? I think so!

And holy crap but The Spoon Sisters have like 83,003 things you could possibly put in a stocking or wrap up in some poorly wrapped little bit of cheap paper and no one would notice cuz LOOK, the cool thing inside! There are so many to choose from I can't even pick one out that I would like cuz it's all a bit of random love, isn't it?!

Now.. there's no holiday that goes by without giving your girlfriend a bit of pretty smelly lotion or bubbly bits for the bath and I really love the lotions from this company and the buttercream frosting smells oh-so-much like you're lathering on cake batter but uh.. feels way better than that. And the people at Hella Good obviously know women lean to sweets even for bathing in cuz these sound like a dream in a tub don't they? Ginger Ninja?? Ha! That would be me! I think I may rename my site to The Ginger Ninja.. ok. No. But still. Funny!

And I can't make a damn thing but noise, as we all know, and still I want to try the Sublime Stitching's little bit of creativeness all for myself. Cuz don't you need some cute tea towels with these, these, or these on them? You just might (The men are going.. uh.. wtf is a tea towel?)!

And I just have to say, if you haven't ordered some of Read's homemade chocolates, created by the people who bred our dear friend ammogirl, and bred her well in my opinion, ohmygod, you might actually have a head injury cuz they = the moving of your world. Seriously. The peanut butter fudge caramel wraps in milk chocolate - oh yes - might just be my favorite.. or was it the haystacks? Damn, better get both!

*Update part* For the voyeur/blog-to-book lover in your life, I found the Overheard In New York book and the PostSecret book, both reasonably priced on Amazon.com and oh-so intriguing! And if you have some smaller, yet creative and helpful humans in your life, I thought this Dr. Seuss cookbook was pretty frickin cute.

*Update continued* I also discovered some especially awesome things at Urban Outfitters and the sale page has some great little grabs like these, these, and these - that might even go well under a solstice crinoline for one special girl I can think of.. tho I love this, even if it's not exactly overly bargainy, but I feel a pounding heart just the same.

*Still on the update - yes, I can't believe I forgot this stuff* I completely forgot the music peeps, which I am one of so I don't know how I did that - probably cuz I have gotten so many new things from friends that I'm good for a while - HOWEVER, that totally leaves YOU out in the cold! How could I do that? Uh. Think almost 2am the other night.. yes, now you get it. ANYWAY my favorites and the ones I highly recommend for your friends (and maybe yourself, cuz hellooo.. you matter too!) are: the newest Snow Patrol, which I can't say enough good things about, a cute all-of-five-foot-three-force-to-be-reckoned-with, KT Tunstall, something a little different and just lovely sounds of Regina Spektor, or maybe a little electronic but still mellow and different and you may have heard her on the Garden State soundtrack, Imogen Heap, some required listening because she's just that fucking incredible, Fiona Apple, some singer/songwriter everyone-should-listen-to-him, John Mayer, or just completely indulgent cuz he's got a sexy groove, Justin Timberlake, the random and funky Ok Go, which, if you've seen their videos you KNOW how awesome they are, some just seriously groovy and happy-summery-dancey music I discovered when there was sun around here, Sergio Mendez, which is remixed samba with guest artists like the Black Eyed Peas, Erykah Badu, India Arie, and JT even, and completely different is this little British firecracker-of-explicit-lyrics rapper I saw on Letterman the other night and just couldn't help but dig her stuff, Lady Sovereign. Phew - needed a breath cuz there's still the cutester with the darling voice that I love and I'm sure they're overplaying her, but I love her just the same, Corrine Bailey Rae, the new Beck, which is pretty rad, this other sassy Brit that has quite the new kicky sound, Lily Allen, and actually, if you're looking for some holiday music that isn't the same old stuff you heard in the mall, I just got the new Sarah McLachlan, which I think is really charming.

*Update - yes, still going* I'm so copying another Doxie reader, but she linked to her gifty guide in the comments and among one of her very cool links was Mirror Me, which creates self-esteem fashion for both sexes.. If you click on their catalogue you'll see the short-sleeve baby t that I love, but I especially love the darling silver necklaces as well. Adorable and hey - there is nothing wrong with a little affirmation in the mirror every day.

*And this too* And ok.. yes, seriously, I'm tired.. but you people HAVE to see Elsewheres cuz there are just too many things like this chalkboard pendant if you want to spend a little money, but it's frickin sweet, isn't it? And I think this little bird necklace is quite the eye-catcher, no? She also linked to Toothpaste For Dinner, which apparently is a comic (?) but they make extremely funny t-shirts like this Panflute Flowchart that I think I almost spewed when I saw it and the Bad Poetry, which would be perfect for the loverboy in your life. And dammit, if she would just stop, but she can't, she had to add this t-shirt site too, which is super awesome and funny. All cheap man! Would you just look at me saving you money!!

Last, but not least, please consider something I was cornered into did a few years ago and actually, I'm really happy, in all seriousness, that I've been able to continue it. For a girl who can sometimes barely take care of herself and her cat, I'm pretty proud that I can also sponsor a child. I get pictures and the cutest little letters and drawings from this little 9-year-old boy I've never met but who mentions me in his prayers. It sounds strange, but it's really affordable (can I say that?) and tho I need another bill like a hole in the head, I wish I could sponsor another, but I just can't. But YOU might be able to! Please think about it when going over all the things to buy that honestly, you may not really need and consider this as a possible gift to yourself and maybe even humanity.

Oh.. it's late my little petals.. and I realize these ideas may be slighted to the fairer sex.. but then most of my friends are women, I'm a woman.. and sometimes women are hard to shop for and just look how much effort and time I'm saving you! Santa should really take note and make sure he drops off one of the male J. Crew models or even Orlando Bloom in my stocking for me (Jules? Put in a good word, won't you?). Yes, indeed. And these are just a few of my ideas, but if you have more, do send them my way. I'll be so ever intrigued!

Here's to hoping Santa brings you all you ask for (and more) this holiday season, my friends..

Red

What is it about Christmas time that makes people go all nutty? Is there a requirement that once you are over the age of 30 that you lose that sense of wonder?

I remember as a child joyfully singing infinite verses of Jingle Bells at the top of my lungs. When did I stop loving Christmas Carols? The Muzak version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer piped through invisible speakers in my office is not helping the cause.

I’m sitting in my cubicle, filing my crimson nails instead of filing the stacks of reports that I’ve been working on. My boss is locked in her office surfing the Net for that perfect holiday dress that will show just the right amount of cleavage yet is easily removable. I’m pretending I don’t know what she’s doing and she’s returning the favor.

It’s December 1. An entire week has passed since the official start to the holiday shopping season and I still haven’t set foot in a single store for that purpose. I just can’t bring myself to get into that spirit that causes usually sane people to spend obscene amounts of money on things that no one really needs.

Perhaps the funk I’m in has something to do with the fact that my boyfriend has decided that he wants to take a break for a while. Again.

Perhaps I’m realizing that this will be a permanent break this time. Perhaps I’m realizing that the odds are no longer in my favor of finding that “special someone” that the married people like to tell me about.

So long white flowing wedding gown. So long ruby bridesmaid dresses. So long bouquet of roses. I never really wanted you anyway.

If you buy that I have a desert property in Minnesota to sell you.

With a sigh I drop my nail file in the trash next to a Kit Kat wrapper. My fingers tangle in my blonde hair as I knit them behind my head. My chair creaks as I recline the office chair back as far as it will go without tipping over.

“Marriage.” The word slips from my lips without my knowledge. I envision myself in 20 years surrounded by cats and muttering to myself. The irony is lost on me.

“What?” calls Frank from the next cubicle.

“Nothing.” I feel my face flush. Great. As though he doesn’t already think I’m a few strokes short of a game.

Glancing at the clock above my desk I see that it is nearly quitting time. I will go home tonight and open a bottle of wine while the bathtub fills. I may even light a candle or two.

I can almost see the metal skimming across my wrist, the red river cascading into the water.
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Heather is Mom to 2 children, M who is 4, and K who is 2. By the way, this piece is FICTION! She has not actually lost that Christmas spirit and has most of her shopping done already. (Ducking.) Heather has plenty of random thoughts and feels compelled to share them with strangers. Her daughter is amazed at the size of her Cool Zebras. Don’t forget to visit Miss Devylish there, keeping my place warm today.

This post is part of the December Blog Exchange. This month we're all writing pieces that are titled Red or Green. That was the only rule this month, so they could be fictional, poetry, whatever! You can find me at Heather's site today, and the full list of participants can be found by clicking here.