Tiny Earthquakes Sign Of Major Tremors To Come

I'm having one of those weeks. Oh you've had them.. when something is just.. off.. right? There are some good moments, of course, but you're not clicking.. not feeling it.. and not feeling good about it either.

I never talk about work because it's probably not something that drives me and not within an industry I feel passionately about, but I have a very good work ethic and as detailed as I am, I'm extremely valuable if I can keep my tone light and you know.. not piss people off.

The company is going thru growing pains. Too small to need more people, but too much work for the current group we have.. and there are days we ease the stress with humor and random life stories that have no other purpose than to relieve the tension in the room.. and then there are days spanning to entire weeks where the venting that was heard at the beginning of the week becomes a seething vengeance buried by the knowledge that voicing it will do no good anyway so why waste the breath.

I can only guess that these are normal complaints felt in degrees by other people who work for other companies focusing in other arenas.. but I feel stuck. Of course I want to make a change.. but that is for another discussion as far as my career.. yet, if I want to help change my current environment, really, what are my options?

Do not talk to me about meetings. First of all, uh.. we've had them. Second, I don't believe in meetings that last longer than an hour. After 60 minutes, people stop paying attention, meetings stop being productive, people start getting distracted by hunger, bodily functions, and the ticking clock. If you haven't covered what you need to address and its possible solutions and/or directions within the first 30 minutes, then you haven't efficiently served the meeting's purpose. And maybe you have a lot to cover and therefore it can take a whole hour's worth of time - ok.. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there.. BUT IF YOUR BOSS ISN'T LISTENING ANYWAY.. you might as well start doodling on your notepad of your dream job and how you'd be a better manager and ooh look at your funny stick person.. because you'll be back here in the same spot in a week's time DISCUSSING THE SAME GODDAMN THING.

I'm burnt. And so is everyone in my group. And the boss knows it. And he's having a meeting with our president. Yes, great! Good steps, clear discussions. Right! But I'm going to tell you what will happen: they will hire one new person, who will take three months to train - which is totally fine - and some of the workload will be directed to her and some people will be happy about this and they will feel some sense of relief and all that is positive. BUT.. the sales people will always be sales people.. and the basic complaints our group has against them will not change because Sales will continue not to be trained, we will continue to bear the brunt of any blame or responsibility because we don't bring in any money.. even if we do all the supporting and know more about the products sold than most of the sales team. In fact.. who do they call for how much products and features cost? Operations. Let me ask you.. if you were buying a car.. do you think your sales guy would excuse himself to ask the dealer's mechanic how much he should sell it to you for? I'm guessing not.

We do a lot more than supply answers to the 'tough' questions they should already know tho. We are the center of communication in a communications industry. We email, we call, we create rapport with the customers, vendors, agents within an acronym'd language not many could maneuver. We explain what Sales has not, or rather, left out. We extricate the story from the customer and rearrange it in a more fluid way so that what was sold actually now makes sense and more importantly, will even work because we crossed the T's, corrected the typos, and clarified what had been previously assumed, but was still incorrect. We bend, we bow, we cya*, we do as we're told and in the end, what is remembered is when shit goes wrong because it shouldn't have been sold in the way it was and you've asked a question that no one likes because they didn't think about it in the first place so now it's YOUR problem to fix when it shouldn't be your responsibility at all EVER and then you have to get your boss involved and the sales person's boss and possibly the boss' boss' boss and then they all look at you because you know the fucking answer to the problem.. and yet you need them to direct you to do it because if you did it on your own and you were wrong? You don't even want to know, that's what. So now you can say they told you to do it this way and you have the email to prove it, which is great.. until they call you tomorrow and tell you they are changing the entire thing completely and you will have to redo your paperwork for what is now the third fucking time while they gallivant off to lunch and you are left munching on carrot sticks because what is lunch anyway when doing it right is what is important.. but doing it that way the first time would just make too much sense. Oh and here's a Starbucks card or an $8 sandwich from the nearest Subway to make up for all your troubles we've caused you. Gosh.. thanks.

I walked away from my desk today for air.. just to our break room.. sat on the couch with my hand over my eyes and breathed in.. that's all.. for 10 minutes. I was simply overwhelmed with my workload.. overwhelmed with the thought of what it would be like to love my job and its day to day challenges rather than only doughnuts on a Friday or quarterly happy hours at the nearest Mexican joint and worry about which customer will be calling next asking to speak to my manager or implying we aren't living up to what 'we' promised when I wasn't even there. The pressure had wreaked its havoc and I was very close to my personal limit.

To be honest, I love the people I work with and for - there is a family feeling I've never felt with any other job. They like to have fun, they drink as hard as they work, they really want me to have a good weekend and hope that I'm happy in my personal life. But like any family, there is dysfunction.. and we are nearing nuclear levels of breakdown that will require intervention to prevent and if that warning is not heeded, I foresee mutiny, anarchy, or at the very least.. a mass exodus within my department similar to what I've seen before in this business. And then I would like to see how Sales would deal with that.. because they will rue the day they have to start answering repair calls with questions they can't answer..

..ooooh but goddamn, what I wouldn't give to see that happen.. just for five whole minutes.

*This means 'cover your ass', which is absolutely necessary to do all the fucking time because if you've forgotten to make notes or keep that email, you will be one sorry motherfucker..

March Meme-ness

It has been an inordinate amount of time since I've done a meme.. and I'm feeling listy. Sorry Treena.. I had to start, but feel free to add if you're tagged or you just feel like stealing. Warning: some of these are think-about-ers..

1. Finish this statement 5 times: It's ok _____

*..to have at least one self-pitying evening once in a while in front of a tear-jerker chic flic with the cat curled up on your lap and sipping a large glass of wine already having ingested the best grilled cheese and bowl of tomato soup ever.

*..to not have to talk about absolutely everything.

*..that some friendships will mean more than others, that some people will never let you in as close as you might like and that you also keep some at a safe distance.

*..if things don't always work out the way you'd like them to because they work out the way they're meant to.

*..to clean the entire house and leave your bedroom, the impossible task, for another day that you can dedicate the time necessary.. because.. ohmygod, that will take hours, if not days.

First Times:
2. The first time I realized there was someone in my life I would run into a burning building for was: when my friend, Nic, died my last year in college. Ironically of course, it was upon hearing about his death that I realized genuinely that I would've traded places with him if I could've - honestly.. in a second. Nic was a stubborn ass a lot of the time tho, like me, and he would've never have stood for that sort of thinking from me. And knowing I wasn't handling my grief well, he made sure to let me know he was ok because after he died, I felt his presence for about a month. I can't explain a bond like that or how I knew he was there.. and maybe that's why I'm so earnest about how much my friends mean to me.

3. The first time I realized I didn't have to have a good reason to say no to someone or something was: when a friend in college said that life is too short to spend time with people that you don't want to be around after she'd wiggled her way out of a conversation with someone she didn't want to talk to. It was an eye-opener.. not that I was always nice or anything, but that I realized there was always a graceful way to get out of any situation and at the same time, you could, if you wanted, tactfully let that person know you didn't care for their company.

4. The first time I scared the bejeesus out of myself and loved it was: when I went to Norway on foreign exchange after I graduated high school. I was supposed to go to France since I'd taken 3 years of the language.. but the smaller company we'd gone with screwed that all up because of their own disorganization and Norway was where there was a host family. But they were lovely and so was the town, Ski (sounds like 'She'), and tho I didn't stay the whole 10 months (I know I've told that story here before), it was exhilarating to be abroad for the first time. I regret not behaving better, not trying harder, but I was only 17 and there were misunderstandings on everyone's part.. It was still an amazing experience and I'd go back in a second.

5. The first time I walked away from someone or something I finally realized was bad for me was: some years ago now after a fight with a friend of mine who I used to date casually. He lived in BC and was the first friend my group of gay boyfriends and I had made up there on our first trip together. And he was straight.. and brilliant and attractive. And angry. A lot. It took years of knowing him to fully realize how angry he could get at the drop of a hat and for no reason whatsoever. We'd once fought over the phone and to this day, I have no idea why he was so angry with me as it was an innocent conversation, but he was fuming at the time and just like that conversation, when he came down for a weekend to visit, something clicked and again he was angry out of no where. Both of those arguments I spent the majority of trying to backtrack in my head and figure out what the hell was going on and how we'd arrived in that place of disagreement, which only served to make him angrier because I wasn't completely paying attention due to my confusion. It was the only time in my life I recognized an abuser and I was genuinely afraid he would hit me. He didn't, but he belittled me for saying it when he heard me on the phone in tears to Loren asking him to come get me.. and I then actually tried to pull myself together and told Loren I was fine.

After the weekend ended, he was still amazingly angry and I knew I needed to extricate him from my life or I would continue to be in this place with him I had never seen myself in before. I wrote him a very long email explaining what his actions had done and that I could never be friends with someone who made me feel so small or whom I felt threatened by.*

6. When I was younger I used to be: painfully shy. You'd never ever believe it, but I remember being in 8th grade and a boy walked by me and said hello.. and I instantly put my head down and mumbled a quiet hello back and just kept walking.
6a. And now I'm: SO not shy.. at least not usually. Somewhere in high school I found my voice and I just kept getting more extroverted from there.
6b: Which makes me: happy knowing that most often I speak up, I say what I think, I'm direct more than most people I know and sometimes, that's what the situation calls for (tho now it's about learning to choose the right moments for all that).

7. An insecurity I've never been able to shake: is wanting beyond anything else to fit in and be included. I clearly remember a 5th grade moment, following my friend Gina to wherever she was going at the time and she turned around and angrily told me to stop following her. I was crushed. I didn't know what to do because who was I supposed to hang around with if not her? And sometimes, that feeling comes back to haunt me because I don't need a lot of solitary time. I thrive on being social and around friends, but I'm learning more to take time for myself and figure out how to enjoy my own company.

8. Something I find completely disgusting: is watching people leave the bathroom without washing their hands! Obvious, right? Not to some. So the other day I was at the gym and I stepped in one stall and realized there was no toilet paper so I moved a couple stalls over. I heard someone come in and since there are only three stalls and she didn't get in the one next to me, I knew she was in the one without paper - not that I warned her or anything.. I mean.. hi.. LOOK for the necessities BEFORE plopping down just anywhere.. And the whole time I'm like.. what is she going to use?! Which freaked me out because.. ok.. I have bathroom issues. BUT I heard the crumpling sound of tissue.. which meant she was using the toilet seat protector things to do her business.. and I'm like.. well.. ew.. but ok.. desperate times and all that.. and then I'm out washing my hands and she just bolts out of the stall and on her way. NO WASHING AT ALL! Um.. hellloooo.. YOU JUST USED A SINGLE PLY TOILET SEAT COVER TO WIPE! Ewwwwwwwww!

*It's ok to sever a friendship by email in this case, in my opinion. Say what you will.

Tagging: Irony, Treena, Kari, Pom, Wendy, Kara, the Duck, TAB, Léonie, Lady Miss (if you have time), and anyone else who wants to.. go!

Loyalties

A friend of mine who owns a retail store in the city told me about a guy who came in the other day. He had a name that reminded her of one of my exes and since he bought something she told me his last name and she was right to be reminded, tho he wasn't an ex. He was a former friend - the worse of those two evils. Out of the blue a couple of years ago, he'd broken up our friendship over instant message. To this day, I still don't respect the fact he did that but obviously our friendship wasn't that great if he could destroy it over the internet by telling me he didn't care in so many words and clicking 'enter.' But the funny thing was that before I told her that, she said there was just something about him that she didn't like, the way he talked about his girlfriend, that he was just waiting for one of them to break it off, and that he seemed like a lot of the other bachelors in this town: unappreciative and unworthy of any of the amazing women who live here. I would agree. She has good instincts.

A closer girlfriend pulled the Instant Message Friendship Break Up almost a year and a half ago now and she was someone I cared about dearly and had really enjoyed getting to know over the course of about four or five years. She was witty and fashionable and terribly intelligent.. and I liked her wry sense of humor. I don't recall any specific thing causing it tho there were things we could've worked out better, but there was a look of intent I'd recognized from others who've walked away in my past, like a checklist of things against me was being created, not to mention, was beginning to add up.

I think, looking back, she was dropping hints that she needed to air out her life, like a pair of dirty shoes was smelling up the closets of her soul or something. I wouldn't say she actually dealt with her inner conflict, but it weighed on her to the point she couldn't deny that severing the friendship was what she wanted to do. It's too bad she didn't think I warranted the level of respect and care it would've taken to try to talk it out or address it in person.

It's odd to me that this has been a repetitive occurrence in my life - someone who's been defined by close friends as having one of the biggest hearts of anyone they know - a quality one would think many would be drawn to. Oh sure, I'm sassy, but I'm all about the big talk. That's just part of the game. For friends and lovers there is no limit to how much I care.. and they all know that - or should. It has certainly been my downfall in many cases of broken hearts and letting go and caused me so much pain at times when all I wanted to do was move on and for whatever reason, just couldn't. And in the last couple of years I've learned some things about myself - how to have more realistic expectations of people, how to stop giving too much, how to make better choices and make myself happier.. and I hope I've grown beyond that person who can be easily dismissed just by the click of a mouse.

Still, we all go thru those spring cleaning periods, getting rid of all the extra clutter.. people who've let us down, people who don't initiate or ever give back, people who can't find room in their hearts to respect or stand up for you... people who all too easily forget they ever had a history with you.. however small.

I understand that I was probably a bit of that clutter for some people. How we had grown together as friends or lovers was as far as we could grow. They needed to separate in order to continue and I'm sure I've decided the same thing about others - just not over instant message. But I know I haven't handled every situation perfectly and was probably less than direct at times I only wanted to feel released.

While talking about our pasts, someone told me recently that he only wants volunteers in his life.. only those who sincerely want to be there and be involved.

Wow.. what a bold concept, I thought. And I instantly recognized I was missing that idea from my life.. and that needed to change.

But then I began to feel nervous. What if there are no volunteers for my cause? Or only a handful? What if those I've been struggling to hold onto for so long finally fade away because it's clear I didn't matter enough to compel them to actively participate in the volunteer ranks anyway? What if I'm not loved? I mean.. volunteered love is the best kind of love, the only kind that's real anyway. I haven't found that it's hard to spot when it's really there, but I can become self-indulgent wondering how much is really marked for my personal use when I'm feeling alone and frustrated.. and who wants to volunteer for me then?

I remind myself that I'm only human. That I'm prone to over-thinking. That those who would hurt me or go out of their way to one up me because they think they have a point to prove or want to feel superior in some way are doing so because there is something inherently weak within themselves and they'd like me to feel the same way. That I can only control what I can control, which is only myself and the energy that I put out to the world. That I really am just trying to be a better person every day. That I have power and strength and I don't have to be pushy or loud for people to know I possess those qualities. That I do matter.. to someone.. to many.. and deserve respect.. deserve defending.. deserve validity for the feelings I express.

That I am a good friend.. thoughtful at random times, supportive at needed times, perfectly worn in like an old coat, cozy and comfortable - I hope.

I'm still finding my way.. and finding other volunteers to come along hasn't always been easy, but for those who've stuck by me, and they know who they are, my heart swells at the thought of how much they care, with an extra fondness for those who are best at providing the 'tough love' I often need.

I don't think about the ones in the past who've already made their escape. They've long ago been released, but for the ones still on the fence who will eventually decide it's just too much work or too long of a hike, all I can say is here is the door to my heart: don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out.

A Little Of Diss.. And Some Of Dat..

Thank you all for the get-well's and all that.. I'm FINALLY all better.. So much better.. that PMS decided there was room for it. Awesome.

Now.. please excuse the mishmash I will heretofore impart to you..

..but you can't blame me because thinking is becoming fogged in with The Grey that is the Seattle Weather System. The lack of the sun's Vitamin D is causing the natives to hibernate and zone out in front of uber-awful reality shows like 'The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search For The Next Doll,' which I refuse to link to cuz hi.. one of the trashiest excuses for a tv show ever. I seriously was only innocently flipping thru channels and it came on after America's Next Top Model, which um.. no, is not any better and could someone PLEASE tell Tyra she's a wee bit too self-absorbed for her own good? Somebody??

Anyway, finding the 'next doll' quickly became a lot of skinny, immature (well, they're supposed to be since they're young(er)), and whiny under-25-year-olds auditioning for a single opening in this Isn't-Six-Too-Many-Girls-As-It-Is- And-How-Do-You-All-Manage-With-All-Your-
Hair-Products-Anyway group. While the lead singer of the PCD (yes, they call themselves that.. and the lending of their acronym to any number of STD jokes is all too easy.) might as well been created by her cosmetic surgeon. Good God, woman. Fake boobs, fake personality, fake face muscles.. I swear, she talked, but they didn't move.. could she be botoxing already?! All she could muster was a vapid expression when telling Punk Rock Girl With Incredible Sass that she loved her. LOVED her. Hm.. fake love too, I'm sure.

But the girl is hot. Like.. holy cow.. and always always in the center of every picture (I mean.. SIX girls.. and there's only ONE lead? Can the rest not sing? I don't get it.). Still.. I might like to look like her for five minutes, however, the girls auditioning are so infatuated with possible stardom that they're confusing the selling of sex for actual female empowerment, which they think the group stands for. Stands for? We are talking about a POP GROUP, right? I didn't hear mention of any non-profit status or giving some of their bank to charity so I'm going to guess the cause they are best at serving is probably their own and making themselves more world-reknown so they can become richer so they can afford more high-heeled boots and more hair products. I'm just saying.

Speaking of reality shows.. our adorable local boy, and my friend (yes, I had to add that in, didn't I?), Blake Lewis, has made it to the top 12 of American Idol (Can you believe that myspace page?! T-shirts already! I so want one! I know.. how old am I?!) Honestly, I hate watching the show, but I have to.. and Blake is talented.. tho he's got the female voting ratio locked up as well cuz he's quite the cutester. And tho I think Melinda will win the whole thing.. cuz damn.. that girl can sing.. I think Blake isn't hurting for doing well. Yay!

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Alright.. enough of the cotton candy.. now for the hard stuff.

So, Emma has been thinking.. Emma, my cat. She has. She tells me these things. Shut up.. she does. So she said one day that she's grown tired of her blog. I know! Can you believe it? It's practically blog blasphemy! But I'd been harping on her to update.. I mean, hellooo.. it's been a while girl. But every time I asked when she was going to do it, she looked at me and yawned.. and then went back to sleep. I know.. no ambition. Actually, that's not true.. she's just.. pursuing other directions.. um.. not that she knows what those are yet, but she mentioned sleeping on them.

Thoughts? I mean.. she's a cat. With a blog. You knew it wasn't going to work.. but it's not like I could tell her that. She had to find out on her own. I can't protect her from making mistakes in life. As a mommy, that's just not right. I mean, she has kitty blogger friends like Lenman, Connor, and of course, Oscar, who inspired her to start writing in the first place.. and even they look like they've been on a bit of a winter hiatus. Ooh.. she likes that word.. hiatus.. she says to tell people that's what she's on. Yes.. fabulous. Good to know. *eye roll*

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Can I please tell you that Snow Patrol seriously knows how to rock? Yes, I can tell you that because they do! I've almost lost track of how many times we've seen them (three, actually) in the last couple of years and I love them even more after seeing them than I thought I did especially when Gary asked some random girl to COME UP ON STAGE AND SING WITH HIM. And then we all become all high school and 17 because hi.. whyyyyyy wasn't that one of us?! Well, in Gary's defense, he couldn't see us.. tho our seats were fine seats, just you know, not front row. That's ok, we had 4th row in August, thanks to Irony who always pulls thru with the arrangements and from where we were so close we could see the sweat glistening off his forehead. I probably wouldn't even know who they are if Irony hadn't pointed me in the right musical direction from the very beginning.. She's always got her finger on the Music World's pulse, I tell you. She's hip. She doesn't even need a white belt to prove it.

And then, you know what else?? That handsome Brit, Sting, called me up and said he'd like to put on a show here.. possibly the second stop on his WORLD TOUR as part of The Police Reunion. And I strongly supported him and said he wouldn't even have to comp tickets for me.. I'd be at the first show, in my own neighborhood even, no matter what I had to pay.. and I'm SO excited I can hardly contain myself but we got tickets yesterday and they're great seats! Ahem - I mean, I texted Sting since we're cool like that and told him the date is set. He's very excited.

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I'm out of here for the weekend.. it's taken me aaaaall day to write this.. soooo busy! Soooo headachy (WHERE do these headaches come from anyway? Are they gifts? Can I send them back?), and loooook at all these extra letterrrrs.. Going to grab a quick drink for a co-worker's going away party and then out for the night for the opening of the Solo Performance Festival (SPF) at Theatre Off Jackson where I'm setting up the opening night par-tay and where I'm also doing sound for each of Keith's and Mary's one-acts tomorrow - which translates roughly into me pushing 'Play' and 'Pause'. Awesome, right?

Hope you all have an adventure planned this weekend! Do tell me all about it! Mwah!

Chinese New Year Or The Picture Of What My Cold Feels Like

If I thought I was under the weather last week.. I certainly underestimated the power of a good virus, because really, now would be the accurate time to say I'm down for the count.. but at least it's not the flu. Definitely a nasty little cold with last week's symptoms proving to be just the beginning and compared to this week's sore throat, sniffles and headacheyness, much more tolerable then.

But the Powers That Be had confused me cuz by last Thursday, I felt fine! I was back to the picture of good health! But something was wrong with that picture because after my normal feel-good day at the office, I headed to the gym.. and while sometimes working out can evict whatever bug is hanging on for dear life and kick it out of your system, this moved it into a cushy apartment on the west side. And it invited friends over for a housewarming. Awesome.

SO! Things have gone on, recaps are needed, stories must be told.. themes and thru-lines implied..

Let's start with the outing to the McLeod Residence, the avant-garde social club that's piqued my interest. Boz and I headed out last week with high hopes and much enthusiasm and arrived in the midst of its Belltown neighborhood with me actually feeling slightly nervous. I mean.. hey, new people, new place where we knew no one, whoo hoo! And tho we know I'm a huge flirt and I laugh really loudly.. honestly, there are many times I'm quite shy. Like.. uh.. this one.

So Boz nudged me thru the front door and up the stairs where they have this pretty killer historic space and since we didn't really know a soul there, we headed towards the bar first. Seemed reasonable. But the problem was that the alcohol didn't manage our deficiencies in the skill of mingling. Boz is a lot like me in that way - extroverted, goofy, good energy (Totally me, right? Right?).. and tho smiley, maybe more observant at times than go-get-em. So we sort of stood around making lame conversation with each other. Hm..

But we spotted Buster, one of the creators/owners, and after introductions, brainstormed with him about our game night ideas and I started to relax. And then Buster left to continue to play host and as quickly as we had cool.. we lost it. Even with moving around the interestingly decorated rooms with random films of performance art/cello playing, we were feeling pretty awkward til Boz noticed a girl with a cool shirt on and we practically attacked her with compliments so that she'd talk to us (Hi.. how old are we?). She and I actually had a former employer in common so we knew some of the same people and had a nice chat. Then she went to talk with a friend of hers and Boz and I again lost our momentum. And we were doing so well.

We found that beginnings can be a bit rocky and that's ok. We don't back down in the face of sheepishness.. No, we do not! We just recovered by leaving.. rather. And off we went to the Sunset Tavern to see my co-worker and friend, Jaime, and her band, H is for Hellgate, kick some serious rock-and-roll ASS. That relieved us from the feelings of insecurity from our collective dorkfest prior. Plus, I had my white belt on. I was hip. Ok, I didn't have it on, but I have a white belt. So, that counts.

Onward to the weekend that followed in BC where Loren and I headed for a couple of days out of town and into the arms of our next favorite city, Vancouver. Between french press coffee and spying on the neighbors with open windows in the condos across the street which included, but wasn't limited to, the spectacular view of Nearly Naked Boy, we did manage to find time to hang out with Lady Miss Marquise who fell madly in gay-boyfriend-love with Loren. As everyone does cuz he's a gem (If you're lacking in a quality gay boyfriend of Loren's caliber, I suggest you ditch the bitchy bargain basement queen you have and upgrade, my dear. No woman should be without at least one, but just so we're clear - this one is mine.. tho I do timeshare, but not with just anyone. Send inquiries and we can discuss.).

We had a nice, leisurely lunch with Lady Miss, chatted up a storm, got manicures (Loren passed.. he's not that gay), and hit the town with her and some other friends later that night.

By the second bar, I'd realized that Lady Miss' friends, who were really great.. were all single. It's not something I notice very often anymore due to the fact that just about every one of my girlfriends has a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, or husband - and they behave a bit differently. And by differently I mean, um.. they don't scam on guys or even notice them at all. And that's fine.. that's the way it should be.. but for those of us who are still single - and that just means me - we (I) need to keep in mind that tho we (I, again) don't want to be desperate, a partner in life is still something of a necessity, eventually - unless of course, you prefer the company of multiple felines.. and tho I love my cat, she's no good in the romance department. Plus, it's starting to have an effect on my touch.. the one that I'm losing. For example, once we arrived at the second bar with dinner over, the time to flirt apparently was ripe and two of the girls in our group disappeared completely to 'scope out the scene' I was told. We saw them later chatting up a couple of guys.. and then another 30 minutes passed and they'd moved on to a table of three guys, one who one of the girls knew, and the other girls rotated around the pair of men left seeing if they could manage a conversation (I heard not so well) and were worth their coquettish smiles. It was an interesting observation in human behavior.

What really caught my attention tho was that the girls were so direct. They had absolutely no fear about approaching any guy who might be standing in line for the bar and beginning a conversation with some randomly sassy question.. and seeing what happened from there. While I barely engaged in a bit of eye contact across the room and thought I was being brave. Right. And usually, flirting is a forte of mine.. oh yes, we know this.. but my artistry has gone unused as of late and therefore, it's rather in need of some WD-40.. so to speak.

Even while we dragged ourselves around the streets of Chinatown on Sunday waiting for the new year parade to start, a cute young couple and their cuter red-headed guy friend stood near us. Did I make conversation? Well.. I tried. Kind of. I had left a couple of times to forage for sustenance for us and couldn't have located Lady Miss and Loren on the way back without his red-headed cutester self. He sort of stood out being the only red-head among the mostly Asian community of onlookers, which I told him.. and then, um.. nothing. His friend then offered him a higher seat to view the parade by putting him on his shoulders which brought on some laughs and funny comments.. and then.. um.. nothing. Until they left.. and he said goodbye.. and yeah.. I said goodbye back.. but stood there like a lump. Cuz I rock like that. Sigh. But hey, the parade was pretty cool. Maybe I could've gotten more attention if I'd had a fan. Or a sword! Everything's better with a sword!

So in light of this realization, on the way home from Vancouver, I figured I needed to ramp up my skills.. sharpen the oh-so-engaging wit.. and just plain get on with batting the eyes if all else fails. Tho I need some single girlfriends who are willing to get out there with me and it seems.. um.. hm.. I'm fresh out. Is it the time for settling down? Is the single girl only supposed to exist under 30 and in the sitcoms with the otherwise boring married couple making bad jokes about the grass being greener every episode?? Should I get a few more cats and just call it a day?! Don't answer that.

I will probably not worry about it.. well.. mostly. It's the start of another weekend, thank God, and this evening's festivities, which will start with a long nap in another effort to sleep away this dreadful cold, will really begin when my group of friends heads out to Spin the Bottle and the last ever appearance of Chrom-A-Matic where I will dutifully attempt to bid my ass off for a one-of-a-kind piece of art intended as a severely belated Christmas gift for Ammogirl. I figure she might want more than a mixed cd.

So.. does bidding count as flirting? Tune in next week to find out.. *cough, sniff, sniff*

I Might Be Dying.. Send Soup. Send Ryan Gosling With Soup.

I have a great post started with like.. so many things I need to discuss.. Chinese New Year, the McLeod Residence.. the silly Oscars (hi.. how hot is Ryan Gosling?? So hot. That's how.) and that one of my friends was in the choir a few times in the background and American Idol (Yay Blake! Aww for Rudy.) and the fact that it's getting so fucking surreal that I keep seeing people I know on tv all the damn time now that I almost can't deal with it.. but you guys.. this cold is seriously getting all Jet Li on me and kicking my weeny ass. I'm losing my voice, which makes me all sexy like Demi Moore until I start hacking up what sounds like a hairball and running me down to exhaustion..

So, apologies to oh.. all 5 of you out there.. I will blog when I can, if I can make it thru work and my busy social calendar this week while sloshing vitamins and Airborne and Emergen-C galore in order to get better. Prepare yourselves.. when I post, I'll have things to say. It could be lengthy. But I know you people skim. Don't think I don't know who you are.. ok? Cuz I do.

Mwah! *cough sniff*

Things To Do In Seattle When You're Sick

See.. this is the time when I should be detailing my great weekend in Vancouver with Lady Miss Marquise and Loren and Chinese New Year and spying on Very Hot Guy In Underwear in the condo across the way.. but alas, ALAS I SAY.. I'm ill and my head is swimming in a fog of dizzy and tho I've drunk my weight in ginger ale, the nausea hangs on like a the rough and tough viral soldier it seems to be.

I avoided it for almost two seasons entirely. I was shocked as so many co-workers and friends fell victim to the various colds and flu attacks that held them hostage for 2-3 weeks at at time during the fall weather. When winter arrived.. I looked around and thought I must have some magic forcefield protecting me as everyone seemed plagued time and time again, but I kept on with the vitamins and Airborne and Emergen-C so as not to let anyone think I was being arrogant and simply asking to be struck down. Oh no.. I know better than to test Fate.

Then when I thought I'd just about reached the end of the maligned tunnel with spring nearing closer and the occasional sunny day providing the happy energy still with nary a scratch, thinking naively I'd escaped.. WHAM! Down for the count I went.. fading fast.. just a shadow of the healthy and hyper girl I used to be.. [cue sad and melodramatic music]

Ok ok.. I'm not dying.. nor do I even feel like that.. it's just.. yucky. And it's weird. This feels more like a hangover than the flu.. but you know.. without the inebriated, flirty, and fun potential of that kind of night. And the sick takes all my funny away tho the cat doesn't care cuz she never found me funny in the first place, but she loves the nappy company since I ditched work this afternoon for the horizontal alternative and woke up from my flu coma about 4 1/2 hours later. More sleep will be needed. Work tomorrow is in question. Blog updates seem imminent..

So I leave you with a small list of things I've been doing and which I highly recommend when you're under the weather.

* Snuggle with cat - if you are lacking one feline, look to borrow. If you are allergic, I'm sad for you.

* Research Kombucha after buying something that says 'G.T.'s Kombucha' to drink that promises amino acids and live cultures and other things you don't care to remember cuz you're so dizzy you wonder how you actually drove to the store, let alone are still able to stand and process thought.. and despite the nausea, you're still hungry so nice clerk-type girl said it's good for when you're sick tho it smells quite a bit like vinegar. Try to hold yourself back.

* Buy chicken soup, yummy pasta salad with kale, and cornbread muffin and stuff face in sickly daze once home.

* Snuggle more with cat and think about vegging in front of tv.

* Call cable company when you realize vegging in front of tv is not an option because the access card for the cable box is on the fritz and since they will take two days to get you a new one, you will miss Heroes and Studio 60 tonight.. and possibly even Lost on Wednesday. Take this fact in and realize you are too sick to be even remotely irritated. Make mental note to do it later.

* Remember that it's now officially The Year of the Pig. Your year.

* Remember reading that even tho this is 'your year', your Chinese horoscope said (roughly translated of course): 'Um.. yeah.. don't expect too much. Really not looking good for you this year. Tough break, kid.'

* Check out new Ok Go video and feel better for three minutes. Maybe watch it twice for a full six minutes total of better feeling. Laugh while you're at it, especially at the karate parts. Couldn't hurt.

* End night with cat snuggling and fall into happy dream of waking up sans dizzy and kicking this so-so year of the pig idea to the curb. I think you eat another cornbread muffin in there somewhere too.. mm..

Hearty Har Har

Oh the love.. can you feel it? Can you?! Hm.. if you're like me.. not so much. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. I know it is. Mom loves me, Gram loves me.. my goofy brother and all my friends. The cat. Got that covered. But you know.. there's no earthquakin'-rockin-my-world feeling of Valentine's Lucky Charmed hearts and flowers and rainbows and bunnies anywhere in sight. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

I was dating.. and now it seems, I'm not. Both options weren't the right fit, tho they were lovely people. I wished them well and on their way. I had to be honest cuz seriously, I don't know about you, but I can't fake feeling something that isn't there. That would make me the best actor in the world.. and I would be getting a kajillion dollars a day and have personal assistants AND a posse! That's IF I could do that.. and tho I'm gifted people, I'm not that gifted.

I'm not whining. I'm not bitter. In fact, I'm just disinterested right now, which is saying a lot for a girl who's been boy crazy since oh.. birth. I want to be moved.. I want to feel 'twitterpated,' but it's ok that it's not happening right now. I've been trying too hard here. I don't expect any opportunities to fall in my lap, but I'm not going to chase something or someone that just doesn't exist. Or at least doesn't exist today. Girl is focusing on herself.

Boz and I head to happy hour tomorrow to meet new and exciting people, we hope.. or at least have a drink or two and spend time being friends. These are good things. After that is Jamie's cd release party for H is for Hellgate. I'm thrilled for her and not just cuz I know her. She kicks some serious rock n' roll ass. So buy her cd so she can actually get paid for pursuing her dream of making music rather than for working with me.

Friday, Loren and I are headed up north to the land of Canadia where the men are usually gay or one of my exes, but they're cozy nonetheless. There will be a party hosted by the fabulous Lady Miss Marquise where love will certainly be the underlying theme, but there will be no desperation about it. Just a bunch of good friends who haven't seen each other in much too long in a place where the money is worth almost as much as the dollar making the exchange rate a moot point and where the weather is exactly the same and not in the least better - but the objective is that it's a change of scenery and lovely people will be there. So.

Til then my little anti-valentines, don't despair if there's no one to celebrate with. Write yourself a little love note like I have here. Just don't forget: you have you, and dammit if you aren't pretty great. You at least know that I know that. And your mom. You always have your mom. Even if she sucks, your mom always loves you. Trust me on this.

A Devyl Among Ducks

While the Duck is away, she's asked me to guest on her site. I'll be over there just for today in case you'd like to visit..

Til then, you kids be good.. and play well with others.. ok?

Mwah!

And You Thought The Only Thing Exciting About February Was The Silent 'R'

I bet you were doing just fine today.. like me. Groovin' along to the iTunes, tho I couldn't tell you exactly what was playing in the background during the time I got the email, as I'm sure you received one shortly thereafter as well.. minding your own business, nose to the grindstone, as you do... doing your cute little job in your cute little shoes.. cuz hey, you have some style.. and right when you weren't expecting it - BAM! Anna Nicole Smith dies. DIES, people! You always knew the girl was a train wreck.. but still.. shocking and sad.. and I might add, that squirrely looking guy she married seems a little suspect.. don't you think? And you know this is already in talks for becoming a Lifetime Movie of the Week or a Fox news special. But I say let dear Anna rest in peace. After the life that girl has lived, she probably needs it..

Let's all take a deep breath.. good.. feel better? Now, go hug someone you love and be grateful that some people are bred for infamy.. and, even more so, that you are not one of them.

***************

This last week has been busy, but it's all been rather low-key. Not too much time spent with boys unless they are friends and I guess that's the way it probably should be right now.

I started the weekend by spending it with Kari and her family, where my nieces did nothing but entertain and once in a while, melt down, but that is the nature between a 4 and 7-year-old. All hyper and nonsensical goofiness one minute.. and the next it's absolute life-and-death tragedy where both are crying hysterically and time-outs are issued.. and Kari is such a great mom that she takes it all in stride. We eventually just looked at each other, smiled.. and took another sip from our wine glasses with a relaxing sigh following. At least she'll have some good blackmail material/comic relief for later years to come.

Saturday, my friend, Scott, who lives in Oakland, came thru town on his way back from his annual ski trip at Whistler and I met up with him, his dad and a couple other friends for dinner. We were all happy to see there were no injuries to speak of since they seem to be fairly accident-prone during these trips and many beers were consumed in celebration. I had a sincerely crappy glass of wine. After that, I stuck with gingerale and was mocked appropriately for the rest of the evening until we closed the place down.

After brunch the next morning, they hit a local brewpub that makes a cream ale Scott can't find anywhere else. They like the beer. Lightweight Me said, 'Um, think I'll pass,' and I went off to do errands. I had to pick up Boz (the ex.. you know, we're friends and all that - and that's the nickname he picked, which does nothing to disguise him from pretty much anyone who even barely knows him, but whatever..) from the airport around the time Scott and his dad would be arriving there to head out so all of us reconvened one last time at some over-priced bar and watched the Super Bowl for a bit.

And there we were.. Boz, back from a debaucherous weekend in Sin City looking like he'd been hit by a couple of diesel trucks, yet still in a drugged-but-happy state of tired, Scott, his dad, and me. A few minutes of chit-chat pass amidst back and forth watching of the game and the oh-so-not-impressive commercials inbetween, when who walks in but six or seven very cute, very suited guys about my age. In a few minutes, a couple more walk in, equally hot, also in suits. And it just kept getting better.. and better.. and at one point, I'm sure my mouth had to be picked up from the floor manually. What sort of plane were they about to catch? Was there a special Cute Boy Gate just for them? And how do I get on that plane??

A late arrival at a table nearby was clearly 'hooked' as Boz pointed out to me. He would very obviously wait for me to meet his gaze but I don't think I ever did, yet when someone is staring at you like that.. you can practically feel it and it was just a tad unnerving. I was possibly acting a bit like a school girl - scribbled my number on a napkin with no name just in case I chickened out and was giggling like a halfwit. Boz did his best to be supportive, even asking the guy where the game was being played so he could give me an in.. but the question was asked and answered and it didn't leave me much to go on. I thought maybe I could tell them we had a bet going for who they were and why they were all dressed in suits around 4:30pm for a Sunday evening flight. The guys were certain they were in sales and therefore, jackasses. I thought sports team of some sort, but basketball seemed to be out cuz really only one guy seemed above average height for that. They all seemed to be a little silver-spooned as well so I had no other idea but business guys.. and really.. who travels in a suit at that time of day during the Super Bowl?

Ultimately, I wussed out. Yes. I know, I know. But c'mon! A bar is a bad enough place to pick someone up.. but an airport bar? Hi.. they're GOING somewhere. AWAY FROM HERE. SOON. Boz and I already agreed there was no way they lived in Seattle cuz hi.. cute guys. Cute guys are in massively short supply here. Sorry - to be clear, cute STRAIGHT guys. The hot gay guys are coming out of the woodwork people. Seriously. It sucks if you're me and all the attractive men play for the other team. You don't get that many cute, straight guys in one place. Doesn't happen. I witnessed a Cute Guy Phenomenon and I'm telling you, it won't happen again in my lifetime.. unless I move.

So as halftime hit, they quickly bolted to get into the line for security and off went my divine-looking, blue-eyed admirer. Since Boz was fading and needed food, we said our goodbyes and walked right by the same security line SuitBoy was in. He about broke his neck to get a couple more looks from what Boz told me so I turned around very clearly and gave him a very flirty smile and a wave that he couldn't help but jump out of line to chase after me in order to retrieve my info, mumbling something about soul mates............. and yeah. I'm totally lying. I didn't run after him either. Sometimes they need to work for it.. and it's not my job to make it so easy for them. Au revoir, SuitBoy! Ok, maybe I'm kicking myself a little.. damn.

Now.. Boz and I are teamed up for our McLeod Residence project, which is to become members by proposing/pulling off some event or contributing something creative and daring and awesome that no one has thought of before - tho there was a simple suggestion of cupcakes from its founder, Buster, whom we've been totally harrassing emailing (which left me with cupcakes on the brain all dang day.. mmm.. cupcakes..). And I'm all for easy, but challenging will probably make me think - and that's what we're trying to do. Challenge ourselves and as a bonus, meet some charming and captivating people and have a damn good time doing it. More on that next week.

Til then, offer up a little prayer for dear Anna, won't you? And also, you should get going on your list of 43things, don't you think? C'mon.. I have to learn Spanish. Or ooh! Combine the two!

Espero que estes bien, querida..

At Least 43 Things, Maybe More

In light of the first day of the second month of the new year, I took a look around at my world to see how I felt the beginning of 2007 has gone so far. Hm.. not bad really.

I rang in the new year with Sailor. Unexpected affection is never a bad idea in my opinion and we've been hanging out for a month now. No drama, pretty easy and laid back, but he's busy and self-employed. His deadlines and irregular business hours have left us with not much time at all together for the last two weeks and because of that, our connection has found itself in need of some repair. Not the end of the world.. he's a sweet, good guy.. and an apology for being a jackass - his words, mind you - go a long way with me.

Enter Mackenzie, who defies needing an alias (Hey.. I offered him one. The best Irony could come up with was Ohio. Like.. where he's from. Eh. Sorry girl.. I need something.. more fitting..? He questioned why he needed one at all.. and I replied, 'Oh.. um.. I guess you don't. Huh.' So there that is.). As is my usual, he's a bit younger, but he's slightly more wounded than some, not that it's obvious really.. but in the bit of time we've started to get to know each other, I can see it in him. It's quiet, he's cautious.. I can appreciate that.. and we both really like music. It's a start.

This is dating.. obviously. Not polyamory or anything like that (tho I think.. technically, if you're going by the definition.. it is.. BUT for our purposes here, we are not, fyi.). I'm just.. living in the moment. Yes, that's it. And tho I know men usually really enjoy relationships with no labels and rules left unspoken, when you are the one requesting it to be that way, it makes them.. uncomfortable. They get this look about them that says they're wondering what you could possibly do with a second man - and if that's really all of them.. maybe there are more..?! How scandalous! Isn't one enough? But that's not what it's about.. at least not for me. It's just pacing the getting-to-know part.. and it's hard to explain, but I'm doing the best I can to be genuine and keep my intentions on the table for all involved. The biggest benefit is that this keeps me focusing on me.. and not wrapped around the life of one person I barely know. It's time to stop making the same mistakes and I can only hope my strategy pays off.

As for good deeds, I participated in Chili Clash 2007 by procuring close to $2000 in items to raffle and auction off in order to raise money for... no.. not leukemia.. and noooo not the next natual disaster.. BUT.. the Solo Performance Festival, in which my friend, Keith, will appear, at Theatre Off Jackson, and really, tho no one is dying nor am I saving anyone from dying in any way whatsoever at all.. it was a good enough cause as any. And there were 5 (FIVE!) kinds of chili competing for.. uh.. BEST chili! Or something. Didn't matter.. it was good. I may have had three bowls. But my POINT here.. and yes, I DO have one.. is it made me feel like I was a part of a community and reminded me of my theatre department days in college and the functional lunacy it actually takes to be a performing artist. It's something I truly admire and respect and tho the event didn't go as well as I'd hoped, apparently they raised more money than they thought they would anyway. So.. YAY!

Now, the next undertaking is trying to find time to focus on the elements of myself I need to improve. I feel like I'm in the midst of a Life Rut and I'm trying to find things that will motivate me to make some changes, however small, so that I feel like.. well.. life has some purpose and meaning, to be honest. I have ideas.. don't get me wrong.. I have great ideas, if I do say so myself, but it's putting them into action and sometimes, I just need a push in the right direction.

And then, accidentally, I found The McLeod Residence. Is this the answer to all my problems? Probably not. Is this the motivation I've been seeking? Not sure. Is it interesting tho? Definitely. Can I explain it further (note: again, using purely for YOUR benefit, Treenster!)?? Um.. THAT is a very good question. They're touting it as a lifestyle.. of sorts:

"We are trying to build something new for Seattle. Something that we can all belong to, taking advantage of all the things that we know are possible but which you wouldn't do if you had any sort of agenda other than living an extraordinary life. We're inventing a new lifestyle and want you to join us."

Uh.. hm.. do YOU get it? Isn't it so vague you want to find out more tho? I mean, it's intriguing, right? Yeah I want an extraordinary lifestyle! Who doesn't?! Sign me up!

Therefore, you can become a member for $50 a year or $200 for a lifetime. Hi! Such a deal! You get stuff with your membership too - don't think you don't. But go to their site and read up cuz if you pitch them a good enough idea, you don't have to pay. And then maybe hit me back and see if you can explain to me what the f they are talking about. I mean, I'm excited and all, but I'm still not sure why.

So clicking around on all the links in their site in an effort to figure out what these seemingly crazy and, at the same time, ingenious and fun, people are doing, I stumble upon 43Things. What the..?! A list! This is PERFECT! Now my goals can be visible on the world wide web and hey! Look! Other people want to do the same things! AND some of them who've already done what you are still trying to do are there to give you ideas and support and 'cheers!' Who couldn't use a cheer in their struggle to achieve on a daily basis?! Like that's a bad thing? Instant Motivation! I'm feeling it! I'm psyched! And uh.. if you didn't notice, one of my 43 things (ok.. as of yet, there's only 25. I'm still thinking! Sheesh.) is to stop procrastinating so that maybe I can mark off some of these babies this year. You can also work on 43places, 43people - where incidentally, I found completely by fate, our dear Pomgirl and promptly made her my Number-1-Want-To-Meet Person. Oh yes I did. Even above meeting Jon Stewart. That's saying something.

I feel like these are super tiny things.. right? I mean, they are.. but I'm jazzed and enthusiastic cuz.. ok.. the sun's been out for like Three Whole Days in a row! You don't understand what winter is like here until you've lived 3-4 months of straight dark-and-grey so you have no idea what it can cause one to do and think and feel.. but combine that with these brilliant, little discoveries and I feel rather renewed and inspired. Touched for the very first time even!

Maybe it's a little silly.. but I want to create, I want to help, I want to feel like I'm living. Not just feel it.. know it. And stop just going thru the motions.

Can't you hear the door to my extraordinary life opening now?? Excuse me.. I'm going to step inside and just take a look around.

Lockdown In Sector 4! WTF?!

And then further: (please note the proper use of 'further,' just for you, Treena!)

Our system has detected abnormal usage of your Gmail account. As a result, we have temporarily disabled access to this account. It will take between one minute and 24 hours for you to regain access, depending on the behavior our system detected.

Uh. Hm. Ok.

Let's start with.. WTF?!

Ok, no.. you're right.. I can't start there. You don't know the whole story. 'WTF' was just my reaction.. and remains my reaction considering said account is STILL locked the F down.

So it started with some files a friend sent me and the ibook at home was having a hard time downloading the zip and kept stopping. I'd found that emailing them to myself after downloading them to my work pc was time consuming, but still much easier for the MAC to handle when I got home and just downloaded from there.

After accomplishing most of what I'd set out to do during the day, I wanted to wrap it up a little quicker and opened two browsers like Yahoo and MSN have never had any issue with before. Apparently, Google has a very big problem with this. They think that someone who is unauthorized (GASP! The horror!) has accessed your account and is doing really really bad things with it.. like.. um.. sending you music or funny jokes.. or possibly spreading cancer! Cuz God knows this 'protection' they claim isn't from spam.

I never had an issue with spam in my whole history of using Yahoo email unless I used my address to sign up for random things and it wasn't a big deal cuz eventually I thought I'd move away from Yahoo cuz Gmail is soooo great, right? Yet, from the first moment I signed up for Gmail, I was getting spam daily.. not many, but I've only had the address for maybe a bit more than a year and it's already doubled in the amount of spam I receive. AND I get them in Japanese and/or Chinese no less!*

Plus - and this really annoys me for some reason - when y'all leave comments on the blog, it groups them together by post title like you aren't even unique or something. So sometimes I may miss a comment cuz I only see the top one and don't think to scroll down when there may actually be more than one there - which insults YOU, my awesomest and most sexy readers, implying that YOU, of all people, can be bulked together like a 25-pair bag of discount socks at Costco!** The shock! The awe! How DARE they!

I tried showing Google exactly what I thought of their punishment by starting a new email at Yahoo, but sadly, 'missdevylish' is not available. Can you believe it?! There might've been severe disappointment and maybe I teared up for a second at that realization cuz really, is 'devylishmiss' good enough? Hardly! Or 'mdevylish?' Or even 'miss_devylish?!' NO! I think NOT! I refuse to be defined by an underline! It's practically indecent!

I thought I might start a protest.. you know.. boycotting Gmail and their hauty lockdown ways knowing that yes, Blogger and Blogspot are owned by Google, but I'm not mad at the Blogger people - except oh.. maybe with all their issues they've had in the last week and, to steal a quote directly from the fabulous Lady Miss Marquise herself, it seems we were having a 'domestic.'

But it's simply with the seemingly undiscriminatory determination from the Gmail folks that I was doing something 'dangerous' and possibly.. oooh CRIMINAL even.. that's irritating. I mean I'm a good and upstanding citizen! I don't forward every joke I receive nor do I gullibly believe those chain letters promising wealth/good luck/'something neat' if I just pass it on to everyone in my address book and their dog. I simply communicate with friends, associates, acquaintances.. the community at large being that I'm an extroverted and happy individual with a need for expressing myself.***

So PLEASE, Gmail people.. I'm BEGGING you.. tell me what beastly atrocity I have committed so that I may plead upon my life for your forgiveness and be allowed, once again, to reach out to my people!

Oh.. um.. hey.. it's back! Nevermind! Um.. pretend we never had this conversation..

Thanks!

* I don't know the difference between Chinese or Japanese type. Yes, I'm completely uneducated. I know. You're shocked.

** You are more like the 100-count bag of tea lights at Ikea. That's WAY better. Good deal, that. You know.. for candles.

*** Yes.. that is what you call it. No, we don't need any other euphamisms from the Peanut Gallery, thank you.

Insert Smile Here _____.

I'm crabby. That's all there is to it. No tell-tale rhyme nor reason. Well, there is a reason - the monthly radical fluctuation of hormones that cause me to be depressed one minute and bitchy the next and oh-so-much fun to be around, if I don't say so myself.. but nothing's causing it per se. I mean, there's nothing wrong, but everything seems wrong and more than it rightfully should be cuz when you're feeling like this, as most women can relate to, the things that aren't wrong, become wrong, or at the very least, extremely irritating where no irritation may even exist. Irrational Irritation Syndrome. Or maybe Complex - better acronym - IIC (sounds like: ick). Awesome. I'm IIC'y. Nice to meet you.

In light of said annoyance that my own charming personality is creating today, I'm trying to pull myself out of it and force the happy to come out. I know it's there.. it's just.. um.. hiding. I think I can coax some smiling by finding some cool things to watch or read.. Here are my picks:

This site is a friend of Ironika's and her husband's. Besides being adorable, Cindy's in Antarctica and tho she doesn't post all the time, what she writes is usually lengthy and insightful, funny and quirky (like.. who knew they did marathons there?) and she always has great pictures up, some with the biggest penguins ever! Right in front of her even! But you have to see these videos she linked to within her Donuts of Misery post. This one is about the group she's driven to a spot where they dive to collect sea urchins. A friendly seal (sea lion?) tries to make friends with them.. and this one is a photographer's time-lapsed photography over the course of a year in and around McMurdo Station (where Cindy is) and Scott Base set to music. Absolutely stunning. And it makes me smile by the end, so yay!

And thanks to Ms. Duck, showing me the extra entertaining ways of John Mayer, however VH1 she and Irony both find him, I would agree with her that he's surprisingly a really funny writer as well. Seriously.. his latest post? Wtf is that about? Who else could write a coming out script for the most heterosexual doctor on Grey's Anatomy.. ? Apparently, yes, it's John. Random AND amusing. So many more points.

I'm not sure how I found this one the other day.. clicking around out of sheer boredom when I accidentally found [redacted], or Dan from New York, who is shockingly intelligent AND funny.. and not really hard to look at either. His posts about watching 24 or the Golden Globes cracked me up since Sailor was kind enough to indulge me that evening and sit thru the awards show til 10pm when I saw he was well glazed over. In his defense, he was pretty sick and couldn't really fight much.. and I um.. probably took advantage of the situation most likely by witholding the fact that there was a perfectly good guy's show with things blowing up on another channel. But why would I sabatoge myself when I can make fun of Sienna what's-her-name's dress and what the hell was going on with her Swiss-Miss hair?!

I love This American Life, on NPR, and over the weekend, while catching up on my podcasts, they did a story about things lost and found, which included the founders of foundmagazine.com. The site includes anything found: notes, poetry on napkins, love letters, etc. Click on the 'about' page for the first note that kicked them off. Best damn note ever. Sort of like Joe Apology or PostSecret with that voyeuristic feeling.. but you know.. different.

Also, if you haven't seen the link to the right, you should check out Overheard in New York cuz it's fucking hilarious. I would also deem Overheard In The Office and Overheard At The Beach equally amusing, which you can get to from the original site. Updated every hour it seems... so you could easily find 8 excuses a day for laughing, couldn't you? Let me know if you can't.. cuz I have at least that just off the top of my head. Always happy to help!

Once in a while.. this cracks me up.. but you have to watch the whole thing. Silly.

When I'm in need for lots and lots of laughing tho... my trusty tried and true is always Miss Doxie. Her archives are a kick in the pants and I never get tired of reading them. You probably all know her by now. I only stalk mention her all the damn time.. well.. cuz I'm sure some of you haven't read her.. and you really should. And tho it should feel wrong that one girl should be so funny all the time.. she still is. And she's nice too. She's emailed me before. AND been funny in her email. She's my friend. Ok.. it's not like we're tight or anything.. but she knows who I am and stuff. So there.

So what do you do to get yourself out of your crabbypants?

F*cking Snow, But It Smells Better Than Other Things

Hey! Did you see that? The little asterisk that I put in to replace the 'u' in my favorite word ever is snowflake like! Total accident. Did you notice? So it emphasizes the whole snow issue that is currently Pissing. Me. Off.

People.. FUUUUCK. Can the snow BE gone now?! Helloooo.. me + snow + boots that aren't made of say.. um.. SNOW TIRES = much almost-spillage and even ACTUAL spillage of my uber-clumsy self with my ass landing on the snow-covered ground. Fucking OW. I mean.. aren't we at sea level? Why does it seem like I fell asleep and woke up in an alternate Oz.. in MONTANA?! I mean.. BRRRRRRR! Where's global warming when you need it?

And if that wasn't enough - and it certainly is - when I come home where I want to relax and feel comfy and warm, I first have to hold my breath and light 43 floraly smelling candles because we've recently discovered something so foul that at first disguised itself as the hey-roomie-did-you-make-fish-or-something-else-stinky-for-dinner smell when in actuality, after the roomie said, 'Uh..no,' and we rattled our brains together (which was noisy) cuz it wasn't something I made and it was clearly coming from the oven or fridge areas.. and it possibly smelled like sour death.. all we came up with was.. um.. sour death, BUT in addition to that we then remembered Emma (the cat) had been staring at the grate at the bottom of the fridge for about a month, which I've only ever seen her do one other time* at one of the last places I lived.. and then Kyle said he'd heard a little scampery scamper sound when he'd been home working during the day.. we realized (you know where I'm going with this, don't you? Treena.. close your eyes..) EWWWWWW.. DEAD MOUSE!

Uh.. yeah.. wanna come over? C'mon.. it can't last that long.. can it? Please tell me it can't. It's got to be under the fridge or the oven tho mini-flashlight waving around didn't show any shadows of a dead-like, grey, clumpy thing with whiskers. And no one can be mad at me.. I didn't kill it. I have no idea how it got into the house so I have to assume it just couldn't take the dismal life mice are prone to lead where the continuous pursuit of cheese and the Tom-and-Jerry lifestyle exhausted him and he maybe thought he couldn't be held to that standard anymore.. I mean, what do they all expect of him?! And with the final thought that he'd show them, oh yes he would, he threw himself under the fridge for a newsworthy-in-MouseWorld death while simultaneously punishing humans with one of the most rank smells known to man for being the bastards we are by hoarding all the cheese. Awesome.

So there might be a new guy.. who is quite adorable and makes me smile and stuff.. and his new nickname might be Sailor thus far.. cuz he maybe lives on his sailboat.. and he's sooo damn manly he will be coming over to help me move things around (read: for once, I'm dating a man and not a boy and of the two of us, my biceps are not the biggest - as it should be) and we'll procure said dead mouse, or whatever else could be rotting in my kitchen, and there will be ewwww's.. and oh man's.. and we will all be appropriately grossed out and then with masks and rubber gloves and something that reduces it to ashes for the proper cremation it deserves, we'll, God willing, throw what's left of it in the trash outside. Wish me luck.

(*We had rats once.. many of them.. with tails that were minimum five inches easy and where I had to set trap after trap in the cupboard under the kitchen sink and sort of listen to them snap and eventually die.. cuz yes, I had to KILL them cuz it was either me or them and it certainly wasn't going to be me.. and when I die, I imagine I will end up in a hell where I will either be squished with crumpled balls of tissue or with big shoes over and over by scary looking spiders OR snapped in half in a trap that a big rat gets to set, lovingly baited with peanut butter, which I can never resist. You wait. It'll happen.)

Also.. random news bulletin: Two people I know just passed the first audition of American Idol's portion in Seattle! Hi.. did anyone tell me?! Um.. that would be a big fat NO.. til I came in late and missed the first one, Blake, and caught our second friend, Rudy's, audition. First of all, I have to say, ok.. I'm not that close with them BUT if they saw me, they would admit to knowing me and would even give me hugs. Shut up! It's true! But sadly, I hate that show with a passion.. and yet.. dammit.. til my friends either get kicked off or make it to the end and possibly even win (cuz honestly, they really don't suck and are, in fact, quite good in my opinion), I'm now forced to watch the whole frickin thing. Crap.

And.. geez.. I have to admit, after the girly-drunken-lingerie-picture-taking evening with Irony and EmmaK.. life has become irritatingly mundane. What's up with that?? I'm sure there is something exciting coming up that I will have to write about in detail.. something.. I know there's something.. wait.. hmm... damn.. I think the dead mouse, snow and friends I actually never see or really ever talk to much anymore who are on American Idol and don't suck have really been it. I already let myself down when I realized I wasn't smarter than the 12-year-olds who know how to command youtube.com and the incredibly funny video of Irony helping EmmaK put on too-small platform boots you will probably never see cuz I'm an idiot. Yeah.. who knew..? Again, not exciting.

God.. I better get back outside in the snow so I can slip and provide some entertainment for somebody..

The Money Shot(s)

When inviting another blogger friend to visit.. be sure that you have a camera.. and maybe a lingerie party to hit.. a few wigs.. and oh.. many drinks.. and you might come close to the night three of us had.

It started like this:

And then there may have been some alcohol and a few.. ideas..




Irony's boots were much easier to get on:


And then.. the posing started:
















Irony fills up the flasks:


Then it was time to hit our party out:


I went with my short black warm coat, but couldn't decide if I should snag Irony's sexy trench:


Irony picks the faux fur:




Emma patiently waited for Irony and I to finish hamming it up:


And then out we went.. into the night.. to the unsuspecting public:
















There are a few more on my flickr link.. and Ms. Emma has a few YouTube numbers and pics on her site as well. If my attempt at YouTube'ing works out.. I'll update with a video that is probably way funnier drunk, but is still quite entertaining sober.

Overall - one hell of an evening, I'd say.